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On My Own by cathyyy
Chapter 1 : Pretending he's beside me
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 39

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[I don't own any of the characters, it's all JK Rowling! Enjoy! Oh, and the story was inspired by the song On My Own(as sung by Lea Michelle). I'd suggest having that song in the background while reading. The warnings are set as a precation :) ]

Another day has passed and I'm standing by the small window in my bedroom looking out. The moon shines like silver, spreading a glow on the lake outside. I know it wont be long before the lake is covered in ice, so I look at it for just a while longer; loving the way the moon reflects in it. Another day passed and I'm becoming number than the day before. There's nothing I can do about it, nothing at all.

I shiver from the coldness coming from outside and decide that it's time to go to bed. I walk towards the bed slowly, a part of me longing for sleep and a part of me dreading it. I know that he will come at night, he always does, and I know that in the morning I'll be heartbroken as he leaves again. Because when the night is over, he will be gone.

Climbing in to the bed, I pull the covers over my ice-cold body before turning to the side to blow out the candle which was lighting up the room. The only light in the room now is the moon from outside. It makes shadows jump out from the corners of my room, and I wish he was here. I close my eyes and will myself to fall asleep, it's rather masochistic of me really – to want him to come back. But I can't help myself, because while he is here; I'm happy. I'm whole.

I sigh heavily as I sink deeper in to my pillow, sleep is slowly taking me over; I can feel it. The weightless peace that takes over my body. I'm not fully asleep, I'm just waiting. That's when I feel the weight on the bed as he arrives. I don't turn around, I wait. He has to make the first move, not I. He lays down behind me and slid his arm over me and kisses my neck. He pulls me closer to him and I allow myself to breathe. I don't dare to turn around just yet, so I just lay there in his arms and his scent surrounds me. A scent so familiar; it fills me up and consumes me. He speaks, then.

“Do you want to take a walk?”

I nod, knowing that it's useless to tell him that it's too late for taking a walk. I slid off the bed, and he's by my side within a second, his strong and much bigger hand taking mine and I smile. This is how it should be, and I wish with all of my heart that he would just stay.

When we're outside, we walk in silence towards the lake and I don't need words when I'm with him. I just need him to be there. I need to be able to touch him, and I need to be able to see him. I never take my eyes off of his face, his beautiful face. In the moonlight, it's more beautiful than ever before. His blonde hair is messy, he looks as if he's just woken up even though it's in the middle of the night. He glances sideways and our eyes meet. Brown meeting grey. He smiled crookedly down at me and shakes his head a bit.

“I've missed you,” he whispers as we reach the lake, bringing his hand up to his lips and kiss it tenderly.

“I miss you,” I whisper back and his face instantly becomes sad. He looks away from me to glance at the lake and as he looks back at me with a very boyish grin on his face, I can't help but to let out a laugh. “No way.”

“Oh, come on, love. Let's go for a swim,” he says and begin to pull me along towards the lake, passing the trees which are full off green leafs and we're walking across the even greener grass. I struggle and shiver at the thought of how cold that water must be. It's in the middle of November, after all.

“No, Draco, no!” I scream as he pushes me in to the lake. Under the surface, I struggle to breathe – inhaling water as I try - and for a second I consider just giving up, I consider just letting the dark water drag me down, but then his arms are around my waist, pulling up to the surface. I gasp for air when I come up and he chuckles. He actually chuckles. I expected cold water around me, freezing water. The kind of water that just slashes through your whole body and you scream out in pain. But it was surprisingly warm. Not warm enough to enjoy, but not cold enough to make me scream. “Why did you do that?!”

Draco shrugs and pushes some of my wet hair out of my face, I have trouble breathing again. Whenever he touches me like that; my chest contracts in pain, my heart breaks. And yet, I lean against his hand and look at his lips. Will he? Will I? I raise my eyes to look in to his eyes to find him looking back at me.

“You look sad,” he says with a small sigh, “I don't want you to be sad.” 
I feel guilty instantly as I know that I will never stop being sad. “I know. But you always leave.” 

He touches my lips with his thumb, “I'll try to stay this time, I promise.” I smile at his words and he smiles too, “I promise that I'll always be here, Hermione.” 

I bring my hand up and puts it on top of his hand, and I turn my head to kiss his hand, smiling as I do so. Draco is silent and still for a while, until he puts both of his hands on each side of my face and presses his lips to mine. The force of his kiss makes us both fall beneath the surface, but his lips still don't leave mine and I couldn't care less about the lack of air. I'm whole. He's there with me and I know that he'll always be, forever.


He pulls us up to the surface again, and I take a deep breath before opening my eyes.

“I love you, Draco,” I whisper as I press my lips to his for a brief moment, and then I look at his face again. Studying it, hoping that I'll never forget how it looks. His blonde hair plastered to his face, the water dripping of his face as he grins. There's a couple water drops are still left on his eyelashes, but they fall off as he blinks. His hands looses their grip of my waist and he begins to float and I smile. The further he gets from me; the more my smile falls. I glance up at the moon and then back at him, but he is gone.

“Draco!” I call after him and begin to swim after him, when I can't see him anywhere in the lake, I look up and see snowflakes falling down on me. The lake becomes colder with every second and I realize that I have to get up as fast as possible. I come up of the lake and I'm surprised when the grass on the ground is gone, replaces by a light cover of snow, making my feet numb, I look to my side to find the trees bare as could be. “Draco!” I call again.


I open my eyes, my eyes facing the window in my bedroom. There's no sun out today, the sky is filled with dark grey clouds and it snows. I throw the covers off my body and run up to the window and my eyes go straight to the lake. It's partly covered in ice. The snow and the cold temperature must have been enough to but a small cover of ice on top of it.
The way Draco and I had been swimming in it was so clear and a tear ran down my cheek as I turn around and walk away from there. I'm not able to look outside for one more second. I can't go back to the bed, either, for I know that I'll wish for Draco to be there, holding me in his arms like he had done. Instead, I walk down the stairs that lead to my small kitchen. I'm in the mood for breakfast, I'm not in the mood for anything.

The phone rings just as I walk in to the kitchen, and I know who it is before I even answer it.

“Hello, Harry,” I say and lean against the wall behind me. I try so hard not to sound as if I'm crying, but Harry knows, he always does. I'm his best friend, after all. How could he not know?

“Hi... I was just wondering, I mean, I know what day it is today...” He didn't need to say more before I bit my lip not to sob, “Do you want me to come? Support, or something.” 
“Thanks for offering, but I – No, Harry. I'll do it alone,” I say in a whisper and bite my lip harder when I've finish that sentence. Alone. On my own. Like I do everything these days.

“You sure? You'll be okay?” Harry's concern is clear when he speaks, he knows I wont be fine, but he wont pressure me. He really doesn't know how to deal with this – who does?

“I'll be fine,” it's a straight out lie. I wont be fine, not now – not ever. “I've got to go, tell Ginny that I said hi, okay? Bye.”

I hang up and slide down the wall, crying my heart out. If I had the energy I would throw the phone across the room, but I my arm falls to the floor and I lose my grip of the phone and it lands beside my hand. How am I ever going to get myself up from here? I think as I cover my face in my hands.


But I do get up and after an hour, I'm on my way. Every step I take hurts, because I know where I'm going. I'm going there. I go there everyday, but today is different, because today it's been a year. A year since all the happiness in my life got ripped from me, he got ripped from me. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get a warning. 

I walk through the huge gates and the cold feeling that this place gives away is enough to make me shiver. The snow around me isn't helping either, and I close the coat closer around my body as I hold the flowers in my hand. It seems so stupid, to give him flowers, but that's what you do, right?

I feel my eyes starting to tear up as I walk closer to him, to it. I don't want to cry here, but no matter how hard I try, a tear fall as I come to a halt. Sinking to my knees as the pain hits me right in my heart, I put the flowers on the ground. 

 “I miss you,” I whisper as I reach out and wipes away the snow on the polishes rock and another wave of grief hits me as I read it.

'Draco Malfoy.
Beloved son, friend and husband.
May he rest in peace.
1989 – 2006'

“I miss you so much.”


[Hey guys, what did you think? I hope you're not too confused. This story was an idea that popped up in my head while I was listening to the song by the same name, and I just had to write it. I apologize for any mistakes and spelling errors, I wrote it in a rush and I thought I'd put it up for you before the queue closes, so here it is! 

And for those of you that are waiting for the next chapter of Above the Clouds - I'm really sorry for the long wait, but I WILL update soon :)

Please, tell me what you think of it. Thanks, Cathyyy]

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