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By Lady Malfoy. At The Dark Arts. Who I love.

Problem22: Detention tonight. Urgh. 

“Rose, I love you,” Scorpius confesses, and then he leans in slowly while the rest of the school applauds wildly. His lips meet mine in a moment of pure bliss, and then he takes my hand and we— 



Muggle Studies is a compulsory lesson taken by everyone in Seventh Year sometime on a Friday. For me, it’s first lesson, and I find myself tired, bored and hungry since I couldn’t be bothered to wake up for breakfast. 

And so, ignoring the procrastinating teacher at the front of the class, I dream up little scenes, trying to ignore Livi. Caspar’s buggered off with Harry, of course, because this is one of the lessons in which you can snog freely without the teacher noticing. 

If, perchance, Professor Tedious over there – he’s called that for a good reason, but he likes to be called Duncan instead – does notice, he flushes a very deep red and pretends he didn’t notice. 

“So Rose I was thinking—“ 

“I’m tired.” 

“—that maybe you could get over yourself and talk to me!” Livi says in that frustrated tone that tells me she’s been trying to talk to me. 

“Doesn’t Duncan look nice today?” I say absentmindedly, watching said person give up and flick his wand at the small television in the corner, which starts playing a documentary on how bread is made. 

“No,” Livi replies honestly, “And have you seen Matt today?” 


“He has a massive black eye.” 

Now that makes me sit up straighter. “Really? Why?” 

Livi looks proud that she’s got my attention. “Well, if you had been at breakfast—“ 

“I wasn’t.” 

“...anyway. You would have noticed that his right eye is pretty puffy and purple!” She sounds oddly delighted. 


“Purple. And a bit blue.” 

I decide to go back to sleep, ignoring Livi’s protests. 

Matt’s eye is much worse than I anticipated. When I see him, at break time in the courtyard, which is getting steadily colder as October approaches, he is dabbing something onto it. To say the least, it’s not pretty. 

“So who did it then?” I ask lightly as he takes my hand. 

“No-one,” he answers strangely, “Are you doing anything tonight?” 

“Yeah, detention for sneaking out with you.” And getting caught by Scorpius’ charming father. Ugh. 

Matt smiles, a little lopsided apology. “Sorry, babe.” 

“That’s okay,” I smile weakly back. I really, really hate detention, because I always get the same one. Every single time, ever since I was late in First Year, I’ve had to clean the dungeons. Gross. 

Livi bounces over, tailed by a bemused looking Sweet Luke. He really is pretty. Him and Livi are a truly sickeningly pretty couple. 

“Hi Rose!” she chirps, as if she didn’t see me all of two minutes ago, “Hi Matt!” 

“Hi, Livi,” Matt says smoothly while I proceed to melt against him like some kind of tired limpet. Honestly, it’s hard work standing up straight, and when your boyfriend has his arm around you, it’s so irresistible. 

“So Rose, I’ve just discovered the Quidditch timetable!” she exclaims loudly, “And we have practise while you are having detention!” 

“Oh goody,” I say flatly, feeling a little worse for wear. Sweet Luke began to kiss a trail down Livi’s jaw line. 

“It was a stupid thing to do, though,” Livi continues. 

Where is Caspar when she should be saving me? 

“It wasn’t Rose’s fault!” Matt protests. 

“Yes, but she could have handled it better. I mean—“ 

“Shut up, Livi.” Finally drawing myself up from Matt’s body, I stalk off moodily to History Of Magic. 

We might as well admit it’s a pointless lesson, but since mum wanted me to do it I felt I might as well. It’s rubbish, and I don’t like it much, but you can talk all lesson without fear of retribution. 

Although, that said, Livi is being annoying and Caspar doesn’t do History Of Magic. Bummer. 

Luckily enough, Scarlett is in my lesson. 

“Funny, I never noticed you here,” I comment, plonking my stuff down by the empty seat beside her. 

“Funny, I’ve been busy staring at Michelangelo’s butt,” she retorts, and I raise an eyebrow. 

“What about Scorpius?” I ask coolly. Scarlett rolls her eyes, still fixated on the Hufflepuff in front of us. 

“Me and him have the same thing you and Matt have,” she says plainly, getting out some lip-gloss as Professor Binns appears. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I pout, and Scarlett literally rams the lip-gloss into my face, squeezing a dot of pink onto my lips. I rub them together, tasting pineapple. 

“Quit thinking you’re so clever,” she rolls her eyes again, “You use him, I use him, he uses me, Matt is... I don’t know him well enough. But I know me, and I know you. You suck at commitment.” 

“Thank you, Doctor Phil!” I exclaim, “Am I really that see-through?” 

“Depends who you ask,” she ponders, “I guess I see through the people I know – that’s how I knew Scorpius just wanted a fuck – but others don’t as easily. Call it a talent, but I can read you like a book.” 

“What about other people?” I wonder. 

“Well, I know that Livi’s a little like you in the sense that she’s with the wrong person,” she pauses to smooth on bright red lipstick, “She just doesn’t know it yet.” 

“Oh? Who’s she supposed to be with then?” 

“I’ll tell you when you can handle it.” 

I roll my eyes and put my feet up on the desk. “I’m a big girl.” Pulling out my water bottle, I take a swig. 

“Yeah, yeah. So how are you going to deal with detention with Scorpius?” 

I pretty much choke. “You what now?” 

“You know, he got in trouble for punching your trophy boy.” She’s enjoying this, I can tell. 

“He PUNCHED my boyfriend?” 

“Come on, you find that big ol’ bruise a bit of a turn on, don’t you?” 

“Okay, so it does make him look kind of fierce—“ 


“But that’s not the point! He’s my boyfriend! Why did he get punched?” I tilted my chair back against the table behind me, where a surly looking Ravenclaw was sulking in that sort of I-have-dyed-my-hair-black-and-may-be-male-or-female way. 

“Well, I guess it’s because we were drunk—“ 

“Oh, okay then, that justifies it.” 

“—let me finish! And I saw a picture of you, and laughed hysterically, then Matt walked past and I told him he was being used, and that made him a little upset.” 

“That just told me that you should drink less. And where did you find a picture of me anyway?” 

“Oh, there’s one of your campaign posters from a few years back near the kitchens. Someone drew a moustache on it.” 

“Oh yeah! That was Livi.” 

“Well, anyway, Matt told me to fuck off, and so Scorpius, being the big, brave idiot that he is, attempted to punch him. Of course he missed entirely and managed to punch the wall the first time, so Matt started to walk away, but then Scorpius pulled him back. 
Understandably he didn’t like that much, and so he punched Scorpius in the gut, but unfortunately Scorpius was stupid enough then to swing up and hit Matt while Professor Bell looked on. My ears haven’t quite recovered, and now he’s in detention with you for being drunk.” 

“And assaulting Matt.” 

“Yeah, that too.” 

I sit back and ponder this. “Didn’t you get detention too?” 

Scarlett looks shocked. “Me? But I was merely a bystander, harmlessly trying to get my sweet boyfriend back to the dorms!” 

“So basically you lied?” 


Without warning, the sulky Ravenclaw pulls back their table and my chair falls over, taking me with it. Finding myself flat on my back, I glare up at the now noticeably male person, taking in his pierced lip and eyebrow. 

“What the hell was that for?” I ask in the annoyed tone that means I’m about to pop him one. 

“Felt like it,” The Boy says in a bored voice. I leap to my feet, my wand out. 

“Alright you—“ 

“Rose! Sit down!” Scarlett yells, and Professor Binns briefly turns his head our way before droning on again, “History Of Magic is no place for duels!” 

“He did that deliberately!” I insist, but Scarlett pulls me back into my seat. 

“Oh, grow up,” she grumbles, leaving me to sulk until the bells goes and I march off to Charms. 

Later that day, I loiter outside Professor MacMillan’s office. The gargoyles are staring at me. 

“Are you gonna go in?” One of them asks rudely, “Because we’re busy.” 

“I can see that!” I shoot back, “I only want to know who I’ve got detention with, that’s all.” 

“I can tell you that, Weaslet,” Scorpius drawls sexily, appearing out of nowhere. 

“Go ahead, Mouse,” I reply, cocking my head in interest. 

“Get a room!” The gargoyle heckles. 

“Fuck off, Stone face,” Scorp says to it, “We’re in Dungeon Five. Non-magical cleaning.” 

“Oh great,” I sulk, “Just perfect.” 

“Come on.” 

He leads me all the way down to the place where – oh shocker – some First years have plastered frog brains everywhere. Gross. 

Professor Arbour is waiting, looking nervous as ever. I swear, if he taught anyone apart from First years he might die of fright. 

“Yes, you, um, clean away!” he titters in his squeaky voice before running out of the room at breakneck speed. 

“Okay then...” I say slowly, conjuring up a broom. I start sweeping, deciding to ignore Scorpius. Yes, that’s a good idea. 

I slowly push a small mountain of splat away from me, attempting the must-not-puke route. 



“How are you?” 

I stare at Scorpius with barely contained shock. He looks very, very uncomfortable. 


“...How are you?” 

“No, what, as in, what the hell do you mean how are you?” 

“...Are you okay?” 

“Recently, Scorpius,” I begin, turning back to my job and suppressing bile, “You have insulted me, attempted to get me to date your loser boyfriend, and make all my clothes vanish in public. How are you?” 

“I’m okay, I guess. I mean, recently, you’ve insulted me, embarrassed me in public and transfigured me into a mouse, but that’s fine.” 

“Touché, Scorpius, touché.” 

I stand and stare at him for a moment. He holds out his hand. 


I take his hand and shake it once, holding onto it. 

“Deal.” I keep holding onto his soft palm for a moment, before conjuring up another broom. “You’d better get moving. Punching my boyfriend while drunk deserves some retribution, I think.” 

“Oh. So, you know about that?” 

“Yes, Scorpius, I do bloody well know!” I cry, glaring at him. 

“It wasn’t my fault!” he defends, “I was drunk.” 

“Oh, that’s fine then!” I consider this for a moment. “Nice hit, though. Very distinctive mark you left.” 

“You mean the massive black eye?” Scorpius grins, “Yeah, some force.” 

I laugh, and he joins in. It’s almost as if the massive rift between us never happened. 

“What happened?” I ask out loud. 

“Well, Scarlett and I got a bit drunk—“ 

“No,” I bite my lip, and continue, “When you decided you didn’t like me anymore.” 

There’s an extremely uncomfortable pause. 

“My dad is Draco Malfoy,” Scorpius starts slowly. I roll my eyes. 

“No shit, Sherlock!” 

“No, he’s Draco Malfoy! Pureblood son of Lucius Malfoy, the nutcase!” Scorp looks genuinely expressive, far from his usual facade. “They don’t like... you.” 


“Well, it’s true! I accidently let slip we were friends, and boom! All hell breaks loose in the Malfoy household,” he says bitterly, “Basically, I’m forbidden to... to talk to you.” 

“Haha!” I laugh, “You little rebel!” 

“It’s not funny!” Scorpius backhands, but his mouth curls into a smirk. 

Professor Arbour pokes his head around the door. The dungeon looks barely changed, given that we’ve basically talked for our detention. 

“Well, this looks, um, done, so, you could, um,” he stutters, and I shrug. 

“Thanks, Professor,” I say, and walk away, dropping my broom and pausing at the door, “Don’t forget, Scorp. Tutoring, library, six pm sharp.” 

I get no reply, so I walk away. Oh, this will be interesting. 

So the overwhelming amount of people who want Scorpius to get Rose outweighs Matt 100%. Suit yourselves, then! I quite like Matt myself.


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