I could not believe for one minute that they had done something so incredibly stupid. Though, nothing in their past would lead me not to believe such stupidity could come from the four. Or three? I wondered idly what had happened to the smallish boy that seemed to always be on James’ heel. It’s funny because I didn’t even remember the boy’s name. That doesn’t make me mean, does it?
Oh, I didn’t even really care, anyway. He was a Marauder, and I’ve learned that Marauders count for nothing, so why should I give the smallish one a thought? He was like James’ stalker. I snorted. And James was my stalker. It was like a never ending cycle of stalking, although I never stalked anyone. Ahem.
All right, fine. I did stalk someone. I had stalked a very special someone. And if it got out that I stalked this certain guy, then I would be completely humiliated out of my senses. I would have to transfer schools and acquire a new name. Lafanda Brandemire didn’t sound half bad, though I looked nothing like a Lafanda.
I tapped my quill on the table top impatiently. They had to be in horrible trouble if they’ve been in Dumbledore’s office this long. Well, they did step out of bounds a bit too far this time. It wouldn’t have surprised me if they were given detentions the rest of the year. It served them right, anyway. Blowing up the Quidditch pitch like that! Completely mad, those boys were! Someone could have been hurt! Ugh, when I get my hands on James’ scrawny neck…
Though I hardly believed this was James’ idea. Even I, Lily Evans, who was as far from being one of those Marauders as mentally possible, knew that James did not have the scheming abilities(or stupidity, I added regretfully) to come up with such a stupid idea. No, that idea had been Sirius’ without a doubt. Sirius was a bloody wanker, he was. He could’ve have gotten James hurt!
Not that I cared or anything. Ahem.
I drew my legs toward me on the sofa, all together forgetting the assignment for Slughorn lying on the table, and folded my arms across my face. Shutting my eyes, I couldn’t help but worry about those boys.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I sat up instantly and stared into the dark, thin eyes of my best friend Julia Gale, who seemed to be upset over something.
“I’m scared, Lily,” she told me, grasping my arm tightly. “What if Sirius gets kicked out? How am I suppose to move on from that?” Her brown eyes were gutting out my bright green ones in a way that made me want to punch her.
It still baffled me that Julia even fancied Sirius Black. I mean, yeah, I guess he wasn’t that bad, when you looked over the immaturity and thick headedness. But Julia and Sirius were nothing alike! Julia was intelligent, which Sirius couldn’t relate to even if he had tried; she was melodramatic about everything, which Black couldn’t handle even if he was drunk and didn’t have a care in the world; she was outgoing, crazy, wacky, and fun; and Black always seemed so distant and cool and clever and so damn infuriating. Like I’ve said, Julia and Sirius were nowhere near right for each other. What was wrong with her?
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what to tell you,” I replied after a moment. “The Marauders-”I held distaste at the word-”deserve any punishment Dumbledore gives them, I think. They blew up the Quidditch pitch! People could’ve been hurt!” I shook my head. “They’re immature idiots.”
Julia gasped. “How can you say that, Lily!” she exclaimed, her eyes brimming with tears. Oh Merlin she’s going to cry. I hated it when other girls cried in front of me. What compelled them to cry, anyway? I never cried. What was there to cry about? “Sirius is my boyfriend! I think I might even love him, Lily!” Tears were crisply diving down her smooth, pale cheeks easily now as I cringed. So emotional. “We’re supposed to go on a date to Hogsmeade in two weeks. What if he can’t come? Oh Merlin, Lily, I need Sirius in my life!” All the while her hands had been cutting off the circulation in my arm and her thin eyes had been damp and filled with unnecessary anguish.
“It’s okay,” I reassured grudgingly but trying to sound as sincere as I could. “I’m sure they’re not going to be expelled.” I rolled my eyes at her foolishness. Acting sympathetic made me nauseous. Did people do this all the time? “I don’t think Dumbledore would do that over some petty little prank.” I laughed rather maniacally and brushed her shoulder in a friendly way. She beamed and wiped a few tears from her eyes. “I’m sure Sirius and the lot will be here any minute, laughing and smiling, ready to tell the whole Common Room about how fun the prank was.” I choked out the last sentence, completely ignoring my morals and opinions as she laughed at her own melodramatic attitude.
I had the funny urge to smack her across her bloody face.
“Yeah, you’re right, Lily,” she laughed, giving me a tight hug. “I was just overreacting.” As per usual. “You know, you’re a good friend.” She gave me a small smile and bowed her head. “And what will you do if Potter gets thrown out?”
My misplaced grin wiped from my face, and in its place loomed a frown and a scowl. “I’ll throw a damn going away party. That’s what I’ll do,” I muttered impatiently, glancing at the portrait hole and then back to Julia’s annoyingly knowing face. She was wearing a smirk that all too clearly shown disbelief all over her face. I frowned much harder.
“I think you’re in denial,” she commented casually, flitting up and stepping toward the fire that threw light and shadow across the darkening room.
I gaped at her, repressing the urge to punch her ugly face in…again. “I have no clue what you’re going on about,” I disagreed loudly, folding my arms and raising my chin high. “I have nothing to be in denial about. That’s ludicrous and preposterous and impossible and-”
“Evans lurves Potter. Evans lurves Potter.” she chanted quietly, smiling to herself as she stared into the fire, her eyes bright and mischievous.
I threw a pillow at her, which bounced off her smarmy head and fell right into the fire. The fabric instantly set ablaze, and I jumped up immediately.
“Look what you did!” she exclaimed, partly shouting, partly laughing as I tried to force the pillow out of the fire with the poker. The entire pillow was burning viciously and I was frightened I would burn myself if I tried to pull it out. I tried maneuvering the poker to the right, and then to the left, and then I tried to kick the pillow out. Nothing worked. And all the while Julia was on her fat arse, laughing crazily at my miserable dilemma. I had thrown a pillow into the grate. How stupid.
After a few minutes of pillow fishing, I eventually gave up and slunk back over to the couch and scowled at the arsonist rebel pillow.
Julia continued her haughty smirking, her eyes dancing between my eyes, searching for some sort of truth. I didn’t exactly meet her gaze head-on.
“I know about your tiny crush,” she admitted quietly, not really mocking, which sort of took me off guard. She actually sounded amused. That bitch. “I know you like Potter, Lily. I see you around school spying on him, trying to catch a glimpse of his messy black hair every chance you get.” She chuckled lightly under her breath and looked deeply into my uncertain eyes. “You’re not exactly smooth about it. And I am your best friend. I’m suppose to know these things.” She smiled up at me. I frowned at the floor.
After a long, quiet moment of watching the fire flicker around the ash ridden pillow, I replied, “You believe what you want to believe, Jules.” I sighed. “I don’t fancy Potter one bit.” I stood up from the couch and walked over to the spiraling staircase. I wasn’t too surprised to see Julia following me anxiously.
“How long can you keep up this charade?” she asked me as I hurriedly rushed up the stairs, intent on my warm bed and comfy pillow. “You can’t lie to yourself forever, you know,”
Not if I could help it, I couldn’t.
I fell to my warm blankets and pushed my legs close to my chest, contemplating on how to get this girl away from me. I knew she was right. I didn’t just like Potter. I was completely infatuated with him. It was the way he always seemed sorrowful after he jinxed someone, or maybe it was the way he smiled at me every morning before classes. Or maybe it was the way he never stopped giving me attention. Attention I didn’t even deserve.
Julia clambered onto the bed and sat cross-legged at my feet. She was calmly gazing at the canopy, that same smirk still etched plainly on her lips. “Oh, Lily,” she sighed, glancing down at me. “I worry about you sometimes.”
I sat up and leaned against the bed frame. “What for?”
She hummed a bit. “Because you’re so closed and secretive about everything. It’s like you don’t even want to let other people in on your life.” She shook her head, a few stray locks of raven hair quivering about her pale face. “You need to be more like me.” I rose an eyebrow at her. She smiled innocently back.
“How in the world would that help me?” I asked indignantly, disbelief written all across my face. “I’m glad you think so lightly of yourself.”
“Lily!” she exclaimed, a bit shocked, her eyes widening. “I do think lightly of myself!” She gaped a little. I smirked. “I am the most selfless, giving, caring, nice, kind-”
“Please stop there, Miss Perfect,” I interjected, raising my hand in her face. “I don’t think I can take anymore of your doting about your perfection. It’s rather sickening, actually.”
She threw a pillow at me, which I was too slow to duck. It hit me full force in the face. I threw the pillow to the floor and glared at her. “Haven’t we learned today that throwing pillows is bad?” I placed a few random hairs back in their places.
She laughed. “But there’s no fire here,” she noted smartly, preparing to throw another pillow. “So pillow fights are exceptionally allowed.”
My eyes widened and a rare smile crossed my face. “All right then,” I said, lifting my pillow in defense. “If you want a fight, I‘ll give you a war.”
She hit me hard across the head with hers, swinging it like a bat. I looked through my scrambled curtain of hair and noticed her proud smirk. I retaliated by slapping her right in the face with the pillow of my choice. A shocked expression lit up her features.
With another swing, she missed by several inches as I ducked out of the way and landed on my arse upon the dusty floor. A booming laugh came from the doorway, intermingled with the sparkling laugh of Julia’s. I shot my head up right away and saw none other than James , Sirius, and Remus, who were leaning on the walls on the mouth of the staircase, their eyes vivid with amusement.
“Go on,” spoke Sirius, his smile horribly irritating. “Don’t stop just on our behalf.”
Julia shrieked and landed in Sirius’ arms. I pretended to gag at their horrible display of affection as I stumbled to my feet and traipsed toward the center of the room. Folding my arms, I noticed that James feigned gagging, too. I couldn’t help but grin at that.
For a short second James’ eyes latched on to mine, and I was suddenly frozen. Julia’s words from before kept repeating themselves in my head like a broken record of some sort. My lips were slightly parted and my breath had faded. His seemingly dark hazel eyes were expressing a strong emotion that I couldn’t quite understand. I had never seen his eyes so dark and grim.
Then Julia’s loud voice broke the sudden intimacy. “So what happened?” she asked, her voice now worried. “Did you get detention or…worse?”
I had a small feeling that it was a lot worse than a little detention.
There was silence. I had never felt so connected to James in my life. I should have been feeling odd or wrong or violated or something with a negative connotation. But I wasn’t feeling anything but anxiousness. I was worried that he might have been expelled. I was worried that he wouldn’t be in school so I could stare at him from afar. I was frightened that I wouldn’t be able to see him ever again. And feeling these emotions scared me the most.
Because I wasn’t suppose to like James Potter
“Dumbledore kicked us out,” mumbled Sirius in a monotone, his hands in his pockets and his head bent so his dark hair was concealing a portion of his face in shadow. “We’re suppose to leave tomorrow.”
“No!” screamed Julia, jumping into Sirius’ arms. I was too stunned to even notice the put off look on Sirius’ face. Or even care for that matter.
“I have to go,” muttered Remus, shifting away from the dormitory. I saw James nod knowingly to Lupin, though his gaze never left mine.
I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. It was….strange, to put it lightly. I loved James and he loved me, but…he still thought I despised him. Like Julia had pointed out, I was carrying on a charade. An act. I was hiding my affections for James just because of my self pride. My reputation, even. Everyone in school knew that I couldn’t stand that Potter. What would they think if I blurted out the truth? What would they say when they found out that Lily Evans was madly in love with James Potter?
The freaking apocalypse would come, that’s what would happen.
I bit my lip. He ruffled the back of his head. I glanced around nervously. He shuffled his feet. Holy hell, this wasn’t going to work.
I tried as best as I could to tune out Julia’s hysteric sobs and Sirius’ mellow reassurances. Stepping a bit closer to James, I noticed his face expressed extreme sadness and vulnerability. His mysterious hazel eyes were gazing into my green ones, pleading for me to understand his pain. Even though both of us were incredibly silent, I could understand this pain he described. I could tell how broken he felt. And it was to my horror that I realized he wasn’t hurting this badly because of his expulsion.
It was because of me.
I couldn’t believe how selfish I was being. After all this time of loathing Potter, my hatred had doused me in ignorance to other people’s feelings. Even Julia said so herself. She had noted how selfish I was. How closed up I lead myself to be.
I was conflicted and had no idea how to make things right. James was standing right there. I could easily make this all up and apologize for my horrible behavior. Though, James hadn’t been an angel himself. He had been the one to prank me every freaking day. That sort of left a rather large mark on my conscience. But how long would that excuse last?
I shook my head and choked a cold chuckle through my defying lips. Both James and Sirius glanced at me with wide eyes, deciding if I was being horrible and laughing at their expulsion or if I was just a lunatic that laughed in awkward situations. The second choice would probably be more accurate, if I was honest with myself, which I wasn’t, I had come to find out.
“I bet you would think this is funny, Evans,” said Sirius’s coldly. His gray eyes had suddenly misted up and all of his humor had left him. For once his demeanor actually frightened me. Now this was no good.
“I don’t think this is funny at all, Black,” I spat equally as cold, glaring into his stormy eyes. “There is nothing humorous about getting kicked out of school. I can’t even believe you would think I thought this is funny! Are you really that stupid, Black?”
Anger was bubbling in my blood, causing my fists to coil and my teeth to clench hard on my jaw. Eyes were narrowed in a confusing fury, my breath was steadily becoming erratic. I had no idea as to where all this pent up anger was coming from, but I felt Sirius would be a good source to pour it out on. He was so readily available and standing there like the prat he was.
His mouth gaped and he let out a maddening howl of laughter. My eyes shot wide as(I noticed) did James’ and Julia’s. I actually backed up a bit, steering myself unconsciously toward the exit. From the corner of my eye I faintly caught sight of James’ hand instinctively nudging toward his wand, revealing itself from the back pocket of his robes.
Julia must have seen this, too and made to calm her lunatic of a boyfriend.
“Now, now Sirius,” warned Julia cautiously, putting her arms around his waist in a comforting way. “Let’s just all calm down. I’m sure Lily didn’t mean to make you angry.”
She was speaking like she was disciplining a small child. How sad is that? Although, Sirius did seem a bit demented. His nostrils were flaring, his eyes were burning with rage, and his fists were clenched so tightly I was able to see the veins and tendons popping out through his skin.
“Padfoot, really?” said James, his voice almost rearing toward anger itself. “Lily didn’t mean to laugh, did you, Lily?” He suddenly glanced at me, and I stared at him incredulously. He called me by my name. My real first name. This was the first time, I think, he had ever called me by Lily and not the usual bark “Evans!” I was in a bit of a daze, so I couldn’t actually answer his question.
Which had rather terrible results.
“Lily?” he asked quieter than before, his voice trembling a little. “Did you laugh on purpose?”
“See, Prongs!” exclaimed Sirius, jolting toward James. “She wants us gone! She doesn’t love you at all!” His face was scary. It was lined and shadowy and his eyes were manic and huge. And the way his hair hung in his face was a bit creepy, to be honest. My mouth was uncomfortably sealed. I couldn’t speak. I was such a coward.
James looked shamelessly devastated. His head was bent and his arms hung lifelessly at his sides. His eyes were thin and liquefied, his visage of confidence falling off completely. His mouth was hanging open and I could almost hear the way his breathing had slowed down to nearly nothing.
I didn’t know what to say, even if I could have opened my mouth to say at least something. Because I wasn’t even sure if I truly loved James. And his pain hurt me just as much as it hurt him.
Julia really, truly had been right all along. I was selfish, self-centered, and egotistical. And it was kind of funny in a twisted sort of way because those were the terms I usually dubbed for Potter. The horrible irony in it was excruciatingly embarrassing.
“James, I-” I tried but was interrupted by Julia.
“Of course she didn’t mean to laugh, Sirius,” she said in a tone of finality, rushing faithfully to my side. “And she does love James. I’ve known she has ever since third year.” She gave me an encouraging smile. For the third time that day I felt the pounding need to punch Julia square in the jaw. Or the nose. Whichever spot provided the most painful results.
Sirius barked an incredibly outrageous laugh. “Yeah right!” he shouted, his eyes burning a hole right through me, turning me into a puddle of arrogance. “You’re just saying that! She doesn’t really love, James!” He threw his arms up in the air, his hair constantly falling into his fury contorted face. “She isn’t even good enough for him.”
I felt my mouth drop. Though his words caused a river of boiling anger to surge quickly within me, I realized these were the words I had dreaded since I had thought them only an hour prior.
But my stubbornness always got the better of me.
“I’m not good enough for Potter!” I scoffed, swiftly turning around and staring at James’ anxious, hurt face. “I think that is really James’ decision to decide and not really yours, Black.” I pointed a deadly finger at Sirius, who seemed to quell under it. Did I really have the power to intimidate him? All of a sudden I felt empowered, like I could rest the whole of the world on my shoulders. “What do you think, Potter?” My eyes were sparkling, wavering on his stunned eyes and parted mouth. I beamed at him. “Am I good enough for you?” I placed my hands on my hips and eyed him impatiently for an answer.
It seemed as though he was stunned and beside himself with joy. His grin stretched for miles across his face and his eyes seemed to grow from dark and brooding to light and vivid.
“Are you asking me out, Evans?” he asked in disbelief, staring intently into my eyes. I smirked.
“A bit slow today, Potter,” I noted, folding my arms across my chest. “Though you haven’t answered the question: Am I good enough for you?”
“Of course!” he blurted out frantically, throwing his arms up into the air. “Of course you are!”
I smiled proudly and jerked my head back to Sirius’. It confused me to see a smile alit on his still bastard-esque face. “Isn’t that nice,” he said through his horrible smile. “But Evans, you do realize you pretty much just asked James out, right?”
I choked on my own spit and held back my shrieks of indignation. Damn, bloody pride of mine. How could I be so…so stupid?
I swerved my gaze back to Potter, who was now humming blissfully to himself. I glanced at Julia who actually gave me a thumbs up and winked. Finally letting my glare slink back to Sirius, I thumped my foot repeatedly on the ground and threw my arms in the air.
Holy, hell. I was having a freaking tantrum. Could I have sank any lower in one single day? Seriously, I essentially just burned, crumpled, and stomped on my once inflated pride.
I watched in horror as James and Sirius walked up to each other and gave each other high fives. “Well done, mate,” applauded James, smiling and clasping hands with Sirius.
“You too, Prongsie,” replied Sirius, his face returning back into its jolly self. “That was an amazing performance you did.”
“It was nowhere near as brilliant as yours, though.”
Sirius shrugged. “I don’t like to boast.”
This was too much. I had to sit down. Which way was my bed again? I cast my eyes over to Julia, who was bleeding complimenting Sirius and James. It was maddening. I felt like I had to scream. No wait, I did scream.
All three arseholes turned to stare at me. Oh, little old me standing in the middle of the dormitory, confused out of her wits because it began to seem like this entire episode had been one tiny act just to get me to spill my secret of infatuating the life out of James sodding Potter. And Julia seemed to be in on it, too. That bitch.
“What. Just. Happened.” I said in a deadly whisper, breathing steadily through my nose to calm my ferocious temper flaring up inside me like an engorged hippogriff.
“Oh Lily, lighten up!” exclaimed Julia-arse-in-her-mouth-bloody-wanker-Gale, grinning and smiling and laughing and-she was going to die painfully after I was done with her fat arse. “We were only trying to help you!”
“Help me?” I asked, my temper starting to get the better of me. I took a deep breath. “You call deceiving and lying and scheming and nosing around in places your huge nose doesn’t belong just to get your best friend in the entire sodding world to spill her best kept secret just so you can hook her up with a boy she really can’t stand and performing it with his lousy-arse best friend who your best friend really can’t stand either helping me?” I was breathing in rasps and heaving like I was a bloody chain smoker.
I tended to ramble when I was angry.
Plopping down on my bed, I took a small moment to catch my stolen breath before sitting up, raising my chin in the air, and folding my arms across my chest. I stared at Julia the most out of all of those bloody, filthy wankers.
Oh, excuse my horrible language. I wasn’t usually so outspoken. Ahem.
“Well,” said Black, clapping his hands together. “Now that we got everything out that we needed to get out, I say we go down to the Great Hall and eat one of our last meal at Hogwarts before going away for two terms.” He tried pulling James along with him, but Potter still wouldn’t let up his transfixed stare directed pointedly at me. I put all my strength into keeping my own gaze stuck on the wall a little to the right from Julia’s ear.
“Let’s go, Prongs,” he nearly ordered, pulling at Potter’s arms to get him up and walking.
“No,” he responded breathlessly, standing up and turning on his best mate. Sirius looked positively alarmed. “This is the second time you forced me into one of your ridiculous schemes and the results ended up terrible.” He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Sirius’ chest. No, this wasn’t happening. This had to be another setup. If it was, then Julia was a bloody expert at showing fear and shock.
Sirius whipped out his own wand and backed up a few feet from where James was bent and ready for attack. No, this had to be another joke. James Potter and Sirius Black, renowned best friends, did not get into duels with each other. The idea was ludicrous!
But maybe if this wasn’t a joke, then they would just curse each others heads off and I wouldn’t have to worry about James or Black or any of those sodding Marauders ever again. Yeah, I liked that idea.
Someone bring out the popcorn. Extra butter, please!
“You’re really going to curse me, then?” asked Sirius, his eyes glittering and his voice taunting. “James, you know I always keep your best interests at heart and that I would never hurt you on purpose, right?”
James shook his head, his thunderous eyes intent on Sirius’ while his wand was imperfectly drawn out and ready for cursing. “I am so sick of you ruining my life,” he growled. The two best friends were now circling each other about the dormitory. I was on the edge of the bed watching rapturously while Julia seemed to be frozen where she stood, her mouth in a perfect little oval.
Probably in the worst time ever to barge into a scene such as one such as this, Remus Lupin and one of my dorm mates came barging into the dormitory, laughing and joking and smiling and having fun.
The mood in the air smacked the happy couple like a fiery whip. I watched as Remus’ jaw dropped and Katherine shrieked at what stood before them.
Potter and Black never took their eyes off one another, even to look up at Remus. Now, I was truly scared out of my wits. They were serious. They were sodding serious! They were going to duel each other! I couldn’t believe this. I couldn’t bloody believe this! I knew them to be immature and reckless but never to this extent. This was…this was…completely barbaric!
“This is completely barbaric!” I shouted loudly, practically exploding with emotion. Every head turned towards me as I gritted my teeth savagely and lurched between the two testosterone fueled teenagers. I shot out my arms and stood there, my eyes closed and my breath expectant.
“I think we better leave,” murmured Remus, ushering his horror-struck girlfriend out the door. I whipped out my own wand and pointed at the sandy haired bastard.
“Stay here or Merlin so help me I will unleash the most Evans bitch-ness you have ever seen all up your smarmy arses.”
Shocked and slightly bemused, they both sauntered back into the room to stare at the battle with interest.
I was going completely, utterly mad.
I shoved my flaming locks out of my face to turn my gaze back to Potter, who seemed to be at a loss for what to do and how to feel. I shifted my wand at him. “Go sit down, Potter,” I said calmly, jerking my wand over toward the far bed. He stayed put, a small grin overshadowing his features. I gritted my teeth and shot a stunning spell at him, forcing him backward and into the bed I had so patiently regarded.
Many gasps and shrieks sounded from behind me. But I didn’t really give a bloody Hippogriff’s arse. I turned to face Black, now. Beyond him, Julia was staring at me like she had never really truly seen me in her life. I gave her a quick, clever smile before returning my attention to the stupid arsehole who pretty much started this entire thing with his exceptional stupidity.
“Now, your turn, Black,” I said equally as calm as before, pointing my free finger at the bed on the opposite side of the room from the one James was now sprawled out in. His jaw was set, his eyes quavered, and he finally turned around obediently and trudged toward the bed before casually sitting on it and folding his hands.
“Good,” I said, a rather twisted smile etched on my curled lips. I think I was starting to enjoy this control thing. It was really fulfilling in my opinion. Not that I was like Hitler or anything. No, Hitler took it to a whole other level, he did. I was just asserting my power and control over two smarmy, dumbarse teen boys who had no brains to speak of. That’s definitely not Hitler-ish. No, it’s not.
“So, what will we be discussing now?” I prompted, speaking in an absurdly cheery tone, which made both me and Julia cringe.
“It’s okay, Lily,” reassured Julia in an even voice, stepping closer toward me. “Just put away the wand and sit down nicely. Everything will be fine.”
Why was it that when Julia tried to be patient it just came off as condescending nonsense? I mean, she did it to Sirius before. And now she was using it on me! I wasn’t crazy, deary.
“What are you going on about?” I barked, throwing a quick glare at her. She halted and folded her arms.
“I’m talking about your horrible walk down insanity avenue, Evans,” she explained, carefully setting me down onto the mattress of my bed. Now that I moved, I realized I had been locked firmly into that standing position. Although after sitting down and taking a deep breath, it seemed as though all my emotions and pains sprang out of me at once.
I cried…loudly. I couldn’t help it. It was like a bomb had exploded inside me, bombarding me with anger, regret, remorse, pain, disbelief, confusion, and above all: shock. Sobbing like I hadn’t sobbed in years, I heard feet shuffle behind me. Julia whispered in my ear that it was just Remus and his girlfriend checking if James was all right.
I didn’t want to hear another word from Potter ever again in my life. I didn’t think my fragile state of mind could take it anymore.
With my eyes shielded in Julia’s shirt, I sank down and down until total darkness consumed me.
My eyes flung open and a dark room appeared before my hazy, blinking eyes. The high windows of the long room cast bars of clear moonlight down upon the beds covered in white sheets, illuminating rows upon rows of these identical beds.
I was in the Hospital Wing alone and very, very tired. And confused. Why was I in here? Had I broken a wrist or something? I checked the quality of my wrist and it turned out to be totally splendid. Nope. That wasn’t it.
Then the previous day flitted before my eyes, allowing me to recall the controversial Quidditch Match as I stared down upon that tuft of jet black hair, the long wait afterwards when I threw the rebel pillow into the fire, the huge fight in the dormitory, myself crying my eyes out onto the shoulder of my best friend…
I was a bit surprised to have realized I was crying into my bed sheets. I patted the sheets back down delicately, sighed, and fixed my eyes upon the beamed, towering ceiling. I couldn’t remember a time when I had ever been so emotional in my life.
I closed my eyes and breathed slowly and cautiously through my nose, taking in the pale scent of grotesque medicines and bitter disinfectants.
“Hey Evans,” came a soft whisper from the foot of my bed. I wasn’t going to open my eyes to greet the person I so longingly wanted to stay as far away from as physically and mentally possible. I shut my eyes even tighter, picturing a balmy beach with swaying palm trees and glittering stars.
“Evans!” he shouted in a whisper, even taking it upon himself to shake the mattress a bit. No, I wasn’t going to give in. Biting my lip, I began to imagine the tang of the salty breeze and listen to the calm rhythm of the sauntering waves. Ahh…
I heard Potter groan and the tapping of his feet on the stone floor as he most ceremoniously gave up and walked regretfully away from me. Thank Merlin. I had enough of that bastard and the whole lot of them.
I heard a quick, raspy cough to my left in which I faintly recognized the voice behind, though couldn’t really imagine the face to the cough. Peering out the side of my eyelids, my eyes laid themselves on a rather pudgy boy with mousy eyes and a pointed nose, his visage a tad green. Now I recognized him. He was the bloke who practically stalked James and them.
“Hello,” I greeted quietly, sitting up and glancing over to him. I regretted it instantly. Why would I dare make conversation now? Especially with one of those bloody Marauders! I had seriously lost my mind and all common sense with it.
The boy looked up at me and his eyes widened considerably. His body began to tremble and his eyes sort of lost focus.
“Madam Pomfrey!” I shrieked, shooting out of bed and waddling over to her office. I banged on the door roughly. She poked her head out and I immediately pointed a finger to the boy having the strange episode.
“Oh no,” she murmured, scurrying over to the boy and checking him over. I noticed he was still and calm now. He had dozed back off to sleep. Madam Pomfrey’s eyes narrowed as she turned to look at me questioningly. “Is this a joke, Miss Evans?”
I let my head hang limply. “Yes. I’m just tired. I must’ve imagined him practically dying, then.”
“Is that sarcasm?” she replied, her tone sharp.
I shook my head, lounging back into the mix of uncomfortable sheets. “No. But can you please tell me what’s wrong with me?”
The matron’s eyes let up and became much softer. She pitied me, that much was obvious. Although I didn’t need her sympathy. I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy, for that matter.
“You had a horrible breakdown,” she confessed, looking down at me like I was some type of dying puppy. Did I look like a dying puppy to her? Why was I thinking of dying puppies? “You were unconscious when Mr. Potter arrived here and sat you down.”
“Potter carried me here?” I asked in disbelief. I felt contaminated, having Potter cooties all over me and all that.
“Yes, dear,” she answered, walking back to her office. “Just try and get some sleep. In your condition, sleep is the best remedy.” And with that unhelpful sentiment, she stepped into her office after casting me one last pitiful smile. Bitch.
I glanced back nervously at the sickly Marauder. He was out like James had been after I had hexed him. And that’s saying something. Though I hadn’t made it nearly as strong as I hoped, it seemed, since he still had the strength to carry my limp, lifeless body down here. Ugh, just thinking about it gave me shudders.
I pondered vaguely the reason why James’ stalker found his way into the Hospital Wing. Then I realized, I really didn’t care.
This had to be one of the worst days of my life. And it seemed as though it all came down to one person.
Miss Lafanda Brandemire, here I come.
AN-***revised*** What'd you think? Lily's in a bit of a dilemma, eh? And how about Peter? Any comments on Julia or Lily? And what about the whole Lily/James situation? Any remarks about their very unfair expulsion? Reviews of any kind are very much welcome and appreciated. Don't be shy! I don't bite...much. ;)
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