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Another brilliant graphic by Lady Malfoy at The Dark Arts =)

Problem 24: When I yelled ‘Fuck off’ at someone yesterday, I didn’t think it was my boyfriend. 

“Matt, I’m sorry, I thought it was another member of my extensive family,” I explain, watching his stony face as he glares. 

“Couldn’t you tell it was me?” he demands, “Couldn’t you pick out my voice?” 


This is me being honest. I pretty much leapt at my bed last night after I ran away, and slept in late. Seeing Matt glaring at me first thing on a Sunday isn’t exactly joyful. 

Truth be told, he only glared for a moment before storming out of the room, up to the boy’s dorms. 

I, being the caring person I am, rushed after him to see why he was angry. Oh, and it turned out to be... me. 

Matt sighs. “Look, Rose, I know you don’t love me. I know you will probably never love me. We’re still in school, for Christ’s sakes. But just... I think...” 

“Yes?” I push, “What do you think?” 

“I think—“ 

“Flower! Oi! Flower!” Livi yells, leaning in the door, “We’ve got a dares festival in the Room Of Requirement in five minutes!” 

I turn to Matt. “We’ll talk later, right?” 

He just nods, looking disapproving and grumpy. 

Livi grins and leads me away quickly. “Boyfriend troubles so soon? Not as dumb as he looks, then.” 

“Olivia!” I protest, “He’s talking about the l-word.” 

“L? Loopy? Leopard? Loser? Loner leaner learner lurcher?” 

“Shut up.” 

“Oh. My. Lemon. It was love, wasn’t it? And Rosey Posey can’t love because she’s already in love. Oh dear, oh dear, oh—“ 

“Seriously, Livi, I will hit you. With a stick.” 

She only grins at my downcast expression. “But you’ll like these dares. Albus made a new friend, Rose...” 

I sigh and give in. “Who’s the friend, stupid?” 

“It’s... Oh I can’t tell you!” 

I glare at her. She seems to be doing a strange dance as we walk. It goes like this: jiggle jiggle hop, skip skip jiggle. 

“Are you okay?” I ask, feigning concern, “You appear to be moving like a complete idiot.” 

She only grins back. Sometimes, Livi is so bloody infuriating it’s laughable. Except I’m not laughing, because she’s so bloody infuriating. 

Stopping outside where the door usually appears for us, Livi does some frantic pacing for a moment before the door appears. She squeals – actually squeals in delight – and dives at it, yanking at the handle with enough force to blow a bludger across a stadium. Not that she would have ever done that before. 

Before she literally jumps down a chute into the room – it’s for security, okay? – she grabs my hand, tugging me down with her. I scream, falling down the pipe with no apparent end, but before I’m sure I’m going to die, the same thing as ever happens – I land on the crash matt and stand up. 

“Took your time,” Albus huffs, and I glance around the room. 

No. Freaking. Way. 

“Hi, Rose,” Scorpius says lazily from the sofa, a bottle of Butter beer dangling from his long fingers, “Long time no see.” 

“Likewise,” I manage to reply, sounding effortlessly cool. Oh no, wait. I sound like a plonker, and my thighs are burning with my shifted blush. 

“Let’s get this party started!” Livi yells. Caspar, who is perched on a chaise longue in the corner, winces. 

“Nothing too loud,” she mutters, “My poor head...” 

“She’s got a fucking great head ache,” Scarlett stage whispers suddenly from beside me, “I guess inviting you wasn’t the best plan.” 

“Thanks, muchly,” I jibe, “Is this everyone?” 

“No, I invited Louis and the Scamander twins too,” Al announces. My heart weeps for Louis: this could be hugely uncomfortable. 

Scarlett starts laughing her head off after he’s said that. She probably used her ninja people skills to deduce Louis’ homosexuality way before I did. 

“So Al, how do you know Scorpius?” I say over her, looking pointedly from one boy to the other, “Weren’t you killing each other just a few days ago?” 

Both boys start looking uncomfortable. 


“Aunt Hermione said, you know...” 

“So we thought, maybe, we’d...” 


“Oh,” I reply to their stunted story, “That makes so much sense. Mum forced you to.” 

Albus nods enthusiastically, and I hear a whooshing sound. Louis drops from the sky in a tangle of limbs, leaping off the mat just as Lorcan and Lysander fall after him. To say they all look a little pink around the ears is an understatement: they all look hugely embarrassed by each other. 

“Hi,” Louis mutters. 

“Circle time!” Livi bellows, sitting down. We all dutifully make a vague circle shape, including the sofa, where I steal the seat by Scorpius and inhale deeply. 

Spicy, clean, gorgeous smell... 

Caspar puts down an empty bottle in the centre of the ‘circle’, and it starts spinning. We all watch it intently. 

Okay, so Caspar watches, and everyone else seems to be sneaking looks around. Mainly at me and Scorpius, but it seems Louis’ pretty popular too. Popular in the way he’s slowly turning more and more red. 

“Flower!” Livi announces in delight, as the bottle stops spinning on me, “You’re up!” 

“I dare you to—“Scarlett begins, but Louis interrupts. 

“Truth or dare?” he asks, staring resolutely at me so he doesn’t accidently glance at Lorcan. I roll my eyes at him. 

“Dare,” I answer, “What else?” 

Not that I’m protecting myself from awkward truths. Not at all. 

Livi grabs Scarlett and pulls her into a corner, whispering frantically. A toilet appears, then a closet, and they both disappear as a mannequin appears. It disappears as they stop talking. 

“Okay Rose,” Livi grins as she talks. This cannot be good. “You have to do the assault course.” 

“Fine.” I nod once. I don’t know whose idea it was to put the assault course by the forest, but it’s a brilliant course, once you get over the ominous silence. Occasionally someone will get stuck in the pit, but not to worry. The cast is newly off my arm as of this morning, so I don’t need to worry about that – must have been removed in my sleep. 

“Naked,” Scarlett concluded. 

Oh, fuck. 

“But everyone will see me!” I whine, “That’s not fair!” 

“You’re not backing out, are you?” Caspar says in a devious way, “You don’t want to do a forfeit?” 

I groan. “...Forfeits are for losers,” I mutter, reciting the phrase I always remember when I’m given one of this sort of dares. 

“Then you’ll do it!” Livi chirps, “Come on!” 

Standing up, my hand brushes Scorpius’ arm. My thighs, which were cooling down, immediately flare up again. Oh, wonderful. Everyone’s going to see my thighs burning as I run through the trees. 

The chute has suddenly grown a ladder up the side, so I jump onto the first rung and start scaling the metal bars. Livi runs to be second on, followed shortly by Scarlett. Who invited her, anyway? I don’t mind as such, but she’s never been here before. Generally it’s a family related affair. 

Reaching the top, I find myself at a pale grey wall. Glancing around, I realise this must be the way out now. Never in the same place twice. 

“Hurry up,” Livi orders, “There’s a queue forming!” 

Examining my nails, I lean on the wall. It swings round sharply, and suddenly I’m in a corridor, a small first year gawking at me. 

“Hi there!” I say brightly, and the boy jumps and runs away. 

Am I really that scary? 

As I start to walk away, the wall rolls around again to reveal Livi, then Scarlett, and then Caspar. Ah, my girls. Were there ever better people? 

As more people pop out of the seemingly normal partition of wall, I begin walking. I have absolutely no idea where I am, but my sense of direction is generally quite good, and no one challenges me, so I assume I’m right. 

“Wrong way, Weaslet.” 

Scratch that. “Shut up, Malfoy.” 

Oh, my god. 

I never thought I’d be hiding behind a tree naked again. I swore I’d never find myself in such a compromising position. Then again, I never expected to do anything quite as stupid again. Damn these people and their dares. 

At least I got to keep my wand this time. So in theory I can conjure clothes straight away. 

Straight after this mess. 

“Ready?” yells Caspar, who has miraculously recovered from her headache and is now holding a stopwatch above her head. 

“Set!” Livi shouts, raising her wand ready to set off the course. Oh yes, a magical assault course needs to be set off. 

This particular course is made up of thirteen different tasks – each in their own little room. I’ve done it before, but never naked. 
“Go!” Scarlett says quietly in my ear, making me jump. 

I start to sprint towards the course from my tree, attempting to cover myself as best I can, using my wand to blast a hole in the climbing wall I was supposed to scale. 

Part one: destroyed. 

Why would you climb when you can blow stuff up? 

Jumping through the hole, I realise Livi has handily started the bloody thing as a huge pendulum comes shooting towards my head. I duck just in time, freezing it and legging it to the other side, where the door to the third horror is. 

Part two: frozen. 

Yanking open the door, I’m confronted with the worst part: the movers. At first, it looks like an innocent corridor. Of course, I can’t see the spectators on the other side, but the blocky shapes in the windows somewhat remind me. Taking a deep breath, I steady my arms and get ready for hell. 

Then I take the first step. 

As soon as I have, the first obstacle shoots out: a long stick low to the ground, designed to knock you off your feet. I jump it and start running. BANG! A mace bursts from the wall and I lean sharply away from it, almost overbalancing. The place is only about a hundred metres long, but it’s the hardest task of them all. 

THWACK! I run straight into the path of a plank of wood, hitting my left thigh hard. 

“Ow! You barstard!” I shout, still running, but with a slight limp. 

The sticks keep shooting out, but I’m getting closer and closer to the next door.
Someone gasps from behind the window as I duck the penultimate barrier, yanking open the door. 


The final blow hit my butt. No, not kidding. I let out a small scream and ducked through the door. That was gonna leave a mark. 

Part three: ouch. 

The next obstacle was simple: a swimming pool. In theory, you just made it to the other end without drowning. I took a running jump, and hit the water already swimming. Suddenly, my body was so tired. Everything in me just wanted to stop and sink. 

It had got me. Instead of giving in like my slow limbs were yelling, I get swimming, slithering out at the other end of the pool. 

“Arrgh,” I moan, feeling all my muscles scream. There was a reason I didn’t like this stupid thing. 

Standing up, I wobble dangerously. Clutching my wand a little tighter, I quickly charm myself to dry off, warming my skin. 

Aah, that’s better. 

Only nine more to go... 

“Rose?” Livi asks, “Do you want your clothes back?” 

I’ve just crawled out of the final task: a battle against enchanted liana vines. Lengths of the blasted plant are wrapped around my thighs, arms and torso. There’s even a short piece around my pinkie finger. 

I nod weakly, collapsing on the floor. 

“Never,” I vow, “Never, ever again.” 

Livi throws my clothes at me, and they land just by my face. Lifting my wand, I flick it at my body, then the clothes. Miraculously, they appear on my tired form. 

“So!” Louis says, “Who’s next!” Everyone seems to be crowded around me. Doesn’t Scorpius look good from down here? 

“Breakfast,” I announce, “I need breakfast.” 

“Agreed,” Caspar says, “I need coffee.” 

“To the kitchens!” I say, scrambling to my feet. 

“So much for a day of dares,” Livi grumbles, “We’ll have to stay there forever now...” 

Caspar and I ignore her, already hurrying away. Besides, I have an irate boyfriend to deal with. An irate boyfriend who has just appeared by my elbow. 

“Rose,” he says, “We need to talk.” 

Not mine.
So? Thoughts? Yeah, I finally got this out =S Took me long enough!

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