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Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

I walked through the school to the Astronomy Tower. I had finally fallen for James Potter. And he decided to blatantly ignore me for the past few months. And he had seemed to be getting closer to Marzi Pan, a Gryffindor girl who was a fifth year.

And he was the reason that I was up in the Astronomy Tower. I had told myself, about four weeks ago, when I had first discovered that I liked him, that if James never looked at me, I would do this.

And here I am.

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I knew he would be up there that tonight. December 19, 1975. Christmas Break. I was one of the five students who had stayed behind.

I quietly closed the door leading up to the Astronomy Tower behind me. I began the ascent up the long, ominous steps. At last, I reached the top step and walked through the door.

He was standing there, just looking out over the grounds. It didn't look like he noticed my entrance.

I walked over to the side of the tower where there was a straight drop. I looked down - yes, this five story drop looked good enough. I began to climb onto the ledge. My hair was in a bun. I pulled it out of its restraints, bushy from the ponytail holder, and shut my eyes.

I spread my arms out, getting ready to jump.

"What are you doing?" I smiled.

"What does it look like?" I started to move my feet towards the edge.

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

"Lily," he said warningly.

"Well," I said. "If you won't even look at me..." I picked up my foot.

"Lily, no!" He wrapped his arms around my waist. I started squirming.

"Let me go!" I squealed. He didn't.

"Why are you doing this?" He was on the verge of tears. I could tell, because his voice was thick with sadness.


"That's not an answer."

"Yes it is!"

"No, it's not, Lils."

"NOBODY LOVES ME!" We both froze. Tears had started to fall from my eyes.

"Wh-what?" He stuttered. I opened my eyes slowly, not looking at him.

"Nobody loves me." He picked me up and carried me bridal style to a secluded corner of the tower.

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

He sat down and put e down on his lap.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Nobody - not even you, James - likes me," I said, crying my eyes out. He put two of his fingers under my chin and lifted it up.

"Hey," he said. tears were falling down his face. "Never, ever, say that to my face again. I love you, immensely so."

"Doesn't seem like it." He gave me a confused look. I sighed. "You're always running around with Marzi." He started laughing.

"My cousin?!?!? You're upset because I've been hanging out with my cousin?" I started chuckling.

There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

"Wow. I feel stupid for getting jealous over that." James stopped laughing.

"Excuse me? Did those words just come out of your mouth?"

"Yes," I said, sniffling. "I guess they did." I stood up.

"James," I said. "I've wanted to tell you this for a long time now." He stood up, too. I wrapped my arms around his neck, closed my eyes, and slowly leaned in to kiss him. He put his hands on my hips. And I pressed my lips to his.

The world seemed to stop.

Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

We kissed for what seemed like forever, our tongues tangoing the entire time. I pulled away for air. We were both breathing heavily. Once I had caught my breath, I said the words that had been troubling me for the past four weeks.

"I love you." He smiled at the words. He looked up, groaned, and looked at me, his eyes shining.

"Oh-ho," he said. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words come from your luscious lips."

And with that, we started our first, beautiful relationship. That is, until he "cheated" on me.

Dearest Reader,
Thank you for the reviews! Please keep reading, writing, and reviewing! I practically live off of your comments! I found a picture of Sirius!

Michael Winges

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