A/N1: Hello avid readers. If you're reading this, then you're enjoying the novel. Perfect! I hope it's what you're expecting. Any questions? Leave a review! Got any ideas on what happens next? Leave a review! Anyway, the point of this beasty author's note is that I've written a random one shot, completely unrelated to this story, on how I think Sirius first met baby Harry. Please have a lil read of it and let me know what you think. Thankyou!
Now, on with the story. Hold on tight, chickens.
Now, on with the story. Hold on tight, chickens.
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day;
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day;
And then I'll hold you tight
- Gotta Get Thru This by Daniel Bedingfield
Not many people can have a perfect life. Perfect lives are hard to come by, and lots of people truly take them for granted. I, however, don’t.
I have a perfect life. I have a perfect family, who take care of me well and celebrate all of my achievements. I have perfect team mates who respect me and always play to their strongest ability. I have perfect friends who are happy and carefree and are always on hand to help me if I’m in trouble, or start up a new prank. I have perfect grades, I study and I work hard, and it all pays off. And, most of all, I have a perfect girlfriend, who’s only presence sets my heart in motion and lights up my day every time I see her.
Today is one of those perfect days. It’s sunny and crisp, a morning that has dawned from a fairytale. The lake is frozen and beams of sunlight glint about the grounds which are covered in a thick blanket of white snow. The trees look like they have been dusted with icing sugar and look somewhat welcoming instead of their usual gloomy and unnerving feel. The games keeper’s hut looks like a Christmas pudding, smoking steadily and looking inviting and cosy. The sky is a periwinkle blue, with no dancing clouds, just the hazy sun that burns relentlessly through the bitter chill. And, to top all of that off, Lily is walking with me, hand in hand, through this winter wonderland.
She’s wearing about eighty layers of clothing, a huge cream woollen scarf and a pair of cream mittens, and she’s still cold. Her face is fresh and product free, her hair whipping about her head in the scathing wind. Her button nose is red with cold, and her breath is coming out in wafts of ice. And she’s still a vision.
“What?” she asked me, biting her lip.
“Nothing, I was just admiring you.” I said, corny I know.
“Is something up, Lils?” I asked her. She opened her mouth the speak and stopped, chewing on the inside of her mouth.
“Nope, nothing at all.”
“You hungry?” I asked, teasing her.
“Ha.” She said. Ha? Was that it?
“I was only joking love, it’s just all those granola bars had become a permanent fixture in our relationship, it’s weird seeing you without one.” I laughed, it echoed around the grounds.
“Huh, oh, yeah.” She said, watching her boots as she walked through the snow,
kicking it lightly with her toe point.
“There’s something wrong,” I said. I knew something was wrong. “What happened last night?”
“Last night?” she cried, looking flustered and guilty. “Oh nothing, I just felt a bit ill from the drink and everything…”
I didn’t believe her.
“Lily, you only had one drink.”
“Yeah, so it must have been just one. Maybe alcohol doesn’t react well with those granola bars,” she laughed nervously, but I stood staring at her, not amused at her lying.
“You never lie to me.” I said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “What did you do last night?”
“Nothing! I went to bed, that’s it!” she steamed, glaring at me. That was my fiery Lily, but not my convincing Lily.
“Is there another guy, Lily?” I asked, accusing her out right and becoming steadily angry.
“What?” she said, mouth open.
“So there is?” Breathe, James, breathe. You can handle this. “And he’s gone to Hogsmeade today and you thought, hey I better go with James, seeing as he’s my boyfriend.”
“I can’t believe you’re accusing me of cheating on you!” she said, her eyes brimming with tears.
“What else could it be? You’re lovely, then angry. You’re always eating out of guilt! You disappear on me really early in the night, for the past week, telling me you’re tired? I’m not stupid you know!”
“James! There’s no one else!” she said, holding onto my arm. I looked down at her dewy eyes and trembling mouth. “You have to believe me.” She whispered, breaking on the final word, burying her head into my chest. “Please believe me.”
I felt sick with myself. How could I say that to her? Maybe she was just tired or PMSor whatever, she wouldn’t cheat on me! What the fuck was my problem!?
“I’m sorry,” I said, patting her back soothingly, waiting until she had calmed down.
“I love you,” she said. “I can’t imagine life without you.”
“I would never hurt you on purpose, James. Never,” she said, putting her hand on my cheek and trying to smile.
“Then what’s wrong Lily? Tell me what’s wrong? It’s killing me! I know there’s something up, you look so sad and tired.” Not the best compliment to give your girlfriend, but it was the truth.
“Just do one thing for me,” she asked. I smiled at her.
“Tell me you love me.” She said, looking up at me with her almond eyes, manipulating her mouth into a small smile.
“I. Love. You.” I said, kissing her lips with each word. She looked even sadder now, shivering in the cold and blinking away the tears.
“Okay.” She inhaled deeply and took my hands. Oh god, what was so bad that she had to act like this?
“James, I’m pregnant.”
Okay, that was bad.
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
Her eyes said it all. This wasn’t a joke, this was real, this was life. When? How? This wasn’t fucking possible, there was no way in hell was this actually happening. The grounds look deathly and icy, the cold finally hitting me and making me feel numb.
“James, please…” she said, tugging at my hand. I threw her off of me, moving away from her and starting the walk to the castle. Me, a dad? No, not possible. Not now, we’re so young.
I continued the walk up the icy slope and heard Lily behind me, calling after me. “James, please!” she cried, over and over again. I felt sick with myself for leaving her there, but this wasn’t my problem right now. How could she have been so careless?
I walked into the common room and pulled off my scarf, gloves and coat, throwing them on the sofa in anger. The fire was crackling and hissing at me, the whole room empty and eerie. Except for a small boy perching on one of the armchair.
“James!” he squeaked, running over to me and hugging me.
“Peter! What are you doing here?” I asked him, shocked at his reappearance at Hogwarts. We all thought he wasn’t coming back again.
“Business to attend to,” he said sadly, but continued before I pressed the matter further. “How is everyone? The castle is deserted! Is there a Hogsmeade trip…?”
“Uhm, yeah, Peter.. Does Dumbledore know you’re here?” He fidgeted and grinned.
“Of course, he was very happy to welcome me back.” He said.
But, somehow, I felt like I knew better.
“James, being Head Boy, I thought I should inform you of issues in the school,” Dumbledore said, resting his chin in his hands from behind his desk.
“Okay Sir, no problem.” I said, smiling.
“There is a war building, James. Beyond the walls of Hogwarts, a great wizarding war is fuelling.”
“I’ve heard from my parents, sir. The media has been writing about He Who Must Not Be Named for a long time now.”
“Come now, James. Surely you can say his name?”
“Lord Voldemort? Of course, sir.” I was confused.
“There are students amongst us who have taken liberty of this uprising, and are
involved in the extermination of Muggles and Muggle-borns throughout England right now…” Oh God, Lily.
“What are we going to do?”
“When you have graduated, there is a force waiting for you, a group called the Order of the Phoenix. I’ve asked you here to ask for your help.”
“If it’s for this school, Head Master, I’d be happy to help.”
“I would like for you, and your valiant Gryffindor friends, to become members of this order. Including yourself, Miss Evans, Mr Black, Mr Lupin, Miss Heart and Mr Pettigrew.”
“Peter is away on a trip, sir, he’s not coming back.”
“On the contrary, James, he will be home soon enough.”
“So, this order, what does it do?” I asked curiously.
“We provide training and skill to determine Lord Voldemort’s whereabouts, battle with his band of Death Eaters and provide safety for our loved ones.” He smiled sadly, pushing his spectacles higher up his nose. “However, this is not a fools mission. This requires the utmost strength and courage and the power to put others before yourself – which I believe, you can all achieve.”
“Of course, sir, I’m sure the others would be honoured to join.”
“I’m pleased. Thank you for meeting with me today, James.”
“My pleasure, headmaster.”
“I’m sure I’ll see you again, soon enough.”
“Good day, Professor.”
“Good luck, James.”
“So, where is it you’ve been?” I asked Peter during our long conversation. The other’s hadn’t arrived back yet and Lily was, well, I didn’t really care right now.
“Romania, mostly. And parts of Bulgaria.” He said, fiddling with the buttons on his jacket.
“Ah, sounds good?”
“It was enriching. A fantastic experience of life after school, really.” He smiled gaily.
“Huh, life after school. Seems so close now.” I said. So close, I was going to be an auror. Become great, like my parents. Live with the love of my life, grow old and have children together. It wasn’t all meant to come at once.
“Something on your mind James?” Peter asked. I shrugged. “Or someone?”
“Yeah, I guess I’m thinking about Lily.”
“As always James, as always!”
“We’re together now, Peter.” And having a baby.
“Oh, well, congratulations! That’s wonderful.” He said, rocking on the chair in exultation.
“Yeah, I guess it’s like, like a dream come true.” The words pained me to say them.
“How about Sirius? Are he and Maisy together?”
“Yeah, they’re a cute couple.”
“I’m glad. Now you all have someone, that’s fantastic…” he said, watching the door to the common room open and the rest of the seventh year Gryffindors spill in. Peter smiled broadly at Sirius, who had walked in with his arm around Maisy’s shoulders, joking and laughing.
“Peter! Oh my God, you’re back,” he said, dropping his arms from around Maisy and walking over to greet Peter.
“Peter! It’s so good to see you,” said Remus, patting his back.
“Oh god, this is great! All us Marauders back together for our last term at Hogwarts!” Sirius beamed at me.
“Yeah, great.” I hadn’t told him about the Order yet. Would I tell him? He was so carefree and in love and dangerous, he could do something stupid, get himself blown up…
“James!” Remus said, throwing a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans at me. “Present.”
“Oh, cheers Remus.”
He went to say something else but paused as his eyes travelled to the door again. It opened slowly and Lily came in, still wrapped up from the cold, and still crying. Maisy gasped in recognition and ran over to her, putting her arms around her neck and letting her dissolve into her chest. That was my Lily. My Lily. Why wasn’t I holding her?
“He said what!” Maisy shouted, turning to face me in disgust. She led Lily upstairs then thundered back down towards me, stopping centimetres away from my face.
“How DARE you! How dare you say that to Lily.” She spat. Sirius came up from behind her and held her arms behind her back as she began to lash out. “She’s more scared than you will EVER feel! How dare you say that! You’re meant to love her!”
I watched her beat Sirius off and bring her face up to mine. “I hope you burn in hell, where you belong.” She snarled.
I couldn’t move or speak. She was right, so right.
Maisy stormed back upstairs and slammed the dormitory door shut. Lea and Ava watched us, confused, then sprinted upstairs as well, quick to latch on to the gossip.
“What was that about?” Sirius asked, flopping down on the setee.
“Urr, nothing.” I said, picking up my coat and things. “I think I’m gunna go to bed, actually, urm, don’t feel very well, yeah, don’t feel well…”
I walked, dejectedly, up the stone steps and paused at the girls’ door. I could hear muffled voices and sobs, something I didn’t want to hear. I walked inside our dorm and sat on the end of my bed, pondering the day. Everyone would be going to dinner. It would give me time to think. But Sirius entered before I had time to even consider thinking.
“Spill.” He said, sitting on the bed opposite, watching me like a hawk.
“I don’t know if I can…”
“Is it a secret?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then, spill. I’m not gunna tell am I? Jesus, James, something has got to be bad when I walk in, you’re not with Lily, Lily returns crying and Maisy almost throttles you… Gotta hand it to her, she’s got an impressive right hook, I would have been worried.” He laughed and stopped at the apparent look on my face. “James, come on. It’s me, here.”
“Okay, but just, don’t say anything. I don’t know what to think yet.” I said,
running my hands through my hair.
“There will be no judging here.” He said, waiting for me to speak.
“You said you wouldn’t judge!”
“I know but I thought maybe you’d broken up, or she had an STD or something – NOT A BUN IN THE OVEN.” He jumped up from the bed he was sitting on.
“Sirius, you’re not helping!”
“I know, but JAMES BLOODY HELL.” He shouted at me, holding my shoulders. “YOU’RE A SMART GUY, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!”
“I don’t know, I can’t remember, not really, it was all so heated and fast and spur of the moment. But it was with LILY, Sirius, it was perfect. How could I even think about the consequences when life was offering me my naked girlfriend on a plate?!”
“Oh God, this isn’t good..”
“Tell me about it.” I said, rubbing my neck and falling backward on my bed.
“So, what did you say to upset her then?”
“Merlin, too many things. So many horrible things…”
“It can’t have been that bad.”
“So accusing her of cheating on me, then ignoring her plea to stay when she told me she was pregnant isn’t bad?”
“Okay, that’s not too bad…”
“Are you deranged?”
“No, ‘cos that’s bloody horrific! How could you James? You’re meant to be giving her the support here! She’s probably terrified!”
“And I’m not?!”
“But are you GROWING a HUMAN inside of you? Will you be the one who is laughed at or whispered about when you become larger and rounder and PREGNANT?!”
“Urgh, no, I guess not.”
“You have issues mate, twisted issues.”
“Well, what would you have done if it was Maisy?”
“First, Maisy probably wouldn’t have told me, she’s brave but not as courageous as Lily. Second, if she was pregnant, I wouldn’t flip out, I’d blame myself, apologise, and promise to stand by her, no matter what. That’s what you say when you love someone, James – you don’t accuse them of sleeping around!” he seethed, his eyes leaking betrayal, as if I’d hurt his feelings by acting so twatted.
“Oh God what have I done?”
“Yeah, what have you done?”
“She’s going to hate me.”
“Actually mate, she must love you quite a bit to tell you.”
“Yeah but, I did this to her, didn’t I?”
“James – I don’t know which sex education lesson you had, but it takes two to tango.”
“You know what I mean.” I said, exasperated. And Peter was back now, and I still hadn’t told everyone about the Order, and we’re going to have a baby, and it would be born into a world full of war and hatred.
THAT’S THE POINT. WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. Lily and I. Me and Lily. Parents. A baby. We are going to have a baby.
“We’re going to have a baby,” I said out loud.
“Urrr, no, we’re not. You and Lily are though…”
“Me and Lily will be parents.”
“That’s the idea.”
“Sirius! Why didn’t I think of this before? This is perfect!”
"Ummm, now you’ve lost me.” He said, looking very confused.
“Lily will be perfect as a mother. She’s kind and caring and beautiful. And I’ll be
awesome! I can teach him or her to play quidditch, we can both help him or her grow into the best person they can be. It’s like life, all coming at once.”
“And this is good?!”
“Not good, but not bad either. Sirius, this is Lily. Me and Lily are forever. And this is fate. We’ve proved it!”
“So, maybe you should tell her that?”
“Maybe I should,” I said, suddenly elated with the thought. Me and Lily, my perfect girlfriend, together forever? Sounded like a dream come true. Life wasn’t spinning out of control, or looking dangerous, it was still as perfect as it had been this morning, probably even more perfect!
“Go then, you daft git!”
“Right, yeah, I’m going!” I smiled, fleeing from the room and slipping down the stairs to find Lily. It was dinner time, so she might have gone with the girls to eat. But, fate had answered my prayers, and she was sat by the fire, covered in a scarlet blanket, reading a large book – something she often did when she was troubled.
“Lily.” I said, sitting down next to her. She gasped at my appearance and choked on her tears. “Oh please, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. So beyond sorry that you can’t imagine how I’m feeling.”
“It’s not my fault,” she sniffed. “My hormones are making me want to cry every fi-i-ive mi-inutes.” She sobbed, saturating her blanket with wet tears. I took the book from her and closed it, putting it to one side. I took her hand in mine and smiled up at her.
“Lily Evans, you beautiful thing, this isn’t the end of the world.” I said. She
“No. This is the beginning. The start of our lives!”
“But, it’s a baby, not a puppy or a goldfish. A breathing baby!”
“I know, and it’s going to be hard, I get it, but Lily – it’s our baby. Who cares about anything else? This is us, our baby, our family.”
“Really?” she said, her eyes widening and lightening, she sniffed unsteadily.
“Yes. Life’s not worth living without you Lily, you should know that.” I said, pushing her hair out of her eyes.
“I was so scared. I thought you were going to finish with me and everything. I can’t do this on my own.” She said, gripping my hand tight.
“Leave you? My Lily? Never,” I said, kissing her fingers individually. She giggled.
“So, what are we going to do?” she asked quietly. I rested my arm around her shoulders and sighed.
“Well, we could teach it to become our personal slave, make it wear white skinny jeans, play it music by the Bay City Rollers…” I laughed. She sighed happily and rest her head into my shoulder blade.
“Our kid will be great, you know that?”
“I do, I can tell already.”
“And you’ll be there?”
“As long as you want me, I’m there.”
“Sounds like a happily ever after.” She said, kissing me and placing her hand on my chest, to rest above my heart. I touched my hand to hers and hugged her tight, refusing to let go for anyone. Nothing in this world could tear us apart. Nothing.
A/N2: Sorry, more author's notes - but hey, I'm an author, I have words to express! I don't know why, but I enjoyed writing in James' POV. I hope you liked it.
A/N3: Wonderful chapter image by weasleys_rule @ HPFF.
A/N4: Saving best 'til last, holler to the best beta reader ever, listentothesilence. Find her on the forums.
over and out, ilj. (",)
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