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Chapter 17


But I fear
I have so much to lose
I have nothing to give
We have so much to lose...

- Fear by Sarah McLachan


Sirius’ POV

Somehow, despite the gossip and trauma and heartache, we finally made it to March at Hogwarts. Winter has thawed into a bright spring, with brave daffodils sprouting and blooming across the grounds in the fervent sunshine. The lake is overflowing with life and reeds and squidlets, making our favourite Giant Squid a Mother Squid. The castle is still cold and windy, but students are finally unwrapping scarves from their necks and peeling off their gloves in the draughty classrooms.

Maisy and I are happy, to a point, and our days are filled with joking, chatting and studying, due to the nasty NEWTs that are steadily creeping up on us. But I couldn’t imagine a better study partner, than my fantastic girlfriend. Remus and Ava broke up due to ‘differences’ and Ava claiming they’re better as friends. Remus seemed fine with the news, sulking for a couple of days, then getting over it when he realised the female population of Hogwarts had now began to look more inviting as the days wore on. Lily and James are still fighting fit, reading parenting books in the dead of the night, and cooing over life after Hogwarts, life in the real world. Lily looks bright and happy, her skin almost translucent and glowing. However, she has taken to wearing her robes at all times of the day, even during the evening when we all lounge in the common room. Apparently, she’s not ready for everyone to know yet, but being nearly four months pregnant is taking its toll on her body and her hormones. Finally, there’s Peter, who’s back and acting rather secretive, disappearing during full moons and never fully appreciating conversations and pranks with us Marauders. He obviously misses the outside world as much as we miss the normality in our lives.

Though spring is springing and blossoms are blossoming, being in a boring Transfiguration lesson still can’t lighten our moods. Myself, James, Remus and Peter don’t see the point in taking these lessons, we are living breathing Animagi for god’s sake, but, to prove sanity, we sit through them none the less, lazily waving our wands and non verbally turning tables into teachers and teachers into tables.

“Boredom, has taken over,” I whispered to Maisy next to me, who was trying her best to scribble down the theory of a difficult charm. “You know I can just teach you that later?”

“Yes, I do know, but I can do this by myself!” she replied. Her new self confidence was annoying, but uplifting.

“Fine, study by yourself, fail your NEWTs. Do I care?” I asked her, putting my hand on her leg under the table.

“Sirius!” she hissed, smacking my hand away.

“What?!” I replied, laughing at her.

“We’re in a lesson!” she spat, picking up her quill and drawing a rather weak looking diagram.

“Here, let me,” I said, reaching across to draw her diagram and brushing past her chest. She gasped at me and took the quill from my hand.

“Stop it! I know you’re trying to embarrass me, Black! It’s not funny!” she added when I started laughing.

“Is there a problem, Mr Black?” Professor McGonagall asked from the black board. Ha, this would be good.

“Yes, there is Minnie, I’m feeling rather disturbed sat here.”

She sighed and glanced at Maisy, then back to me. Maisy had her head in her hands already, before I’d even spoken. James was swivelled in his seat watching me. “And what might that disturbance be, Mr Black?”

“Professor, could you please ask Maisy to stop picturing me naked? It’s putting me off my theory…” The whole class erupted in laughs and jeers from the boys. Lily turned also to glare at me. Maisy hit me from under the table, right in the…


“MR BLACK! Please, stop being an imbecile and get back to your work.”

“BUT SHE JUST HIT ME IN THE-” Maisy’s hand slapped over my mouth before I could finish the sentence. She raised her eyebrows at me in victory.

“Revenge is sweet,” she whispered in my ear, almost seductively, too much for a classroom lesson!

“Now YOU stop it!” I said, turning from her. This was not going to happen here.

“Stop what?” she said innocently, leaning her chin on my shoulder and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Her hand was on the inside of my thigh, oh dear God.

“Maisy… Please…” I begged her. But she shook her head, laughing. Lily had caught on and was giggling in front of us. James turned around and sighed, shaking his head at me.

“It’s your own fault, mate,” he said, returning to his own parchment.

Maisy’s hands were on my legs, on my back, just below my neck. She never seemed to get caught, even when she whispered so loudly that the whole room could probably hear, Professor McGonagall just seemed to ignore us.

And then, yes, she knew it was coming, and I knew it was revenge. It happened.

Come-uppance for Sirius Black, and total mortification when the bell rang and we were permitted to leave the classroom.

Maisy took one look at me, sighed and said, very loudly,

“Sirius! I never knew you felt that way.” Before flouncing off with Lily to lunch, giggling like a toddler receiving treats.

“Oh mate,” James said, laughing and crying. “You got to hand it to her, that girl is game!



“That was not funny, Maisy,” I said, sitting next to her at dinner that evening. She laughed loudly and had to put down her juice.

“Well, revenge is a bitch, isn’t it?” she said, her eyes smoking.

“Stop it!” I laughed, she was a dreadful tease and it wasn’t funny. Not at all.

“Ah shut up, we’ve got all night, it’s fine,” she said, kissing my cheek and returning to her casserole. It was a large portion. I was impressed.

“I can’t do tonight remember? Me and James have detention…” I said, looking over at James who smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, good ol’ detention!” he said, laughing.

“Guess it’s just you and me then,” said Lily to Maisy. She looked happy about it as well.

“Awesome, I’m getting sick of having to spend my spare time with this wet blanket anyway,” Maisy replied, indicating me.

“Oi! Who you calling a wet blanket?!”

“Who do you think, Sirius?” she said, looking at me pointedly.

“Fine. You’re boring too-

“I didn’t mean wet blanket as in a boring drip!”

Lily started to laugh and tears rolled down her eyes. Maisy was giggling childishly again. Oh, I get it. A wet blanket. Nice, Maisy, smooth.

“Oh, how comical. Maisy, I forgot you were a comedian!” I said, putting my arm around her waist and applying pressure to her kidney. “Should we resolve this here, or do you want to apologise now?”

She looked up at me and huffed. She hated being tickled, especially in the kidneys. So, she smacked away my hand, turned and said, “I’m sorry that you can’t control your hormonal tendencies, Sirius. But there’s no reason to take it out on me.”

James stopped eating to laugh with the girls and I exhaled slowly, counting to ten.

“You’ll be eating your words when I get back tonight.” I said.

“So I’m going to see you then?” she smiled brightly.

“Yeah, I should be back by around midnight or so.”

“Ah! I’ll wait up, it’s fine,” she said, grabbing my arm and cuddling into it. “Love you really, gorgeous.”

“And I love you too,” I said, kissing the top of her head and finishing her casserole.

“Right, James, it’s time we were off. Have a lovely night, ladies.” I said. James kissed Lily and got up to leave. Peter wasn’t at dinner, had he already left?

“Have fun,” Maisy said, turning to chat with Lily now over the mountains of food that had appeared.

“Yeah, fun..” I said to James.

“Not my idea of fun, really. Is it yours?”

“No, but you know me – I run with the werewolves.”

“You’re a cool kind of guy, Sirius.”



The full moon was bright tonight. Bright and eerie, never a good sign, especially for Remus. I’d never seen him so pent up and agitated during his phasing. Darting around the forest, lunging for us at every waking moment, it was becoming impossible to keep him down. But luckily, he’d found a warren of rabbits and was camping by their hideaway, waiting for a glimpse of a midnight snack. While he was waiting, James and I hid behind the bushes, trying to get our breath back.

“It’s getting worse, I swear,” said James, transforming back into himself to breathe. I followed suit and backed myself against a tree.

“Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.”

“I feel like shit, to be honest. I hate having to hit him and stuff.”

“True, but he wants us to do that, so we can’t argue!”

“I know, I know. Ugh, I’ve just got so much going on right now,” he said, massaging his temples.

“Like what?”

“Me and Lily had to go and see Dumbledore yesterday.”

“Oh. About?”

“The baby. There’s been a prophecy made about him or the Longbottom’s. Voldemort, the guy killing all the Muggle borns, he wants to kill our baby. He wants to kill him. He doesn’t want to prophecy to reign true. So where will he stop? Will he kill Lily now, and kill the baby? Steal him when we’re sleeping? What?”

“James, don’t worry.”

“How can you say that? Lily could be in the castle right now being attacked, and we wouldn’t know!”

“James! Stop! Lily’s fine, okay? And your baby will be fine! We’re all gunna be there to help you guys, so stop worrying!”

A scuffling could be heard from the bushes and I paused, watching a small rat appear from beneath the tree trunk and transform into a small, portly boy.

“About time!” said James. “Where have you been! It’s been manic.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not staying long,” said Peter. “I have to talk to you.” He said, 
looking at James.

“Okay, go.”

“I heard Lucius boy talking in the corridors this evening. He was talking about you and Lily. He knows about the baby! He knows about the baby and the Dark Lord wants him. He wants your baby!” he told James urgently.

“I know, Peter, I know.”

“But that’s not it! You’ve already defied him once, you kept the child. He knows you knew about the prophecy, and is mad that you’ve carried on with this pregnancy. Defying the Dark Lord three times always equals death, James!”

The blood from James face drained instantaneously as he looked at Peter in pure horror.

“He wont get away with this. When we join the Order, we’ll get him. There’s no way he’s breaking up my family. No way in HELL.” James spat, he punched the tree next to him and cursed existence.

Peter looked strained and paused, he looked up at the castle and frowned.

“Who’s that in the window?!” he said, pointing at the Gryffindor tower.

But of course, I would know that figure from anywhere. It was Maisy. Shit. She disappeared and pulled the curtains. Please go back to bed, back to sleep, to safety.

A constant growl was heard from behind the trees and the glade echoed with the sounds of padding paws and vicious barks.

“QUICK! Transform back!” But Peter had already vanished and scuttled away like a coward. It was fine, he was scared for James and for Lily, of course he had the right to be scared. James’ stag form was stood watching me as I contorted my figure into becoming a black and grey shaggy dog. Remus was close now, you could hear him sniffing the night air, trying to find us. He burst through the bracken and ran towards us.

I leapt onto his back and began to claw at his shoulders, stop him from gauging out James’ eyes or slicing his throat. He cried in mercy, flinging me off of his back and turning to face the mighty stag, who had bent as if to bow and ward off the wolf, with its antlers paused in fight.

I looked around the glade, looking desperately for a decoy and saw a shadowy figure moving through the bushes. It was coming closer and closer, until it could obviously understand what it had seen, it gasped, and Remus span to face the feeble prey.

I looked closer at the terrified figure and adrenaline rushed through my veins.

Maisy. That was Maisy.

She was backing away slowly, her body trembling in the moonlight. Remus was edging closer, inhaling her human scent, mixing the sweet smell of her blood with his saliva. The werewolf was now on all fours, prowling closer. I couldn’t let him. No way. I couldn’t let Maisy see me like this. See us like this.

James pranced through the undergrowth with elegance to distract Remus, but Remus was gone, only the bloody thirsty werewolf remained, and it was going in for the kill. There were only seconds to decide, what do I do, what do I do?

I transformed from dog into human and sped past tree trunks into the glade, watching Remus as he recoiled and pounced, straight for Maisy. I jumped in front of the snarling beast, feeling him collide with my chest and push me for the ground. My head hit something hard and my whole body felt cold. The werewolf was clawing at my skin, tearing my flesh.

In time, it may have been hours, or days, the weight was lifted, and a grand stag flung the werewolf off of me. It hit the large oak tree and limped away in pain, still growling and snarling into the depths of the forest. The courageous stag fled after him without a glance back.

“Oh, oh Sirius, Sirius!” I heard Maisy cry from above me. Her hands were placed on both sides of my head and she was crying.

“It’s okay, Maisy…” I said. But was it? My legs were numb and my head felt like it was aflame. I just wanted to close my eyes, just wanted to sleep.

“No, no stay with me, you have to stay with me okay? You have to keep those eyes open! SIRIUS PLEASE LOOK AT ME!” She screamed. I looked up and saw her eyes meet mine, she shook her head as I felt my whole body contort and shake. Was I telling it to do that?

“Sirius! No, please! Please stay with me, stay with me…” She was holding down my body as I shook, rubbing my chest and my legs. You know there was no other place I’d rather be, Maisy; I wanted to say, but my eyelids were taking control of my body, causing them to fall and shut placidly, my head still pounding, my legs still dead to her touch…

“SIRIUS!” echoed into the night partnered with a werewolf’s pained howl, but all I could feel was the cold wash of bright light swell over me and darkness bury all thoughts of love, life and Maisy.




A/N1: Amazing chapter image by weasleys_rule @ TDA and fantastic editting/beta-reading by listentothesilence on the forums! You guys rule.
A/N2: This may be editted because I don't like the way I've written this chapter, but you get the jist.

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