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Chapter 6 - What Am I To You?

I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

 - What am I to you? by Norah Jones

Sirius’ POV

I closed the door quietly behind me and exhaled slowly. Painful. God that was- exactly how I knew it would be. You’d think I’d be annoyed or put off, but watching Maisy open up so easily and melt into me was like watching ice thaw from snowbells. It was miraculous.

I turned around and lent against the door. I could hear footsteps on the echoic staircase, and watched as Lily bobbed into view, looking incredibly happy for someone who’s best friend was beyond depressed. Each to her own!

“How is she?” she asked quietly, unsure of whether Maisy would be listening.

“Well.. She’s okay. She spoke at least, and she took some of the chocolate.” I managed. Do I tell Lily?

“I brought her some pumpkin pie as well. It’s her favourite,” she smiled sadly, looking at the napkin wodge in her hand.

“Lily.. I..” she’d understand though, right?

“Sirius... What did you do?” she enquired, looking at me doubtfully, her hand on the latch to the dormitory.

“I-I told her.” I spat out. Damn. Oh god, oh Lily please don’t hit me. I gritted my teeth. She looked at me and tilted her head to the side.

“You told her you loved her?” she said.

“Urrr, not exactly...” Damn. I hadn’t actually said that.

“Wooh,” Lily said, relaxing drastically. “Thank god for that, I can’t deal with anymore tears tonight!”

“You think it would upset her that much?” I said. Would it? Really?

“Honestly? Yes. No-one’s ever been as forward as you are to her. She loves you Sirius, that much is obvious. But I don’t know what kind of love it is,” she said, biting her lip. “Well, night then.”

“Yeah, night Lily.” I said. Friend love? Love love? Brotherly love? Ugh, frustrating. I ratted my hair and burst into the boys’ dormitory, grabbing my pyjama bottoms and quickly dressing down into them. Bare-chested, I walked over to my bed and led down, staring at the ceiling and the scarlet hangings around the bed frame. Thinking. Just thinking.

Maisy. God I was so stupid. Why did I do that? I kissed her for Merlin’s sake! Why! Why why why?!  Now she was gunna be completely freaked out. She won’t come out of that room. If she did, it would be another miracle. OH GOD. THE NOTE. I actually left her that note. Not that I didn’t mean it! Of course I meant it, forever and always. I couldn’t imagine a life without Maisy Heart anymore. I couldn’t remember a happy time before Maisy became the centre of my affection. Cliché, but true. Falling in love is complicated stuff. Central to the discussion in my head, James and Remus burst in, shock etched into their faces.

“YOU MISSED THE FEAST!” James shouted.

“Yeah I know, sorry mate,” I mumbled. Shit.

“But, you MISSED the FEAST!” he continued to scream.

“James, chill, he doesn’t look great...” Remus said.

“THAT’S COS HE MISSED THE FEAST!” James said, clutching his heart. “I need to sit down...”

I laughed, what a joke.

“Sirius?” James said, looking up from the floor.

“Yes James?”

“You missed the feast.”

“ I know.” And I wasn’t bitter. Woah.

“It was a feast.”

“I know James.”

“Double the amount of normal food.”

“I know...”


“I know James, I...”



“Sirius, mate, I feel so sorry for you it’s unreal.” He laughed.


“Sirius – you alright?” Remus said, re-entering the room with a toothbrush forged in his mouth.

“I feel, light.” I said, my mood feeling almost happy in a twisted kind of way.

“So you finally spoke to Maisy?!” James shrieked, clapping his hands in delight.

“Chill out, Flipper. She actually spoke to me. About her mum. It’s awful, guys. Like a true nightmare,” I said, shaking my head and imagining the look of Maisy’s mother led there, cold and grey like a marble statue.

“She spoke to you?” Remus said, his toothbrush falling with a clatter to the floor, fluoride froth floating across the room.

“Yeah, like, really heart-felt and deep. She was amazing.” I smiled. How sick was I? Happy that the girl I loved had spoken up about the most horrific incident of her life? You didn’t deserve to go to that feast, did you? Thanks conscience. You always put life into perspective.

“So, how is she?” said Remus after a rather long silence. I twisted in my bed and pulled my hands to rest underneath my pillow.

“Honestly? I have no idea.”



I hate Sundays. Truly frickin’ hate them. The bastards creep up on you after a nice Saturday and threaten you with homework and revision and an early night. Eugh. Bloody Sundays.

I’m sat in the library with a large dusty book propped open in front of me. I’m actually writing notes and getting some work done. Yes, me! Working. Maisy would usually be with me but she’s decided to pack now before she leaves for home this evening. It’s the funeral tomorrow. Lily said she’d go with her, and I’m so thankful.

Postmen or postwomen are most commonly found at around 7:30 in the morning, trailing the Muggle streets laden with envelopes and packages. Muggles send these to each other to communicate. They post their letter into a postbox (see diagram) which is then collected once a day. Once sorted, each letter is transferred to a different area of the country by a train. Overnight, the trains arrive...

Suddenly, an overwhelming smell of perfume and face-powder crowded around me. I actually gagged. Ha. I looked up and saw the seventh year Ravenclaw girls in all their glory. All four of them stood in front of the table with their work in bags by their side. They all beamed at me simultaneously as I looked up from my notes. I placed my hands underneath my chin, smiled and said,

“Ladies.” Acknowledging each of them in turn. I didn’t dislike them, they were just... Very, very forward.

“Sirius,” Ruby seemed to purr. She was stood at the front of the group, mahogany locks falling in curls below her chest with a royal blue ribbon tied like an alice band across her head. She smiled at me again and took a seat, her bare legs crossed to her side, left in my perfect line of sight. Sneaky. Her chocolate eyes were still boring into mine when the blonde girl to her left cleared her throat loudly.

“Okay Shellby, just chill, okay?” she huffed, pushing her hair back and turning round to face me again, still smiling. Jesus. Was she bipolar or something?

“What brings you ladies to the library on such a fine day,” I said, indicating to the paned window that was splattered with cold lashings of rain. They giggled. Oh Christ. Giggling.

“Homework, just some Muggle Studies, you know...” Ruby said opening her book to the identical page of mine. “I don’t get it though.”

“I’m sure Shellby can help you. We all know how intelligent she is,” I said, winking at Shellby, who blushed crimson, her blue eyes twinkling. She pushed her blonde hair behind her ears, just like Maisy did when she was nervous. Note to self, stop dazzling women.

“No, I, urrr, don’t think she can...” she said, turning to Shellby who backed down easily and left with her two friends, whose names I didn’t even know. Shame. Ah well.

“I think you can do it. It’s only notes.” Girls always do this I swear? Ambush you with lesson problems? Maisy never did. I offered her help. Hey, Ruby, am I offering? No.

“True, I guess so,” she said, sighing and looking back down at the book, pouting. Ugh, superficial superficial superficial.

“Well, I’m off then,” I said, slamming my book shut and getting up quickly. “I’ll see you around.” I said, not really meaning it. But she was in Muggle Studies. Yay. Fun times. And no Maisy. Double yay.

“Urm Sirius!” she called to me. I turned around reluctantly.

“What’s wrong now Ruby?” I said, exasperated to be frank.

“Well you know Hogsmeade weekend is next weekend...” Yeah I did, I was planning on asking Maisy.

“Yeah? What about it?”

“I was wondering if you would consider going with me?” she said, eyes bright and slightly nervous. I bit my lip hesitantly. I really hated upsetting girls.

“I’m sorry I can’t. I’m already going with people.” I said, shrugging my shoulders. She visibly sagged. “But thankyou!” I added hastily. “That’s given my ego quite a boost today.” I smiled at her. She gave me a watery smile back. Damn damn damn.

“O-okay, no problem,” she said, picking up her book and walking away quickly, not even bothering to say goodbye? Rude.

“Bye then!” I said to myself. Jesus, people were so freaking weird these days.


At around five I decided to leave the library, after writing up enough notes. I walked into the Gryffindor common room and found it crowded with us seventh years. James and Remus were sat playing Exploding Snap by the window on that spindly table, Ava and Lea were talking very quietly on the squishy sofa and Lily and Maisy were stood by their luggage with their travelling cloaks on, looking around shiftily. Lily pounced on me as I entered the room.

“There you are! Christ we didn’t think you were ever gunna show up!” she hit me playfully and gave me a wry smile. Maisy looked up and smiled, her smile lacking any sense of emotion really, just an upturned mouth. I smiled back easily, brushing my hands through my hair.

“So, we’ll be back on Tuesday morning, just before lessons start, so we won’t be gone long,” Lily said, hugging Ava and Lea goodbye, pausing at James and giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder. He jumped up and engulfed her in a bear hug, lifting her off of her feet. She laughed and jumped off of him, hugging Remus briefly. James’ eyes were wide and exultant.

“Yeah James, I’ll miss you too,” she laughed mirthfully.

Maisy tittered on the edge of walking towards us and stopped, looked down at her hands and inhaled deeply. I walked over instinctively and wrapped my arms around her, and whispered softly in her ear,

“Talk to Lily.”

She looked up at me and nodded. It was true, she needed someone besides me. I wasn’t a girl, I couldn’t always be around. She choked out a small ‘goodbye’ that everyone heard, miraculously. She picked up a handle of glittering green dust, stood quietly in the hearth and muttered, ‘home.’

Lily coughed as the dust expanded around the room and picked up her own handle of Floo powder.

“Owl me!” James yelled from his lounging position.

“Bet on it,” she giggled. Oh god this was just... Ugh.

“Lily wait!” I shouted over the hustle in the common room.

“What now, Sirius?” she said, obviously wanting to leave sooner rather than later.

“Just, look after my Heart, okay? I’ve left her with you.”

A/N: Aww, short but sweet. I didn't really like this chapter much, but it was needed. We've just met another key character, hooray!
A/N2: Kristina @ TDA has done it again, I swear she's psychic.

Editted for content and readability, July 2010.

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