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 There he is. Standing there waiting for me just like every other day. Why on earth can't I just walk past him? Or talk to him? Something, anything? So you guys broke up Dess, get over it.

"Which way are we going?" Roxie asks calmly. Roxanne Weasley has been my best friend since first year. She's a bit on the short side (I am too, in case you were wondering) and has this gorgeous caramel skin that draws all the attention (of the boy variety) to her. Her being the center of attention is often a good thing for me since I really don't like the spot light. The one time somebody noticed me more than her was because he's related to her and it would just be wrong if he liked her. James Potter. He has soft brown eyes and shaggy black hair. He, contrary to me, is quite tall and his-

Roxie pokes me in the ribs, bringing me out of my developing daydream about James. I sigh in defeat. "The other way," I respond dully. Roxie sends me a small smile, saying wordlessly that she understands, and we turn left out of the Charms classroom instead of walking by a reluctantly hopeful James.

Maybe you would get more out of this daily significant defeat if you knew more about me.

My name is Desdemona Jessica Briar and I am a sixth year Gryffindor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My best friend (as previously stated) is Roxanne Halley Weasley, who's also a sixth year Gryff. Coming in close second is my very bestest guy friend, Louis Weasley, Roxie's cousin (like most everybody in Hogwarts) who is a fifth year in the same house as us. Louis has the Weasley red hair and freckles and he's all tall and gangly because he never works out... unless you call brain strain a workout, which I definitely do not. Suffice to say, the veela genes that him sisters flaunt seemed to just skip him.

At the beginning of the year James Potter (Gryffindor seventh year) asked me out and I was very reluctant. Not only was he the first boy to ask me out (ever) but he was older than me too and I couldn't see what his motives could possibly be. He got Roxie and Louis to 'help' him (they would lure me places where he just happened to be then my lovely friends would mysteriously disappear leaving me in awkward conversation with the boy I was developing a huge crush on) and I eventually cracked. I completely fell for him. Shameful, I know, but he seemed so sincere.

After a few wonderful months of my first boyfriend, our relationship came to a sudden screeching halt that threw me on the road to be left for dead. Turns out I was just the revenge rebound. After I overheard his ex-girlfriend (Callie West, Hufflepuff sixth year) talking in the loos about how she felt sorry for me being the rebound while he still loved her, I confronted him about it. Confronted actually sounds too harsh. We were sitting on the couch in the Gryffindor common room doing homework and I asked, "Hey, how long were you off from Callie before you started going after me?"

 

Normally that stuff wouldn't be awkward for us, but he gets red (Weasley genes) and his deep brown eyes start wandering. "Umm, well, probably a week or so."

 

I don't know if I knew then, but I sure feel like I did because I'm sure my brow furled as I stared quizzically at him.

"Was I the rebound?" I asked. I think I sounded a mixture of hurt and angry, which probably scared him.

"At the time." He murmurs. Now, the look on his face was apologetic enough, but I really couldn’t tell if he was sorry I found out, or sorry that ‘At the time’ I was just a rebound.

"At the time?" I demand, standing up in ire. Well, demand and ire may not be the best words. Maybe questioned and confused would work better. But I wished it was demand and ire. "Does that mean that a rebound girlfriend stops being that if you date her for more than a week?"

He stands up too, but in gentle defense rather than mild anger. "At first I was just upset that Callie and I broke up, so I wanted a new girlfriend."

"Any old girl will do, line up ladies and gentlemen." I interrupt with a maniacal masochistic glee in my voice. Well, maybe I couldn’t quite work myself up to maniacal. But masochistic sure fit the bill, I was plenty hurt by what he said and was heaping it on myself, I didn’t even need help from him.

"No," he states firmly, "I started liking you and seeing you as more than just my little cousin's friend, that's when you stopped being the rebound." I look at him skeptically and he continues, “Once I started pursuing you, getting to know you, seeing how silly you are, I started falling for real.”

"Do you still love her?" I practically whisper, fearing the answer but not wanting to live with that particular elephant.

He looks honestly confused when he answers, "Why wouldn't I still love Roxy?"

I sigh in agitation and flex my hand at my side. "Not Roxy, Callie West. I overheard her saying how you’re still going after her and how she is exactly the type of girl you need. I mean, she’s a beautiful leggy blonde with-"

"You are ten times more beautiful," he lies. I'm not stupid, there's a reason that I wasn't asked out for the first sixteen years of my life.

"And you're a liar. You evaded the question then you lied." I feel the tears brimming in my eyes, I have to get out fast 'cause I'm about to get hysterical. "You must still love her. You know what," I don't give him time to answer even though his mouth has been open, trying to get a word in, "go be happy with her, the only reason she was talking about you is because her boyfriend broke up with her, which I’m sure you already knew." I turn around to gather my bag together on the floor as I stuff my quill, ink, and essay into it.

"Why would I want her when I have you?" He almost sounds hurt as he comes over all confused to stand behind me. I'm bending down snapping my bag closed when he lays his hand on my shoulder. As if he actually cares about me, please. It's just so sudden for him, he must not realize that I completely get that he still loves her.

"Well guess what, you don't have me anymore! Go be with the girl you love. She said you’ve already sent her three love letters since they broke up!" I half shout the last part in hysterics, barely keeping the tears in.

"What are you talking about Dess?" He shouts up the stairs in desperation.

 Now two months later, I feel like I could have given the boy more of a chance to explain himself. But I reacted like a sixteen year old, and I freaked out. It happens. It’s one of those things that I wonder about quite frequently. What if I hadn’t gotten upset? What if I had confronted Callie, defending James instead of attacking him? But a world built on What if’s is not a world I want to live in. So I hide my emotions (healthy, I know) and try to think of other things. Like butterflies and daisies... actually, on second thought, I might want to think about something else of the other things variety...

Roxie and I walk past the library on our way to the common room and I turn to her with pleading eyes. "Please Roxie! I would love you forever and ever and ever and ever."

She looks as if she's thinking about it then sighs and leads the way in. If you were to insinuate that I had taken refuge in the library after the worst and only breakup in my life, you would be sorely mistaken. I've never been one to wallow in self-pity and my classes have been important to me since I was a wee little firstie.

We sit at a table in a deserted corner (most places in the library are deserted right after classes) and work on our homework.

Half way through my Transfiguration essay, I get distracted. My whole body freezes up and I almost go to run from the room. It's just a voice for goodness sakes! Get over it! He's here though. In the library, within hearing distance. I look over at Roxie and see that see that she tensed up a bit too.

Louis, with the worst timing ever, walks over to our table and says, "Hey Roxie, Dessy." Both of our eyes go wide and he looks really confused. "What-" he starts but I put my finger quickly and firmly to my lips, indication to him to shut up. He looks around for a second to see what's wrong, but, seeing nothing, he shakes his head and pulls out a chair.

It's that moment that James hears his cousin's voice and he walks out from a few bookshelves over and says, "Louis, I thought that was you." Seeing how Louis is the only one within view from the isle, I have two options here. I can either hide under the table and hope he doesn't notice or I can stick it out and possibly get sick later.

My mind is made up for me when he turns the corner sooner than expected. "Roxie," he hesitates for a moment, studying the carpet, "Dess." Why can he barely even manage to spit out my name? Does he hate me that much since I found out he loves Callie?

When I see him start to move his head upward I immediately put mine down to look as if I'm reading the book. I don't even know what this one is about, but I think he buys it.

He tries to inconspicuously hand a note to Roxie as he slips away, but even with my head in the book I still notice. That boy is hopeless, sneaking is not his forte.

After he is out of the library I put the book down and ask Roxie what's in the note. "Oh, he says he wants me to help him talk to you. I don't know if I should," She bites her lip and looks really torn. "He really seems hung up about you but I don't want him to be able to hurt you again. What do you think?" She asks, looking up. I think he was trying to go for secrecy, but that hardly ever works with my dear Rox, we share everything.

I rest my head in my hand and muse up my auburn hair. What do I want when it comes to him? Can I trust him to be faithful, believe he’s not just looking for a girl naive enough to buy whatever he says? What do I want when it comes to James Sirius Potter? Obviously I’m still infatuated by him, even though we've been over for almost two months. Maybe one talk won't hurt.

"One talk." I say and Roxie immediately grins and nudges Louis who grunts because he appears to have fallen asleep on the table. How can he do that? He sat down not two minutes ago!

 

"Hey Dess." He shuffles in nervously. One thing about James - He doesn't do anything that doesn't drip with confidence. Most everybody has noticed in the last two months how the Weasley (which includes the Potters) pranking quota has gone down enormously. He and his brother Al and his cousin Fred (Roxie's brother) are the trouble makers at the school. Sometimes Lily helps her brothers, but they don't want to be seen hanging out with a third year too often; they think it'll hurt their reputation. Boys are ridiculous.

I slip down off the desk and walk around it to see him properly. "Hi. Roxie said you wanted to talk." Technically I told Roxie to tell him but that doesn't really matter.

"Yeah. I've been waiting for you outside of all your classes but you never seem to want to walk my way." He seems half sincere, half sarcastic. I’m not sure which half I want to buy. What I do know is that we haven’t been alone since we broke up. All I want to do is rush over to him and put my arms around him and maybe kiss him if I’m feeling confident, but he might get the wrong idea out of that. "I decided that the only way I would be able to talk to you was if I set up an appointment." I fake a small smile at his comment and he continues, "But I really don't think we should have broken up Dessy." He looks so somber, something I know he can only pull off if he actually means it, "I don't know how you feel, but I miss you so much. What broke us up was stupid and trivial, nothing that should be able to destroy a great relationship like ours was." Why does he make me feel like this? I want to protect him from all of this hurt but I also want him to come riding in to save the day. I feel like he's a defenseless creature and a knight in shining armor at the same time. How on earth does he do that?

“I was upset with you. I don’t want you dating me if it’s just because you want to fill the title of James Potter’s Girlfriend. And hearing Callie really set me off.” I guess I’m going to be super honest?

"I don’t know what Callie said, but I am still head over heels for you.” Me? "Dess," he closes the five feet between us and stands real close to me, putting both hands on my shoulders. I shift away a little, uncomfortable with the closeness. “I want to make things work with you."

"Why?" I manage to get out. It seems to be getting quite toasty in this room.

"Why?" He asks incredulously stepping back and throwing his arms in the air. "Because you're perfectly you. Nobody else can even compare." He looks me right in the eye with his soft brown eyes that I love so much and I feel the spell unraveling, or raveling, whatever the phrase may be. I'm about to fall for him again. This can't be good.

My body takes the flight instead of fight option ('cause we all know that there would be absolutely no fighting if I stayed) and I'm up in the girl's dorm faster than I've ever been.

As soon as I slam the door open, I run to Roxy’s bed. “What happened?” she exclaims as I jump onto her bed.

“I hate the way he talks to me.”




A/N: Hello all! Thank you for reading! I published this a few years ago, but I finally have time again to work on it and did a lot of edits for both this chapter and the next. I hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you thought!

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