A/N: Let the Prank unfold :) Enjoy! Image by marauderette at TDA!!
IN THE LIBRARY, 9:00
“Goddamit, Max!” James looked hatefully over at the massive pile of blue and gold books on one of the tables in the library. “Five-hundred and sixty-fucking-seven pages my arse…” Not a single book. Not one single book had that exact number of pages in it. Oh, sure, there were books with 568 pages, and even ones with 566 pages. He cursed again, and kicked an especially large volume with 563 pages as hard as he could. It was much heavier than he’d expected it to be, and therefore when it landed, it landed with a massive thud. “Shit!” He heard the librarian scurrying towards him, and hastily took cover, trying to ignore his throbbing toe.
“I know you’re in here somewhere!” She hissed, glaring beadily around. “Wicked, wicked child, damaging books! No respect. NO RESPECT, I TELL YOU! These books, so old, their pages so full of knowledge, oh yes, much more knowledge than you will ever understand…filthy, disparaging hoodlums…I’ll wring all of your necks some day!” And with that Madam Pince slunk away, still muttering angrily under her breath.
“Crazy old bat,” James muttered, and was about to resume his search for the mysterious blue book when someone came literally flying at him from behind. “What the--!”
“Shhh!” It was Sirius. “Hide me!” He ducked behind James, trying to hide himself, as another figure came stomping through the shelves towards them.
“Come out and fight me like a man!” The figure was tall and very large; whoever it was did not seem pleased. Sirius whimpered behind James, and because he had had such a bad evening, and because he was a bit peeved at Sirius for not helping him more in the search for the book, James stepped away from Sirius, pushing him out in front of him.
“Cheers, mate.” He gave Sirius a slap on the back, and turned away.
“Please! Don’t leave me!” Sirius hissed. “She’ll kill me!”
“…She?” James almost laughed at the idiocy of it all. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of a girl, Padfoot!” He laughed, but Sirius was too busy trying to conceal himself behind the giant pile of books to notice. In the next moment the figure stepped out of the shadows and into the dim light, and it was, indeed, a girl.
“’Ello, there. And what’s your name, love?” James asked flirtatiously.
“Talk to me again and your spleen will be ripped out through yer nose. Along with yer kidneys.”
James clutched at where he imagined his spleen to be protectively, taking a cautious step away from the raging girl.
“Er—how old are you?” He asked tentatively, his fist wrapping around the wand in his pocket, ready to defend his spleen and kidneys to death if it came to it.
“Fifth year. And your scumbag of a friend hit on my sister!”
James almost laughed. “Oh, come now! Have you never heard of Sirius before? Of his—er—tendency to flirt with those of the opposite sex? Or same sex, for that matter—actually, he’ll pretty much flirt with anything that has an ass…”
“Hey!” Sirius said from behind the pile of books. “I resent that!”
The girl stormed around, and then picked Sirius up by the neck of his shirt, hoisting him up into the air. She had Sirius’s wand in the same hand as her own, and was stabbing both of them into the wide-eyed Sirius’s neck.
“Listen, Gertrude…” Sirius laughed nervously. “I didn’t know she was only in third year, I swear! You have to admit, she is very attractive for her a—ouch!” He cried as she dropped him to the floor and dusted off her hands.
“If I ever see you anywhere near my little sister again, you will seriously regret it!” Betsy ground out, spitting each word at Sirius, who flinched with every consonant. Then Betsy stormed off again, chucking his wand as far away from them as possible. Sirius hurried to his feet.
James just looked at Sirius, and then burst into laughter.
“It’s not funny, you git! She would’ve killed me! You heard the crazy bint!”
“Y-y-you…oh, god…this is totally going in the scrapbook!” James clutched his sides, still laughing.
“Scrapbook? Who’s the queer one now, then?” He punched James in the arm. “Wait…what time is it?” he suddenly and urgently began looking for a clock. “Oh, shit, shit SHIT, we’re gonna miss all the stripping—I mean, swimming!” Sirius said in sloppily concealed panic. “Oh, James, this is what a boy like me dreams of…” He grabbed James’s hand and began dragging him towards the library exit.
“Wait! I need to find a book!”
Sirius turned to look at James, like he’d never seen him before.
“Find a book? A BOOK?!? Do you have any idea what we are about to be a part of tonight, Prongs? ANY IDEA?!? THIS IS GOING TO BE THE CLOSEST THING TO AN ORGY THE SCHOOL HAS EVER HAD!”
When he stopped there was complete and utter silence throughout the library. Terrified first and second years, eyes large, cowered in fear or just gaped in confusion.
“What are you staring at?” Sirius snarled at one first year, who was covered in sparkles. She squealed pathetically and tried to pull her robe up so that it would hide her whole body, swallowing her up.
“Don’t be such an arse! I’m coming! Sheesh.” James took one last reluctant glance back at the pile of books, sighed, and then followed Sirius out of the library.
“GOOD RIDDANCE!” Madam Pince shrieked behind them.
James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus could not all fit under the invisibility cloak any more; it was anatomically impossible. Not to mention could cause some deep emotional scarring. So instead, Remus and James went without the cloak, pretending to do their Head Boy and Prefect duties.
“I don’t think we should do this,” Remus said nervously, frowning, brushing a strand of light hair out of his eyes. “I have a bad feeling about this, Prongs, I really do. Call it werewolf intuition.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Sirius hissed from under the cloak. “Come on, don’t tell me you’ve never wondered what some of those girls look like naked…”
Remus blushed crimson, embarrassed by his friend’s crudeness.
“Oh, enough with all your bloody morals, Moony! Have some fun! I myself have a plan all worked out…would you like to hear it? It’s called the ‘blame it on the giant squid’ trick.”
“Here, let me demonstrate. Ahem.” Sirius cleared his throat, making his voice high like a girl’s. “Oh, no Sirius, something has just groped my bazooma! Whatever could it be?—“
“Okay, Sirius. We do not need to hear any more. The more you talk, the more convinced I am not to go. The last thing we need on our hands are penalties for sexual harassment and restraining orders.”
“Nothing can restrain me!” Sirius quipped. James and Remus rolled their eyes, exchanging humoured glances.
They were outside now, and the two boys under the cloak threw it off; Sirius wrapped it around his head like a turban, and stumbled around pretending to be headless.
“Oi! Potter!” They all froze, Sirius’s arms still held out in front of him like a headless zombie. They all let out sighs of relief when they saw that it was only Ben and Dick, walking some distance apart from each other.
“’Ello, Dick. Ben.” They nodded at each other, and then continued on.
“I am sooo pumped!” Dick said, grinning. “Can you tell that I just worked out? For the ladies, of course. Wouldn’t want them to find me…wimpy.” He looked pointedly at Peter, who bowed his head self-consciously. A moment later Dick had him in a head-lock, and was laughing uproariously. “Oh, come on man, I was only kidding!” And then all of a sudden, the second the lake was in sight, he went charging towards it, yelling “BOOOOOBIES!” at the top of his lungs, while trying to rip his shirt off. He ended up blindly tripping over a log and landing flat on his face, grunting upon impact, his shirt still half-on, half-off, covering his head. “Fuck.”
The other boys howled with laughter, running to catch up with him. They could see the girls now, out in the lake pretty deep. They were oddly still, just staring at the oncoming boys, smiling seductively. James thought he recognized Max, and waved, smiling broadly while not-so-subtly trying to get a glimpse of her water-hidden body.
“We’re coming, ladies!” Dick said, his self-confidence obviously still in tact. “Let’s all go in at once, okay? It’ll be a race.Winner gets first dibs on a girl," he whispered, grinning wolfishly and waggling his eyebrows. “And Max is looking fiiine!”
“You’re on!” James growled, pulling off his shirt and cracking his fingers, ready for a race. All of them dove in at once.
“SonuvaBITCH! This is COLD!”
We giggle, watching the boys swimming through the freezing water towards the dolls; we're safely hidden by the foliage.
“We have to wait until they are all the way out,” I whisper to the others. “Soon…”
Finally they reach the mannequins. Dick grabs one of the Hattiedoll’s arms, stroking it sensually, and it comes off it his hands. He floats there, looking shocked for a second, and then screams.
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
“NOW!” I yell, and we all race out of the trees; we’re close to the shore now. I grab my inhaler and suck in so I can keep running. Their clothes are in handy-dandy piles, with their wands in the sand. Roaring with laughter, we each take a pile and start sprinting away towards the castle. There’s lots of splashing and cursing behind us, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot of cursing. Music to a prankster’s ears!
“COME BACK, MAX! Or I SWEAR TO GOD…!” Someone yells--I think it's Ben, actually...; they’re still not back to shore yet; I can hear them splashing, trying to swim as quickly as they can. We run faster, all of us laughing so hard our sides are stitching like crazy. I can feel my lungs tightening and suck on my inhaler again.
I turn and look behind us just before we enter the castle; they’re just now out of the lake, all shivering madly and trying to hide their bodies from each other. Except for Dick, who is running after us like a madman in all his naked glory, yelling something that sounds suspiciously like “I want my boooobies!”
“Ah, Dick,” Hattie says fondly, shaking her head.
“Come on!” I drag her behind me; once we’re inside we slam the door shut and sink to the floor, gasping for breath and still laughing.
“That was fucking brilliant!” Eira says breathlessly, her eyes bright and excited. “Now what?”
“Well…that depends…are we going for complete humiliation, or just mild?”
“Complete,” they all respond in perfect unison. I grin.
“Okay, then. All we need is a camera, ladies. All we need is a camera.”
“I t-t-told you!” Remus shivered, his arms wrapped around himself, trying to stay warm. “I t-told you they were up to something!”
“We let them trick us!” James said, sounding shocked and impressed. “They actually tricked us…”
“NOOOO!!!” Dick was still close to disappointed tears, and Sirius wasn’t much better. “I spent five fucking hours doing Pilates for this???”
“Look at the bright side,” Peter said quietly. He was slightly blue from cold. “At least the girls don't have a camera.”
No sooner than the words were out of his mouth, a bright flash came from one of the castle’s lower windows. In the immediate aftermath of the flash of light, the boys could just make out the girls’ figures, laughing hysterically. Max was undoubtedly the one holding a camera in her hands.
“Well,” Peter said, sitting down dejectedly. “That settles it. We’re screwed.”
“Actually, we aren’t. And there-in lies the problem.” Sirius grumbled, following Peter’s lead and sitting down, a dark scowl on his face. “You might as well make yourselves comfortable, boys. We’re in for a long night.”
“This calls for celebratory BOOZE!” Eira says; we all cheer our approval, already drunk on our success. We’re in Lily’s Head Girl's room, lounging, huge smiles still on all of our faces.
“I’m going to get expelled!” Lily says, bighting her lip. I tackle her with a hug.
“LILY! SHUT UP, YOU’RE RUINING THE MOOD!” I stuff a friendly pillow in her face. Yes, a friendly pillow. That’s what I said.
“Get off me, cow!” She shoves me off her, not nearly as friendly as the pillow, and I land on my butt with an “Oof!” I crack up, we all do, and then somehow Eira has booze, and somehow we all start drinking, and somehow my speech is slurred. Sommmmmehow. Teehee.
And then somehow I pass out.
A/N: Well, what do you think? Review and let me know! Thanks :)
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