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Well, you took the time to at least look at the second chapter. So... thanks for that. :)
Thanks also to those who review-- you make my our day a little brighter!
We own only the people with no personality or dimension. The dynamic characters belong to Ms. Rowling.


The continuous plot continues to be continuously Marauders-centered as the story continues later that night. The writer shall now continue.

“I am going to completely disregard the fact that Sirius is one of my best mates who knows my deepest and most shameful secret, accepts me for it, and has spent over two years tirelessly researching and experimenting in order to become an Animagus so that I wouldn’t be lonely and hurt other people or myself, proving to me that I am not a freak, a menace, and/or a monster. I am going to kill him.”

Remus Lupin was pacing around his dormitory haughtily, thumbing the shiv in his pocket left over from a long stint in a Los Angeles jail for drug possession and prostitution. Not that he really did it, anyway.

“Killing’s so messy though,” James replied as he stretched on his bed like a cute little fuzzy wuzzy kitty cat and rumpled his hair absentmindedly as his friend picked up How to Drop a Nuclear Bomb on your Ex-Friend Without them Noticing from the night stand and started leafing through it. “Not that I’d mind having Padfoot out of the picture so that I could be the ‘hawt’ one, but he’s good to have around to crush my hopes and dreams of ever being with the girl I am so desperately infatuated with.” He glanced lovingly at the Lily shrine he had constructed in the closet out of old gum and tissues. “Besides, it’s not like she was your woman anyway.”

Remus paused a moment in his task of sharpening a rather large axe on a Medieval grindstone he had constructed out of the shower curtain and contemplated this statement.
“What if it were Lily he was snogging?”

“Nothing James, it was a rhetorical que-”
“He didn’t snog her James, get off the ceiling fan!”
“Look! Popsicle!”

Remus produced the frozen delicacy from his sock and waved it in front of James’s face, which was now filled with glee as he jumped down onto his four-poster with rich leopard skin hangings adorned with Swarovski crystals, neon lights, and faux peonies, a lavish contrast to Remus’s threadbare poly-nylon blend curtains. He proceeded to unwrap the popsicle, remove the stick, and stuff his finger into the hole where the stick had previously resided, creating a sort of demented puppet. Remus shook his head, laughing as he returned to cleaning and reloading his Uzi.

“Killing him won’t solve anything.” Popsicle-James interjected into his friend’s increasingly maniacal laughter. “You know how Padfoot is. Offing him will just make that chick develop necrophilia.”

“Yeah, I remember last time…” Remus nodded fervently. “But I have to do something to defend my honor. Because me am honorable like geisha.” he added, bowing deeply.

“I dunno then Bro-seph, you could try public humiliation.” suggested the popsicle while in the midst of a rousing tap dance on James’ knee.


This is a cliffhanger.

The story now decides to follow Lily and her friends as it pulls the writer holding it’s leash down onto the hard pavement and insists on sniffing and/or urinating on every single mailbox ever in existence ever. Ahem.

Lily and Beth were on reclining on the comfy chairs in the common room and talking to Melanie who had just returned from a fierce, very public snog-fest with one Sirius Black. The three girls had become great friends despite the fact they had only been talking for thirty minutes, even if Melanie and Beth kept eyeing each other evilly and trying to out-‘hot’ each other.

“Oh my God, like how could you have kissed him?!?!” Lily shrieked and giggled, becoming a complete idiot at the mention of guys (because we all know that’s what kind of person she is).

“I have no clue, Lils,” Melanie replied, giving her a foofy nickname to make the comment more girly. Beth just muttered something about Melanie being a whore and went back to adjusting her pushup bra to attract the attention of a rumpled Sirius, who had just entered the common room.

“Hi Sirius!” Melanie shouted into a megaphone, causing the group of third years a foot away to drop to the floor, moaning and clutching their now bleeding ears. Sirius seemed to have not heard her somehow and went away to be a man-whore some more, but not before being slapped by a random first year girl.
“Golly-gee, he sure is a dream boat,” Melanie said with a sigh, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he had just completely ignored her.

“He’s actually sort of an ass-hole who will probably dump you for the sluttier, blonder Beth in a little while. But, of course, he only does it because his friend wants to screw you and, let’s face it, who wants to prevent their best firend from getting laid?” Lily said matter-of-factly as she suddenly regained her hatred of the Marauders and went back to being sensible. This comment was ignored by her company because they were both in a fierce silent competition of ‘I’m a bigger whore than you are’ and were wildly applying copious amount of makeup. Lily sighed and decided to go on a random walk around the castle alone and left, completely unnoticed by her friends.

As she walked down the silent corridor she had the sudden urge to walk into a nondescript, deserted classroom. Once she had entered said supposedly deserted room, she heard sniffles coming from the back corner and curiously walked forward. Wand at the ready, she was shocked to discover James Potter putting a band-aid on a hurt first year, petting a kitten, signing a contract to donate money to a charity for poor blind orphans with puppies, giving blood, wearing a ‘Save the Whales’ shirt, and feeding the homeless, all while watching Casablanca and crying. In short, he had become sensitive, caring, and morally centered.

“Wow, how sensitive, caring, and morally centered he is…”  Lily muttered to herself. Before deciding against talking to the now much more attractive James and turning to leave, she contemplated her newly developed burning desire for him that had, in the span of three sentences, taken the place of her burning hatred for him.

She fluttered back to the common room in a daze, reaching the portrait hole and muttering the password, ‘walrus mammary‘, to gain entrance. She froze halfway inside though, as a sound she wished she never heard reached her ears. Jasmine Inglehooperrododendrenpailflowermaxiumpenlityfranklin, a fellow fifth year, spoke up.

“I know, I found it hard to believe lyke, to lyke, yeah ,lyke, he, lyke, totally, lyke, asked me, lyke out and stuff, cause lyke omgeee it’s lyke James freaking Potter.” she gushed, adding the misspelled word ‘like’ an absurd amount of times to make her seem stupid and easy to dislike, because remember folks, Lily is our protagonist, and God forbid her random rival be normal.

And we now leave our heroine, currently standing in the portrait hole, wallowing in grief and blocking the only entrance to Gryffindor tower.


Hope you enjoyed! The next chapter is the ever-popular 'diary theme', my personal favorite cliche, and it is sure not to disappoint. Keep reading, keep reviewing!

(Mischief managed.)

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