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A/N: Just in case you were too excited, or lazy or whatever to read this chapter summary, I will repeat myself here. This whole prank affair is turning out to be much more..epic..than I expected it to. So, I have split it into three parts. This is part one of three. Enjoy!
Also, review, as I really LOVE to get feedback from you all :) Lovely image by marauderette at TDA!

Paying attention in my classes today is reeeally hard. I mean, even harder than normal. I must have been called on at least seven times so far, and it’s not even lunchtime yet! Most times I can just mumble something and the teacher, afraid to admit that they are losing their hearing, will just nod, and pretend that I just gave the right answer. At least one time I found myself pretending that my lips were actually glued shut, and I was incapable of talking at all, but that didn’t end up so well. Lets just say that teachers aren’t usually as dumb as they look. Flitwick, for example, made me practice really hard spells without even opening my mouth, which is easy to do if you know the spell beforehand, but while learning a completely new, bizarre one? Not so much.

Finally, class lets out, and Hattie and I head down to the great hall. “I keep running the details through in my head. This has to be perfect. It has to be traumatizing! IT HAS TO BE…A THING TO BEHOLD IN ALL OF ITS AWE-INSPIRING AWESOMENESS!” By the end of this mini-rant my arms are thrown up in the air, and I’m smiling wickedly.

An itty-bitty first-year whimpers, dropping all of his books in fright, before racing away from me. Hattie laughs.

“Well done, Max, your reign of terror is officially at hand!” She steps over the boy’s fallen stuff and we continue on; she’s still laughing, but I’m a bit put out by the whole kid-running-away-from-me-in-fear fiasco thingy that just took place. “So, tonight the moon will be relatively large, which means we’ll have to be extra careful, or they might see us,” Hattie says, serious again, her voice lowered considerably.

“Is it full moon?” I ask, frowning. She shakes her head. “Okay, well…right after lunch we need to have another meeting. About the mannequins.”

“Right…you know, I reckon we should have a sort of assembly line, you know? Like I’ll be on bust, Lily on torso, you…erm…features, I suppose…”

“Good idea! We want them to be really realistic, anyway—maybe even make them look a lot like us if we can.”

“Excellent. This is going to be the best prank this school has ever seen!” Hattie giggles, looking a bit evil, I must say.

“And what are you two lovely ladies chatting about?” I cringe as I feel an arm around my shoulder. Dick. “Ello, poppit, how goes it?” He kisses Hattie on the cheek, grinning impishly.

“Oh, hello there, Dick, I almost forgot you two were going out…I mean, what with her always hitting on my brother,” I say. Hattie rolls her eyes.

“Thas alright, luv, I myself have quite the wandering eye…in fact, Max, you look quite sexually alluring today…” He waggles his eyebrows at me, and I pull out from under his arm, grossed-out.

“Please, Dick, refrain from sexually harassing my friends!” Hattie says, but she’s grinning. “Oh, yes…and…Dick…” She’s grinning slyly, giving me wide eyes. I nod infinitesimally. “We sixth- and seventh-year girls have been feeling awfully raunchy lately, and fancy a bit of a splash down in the great lake. Care to join us?” She looks at him from under her lashes, smiling entrancingly. I give her two thumbs up, mouthing ‘nice one’ behind Dick’s back.

“There are things we could do…you know, other than swimming,” he says smoothly, his eyes burning into hers. I fake gagging; Hattie is about to laugh, but quickly turns it into a cough.

“Oh, didn’t I say?” She traces a finger down his chest. He’s so screwed. “We’ll all,” she draws closer to him, “be,” she’s reeeally close now, ewww, “naked.” With that she winks, and then struts off, dragging me behind her, leaving a drooling Dick behind. The second we turn the corner we both burst into laughter.

“Oh…my…GOD!” I’m almost crying I’m laughing so hard, and she’s not much better. “Did you see the look on his face?!?”

“Oh, wow, that was hilarious…what are you going to tell James? And…oooh, what about Jimmy? And…Ben, perhaps?” Her eyes sparkle. “What are you going to tell them?”

“I have a plan,” I say, and with that we head into the noisy great hall, smiles of satisfaction and success on our faces.

You are cordially invited to a dip of the skinny variety, into the Great Lake, tonight at midnight. Be there, or miss out, boys. Oh—this is by invitation only, so no non-approved invites, okay? And be prepared to get naked! WOOT!

This is the note that is given to Dick, Remus, James, Sirius, Jimmy, Peter, and Ben. Lily somehow figures out how to put a suggestive picture of a naked lady partially hidden in the water at the bottom of the notes. When we ask her where she got the image, she just shrugs, and says that she found it in one of the dirty magrags in James’s trashcan.

“Why the hell were you searching through James’s trash can?” I ask. She blushes.

“I thought I lost an earring,” She says, shrugging. I snort.

“Likely. Anyway, good work! Now, how are we going to get them to the boys? I’m not brave enough to do it myself…” I look around the great hall, and grin when I spot the perfect person. “Be right back!” I say, and hop up, hurrying over to the side of the Gryffindor table that most of the little kids sit at.

“Why, hello there,” I say, right into the little-boy-who-ran-away-from-me-earlier’s ear. He almost chokes on his juice, shrinking down in his seat, looking terrified. I pat him comfortingly on the back. “Man up, squirt, I have a secret assignment for you.” He perks up a bit at this, even turning to look at me. His friends also look, curious.

“Y-you’re not going to h-hurt me, are you?” He asks, trying to sound brave. I roll my eyes.

“No, not right now…what’s your name?”


“Not right now, Erwin. Now, I need you to do something for me, okay? Only, no one can know about it. I need you to deliver these for me. Can you do that?” I hand him the notes, which are sealed in perfumed envelopes. He nods. “And these have curses on them, so if you try to open them and they are not meant for you, you will grow a great big horn out your ass. Got it? So don’t snoop. Come on, then, hurry up!”

He hops up and scurries off. His friends are all staring at me, eyes as large as saucers.

“Later,” I say, and head back to the girls. “Okay, ladies, it’s all taken care of! Now, for phase two…”

This room is unbelievably frickin awesome. Like, seriously. Where the hell have you been hiding all my life???

“This should be adequate, I think,” Lily says thoughtfully.

“What’s it called again?” I ask, looking around in awe.

“The Room of Requirements. Okay, shouldn’t we get to work, then?”

“Right!” The room is large, with a massive metal table right in the middle of it, perfect for an assembly line. There are wigs and mannequins everywhere, faceless things, some with missing body parts. “Right…so Lily, you’ll be in charge of touching up the mannequins’ upper halves, making them look more realistic, etc. Hattie, you’ll take the bottom. Eira, you will be in charge of the…um…finer details, like skin tone, etc. And I will do the faces.” We get into a line, and get to work, chatting and gossiping in the mean time. I take a head, and decide it will be Hattie’s. I know the hair doesn’t have to be that great, since it’ll be dark and wet anyway, so I just take a long, dark brown wig from off one of the hooks, and use my wand to seal it onto the “scalp”.

The eyes will probably be the hardest, and probably the least realistic looking. I take two marbles from a jug by the table, embed them into the head with my handy-dandy wand, and then try to make them look more eye-like by giving them eyelids and eyelashes. “Hattie” just stares at me, unblinking. Creepy. I start on the mouth next, which is a lot easier to do. She’s grinning seductively, lips cherry red. Perfect. I set the head aside, and move on to the next one.

It goes on like this for at least two hours, until finally I finish the last head. Then we all help to attach the heads to the necks, and Eira comes up with some awesome body-shape adjustments, and skin colors, stuff like that. And then we stand back, admiring our creations, all of which are staring back at us, smiling blankly.

“Wait just a—Max, did you give me a mustache?” Lily asks, horrified, walking closer to her doll to investigate. I try and hide a snicker, covering my mouth, but she hears, and everyone bursts into laughter. “I look like Hitler!” She says, dismayed. We just laugh harder. Mature, I know. With one flick of the wand the mustache is gone, and Lily is glaring at us, a reluctant smile threatening to surface.

“And now, ladies, we go for the gold.”


On the way back to the Ravenclaw common room, Hattie detours to the library to get some books for a homework assignment. And then, I have the utter misfortune of running into Jimmy. Oh, crap. From the second I see him, I can tell he’s on to us.

“Hello, Jimmy,” I say, trying not to look suspicious. He just looks at me, smirking.

“Let’s walk.” We walk in silence for awhile, and then he looks at me, and says seriously, “So. Just how bad is tonight going to be?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” I say coolly, not looking at him, and speeding up a bit. He matches my pace, seemingly enjoying himself.

“Are you really going to show me your tits?” He asks mockingly, moving so that he’s standing right in front of me walking backwards.

“Are you teasing me?” I ask, infuriated. He just grins.

“Tell me what you’re up to.”

“We’re not up to anything!”

“Yes you are. Tell me.”

“No! Nevvvvvvver!” I try and dodge him, but he grabs my arms, and then we’re sort of awkwardly standing there. “My arm,” I protest, but he doesn’t let it go right away.


“My arm, Jimmy.”

“Oh…right. Sorry.” He lets me go. I brush past him. “But seriously Max…are you sure whatever you’re planning for tonight is such a good idea?”

“Have I ever had a bad idea?” I ask. “Trust me, Jimmy. This is going to be epic. I mean…” I try and catch myself. “When has there been a boy-girl naked swim-out in Hogwarts history? Probably never! So…are you going to be there? Eira is. Just sayin’.”

“I don’t trust you lot for a second. Not even a second! Eira or not, I will not be caught unawares by whatever you’re planning. I’ll stay safely in my room, thank you very much. Maybe I’ll even put to use those binoculars I got last year…” he says thoughtfully. I hit him. He dodges me, and, with an infuriating bow of the head, runs off. I stare after him. Crap. I think he might be onto us.

But I won’t let Jimmy ruin this! No way! This is going to be perfect. It has to be.

“Hey, Max! What are you doing?” Hattie comes up, some books in her arms. “You’re just sort of standing there, zoned out…”

“Jimmy knows something is up,” I say hastily. “What should we do?”

“Nothing, of course! Who cares about Jimmy, anyway?”

Yeah. Who really cares about Jimmy?

I’m actually kind of nervous, now that we only have a couple of hours left to set up. We have to find some way to keep the boys in the castle, out of our way.

“James, darling?” I ask. We’re lying in his bed, side by side. “Do you think you could do me a reeeally big favor?” I smile innocently.

“Oh, no, what have you done?”

“Why does everyone just assume I’m up to something?” I wonder aloud. “I’ve done nothing.” Yet. “But James, could you maybe…umm…could you find something in the library for me?”

“But today that stupid sparkle club or whatever for the first year girls is meeting in there!” He says, looking horrified. “Please don’t make me!”

“I have something I really need to do, and I would love you forever if you helped me out. Maybe your friends could go with you. You could terrorize the firsties, if you want.”

“Really? Can I?” He starts to cheer up. “Well, what do you need, anyway? This can’t take that long.”

“Well…I can’t remember the title, exactly…but it was blue, and pretty thick, I think,” I invent.

“Blue and…thick? Well, that narrows it down. To about three billion books.”

“It might have had some gold on the front, too…maybe…but anyway, I need you to find it. Oh! Now I remember. It was 567 pages long.”

“You remember the number of pages, but not the title?” He asks skeptically.

“My mind works in weird and wacky ways—you should know that by now. So. Will you?”

“Why can’t you, again?”

“Ummm…girl stuff, James. I don’t think you want to know the details.”

“G-girl…stuff?” He asks, his face turning red. “Oh. Oh. Right. Well, then.” He clears his throat. “You do what you have to—er—do, then, and I’ll find your book.”

“Thank you! And take all your friends with you, to keep you company, okay?”

“Damn straight, I will! They are not getting out of this.”


And that’s how it’s done, ladies and gentlemen.

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Lily whispers, as we peek out from behind a wall, all of us giggling and excited.

“Yes! Come on!” It’s getting dark outside, dark enough that people won’t be able to see us from the castle if they look out, hopefully. We’re each carrying our mannequins; it’s actually pretty hard to do, without tripping. We make it out of the castle, and to the lake with only minor difficulties. Once we’re there, we stop, and look out at the still water.

“We are about to make history,” Eira whispers, eyes gleaming. “Eternal fucking history.”

“Right on, sista!” I say. “Okay, now we just have to levitate them out…”

“So…we’re not actually going in the water?”

“No, Hattie. Unless you want to. I’m sure the giant squid would enjoy your company.”

She laughs, and then all of us raise our wands in unison. It’s eerie, sort of, when we all lift our mannequins up into the air, floating, wobbling towards the deeper water of the lake. We have to make sure they’re far enough out, or else the whole thing will be ruined. Then all at once we release our charms, and the dolls plummet into the water, and are briefly submerged. They all pop up again, though, hair wet, smiles in place. They really do look real from here. I put an arm around Lily, and one around Eira.

“Ladies,” I say, “I have never been so proud. I think I might just cry.”

“Please don’t, or I may have to kill you,” Lily says cheerfully enough. I grin.

“Yes, Lily darling, alright.”

“You know, this is really going to anger James.”

“Eh. Worth it. Sooooo worth it. And anyway, he can’t exactly complain; if he gets pissed, it’s just because he’s jealous that he didn’t think of it first.” I shrug, unconcerned. “What time is it?”

“Eleven. What do we do now?”

“Now,” I say, walking over into the protection of the forest, “Now, we wait.”

A/N: Next chapter will be funnier; I have already started to write it, so let me just give you a preview to whet your appetite:


“Goddamit, Max!” James looked hatefully over at the massive pile of blue and gold books on one of the tables in the library. “Five-hundred and sixty-fucking-seven pages my arse…” Not a single book. Not one single book had that exact number of pages in it. Oh, sure, there were books with 568 pages, and even ones with 566 pages. He cursed again, and kicked an especially large volume with 563 pages as hard as he could. It was much heavier than he’d expected it to be, and therefore when it landed, it landed with a massive thud. “
Shit!” He heard the librarian scurrying towards him, and hastily took cover, trying to ignore his throbbing toe.

“I know you’re in here somewhere!” She hissed, glaring beadily around. “Wicked, wicked child, damaging books! No respect. NO RESPECT, I TELL YOU! These books, so old, their pages so full of knowledge, oh yes, much more knowledge than you will ever understand…filthy, disparaging hoodlums…I’ll wring all of your necks some day!” And with that Madam Pince slunk away, still muttering angrily under her breath.

“Crazy old bat,” James muttered, and was about to resume his search for the mysterious blue book when someone came literally flying at him from behind. “What the--!”

;) hehe Well hope that got you excited for the next chapter! It may be a while until I can submit it, since this time of year is always extremely busy, but please bare with me, I will update as often as I can. Thank you all for your compliments, and please keep reviewing!

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