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    Chapter One: The Slap!


    “Password!” The fat lady asked me.

    “gobstones! Muteeffing black!” I stormed up to the girl’s dorm leaving a wake of scared first years. Jayne wasn’t there; then again she had never around. She was sort a useless best mate. Lily had been, and looked up from her potions essay to glance at me worriedly.

    “Alright there, Cadillac?”

    “I FREAKING HATE SIRIUS BLACK!” Of course I hadn’t been prone to random Mauradork outbursts so she raised her eyebrows in worry. In fact, other the times we made fun of them, or talked about Lily’s massive crush on James, I had never brought them up.

    “What happened?”

    “I hate Sirius Black.” I muttered.

    “Yes, you just said that, care to explain?” Lily went on, “because you’re acting like I used act when I hated James. Do you have a crush on him?”

    “Err. Yea, that. And he like, has no idea who I am.” That was all a lie, but I didn’t know how to explain my drunken New Years activities, partly because I had no idea what happened that night. If the Ministry hadn’t sent a congrats on my marriage, I would have never figured it out. Well, maybe I would have if I had tried to marry someone else later on.

    Why me? I mean, finding out that I had snogged Black that night would have been more than enough, but what in Merlin’s name possessed us to get married? And how much did I drink that night to completely blackout (no pun, really) the whole night?

    Lily had seemed to buy but only for moment, “Cadillac we’ve gone to school with him for almost seven years now, of course he knows who you are.”

    I scoffed, flipping on my bed.

    “Since when do you like Black? Did you just wake up this morning and decide it?”

    “Yea. Totally. That. I mean have you seen his eyes? AWWWW.” All right, I probably shouldn’t have said that. I had been overdoing it, and Lily wasn’t the head for no reason.

    “Cadillac, you’re lying. You always say totally when you’re lying.”

    “I totally don’t.” Oh, shit. I totally did. Crap. “Okay, fine. I don’t have a crush on him. I just hate him and I can’t explain it. I mean this anger took a hold of me and I just slapped him.”

    Lily’s eyes were wide, because she knew me well enough that I wasn’t lying about that. “You slapped Sirius Black? Why…”

    Of course telling her that I married the idiot would explain everything, but since I was still half convinced I was dreaming that letter, I kept lying. “I have a reason, I do. I just can’t tell you.”

    She rolled her eyes and muttered, “so effing weird” under her breath. “You and Jayne are both complete nutters you know. At first I thought it was just Jayne, but it’s you too isn’t it?”

    That was harsh. “I am not as nutters as Jayne. I don’t wander off into the forbidding forest to talk to creatures that don’t exist! And I don’t call James Potter the Potter Plant! I have a reason, but if I tell you… I just can’t! It’s awful, and I don’t want to tell you!” I stomped my foot in the moment and screamed as the pain went up my leg. “mother effing!”

    “Are you having a breakdown? I’m worried, other then your loosing battle with quidditch you are usually normal.” Lily muttered. She noticed my cast then. “Did he break your foot?!”

    “No. He didn’t break my foot, but he did… I mean she did, Sam Cartwright, I mean. You know how her skirts are way to short, and she’s always pulling them done when she’s looking at books… anyways, she dropped one of my foot. Guess what it was about Lily. Guess?”

    She was fighting not to roll her eyes, “Quidditch?”

    “Sodding Quidditch! Europe’s best catchers!”

    Lily never believed in my quidditch curse, which always pissed me off. Seriously, is six years of scars not enough for that girl? In fact I made sure to tell her all these things as we walked down to breakfast. Thankfully the only Marauder at the Gryffindor table was Peter, who was to busy trying to chat up Sam Cartwright, also known as the girl who drops quidditch books on peoples feet at six-thirty in the morning.
    “So why are you mad at Sirius Black, again?” Lily tried to insert carefully between bites of egg. I should have known she wouldn’t let it go.

    “I’m not telling you,” I muttered.

    “Did you snog him or something?”

    “I wish that was only it. ‘cause I could get though that with just a wounded pride. No, this will follow me around for the rest of my life.” I sounded very angry and glaring at my eggs with a huge passion.

    “You didn’t shag him!?” Lily whispered as if shagging him was equal to murder.

    “Merlin’s sodding sock, why is that the first thing you think of?” I hissed.

    Lily rolled her eyes at me, “Maybe, because your being unusually vague? Are you really not going to tell me?”

    “Maybe on my death bed.”

    “It can’t be that bad.”


    Evans didn’t let up, and pestered me even till we started classes.

    Thankfully Slughorn canceled Potions, and I wanted to dance though the snow in excitement. I loathed Potions especially since I always had been partnered with Snape. Granted the git aced Potions, but he was the least pleasant person I have ever met. I don’t know why but Lily had a soft spot for him, and always got huffy every time I threatened to curse the greasy hair off of him. He didn’t deserve her pity; he was going to be hated if he insisted on acting like a git.

    Janye who had finally appeared after breakfast was more then willing to go snow dancing. Lily and I exchanged looks over the obvious hickey under her sweater. Jayne would never admit to the evidence that she had been snogging anyone so we didn’t bother asking. But it explained why none of us could find her recently.

    Some how the Marauders (James and Remus mostly) heard we were going out in the snow and challenged us to a snowball fight.

    Remus, who is really a decent sort of a lad keep staring at me in this off putting kind of way so I nearly glared at him in return, “What?!”

    “You slapped Sirius.” Of course Remus Lupin could never phrase anything rudely, so I was glad he was the one asking and not James, who seemed too busy trying not to say anything to Lily, and was playing with his hair way too much.

    “That’s between me and him.” It came out all rudely and I was sorry I said it to poor Remus who really didn’t deserve it. I felt badly so I lied, “He totally tried to snog me when he was drunk.”

    Remus rolled his eyes at the thought. “I’d apologize for his behavior but there isn’t anything I can do. Sirius is Sirius. Maybe one day he’ll settle down and get married. But I completely doubt it.”

    Thankful Peter threw a snowball at him before he caught me choking on my own spit.



    “Ow!” I rubbed my cheek. “What the fuck was that for?”

    “What the hell did you do Cadillac?” James raised his eyebrows as he watched her hobble out of the hospital wing. “Did you break her foot?”

    “No! I didn’t do anything to her!”

    “It doesn’t look like it,” Remus pointed out, “That was pretty good slap. Your cheek is still red.”

    “Thanks Moody. It’s not like I can’t feel it. ” I muttered slapping Remus as he tried to get a better look.

    “Oh Merlin, not you lot!” Madame Pomfrey groaned across the room. This was the point I would have flirted a bit with her, but since I was pretending to have a head injury I had to refrain.

    “Do I know her? Do I know her James? Do I know who I am? MERLIN WHO AM I?”

    I overdid it and had Pomfrey rolling her eyes trying to chase us out of the hospital wing, “Not even close Black, off to class you lot.”

    “But I could have brain damage! I had a bludger thrown to my head!” I whined, trying to pull off what I like to call the classic Black charm. “Shouldn’t I stay here until I’m better?”

    “Fine, it would be wrong to send you off, but Potter, Lupin get to class.”

    My horrid mates shrugged and left me alone for the rest of the morning, which would be spent trying to figure out why Cadillac Aldridge was angry enough with me to slap me. Of course, girls have slapped me before but I usually I know the reason before hand. I couldn’t remember flirting or snogging, or forgetting to owl her, because to my best knowledge Cadillac and I had never really conversed before. Sure there was the time she said, “nice one Black!” when I pranked someone, but that was about it.

    It took a few hours for me to remember that maybe I had done something to Cadillac on New Years because I still can’t remember anything I did that night, because all I remember was teasing James about his tie, and then waking up the next morning passed out across the Potter’s kitchen and my motorbike broken in the hedges.

    Remus, or Moony as we call him, came up to visit me during lunch, and as all good mates do, he didn’t bring me any food, “Bad luck there mate. Slughorn actually canceled Potions today, and we had a snowball fight instead. Lily nearly murdered Prongs.”

    “What?! Bloody hell.” Of course the one time I successfully sneak out of potions was the one time there was no potions.

    “Wow. Your cheek is still red!”

    I gasped thinking how awful my face probably looked at this moment and Moony laughed, “Kidding mate. You still have no idea what you did to her?”

    “Maybe I tired to pick her up on New Years since I can’t remember anything I did that night. Was she at the party?”

    “Yea. She came with Lily and her barmy mate Jayne. You talked to her that night, I remember. You had this whole chat about your motorbike. You had already been pissed at that point. I’m not sure you were talking about your actual motorbike.” He laughed as I smiled smugly.

    “Even when drunk I am in fine form.”

    Remus shook his head. “You drank the dodgy Russian firewhiskey didn’t you? After James clearly told you not too?”

    “No I didn’t!”

    Remus didn’t break eye contact. Damn him.

    “Fine. I did. So what?”

    “Dodgy firewhiskey equals permanent memory lost, Padfoot. Did James explain that to you? You weren’t listening were you?”

    “Do I ever?” That was true. Why listen?

    Remus looked sort of serious at that point. “Remember James told you he drank some of that and forgot his parents had an important dinner party that night?”

    I shook my head as Remus rolled his eyes.

    “Anyways. He drunk that stuff and got so pissed he thought to play quidditch in his knickers.”

    “Excellent,” I muttered. My eyes must have had the look to them because Remus gave me one his whole, ‘Merlin, what am I going to do with you Black,’ looks that I saw more then once a day.

    “Don’t repeat that story in front of Lily, Padfoot!”

    His warning was already too late. I already knew how I was going to repeat the story.

    In the true fashion of all good mates he left me with this, “Oh, Cadillac told me why she was mad at you. Gota go, late for Charms.”

    Sodding mate my arse.

    I got let out around dinnertime, mostly because I spent the afternoon asking Madame Pomfrey if she wanted kids and if she need any help. Of course along with my dismissal were several detentions for inappropriate behavior.

    James was red in the face when I sat down at the table so I figured he had been talking to Lily previously. She was sitting nearby looking smug.

    Peter was poking James, “Prongs got beat up by Lily, and his face is still red from the snowball! That makes two of you!”

    “My face isn’t red anymore!” I growled, “And you lot couldn’t even bring me lunch!”

    “Oh sod off,” James muttered, clearly still angry with Lily for whatever she had done to him earlier today. He would still be red either way; James could not blush when Lily Evans was concerned.

    It was bloody annoying, that and James’s stupid virginity pack. I couldn’t help but snort. It wasn’t so much a virginity pact, as a James was holding out for Lily pact. It was sort of sweet in a romantic moron way. He tried to get the rest of us to agree to it. Remus had no problems with the pact, since he was trying to stay away from girls in general, because of the whole being a werewolf thing. Peter had told us it was too late for him, because he shagged this muggle girl on holiday once. I still don’t believe him.

    I, on the other hand made no promises. In the three years since the pact had been brought up, I did my best to avoid the subject. It wasn’t because I was scared, because why would Sirius Black, the lover of women be afraid to make love? I just didn’t want to admit to the rest of the world that sometimes I was just like James, a sodding romantic. James may be ready to hand in that man card, but I am not. So I silently signed James’s sodding pact.

    “Oiy! Black!” I guess I had been thinking about it too long because Prongs had thrown a biscuit at my head and since it was a Hogwarts biscuit it wasn’t the softest thing in the world.

    “Bloody hell! What was that for?” I growled throwing it back to James, who laughed and avoided the thing.

    “No reason just wanted to make sure you were alive. There’s Cadillac!”

    Even though I’m not her biggest fan after the whole slapping me thing and walking off thing, I have to admit she’s not bad looking. I mean, she far from bad looking, in that way where guys could tell she didn’t try. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, because her face wasn’t glowing from the candles in the Great Hall. I would say she strolled in the hall, but she still had a cast on her foot and was hobbling.

    “Maybe you should help her carry her books or something. Make amends that way?” Remus suggested.

    “Get off your lazy arse and talk to her!” James added.

    I got up and swaggered over to entrances, because honestly she hadn’t gotten that far. “Hello!”

    She stopped and stared at me as if I was a dementor, so thought it would be best to apolize now when she was still in a state of shock.

    “I’m sorry I snogged you, but you know how it is. There are too many birds, can’t remember them all.”

    “Snogged me?” She muttered growing red in the face, “You think I slapped you because we snogged? I would have gotten over that.”

    I was trapped, so I asked if she needed help with her books.

    By now she looked so furious I, Sirius Black, was actually afraid she was going to whip out her wand and do something to me.

    “I’m not even going to waste my time and slap you again. You sodding prick!” She muttered stomping away in the opposite way. From the table Lily Evans and most of the seven year girls were cheering, and my mates were in heaps of laughter.

    What was her fucking problem?

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