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It was the third week of November and the Hogwarts grounds were filled with so much snow that only Hagrid could walk through it with ease. The air was icy cold and a frost had begun to cover all the windows in the castle. It was an extremely beautiful, and magical sight. In previous years Nicole had found herself spending the weekend outside in the snow, with her friends. It always sent butterflies up to her heart. But now, as she sat in the courtyard in front of the frozen fountain of merpeople, she couldn't help but feeling cold and alone.


A depression was welcoming itself inside her and she didn't have the strength to stop it, nor did she want to. The last couple of weeks had been a downward spiral. She spoke to no one and they didn't speak with her. She growled with anger and frustration just thinking about it. It was all his fault, she couldn't help herself for feeling extremely angry with him as well as terrified. But they didn't understand, the marauders, Lily, Emma and Skylar all seemed to understand, Nicole had been expecting them to be on her side.


They must not have been such good friends, she couldn't help but think. They should of known why she was acting in such a way. But instead they left her to be on his side, they sat with the marauders in the great hall and during classes. Speaking of the marauders, they ignored her everywhere they went, for the acceptation of when Remus wasn't around, then they result in pranking her to bits.


All the hate inside her, as well as the negative emotion coming towards her didn't make her feel any better. She began missing a meal once and a while, soon she skipped breakfast all together and then lunch, she hardly knew why she kept showing up for supper, she hardly ate more then one portion. Nicole had expected someone to notice, possibly Sirius since he had caught her in action. But no one showed any sign of caring, so one Tuesday night she decided not to show up for their last meal.


She was feeling weaker and weaker as the days went by. Looking in the mirror one night she couldn't help smiling, she would surely fit into the dress her mother picked out for her. Hardly any extra fat hung off her stomach or legs. Her eyes swelled up with tears as she started to dress, a small smile on her fact. Pulling on her sweatshirt, for it seemed to be colder in Gryffindor tower then most nights, she walked out of the wash room receiving odd looks from her dorm mates as the dazed look on her face. Grabbing her book bag from her bed she walked down the spiralling stair case, without a word to the other girls who seemed to be tucking in for the night.


The common room was dead for the acceptation for Frank and Alice in the corner, half covered by shadows. Settling down on the large sofa in front of the fire she decided to work on her potions. They were working on memory potions, during their last period everyone had finished their potion and Slughorn had decided that everyone would have to drink their potion after he removed a memory from them. At the moment she was working on the introduction for her paper which she'd have to finish after drinking the potion. As she began to introduce the workings of the memory and the potion she heard foot steps coming down the stairs.


Turning around she noticed that Frank and Alice had already left. Not sure if she wanted to talk to the person about to enter the common room she turned around and bent down towards the table, her nose almost touching her parchment.


Someone cleared their throat, but she pretended not to notice. They did so again and she chose that very moment to let out a very loud, and obviously fake, sneeze. Whoever was behind her was becoming very annoyed and angry. Hearing their foot steps once more she was glad that they were leaving her , but she was taken by surprise when she was lift onto her feet by a pair of strong hands.


Looking up into the sunny brown eyes of Remus Lupin, she gasped. Taking a quick step back she tripped over her book bag and fell to the ground. Remus looked as if he was going to help her but noticing the fear in her eyes he decided to sit down on the couch. Looking up at him fearfully Nicole noticed his eyes start to water and over flow down his cheeks. He was not blubbering or sobbing but simply looking into the fire as the tears flowed from his eyes.


"I'm-" He cut himself off with a bitter laugh. Unable to talk to the girl that he thought cared for him. " I regret ever telling you. I want to take it all back but i wouldn't. Because now i know the real you, the real monster you are inside." He said, his voice low.


"I am not the monster" Her voice quivered.


"Why? What did I ever do to you but tell you the truth?" He said, still in a low calm voice. Yet, Nicole noticed, his hands had been brought into fists. She noted that he did not look scary and she knew that Remus was not a very frightening person but she also remembered that.... She couldn't keep her mind on that same train of thought but it kept coming back to her and as her mouth opened to answer, she blurted it out.


"Because your just like him."She mutter, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Remus, " she started, she voice shaking with anger. "did you know that if a werewolf has a baby it doesn't mean that their child will have the same fate ? "Confused, Remus shook his head. "Yeah, my dad didn't know either." A look of shock registered on his face.


“ You mean - “


"YOU ARE JUST LIKE HIM!" She shouted " that's what I mean. At first Mathieu Lamoure was the best husband and the best father, but that was until Aurors broke into our home and took him away for being a death eater, a MONSTER!" She left out a loud sob, instinctively Remus moved in to comfort her but she back away."DON'T TOUCH ME!"


" I am not your father, Nicole. I - I thought .... I though you and me - ";


"There is no you and me. Remus I won't say anything about your... But I will not stand by you, not if my life depended on It. " She said angrily. Standing up , she was about to hurry off up the stairs when Remus grabbed her roughly by the arm. Nicole looked up at him frightened. His eyes had gone dark, his face rigid.


"Don't you understand.? " He asked her but she only turned her face from his. His hand tightened around her arm as she started to shout. "Don't you?! IT HURTS - IT HURTS SO MUCH!" He yelled, hitting his chest with his fist, indicating his heart. Letting go of her he dropped to his knees and started to sob. Nicole needed to get away, she felt the pressure all around her. She was dizzy and sweaty. Taking a step towards the staircase she spotted Sirius as well as Emma and Skylar looking down onto the scene with mixed emotions. Could she never be alone.?


She jumped as the storm cloud emitted a loud bang. Suddenly she jumped into motion. Turning around she ran out of the portrait hole, leaving Remus and the rest behind. She was to tired to cry, to tired to run, to tired to breath but finally she reached the entrance hall. Throwing the door open she rushed outside into the storm. Rain beat against her pale, thin face as she fell to the ground, sitting into a freezing mixture of mud and snow. Laying on her back she welcomed in the darkness. The rain and clatter of thunder, miles away.





She awoke with a start, in a confused daze. She was in her potions class room, Professor Slughorn standing over her. He had an odd look on his face, a mixture of worry and amusement. The rest of the class had been split into pairs, and as it turned out, Nicole was alone.


"Miss Lamoure would you like to go to the hospital wing, you are looking a bit peckish." Nicole was about to decline his offer but decided that she could use this period to go sleep in the dormitory, seeing as last night she had woken up frozen and covered with mud. "You might have caught a cold, we are having quite a chilly winter." With a small smile she nodded, quickly packing up her things. She wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. But as she stood up, ready to leave, she tripped over Slughorns large feet and fell to the ground painfully.


“Oh, dear. “ The Professor turned to the closest person. “ Black! Come help Miss Lamoure to the hospital wing, she seems a bit disoriented. “ Nicole stood, looking up at Sirius with eyes filled with hatred.


“Professor , I am fine! I simply tripped - “


“Miss Lamoure, you truly are looking rather ill, I would feel much better if you were escorted.” Regretfully, Nicole allowed Sirius to grabbed her under the arm, and helping her to the door as if she was tripping all over the place. Pushing him off of her she hurried out of the potions class room at a run.


She didn’t want to be stuck with Sirius, who was bound to hex her or leave her for the Slytherins.


“Nicole!” He called after her. She tried her hardest to keep running, but her lack of breath caught the better of her and she stopped, her hands on her knees. “ Fatigue is one of the signs you know. “ Sirius said, walking up to her with ease.


“Signs of what?” She asked, knowing she doesn’t want to hear the answer.


“Of having a eating disorder, depression as well. Are you feeling depressed Nicole ?” He grinned. For some reason, Nicole yearned for the Sirius who was worrying about her instead of the one who is making fun of her.


“ I do not - “


“ Mhmm, sure. “ He stopped in front of her. She stood up to her full length, hatred still burning in the pit of her stomach. “ How you think everyone will react when I tell them? “


“ You wouldn’t, anyways I am not, so it doesn’t matter. “ Sirius grinned. Her anger was boiling over, this boy was quickly annoying her. Balling her fist she swung to hit him, and she was glad to see that she did, very hard. But suddenly a sharp pain went up her arm, and black and white dots started to appear in front of her eyes. The last thing she heard was the bell signalling the end of class and her voice calling for Sirius.




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