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0. Prologue

At first, I didn't like him at all. His stupid, messy black hair and his dull, hooded demeanour. I was told you couldn't expect anything more from a Black. They all kept to themselves, and if they weren’t brooding alone in one of the darkest corners of the castle you would never see them straying from their little molecule of purebloods. Regulus Black wasn't any different and his determination to remain void of any real human interaction and to act completely indifferent to anything that happened within the castle, to put it frankly, pissed me off. But I suppose it wasn't any of my business, and us residing in two houses that had nothing in common, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, with the exception that we shared our daily meals and the odd lesson or two together, amplified the fact that I should’ve just left the matter, and I suppose him, alone.

But to be blunt I fell in love with him. To completely disregard all his faults and the faults of his family, friends and later on him joining the Death Eaters, was difficult but I realised I didn't need to. When I fell love with him I fell in love with everything wrong about falling in love with him and subsequently everything wrong about him. I fell in love with Regulus Black, and from that day on I would’ve never, ever fallen for someone else as I did for him.

This is a memoir. This is not a recount of my life at Hogwarts. This does not begin with an introduction, and then a major conflict, and it
does not finish with a flourishing, tear-jerking resolution. This contains solely of the memory of a dull, sensitive wizard boy named Regulus Black and the stupid girl who fell in love with him.

1. The Library

The first time I saw him was when he was slouched on the wooden stool with the Sorting Hat drooped lifelessly over his mop of hair, when there was no surprise to anyone when the slit in the hat hissed ‘Slytherin!’. But that is irrelevant as for first year he was just a shadow whom I passed by unnoticed. Second year he was the brooding leader of a pack of subordinate Slytherins. Third year was the beginning of his infamous year of Quidditch. Fourth year, however, mattered, as fourth year was the year he met me.

The first time I acknowledged his existence wasn't an accident, his appearance in the library was frequent and it was only a matter of chance that we would eventually bump into one another. He sat in one of the most comfortable seats in the castle library and dozed off with a thick, leather bound book on the dark arts leaning on his chest. This certain chair was seated directly underneath one of the candle lamps and the light submerged his face in a sickish yellow glow, enhancing his classic Black features, angular, beautiful and flawless. I was seated on the opposite side of the room, with the rotting parchment of an old wizarding classic clutched in my fingers, my stupor only broken when Madam Pince’s frantic shrieks of ‘centuries of years old!’ and ‘ruined parchment!’ shattered my eardrums. This awoke Regulus also, and he glanced around furtively before placing the book down carefully on the table beside him and disappearing off between the shelves.

After that my Black sensor seemed to heighten and I saw him everywhere, the corridors, coming out of classes, studying by the lake. He was always, just, there. But he never noticed me; I don’t even think he even knew me. At that point it wasn’t love, it wasn’t even lust, yet all I knew was that I wanted to know him, to be near him, to be the person, to be the only person he could tell things to.

However all this angst wasn’t built up inside me. I did have a few sponge-boards to soak up the sentimental vomit that frothed at my lips every so often. Adelia Carina of Ravenclaw, also known as Dell – your atypical ultra feminine lesbian, and Alex Keid also of Ravenclaw – the boy whose name is inscribed alongside a love heart on nearly every desk in the castle. We were friends; always there for each other.

Naturally their reactions to my sudden… fascination with Black weren’t the most positive of sorts.

“He’s a git.” Dell spat.

We were in the Ravenclaw common room at the time, it was dusk and the stars on the ceiling had just begun to appear.

“He’s an ass, and Len, I don’t understand why you like him.”

“He’s not an ass. And I don’t like him.” I retorted.

“Yeah, alright Eleanor, just wait till Alex hears about this …”

“There’s just something about him.”

“Um, yeah, the fact that he’s fucky in the head?”

“You’re only saying that because he hangs around the Death Eaters to-be.”

“No, that’s exactly why I’m saying that.”

I rolled my eyes and adjusted my position on luxuriously cushioned seat. The common room was starting to fill with stragglers from dinner, and the worn out textbooks, parchment and quills were just beginning to make their appearance for Ravenclaw’s nightly after dinner study session.

“I guess we should call Alex back from the empty classroom I saw him sneak into earlier.” Dell grimaced.

“Why, what is he doing?”

“The usual. I think this time she was from Hufflepuff.”

With an exasperated sigh she manoeuvred her way around the first years sprawled on the floor, their small mushroom heads heads buried into A Standard Book of Spells, and headed out the large arched doorway that marked the entrance of the Ravenclaw dormitory and lead to the rest of the castle. Adelia was usually the one to interrupt Alex’s nightly shenanigans, she had a quick and easy method as to drawing him out of the room, and his victim away. Due to her sexuality it was obvious she wasn’t attracted to him and allowed the girl to leave without having a blown out jealous rampage. This happened so often it was not surprising that the whole year caught on to Alex’s frequent fooling around, however this did not decrease the gaggle of girls that followed him around constantly. Being his best friend – and heterosexual – this made me subject to numerous injury inducing owls, howlers and pus-spewing hate mail.

Adelia’s opinion on Black didn’t bother me, after all, he wasn’t in the exact … demographic of people she was drawn towards. The con of having a homosexual best friend was the fact that she gave pathetic advice on the opposite gender. Sure it gave a unique perspective as to what I should do in such a situation – but most of the time it was useless.

Pouring out my emotional spew to Alex was an entirely different matter. Finally getting him relatively alone, I decided that a history lesson on a morbidly humid Friday afternoon was the best time to start the conversation.

“Psst.” I stabbed Alex in the thigh with my wand. “Wake up.”


“Alex.” I jabbed him again.

With his head in his arms on the desk, he turned blearily to face me.


“As usual, Adelia’s advice was pathetic so I need help from someone relatively sane.”

“Now? Really? While I’m sleeping?” Alex rose from the comfort of his arms and picked out the bits of love-parchment from his hair. A glance at his desk revealed it was already littered with the repulsive pink things.

Clearing his table of them with one vigorous swipe – to the outrage of my fellow female classmates – I described my situation.

“You saw him in the library, and now you’re in love with him.”

Alex stated this fact as bluntly as one possibly could, and though I felt the immediate impulse to deny it, the statement felt, well, right. Despite this I recoiled, and as convincingly as I could, retaliated:

“I’m not in love with him!”

This pathetic, classic line caused Alex to deploy a blaring snort of laughter. Professor Binns floating at the front of the classroom paused, blinked once, and then returned to reading aloud the history of goblin wars in the 15th century.

“Okay Len, so you’re not in love with him. Why is he a problem then?”

“I just want to know him, I want to, as stupid as this sounds, be his friend, but I can’t. For one he’s in Slytherin, and secondly his reputation isn’t exactly … pure. He hangs around with the crowd that are most certain to become Death Eaters, he spends his spare time reading ancient books on serious dark magic from the Restricted Section, he doesn’t talk to anyone, and he –“

“Yeah, okay I got it. Look, just leave it a while. If you know how wrong he is for you, you’ll eventually get over it. Give it a few weeks, and I’ll find you a good-looking Ravenclaw to pine after. Meanwhile, let me sleep Len.”

As I tried to think up an excuse to disagree with his logic, a loud, drawn out snore from the desk beside me signified that I should keep my gob shut and listen to Binns riveting monologue on goblin wars.

Though this advice may have been expected, as well as undesired, I went through with it anyway. I stopped sitting in that particular chair in the library, I tried to not glance over at the Slytherin table during meals, I attempted to avoid him during classes at all times. And for a while it was going surprisingly well.

It had gotten up to around mid-year exams, when fighting for a desk in the library became a full blown out war between students. Houses pitted against each other, and being the more academically inclined house, Ravenclaws were the most furious, so much so that it always came to a point where the majority of the desks were claimed proudly by Hogwarts students with a blue tie, leaving the rejected soldiers being swatted out by Madam Pince.

Myself, not being such a passionate fighter for library desk seats, was part of the rejected crowd and we began to disperse in a flurry to find a suitable study area. Amongst the sudden blur of swishing robes I walked blindly, straight into Regulus Black.

And it wasn’t even a slight bump, it was a full on, concussion inducing thwack, naturally causing both of us to trip and fall rather foolishly.

Pride being a Black characteristic, and Regulus certainly not being an exception, embarrassment was not something he took lightly. So naturally, despite my continuous mutters of ‘sorry’, he got up with a seamless flair, turned and glanced at me before striding off down the corridor.

The expression on his face as we made that miniscule of a second long eye contact was simply blank and empty, but his eyes, his dull navy eyes, had an expression of complete, utter disgust.

A Regulus fic as a birthday present for my friend who is utterly in love with him and is disappointed at the amount of Regulus fic here.
Enjoy I guess, review, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEA.

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