Chapter 19: Stop crying your heart out










“Amy, you haven’t talked in two weeks, since you went and saw Tom! What’s going on?”

The train keeps moving as I turn to Lily, to answer her question for the millionth time. We’re on the train coming back home for Christmas. Lily’s been bugging me the whole day and she won’t leave me alone. Maddie’s tried to stick up for me but she’s too wrapped up in her own self-pity to actually help me at all.

Not that I blame her, I didn’t really give her an explanation of what happened.

But I can’t anyway.

And she doesn’t understand that.

“I told you, we got into a fight and he’s just being a prick.”

Maddie snorts. “Prick is putting it lightly,” she retorts. “Idiots, the lot of them. Whatever you got into a fight for you’re right Amy and he’s wrong. Sirius is stupid just like his good for nothing friend Remus and Ja-”

“Ok, Maddie we get the picture,” Lily interrupts rolling her eyes.

Maddie sticks her tongue out, crossing her arms and returning to window-gazing. She’s been in a bad mood since her break-up with Remus. Her view on life just suddenly turned to negative as if someone burst her joy bubble. No one can cheer her up, no one. She doesn’t find jokes funny, she’s wearing as many black clothes as possible and she has a moody face every time anyone tries to talk to her.

Not to mention her feminist campaign.

Suddenly she’s turned from love and peace to hate and war. It’s like the return of the suffragettes. She has declared personal war to the entire male population. Lily and I have to stop her from cursing Remus and James into the next century every time she sees them. I think that the only reason why she tries not to murder James is because he is going out with Lily and she would never do anything go hurt Lily. Even though she does remind her day and night that us women need to stick together and that men are not as important to the circle of life.

Lily has just learned to ignore her.

“But I don’t understand,” Lily continues. “You just suddenly stopped talking and you won’t tell me why.”

“Lily for God’s sake, I told you, we got into an argument end of!”

Well, not really end of...

 

“So, how did it go?” Sirius asks again holding tightly onto my hand.

I shuffle my feet here and there. How exactly am I going to say this? How in the bloody hell am I going to do what I’m about to do? We’re in an empty classroom, away from everyone in the common room. I couldn’t say this in front of everyone; I had to tell him alone. I’ve just seen Tom and... well, it didn’t exactly go as planned.

“Fine,” I reply quickly. “Um... just peachy actually. It went great, perfect even... umm-”

“Amy.”

I stop my rambling.

He looks at me blankly, waiting for an answer.

“Oh, it doesn’t really matter,” I say trying in every way to change the subject. “We’ll talk about it later.”

I wrap my arms around his neck, trying to make him think of something else. I don’t want to do this right now; it can wait a little longer. I just need to distract him, that’s all I have to do. I know he’s not buying it, I can tell by the sceptical look in his eyes. I lean closer brushing my lips again his but he doesn’t buy it. He takes my arms away from his neck, holding my hands again.

“Amy...”

I huff and pout.

“What happened?” he asks again, more impatiently this time.

I huff again but he pretends not to notice.

“Well, it depends how you look at it...” I say avoiding his gaze.

He’s going to hate me, but I have to risk that.

“What?” he asks, dropping my hand.

I look at him, biting my lip. I don’t even know how I’m going to say this. He’s waited for two months for this moment and I’m just going to ruin it for him. “I didn’t... I’m sorry but I couldn’t-”

The look in his eyes breaks my heart.

“You didn’t break up with him?” he asks, his voice thin.

I can’t look at him, it hurts too much. I stare directly at the ground ordering myself to stop the tears from falling. I can’t cry, not right now.

“I’m sorry but I-”

“You said you would,” Sirius states his voice rough and surrounded by anger. “You said you were going to break up with him when he came. You promised you would.”

“I know, I know but I couldn’t. I tried but I just couldn’t.” I bury my head in my hands hiding my watery eyes. “You don’t know how hard it is.”

He scoffs. “No,” he snaps, his eyes narrowed angrily. “You just didn’t want to.”

I look up at him as if he’s mad. “Don’t say that,” I reply quietly. “That’s not fair.”

“Then why didn’t you?” he asks.

My throat feels dry. I don’t even know how to answer that question myself. Another lie escapes my lips...“I don’t know...”

“You never do,” he retorts. “You just don’t care, do you?”

I shake my head. “You know that’s not true!”

“Do I?” he asks me boldly. “Do I really?”

“Yes!” I tell him. “Well, you should.”

Silence falls between us. I didn’t want to fight; it just wanted it to be over and done with. I didn’t plan to feel the pain; I didn’t plan to give myself any time to feel pain. He doesn’t look at me; he stares straight down at his feet. I can almost feel the anger radiating off of him.

“Sirius, talk to me, please.”

He looks up, his eyes still full of fury. “What do you want me to say? That I’m ok with it? Because I’m not, I’m not ok with it.”

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. He doesn’t reply so I continue. “But you don’t understand. It’s really hard.”

“No, it isn’t,” he replies still annoyed. “You make it difficult for yourself.”

“Can’t you like even try to see it from my point of view?” I ask him, getting annoyed. “I’ve been with him for two years Sirius, two years of my life. Can’t you understand that it’s a bit difficult for me to just end it like that?”

“No,” he says. “Not really.”

I know that when he acts like this there’s no point in reasoning with him. If there’s one thing that all the Marauders have in common is that they are all stubborn, very stubborn. And Sirius is probably the most stubborn out of all. Adding his quick temper to it and I can definitely tell you that you don’t want to get on his bad side.

But I have to.

“I really thought you were going to break up with him,” Sirius says starting to walk away from me, his voice thin and contorted with anger. “But you didn’t.”

“Just give me a bit more time!” I say quickly before he walks out. Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way; maybe he will give me more time, more time to solve this whole situation and tell him everything that actually happened. Maybe it doesn’t have to end; maybe it can just carry on for a little longer. I’m not ready to let go, not now, I just can’t. Maybe it doesn’t have to end the way it’s going right now.

But then that would mean lying to him more.

And I don’t think I could do that for long.

It’s killing me to do it now.

“No,” he replies simply turning around. “If you really wanted to, you would have today.”

He expects me to stop him, to beg him not to go and to stay with me. He wants me to promise him I will break up with Tom, he wants me to drop at his feet and beg him not to go. I know he’s waiting for me to do this but I’m not and that surprises him even more.

But I can’t.

And he doesn’t understand.

He can’t understand.

“You don’t care do you?” he asks me the heartbreaking tone on his voice nearly making me burst into tears. I don’t want to do this to him, I really don’t. But I have to.

I want to shout, to yell that I do care, but I can’t.

I don’t reply.

“You never did.”

I don’t reply again.

It happens in a painful slow motion it’s almost as if it’s just meant to torture me. Sirius gives me one last glaring look, his grey eyes full of anger and hatred, before walking away towards the door without even looking back. My eyes swell up in so many tears I know I’m going to burst any moment. I hear the click of the door opening and my heart seems to break into two at the sound. Another click and he’s gone. A chocked sob escapes my mouth; I can’t keep it in anymore. He’s gone, he’s walked out and he’s never going to come back to me.

Tears fall down my cheeks so fast that I don’t even realise I’m crying until I find myself needing to lean against one of the tables to hold myself up. The pain I’m feeling can’t even be described, it hurts too much. I want to run, to scream, to escape everything, but I can’t. I never thought it would hurt this much, I never imagined I could ever feel like this. It’s indescribable it’s so painful. Someone could have just literally taken a knife and stabbed it straight through my heart.

It probably would have hurt less.

It’s as if everything around me starts spinning. I can still hear the sound of the slamming door ringing in my ears, the smell of his cologne lingering in the air like poison to my heart. If I could anything to get him back I would, but it’s done now and there’s nothing I can do to have him back. I can’t. My eyes are stinging because of all the mascara smudged all over my eyes. Everything is blurry, I’m crying so much. I fall to the ground, leaning against the desk and curling my knees into my chest, crying.

Crying, because that is the only thing I can do right now.

 

“I’ll find out one day,” Lily states, giving me a calculating look.

I roll my eyes. “Sure Lily.”

“So I’m guessing you two are not going to came to James’ house for New Years Eve,” Lily adds.

Maddie and I stare at each other.

Ok, yes we hate them, but we’re not crazy enough to give up on a party.

“Don’t be silly, Lily,” Maddie tells her. “I don’t really fancy staying in with my alcoholic family in New Years Eve watching my drunken grandma talk about her past err... experiences with various men. So yes, I’m coming to the party no matter if I think that men are not an important species to the-”

“Circle of life, yes we know,” I interrupt her. I turn to Lily. “I’m coming Lils. I asked my mum and she said yeah and I asked James if I could bring my mates Emma and Jake and he said yeah so that’s fine.”

Lily frowns at me. “Tom’s not coming?”

I feel my cheeks redden. “Yeah, Tom too.”

“Good,” I hear Maddie say. “I want to meet him sooner or later. He better not be like certain twat heads we know because then that will just prove my point that men are not important to the-”

“Circle of life,” Lily says. “We know Maddie, we know.”

“Don’t worry,” I tell the blonde. “You’ll meet him soon.”

God, who knew that in four months, I would turn into such a dirty little liar.

Lying, to everyone.

That’s what I’ve come down to.

I can’t tell the truth anymore. Everything is so messed up, a huge chaos that just won’t resolve itself. And the thing is that it will never resolve. It’s my fault. I got myself into this mess and there’s no one to blame except for me. There’s no point in me blaming anyone else because it’s not their fault, it’s just mine. I’ve become such a good little liar I can even fool myself sometimes. Fool myself into thinking that what I did was right and that it’s for the best.

Lying comes natural to me now and it’s wrong, so wrong. I’m hurting more people than I realise but I can’t seem to stop. Lie after lie after lie, I dug myself a huge hole I will never be able to get out of. Not without hurting even more people and risking loosing everything. I would never be able to cope. I would rather they hate me for a lie than hate me because of the truth. I can’t tell them the truth, I can’t. And maybe someday, someday I will come clean and everything will be forgotten.

But until then I have to keep lying.

Because, I wasn’t telling the truth.

I lied when I told Sirius I didn’t break up with Tom.

I did it for him. He’s better off without me anyway...

 

“You’re breaking up with me because of him aren’t you?” Tom asks me with anger in his voice.

Two hours ago I found out that Tom was coming here at Hogwarts and now I’ve finally managed to tell him that I don’t want to be with anymore, that ‘long distance relationships’ never work and that I didn’t think it was working out anyway. Of course, he objected, telling me that I shouldn’t be giving up like that and that he ‘loves’ me. Obviously that was until I told him I knew his little secret and that I would start telling everyone about it if we didn’t break up.

That made him come to his senses.

We’re standing by the school gate. He’s not allowed to come in, the teachers don’t allow visitors unless for emergency cases. So I snuck out of the school gate and met him here. He apparated here since there are no protective charms as we’re outside the school.

Everything is going as it’s supposed to be. We break up and then I can go back to Sirius and we can finally be together without having to lie to anyone. We can just forget about Tom, forget about everything and move on.

God knows it’s time for me to move on.

“It has nothing to do with Sirius,” I tell him. “I told you why, it’s not working out and... well... you’re a Death Eater so you know, a big no, no for me there.”

Tom scoffs. “I’ll pretend to believe you there.”

“Do whatever you want,” I reply. “I don’t care, not anymore.”

“You've changed,” he comments, looking down at me as if I’m a completely different person.

I cross my arms. “No, I’m just finally myself.”

“You’re with him, ain’t you?” he asks rhetorically. “You been cheating on me with him since you came here.”

“And you haven’t?” I ask him, my eyebrow raised. “You haven’t cheated on me with that slag once?” I snort. “Please, I’m not stupid.”

“So you have?” he asks angrily. Damn it, he tricked me. Tom’s always been a proud boy and whenever his ego is ‘damaged’ he goes all ‘ape-man’. “You cheated on me, that’s why you want to break up with me.”

“I’m not even going to answer you,” I say before turning around and walking away.

I start walking back towards the gate and the school. Tom can go stuff himself. He’s not taking responsibility for anything, as if it’s my fault we never actually worked out when it was actually all his. When we started going out, before I found out his secret, I really liked him. I really wanted our relationship to work out.

That obviously changed when I found out he was a prick.

“You better not be cheating on me, Amy!” he shouts at me, a kind of desperate tone to his voice, as if he’s trying to find something that will make me stay.

I ignore him.

He doesn’t give up does he?

“You better not be for his sake!”

Wait, what?

I stop, turning around slowly and looking at him wearily. What did he just say? Moments of eerie silence fill the air, the cold chilly wind blowing directly into my face making my fear show even more. I know my face looks scared, terrified of the words that just came out of his mouth. He can’t, he can’t do this to me. 

Not when I’m so close to getting what I want.

“What?” I ask him, my voice trembling. I take two steps towards him, trying to understand better what he’s saying. He can’t hurt Sirius.

His furious expression doesn’t change. “You know what I mean,” he retorts pulling the left sleeve of his jumper and showing me the bandage of his ‘burnt arm’ that actually covers the mark.

I walk back up to him, pushing him with my hands. “I swear, you hurt him and I will… I will...”

“You will what?” he asks, his face close to mine, challenging me.

“He hasn’t done anything to you,” I yell, my voice sounding hysterical. He can’t bring Sirius into this. I can’t let that happen.  “Leave him alone. If you want to punish anyone it’s me, alright?”

“I am punishing you,” he says, his voice low. “If anything happens to him, it’s your fault. Remember that.”

I try and throw a punch at him, but he stops my fist in mid-air. “Don’t you dare,” he hisses. “You brought this onto yourself.”

“Please Tom,” I whisper. I know what he can do when he gets angry. “Just leave Sirius out of it, please, I’m begging you.”

He lets go of my wrist and I quickly step away from him.

“We’re over,” I say.

He breathes out deeply, almost trying to control his anger. “Oh, we’re so not over. This is just the beginning. You’ll pay for this.”

Tom takes a step back and disapparates before I have a chance to say anything else.

I feel fear taking over every cell in my body. This wasn’t meant to happen. Sirius was never meant to even come into the conversation. He wasn’t meant to know about Sirius, he wasn’t even meant to know that I’m breaking up with him because I’m in love with someone else. Tom was only supposed to know that I knew he was a Death Eater and that I didn’t think ‘long distance relationships’ could work.

He can’t hurt Sirius, I won’t let that happen, I can’t.

I have to protect Sirius. I can’t let anything happen to him, not because of me. I won’t let that happen, ever. I can’t be responsible for anything happening to him, I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I’ve put him in danger. But I can’t tell him either, he would never understand. He can’t know he just can’t. He’d pretend to have everything under control; he would tell me that I have nothing to worry about when it’s not true.

Sirius can’t know.

And it finally occurs to me what I have to do, what I have to do in order to make sure Sirius is safe...

 

I knew Sirius would break up with me if I told him I didn’t break up with Tom. I know Sirius more than he realises and I was certain he wouldn’t agree with giving me ‘more time’. I don’t care that I’m breaking my heart into a million different pieces or the fact that I lost one of the most important people in my life. His safety matters to me more and knowing that he’s safe is more comforting than anything else.

I could never forgive myself if anything happened to him. Yes, he’ll probably protest and sulk for days, maybe weeks but he’ll move on and forget about me. At least he’s safe, and I would rather see him with someone else then see him hurt because of me. I’m too dangerous for him, I’m no good.

He’s better off without me.

Probably the most stupid idea you have EVER had in your life.

I was waiting for you to object, stupid.

The only stupid one is the person who’s going back to their phase one! Are we back to denial? Sirius is perfect and we just let him go, just like that!

It’s for his safety, not that you would even comprehend what that means.

I’m offended, I’m not talking to you.

Took you long enough.

“What are you going to wear to the party?” Lily asks disrupting my conversation with the voice in my head.

“A black dress,” Maddie replies, her arms still crossed and her depressing attitude showing in her face.

Black? Wow, original.

Definitely fits her mood though.

“Black?” Lily asks.

The blonde nods. “Yes black,” she states. “It’s a short v-neck black dress. I bought it in the summer holidays with my mum.”

“But... black?” Lily asks again. Maddie nods stiffly and Lily understands not to press on with the subject. The last thing we need it any of us getting into a fight with Moody Maddie.

That’s her new nickname.

Moody Maddie.

“What about you Amy?”

“I have this navy blue dress,” I tell her. “It’s boob strap and with a kind of flow-y skirt. My mum’s already told me she bought me matching high heels for Christmas so I’m sorted.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “What’s with you two and the dark colours?” she asks sarcastically. “I’m going bright; I’m wearing this white dress with neon green, yellow and orange paint splodges on it.” Maddie and I both stare at her blankly. She can’t be serious about this. “I’m joking. I have a long mint green spaghetti strap dress and these mint green high heels with a silky bolero and...”

I tune off.

When Lily starts talking about clothes and shoes she never stops. I nod now and then and say ‘yep’ just to make her think I’m listening whilst I’m really thinking about everything that’s happened, everything that was meant to happen and everything that will never happen.

Funny, almost comical, how the last two are exactly the same thing.

It would be cliché to say that the last two months were the best of my life but it’s nothing short of the truth. I can say that I had never ever fallen in love, not until I met Sirius. Two months seems like nothing but it was enough for us. Some couples take months, almost years to fall in love but we did in a matter of days. I don’t know if I will ever feel like that again. And I will never know what would have happened if I had just given it a try, dared a little more and gambled our safety just for a couple more months.

I ran. That’s what I did. I ran away from everything rather than face it. Some would say I’m not a true Gryffindor but I think it takes more courage to give up that one person in your life than risk your life. I certainly think that risking my life and Sirius’ would have just been the easy option out. Loosing him was worse than anything that I have ever had to go through.

Running in this case was the only thing I could do, the only right thing to do.

I just wish my heart would stop crying.






“AMY!”

I turn around just to get physically attacked by my best friend: Emma Williams.

She jumps on top of me, squealing and screaming incoherent words in my ear which sound like a huge giant mumbled squeak. I fall to the ground, flat on my ass, while she continues to hug me and squeal like a bloody mouse high on helium.

“Emma, if you don’t shut up right now I’m gonna go death.”

She stops squealing immediately, standing up and helping me up to.

That’s going to be another bruise on my ass.

“I missed you,” she says, pouting her bottom lip.

She hasn’t changed one bit. The fact that it’s the middle of winter hasn’t stopped her from wearing her skimpy little black tank top with her grey tracksuit and white trainers. The huge silver hoops on her ears must be killing her by now and her hair is, as always, tied up in a ponytail, dirty blonde curls falling behind her back.

“You not cold?” I ask her.

She looks at me blankly. “You ain’t seen me in like, four months and you ask me if I’m cold? What you on?”

I roll my eyes.

She crosses her arms. “Well?” she asks me. “Where’s my ‘I missed you’? Where’s my ‘I can’t live without you’? Where’s my ‘Emma if I stay another day without you I won’t breathe anymore’?”

I grin and hug her tightly while she pretends to be offended.

“I missed you Emma!” I cry dramatically. “I can’t live without you Emma! If I stay another day without you I won’t breathe anymore!”

She glares at me.

“Funny.”

I laugh just as two certain girls cough behind me.

“Emma, this is Lily and Maddie,” I say introducing them. “Lils, Maddie, this is Emma.”

Emma pushes me to a side and starts talking to the two girls as if she has known them for years. I roll my eyes. She’s always been a really friendly person and people can’t help but love her because of her somewhat low intelligence level. Bless her, she isn’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box.

I’m about to ask her where Jake is and why he hasn’t bothered to come when I hear the familiar sound of clanking heels approaching me.

I turn around just to find my mum walking down the platform, her sunglasses on her face and the wind blowing in her hair. The thing with my mum is that she looks much younger than she actually is. She’s thirty seven and she looks about twenty eight. Yeah, it isn’t that great when people mistake your mum for your older sister! And she doesn’t just look young, she dresses young too which means that unlike most mothers who are wearing a pair of long trousers and normal black shoes, she’s wearing leggings with high heel black boots, a long grey jumper-top and a black scarf.

Mamma.”

I run up to her and hug her tightly. She’s surprised at first but hugs me back just as tightly, crouching down, as she is much taller than me. Unfortunately I seemed to have inherited my grandparents’ height genes because my mum is tall and my dad was apparently pretty tall as well.

Me?

I’m a short arse.

Unfair, much?

Mi sei mancata!

I smile. “I missed you too mum.”

She puts her sunglasses on top of her head and grins down at me. “I’m proud of you,” she tells me in her thick accent. “Emma told me about Tom and what you did and I’m so proud of you, tesoro.”

My face must look pretty scared right now because she gives me a funny look.

“What’s wrong?” she asks me.

I hug her again, whispering in her ear. “I’ll explain everything later. For now, just don’t mention it, ti prego.”

She looks at me funny again, but decides not to continue the topic any further, thank God.

I take my mum’s hand. “Mum, this is-”

I can’t even finish the sentence.

Lily pushes Maddie out of the way and sticks her hand out for my mum to shake. “Lily Evans, Head Girl at Hogwarts and one of Amy’s friends.”

Maddie steps in front of her, smiling for the first time in days. “Madeleine Davies, Gryffindor House Prefect and a much funnier girl than boring old Lily.”

Emma snorts in laughter while I nudge her in the ribs.

“What?” she asks me. “It’s worse then what I said to your mum when I first met her.”

I shake my head. This doesn’t even come close to that incident. “No Emma, you presented yourself as Queen of coolness and her future adopted daughter.”

Emma sticks her tongue out at me and crosses her arms. “She laughed and that’s what matters yeah...”

“...Maddie I don’t think that’s what she really wants to know-”

“Shut it Lily she doesn’t care if you’re Head Girl-”

They both don’t have the chance to talk to my mum again before she gets attacked by another group of people.

I feel for her, I really do.

“You must be Amy’s mum. I’m James Potter, Head Boy at Hogwarts, and one of Amy’s friends.”

Remus pushes him out of the way. “Remus Lupin, Gryffindor House Prefect, and one of Amy’s friends too”

Peter is next. “Peter Pettigrew and I’m...” he blushes slightly. “I’m just Amy’s friend.”

“Erm, hi,” Mum replies awkwardly.

“Is he the one that’s got that party at New Years Eve?” Emma asks me, looking at James.

I nod. “Yeah, you’re coming right? You and Jake?”

She nods. “Yeah well it’s gonna be just me and Jake since-” She stops for a second looking at me with her eyes wide open. “Wait a minute, I completely forgot!”

Oh crap, no Emma don’t say it.

She points her finger at me. “YOU!”

Emma, no!

Crap, shut her up will you?

Why don’t you shut her up?

No you!

You!

You!

“You broke-”

I clasp my hand over her mouth making the girls and the boys look at us. Maddie and Lily look at me as if I’ve gone mad, the boys stifle their laughter except for Sirius who prefers to pretend I don’t exist and my mum seems the only one to actually understand why I look like I’m about to have a heart attack.

I really should have explained the whole situation to Emma before today.

Yes, you should have stupid.

Go away, I don’t need you to make me feel even crappier than I already do.

But that’s what I do best!

Exactly.

“Emma, babe, please can we talk about that later?” I ask her.

She bites my finger. “But Tom said you bro-”

I hug her tightly screaming at the top of my lungs. “EMMA I MISSED YOU!”

I don’t really care that the whole platform thinks I’m a complete weirdo, it’s better than everyone finding out the truth.

“But-”

“Emma, shut the hell up,” I hiss in her ear, pretending to smile at the same time.

She gives me a funny look. “What?”

“I’ll explain everything later just please I beg you don’t talk about Tom right now, please.”

Emma rolls her eyes and drops the subject, obviously knowing there’s some kind of reason behind what I’m saying. She’s always been good at understanding what mood I’m in and when to shut up. She knows that if I tell her not to mention something I have a reason and she normally doesn’t question me until we’re alone just in case I didn’t want anyone to know.

“Where’s Jake?” I ask her.

As if by magic, a tall boy with long-ish blonde hair and blue eyes approaches us handing a pair of car keys to my mum. “Mrs J, I parked the car like you asked but I had to park it long away cause some idiot took the space I wanted to go for and-”

What a coincidence.

“JAKE!”

I practically jump on him, hugging him tightly.

It’s a wonder that we don’t end up flat on the floor.

“Hey little sis,” he replies kissing my cheek.

I’m about to reply when a hand grabs me by my t-shirt and practically rips me off of him.

“Excuse me,” I hear Emma say. “He’s my boyfriend so none of your little kiss-y hugging things anymore alright? Not while I’m here, yeah?”

I give her a dry look. “Please, don’t tell me you’re actually jealous?”

She sticks her tongue out, wrapping her arms around Jake’s waist. “Of course not,” she says pouting her bottom lip. “He loves me.”

Jake rolls his eyes at her. “You alright, sis?”

I nod. “I’m good.”

“What? Even after you-”

Why does everyone have to bring up that topic?

“Yes!” I say quickly, interrupting him. “I’m fine.”

Jake looks at me confused. “But-”

“Let’s go HOME!” I say loudly, quickly grabbing my mum’s hand.

Before chaos commences, we need to go.

Like now.

Mum looks at me with an expression of relief. It looks like the girls and the Marauders pestered her with too many questions about me and my life.

“Jake, where did you park the car again?” Mum asks him while he gets my trunk like a good boy.

My dad had an obsession about muggle cars. He had these little plastic car models which were pretty useless because they didn’t even work but he said they were for display purpose. Then he had this big four seater red car which Mum now uses since he obviously can’t anymore. Dad had taught her how to use it, even though she’s more of a danger in the car than me on a broom and she taught Jake after he practically got on his knees and begged. Now, whenever there’s a holiday Jake likes to come around and help my Mum out with stuff just so that he can get an excuse to drive the car.

I bet you he’s the one that drove here.

“Just a five minutes walk Mrs J,” he says.

“I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” I say to them. “I’m gonna go say bye and then meet you by the entrance.”

They all nod and walk off after saying bye to my Hogwarts crowd.

I hug both Lily and Maddie tightly. “I’ll miss you.”

“Send us letters,” Lily tells me. “I want to know how you’re going to spend your holidays, ok? And what you get for Christmas and if there’s any change on your dress for new years and any gossip you can tell me and-”

“And we’re going to see her in ten days anyway so there’s really no need...” Maddie adds.

I laugh. “Don’t worry Lils, I’ll keep you posted.”

Lily sticks her tongue out at Maddie. “See? She’s nice unlike you.”

Maddie glares at her while I go over and say bye to the boys.

It’s kind of nice to know that even though James knows everything except for the whole Tom-threatening-Sirius-had-to-break-up part he still talks to me. Remus and Peter talk to me because they don’t know anything that’s happened. I thought James would take Sirius’ side like he normally does, but he told me he was going to stay out of it and let us solve whatever needed to be solved.

As if that’s ever going to happen.

Don’t crush my dreams!

Oh dear, don’t raise your hopes there.

Stop! Stop! You’re killing me here!

Oh, go away drama queen.

I hug all of the boys tightly whilst Maddie and Lily make their way to their own families.

“You’re coming to the party, right?” James asks.

I nod. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there.”

“So we’ll see you at the party,” Remus says as I hug him.

“Yeah,” I reply.

“Don’t be a stranger,” James adds.

Peter nods as I hug him as well. “Yeah, if you need anything just owl us.”

“Cheers guys.”

My eyes dart towards Sirius for a moment and he seems to do the same thing. He shuffles his feet here and there trying to avoid eye contact with me. Am I supposed to hug him too? Is he expecting me to? I hear one of the boys clearing their throat before they all suddenly disappear leaving me standing in front of Sirius and making the whole situation just embarrassing.

Because this isn’t awkward enough.

Sirius doesn’t say anything..

Am I supposed to say something first?

Say bye then!

But he hasn’t even talked to me in like two weeks and now I’m saying bye to him?

Just. Say. It.

Ok, ok, don’t get your knickers in a twist.

“Well... um, bye,” I say quietly.

He looks at me carefully and shrugs. “Yeah, bye.”

He walks off towards the Potters before I have the chance to say anything else to him. I look at him as he walks away, sighing deeply. That went peachy didn’t it?

I walk out of the platform before people start asking questions as to why I’m standing there alone doing nothing and looking like a complete idiot. I pass the barrier and walk through the busy crowd here in Kings Cross and making my way to the entrance where the other are meeting me.

It looks like a scene out of a comedy show.

All three of them are standing by the entrance, their arms crossed and tapping their foot impatiently on the floor. They look at me expecting some kind of explanation while I walk over to them looking straight down at my feet.

“So,” I say trying to change the subject. “How’s life been for all of you?”

They look at each other before saying together...

“Spit it out.”




Cause all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out...

- 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out' by Oasis


____________________________________________________________
Erm, don't hate me, please? I had to, you know it just couldn't end up all perfect and peachy? Otherwise what would I do with the rest of the story? And I know you probably all hate me now not just because they split up but also because it took me so long to update! I really have no excuse... well I do, I have mock exams at school, but it isn't a big enough excuse for the extremely long wait! This chapter took me forever to write especially because I didn't want them to break up and I kept deleting and making everything go smoothly for them and then I had to force myself to delete that and write this chapter. So, here are the questions for this chapter...

1) What do you think will happen to Amy and Sirius?

2) What will happen with Tom?

3) Will Amy come out with the truth to her Mum, Emma and Jake or will she lie again?

It might take me a while to update again, as my other stories need updating and the cue clousure as well meaning no new chapters for this story until the new year. So Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year in case I don't get to say it to you before the queue closes!

Elisa x

P.S. It's my longest chapter yet! :)

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