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A/N: In response to Jessi's Media Challenge on SAYS. The song lyrics are from the song Pain by Three Days Grace - Given to me by Jessi.

~~*~~

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all


She hated this feeling. The feeling of complete uselessness and the pain of not being with him. Harry was her world, her everything...but he was also somewhere, far away from her. Sitting alone in the common room, feeling every bit lonely...the normal presence of her brother, Hermione and Harry was left cold and empty. No-one could fill that void and no-one could comfort her the way she needed to be comforted.

It didn't take her long to think about it, once the thought was in her head, that was all she needed. She wanted out, out of the common room, out of the castle walls, out of Hogwarts! As she opened the portrait door, she could hear the fat lady gasp.

"Don't go out there, you'll be punished!" the portrait said to her fleeing back.

"I don't care," she whispered. She hoped to be caught, because she'd rather feel the pain of her punishment then the pain of not having Harry beside her.

Walking the halls in silence, she finally began to let her mind drift. She had to keep her thoughts off Harry, it was the only way she was going to survive this hell. It didn't surprise her that the halls were deathly silent. Ever since Snape and the Carrow's took over, even the ghosts were afraid to come out at night. Peeves had not been seen all year, Myrtle never emerged from the pipes and not even so much as the slightest squeak came from the statues or armour.

She could barely even hear the sound of her feet and thought that perhaps sneaking around the Burrow had perfected her spying skills. A smile slowly made its way upon her face. Spying! She wished she could spy on something; at least it would be helping in some way, instead of being stuck in the Castle of doom!

Rounding a corner, she sighed, knowing that it wasn't ever going to be. A stab of pain wiggled its way into her heart and tears began welling in her eyes.

"NO!" she said in a loud, frustrated whisper. "Don't let it get to you, be strong!" she willed herself, but her emotions betrayed her and her tears fell.

"Damn it!" She said louder and hit the stone wall with the side of her balled up fist. "Ow!" she whined as the pain hit her senses and she stopped to brace her hand against her chest.

"Well, that was stupid!" A familiar voice echoed around her and she spun around.

She gasped in surprise, but quickly recovered. "Go to hell, Malfoy!" she spat and turned around once again and kept moving.

"That's the way to the Entrance Hall," Draco's voice called out to her. "I believe the Gryffindor Common room is on the seventh floor?"

Ginny paused, shook her head and kept on walking. She heard him jog after her, but instead of rounding her off and ordering her to stop, he fell into step beside her, walking quietly with her.

"What are you doing?" She whispered

"I'm escorting you," he said and she could ‘hear' him smirk, although she couldn't see his face properly.

"Escorting me where?"

He shrugged. "To where ever you are going,"

"But, I'm not going anywhere, so go away!"

He chuckled. "You know I can't do that,"

"Fine! Then turn me over to your Death Eater pals and let's get this over with!" She stopped this time and rounded upon him, taking him by surprise.

Draco raised his brow at her and smiled. "Oh, trust me. The thought of you being tortured is quite delicious," He licked his lips as if to emphasise his words. "But I don't want to turn you in."

"Why not?" She folded her arms across her chest and scowled at him, making him smirk at her.

"I don't feel like it!" He said with a lazy shrug.

"What do you mean, you don't feel like it? Isn't that your job!" She questioned him further, trying to understand him.

"Yes, I suppose it is."

She frowned at his answer. It wasn't his words though, that made her frown, but the look on his face. His amusement disappeared and there was a...sadness about him that she couldn't place.

"Hmmm," she said, dropping her hands by her side and turned around once again. She began to walk, slightly ahead of him now. It took him a moment to realise she had moved again and he caught up to her.

"So, where are we going?" He asked.

"I don't know." She sighed. "I didn't have a planned destination. I'm just walking," This time he stopped beside her and she stopped to turn to face him. "Why did you stop?"

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand


He slowly extended his hand out to her, unsure of why, but curious to find out if she'd take it. "Let me show you something,"

She looked at his hand, wondering for a moment if she should or shouldn't. Then she remembered why she was here, away from the comfort and safety of the common room and she took his hand with hers. Their eyes met briefly and she couldn't help but gasp. In that moment, she saw all of his defences gone. There were no walls of safety pulled up to protect him, there was no pretending how he was feeling.

"You feel it too, don't you?" she whispered, but he gave away nothing.

"Just follow closely," he said and with that, they were walking again.

She never resisted him, she never once asked where he was taking her, she simply put her trust and faith in him and although that should shock and surprise her, it didn't. Nothing that they were doing, sharing or saying was making any sense, and she trusted that more then any rational thought she could come up with.

Soon enough, they were outside of the castle, heading towards the forbidden forest. Alarm bells should have sounded off in her head, but she felt calm and relaxed. Draco's hand in hers felt warm and comforting and she knew...He could lead her to her death and she'd gladly follow him.

Before they should take the turn to the forest though, Draco veered off to the left. This time, Ginny was surprised.

"Where are we going?" She said and in the silence, her words seemed so loud.

"Shhh." Was all that she was given back in return.

They stopped at a stone wall and Ginny looked confused. It looked like Draco had led her outside of the Castle walls and they were staring at the boundary, but on the outside, not the inside.

"This can't be right?" Ginny whispered, though not aware she had spoken aloud.

"No, this is perfectly right," Draco whispered closely to her ear.

She jumped slightly, unaware of how close he was to her and held her breath. For the first time, she could smell the slight scent of the cologne he wore. It was a mixture of musk and spices, making him more alluring then she ever thought he could be.

"Can you find a door?" He smirked and challenging her.

Looking surprised at him, and then at the wall that she could barely see and laid her hands flat on it. She began the tedious task of feeling her way down the length, wondering what this door could be and where it would lead. It seemed like forever in   the dark silence and she was about to give up when her hands his something colder and darker then the wall. Lightly she knocked and realised she'd come to some sort of solid steel gate...No, a door!

"I found it!" She shrieked in excitement and Draco chuckled behind her, causing her to jump slightly again. "You really should stop that!" she said harshly, as she felt the hot flush creep across her cheeks.

"Stop what?"

"Sneaking up behind me." She said flatly, making Draco chuckle again.

"Reveal your secret." Draco whispered, making Ginny frown.

"What?"

"Reveal your secret to the door. It's the only way to gain entry." Draco said and stepped slightly away from her.

Turning to face the door, Ginny stared at the darkness that she could only assume was the door. She wracked her brain for a secret. She had many secrets, so which would be the right one? She felt foolish standing there, staring into the darkness with Draco not that far away from her, then suddenly, it came to her.

Taking a deep breath she leaned in closer to what she thought was the door and whispered. "I like him!"

She heard a scraping noise and jumped back slightly, gasping as the door began to move. It seemed to slide to the left, opening of its own accord and she was scared. She felt something warm slide into her hand, giving it a light squeeze.

This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand


For reasons unknown, feeling Draco's hand in hers comforted her enough that she was able to take that step through the door. She heard the door close and felt that Draco was right behind her. What she wasn't expecting, was what came next.

Blinding light surrounded them and Ginny covered her eyes, stepping back away from whatever this light was, only, she forgot that Draco was behind her and collided into him.

"Oh," Ginny breathed as she looked up at him and caught her breath.

Looking at him from this angle, made the light shine and shimmer around him and he looked angelic in that moment. The light slowly faded and settled to ‘daylight'. Ginny blinked her eyes as she tried to adjust to the unnatural light. Birds began to chirp, butterflies zoomed past her and bees hummed around brightly coloured flowers. She moved away from Draco, unable to grasp the magical beauty she was surrounded with.

"I found this last year," Draco said softly. "I've come here to think...or hide, ever since. I don't know what this place is, but I know anything that is said and done within these walls, never leaves. It holds all your secrets."

Ginny walked on, Draco's voice fading into the background, the sights before her spellbound her. "This is..." she shook her head, unable to think of a word to describe it all. "Beautiful..." she whispered and smiled back at Draco.

He simply nodded at her, though he never returned her smile and she frowned. Something else seemed to flicker in her mind and her frown deepened.

"What is it?" He asked as she approached her.

"Well, you said you found this place last year?"

Draco nodded.

"But, then how did we not know..." She drifted off, not knowing if she should reveal as much as she already had.

He laughed. "Ah, you mean when your boyfriend was following me?" Ginny nodded slowly, unaware that he had known about that.

Draco shrugged. "Like I said, this place holds all your secrets. I never wanted anyone to know I came here, so I guess it made sure no-one knew."

"Why show me?" Ginny asked. She had the one burning, question. Why her?

Again, Draco shrugged at her and moved to sit on a low brick wall that held a rather spectacular array of rose bushes in them. He dragged his hands through his hair then down over his face and then rubbed the palms of his hands against his legs.

"Where do I start?" He asked with a slight laugh.

"From the beginning?" she offered, though she wasn't sure how much Draco would actually reveal to her.

With a sigh, he stared at the ground. "If Potter succeeds, if he defeats the Dark Lord, you'll probably marry him, have a bunch of kids and live a normal happy life. I, on the other hand, will be lucky to see through the year."

Ginny blinked, wondering if she'd just dreamed of Draco's confession...Wait, is this a confession? She thought. She moved to sit beside him, her silence somehow making him continue.

"This isn't how I thought it would be." He shook his head as he looked around him. "I never really understood the...darkness that surrounded my family, not untill last year, anyway." He laughed slightly, finding the humor in his situation. "I watched my father be tortured over my failure," Draco's voice cracked as his emotion took hold. Tears threatened to spill, but he held them back. "That was my punishment, to watch him suffer!"

Draco stopped and took a few deep breaths, taking back control of the emotions he lost. Ginny took this time to process everything, but she was still confused.

"Why are you telling me this?" She asked softly.

Draco smiled. Not his normal, cruel smile...but an actual smile and turned slightly to face her. "Because I know that anything I say to you now, will never leave these walls."

"But why?" Ginny simply couldn't understand it all. "Why tell me this? Why now? You know, if you want to change sides, you can. I know how to get in touch with the order, we can find a way..."

Ginny was cut off by a sound she had never heard before. Draco was laughing. Not his normal sarcastic laugh, or his showing off laugh...This was real laughter, the kind you'd hear if you had just said the funniest joke.

"Do you really think I'd be alive, right now, if I even thought of doing something like that?" Draco said once his laughter subsided. "Snape and the Carrow's would have my head in an instant!" There was no trace of humor on his face now. "At least I'm still alive. I'd like to think that someday, I might have the chance at being married and possibly have children."

"You can, there's no reason why you can't?" Ginny said quickly. "You don't have to be the way that you are, outside these walls. Be the person you are now!"

Chuckling, Draco smirked and shook his head. "You still don't get it do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why don't you shout it out for the world to know that you are in love with the great Harry Potter?" Draco began, his normal taunting voice was back. "Go on, tell everyone how you love him and you will be with him once all this is over."

The pain in Ginny's eyes was evident and she looked away from him as the heat rose in her cheeks. "You know why I can't!" she answered tightly.

"Then you know why I can't be this way outside these walls!"

It took Ginny a moment, but she finally sighed, giving in to Draco's words. She looked at him, her tears falling. "So we both live with the pain of the truth?"

Nodding his head, Draco sighed too. "Yes, we do."

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all


The days and nights passed and at roughly the same time each night, Draco and Ginny would meet in their garden. Sometimes their time was spent chatting, getting to know each other, as if meeting for the first time. Other times, they both sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts. But they never once missed a night. It was like meeting a long lost, best friend. They could confide in each other, take comfort in a time where the kind of comfort they needed was forbidden.

Soon enough though, their time would have to be divided. The final battle was coming, they both knew it. They both sensed it. One night, during one of their silent times, Ginny sat beside him.

"What will we do after?" She asked him.

"After what?" He looked at her with a confused face.

"After the battle. After Harry defeats him?"

Draco stared at her for a while, not knowing how to answer. "What do you mean?"

Ginny's heart was racing, and she couldn't look at him. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her robe, pulling at a loose thread. "How can I go back to the way things were...with you I mean, after all of this?"

"Because you'll have no choice." Draco smiled as she finally looked at him, surprised by his answer. "This is our secret, bound by these walls. No-one will ever know that any of this happened. Only you and I."

Ginny nodded, understanding now what he meant. There were many times she was sure she was going to slip up and tell her secret to someone. But always at the last moment, something would overcome her and something else would slip from her lips. Even a very well formed lie that she never thought of before. Ginny knew, that within these walls, she was the safest she could ever be.

"Then no-one would ever know about the kiss." She whispered.

"What kiss?" Draco asked her in confusion.

"This kiss!" Ginny said softly, before leaning in and placing her lips over his.

Feeling Ginny's lips shocked him and he pulled back instantly, but she wouldn't let him escape. Her lips found his again, but this time he surrendered to them. The desperation mixed with hope he felt coming from her overwhelmed him, yet he clung to her, kissing her back with just as much hunger as she gave him.

He felt wetness upon his cheeks and opened his eyes. She was crying and this only spurred him on. His hunger turned into a passion that even he couldn't describe. He knew what she was feeling. Pain! It hurt to kiss and share something with someone other than the person you loved. It hurt that the happiest times you've shared lately are with your mortal enemy. It hurt that soon, they'd have to say goodbye.

Ginny pulled on his neck and they tumbled backwards. She ended up on her back and he was half on top of her, their lips never parted. He felt Ginny's hands creep into his robe and tug and pull at his layers, trying to free them to get to his skin. He knew where this was heading, normally he wouldn't care, but for some odd reason, this time he cared...he cared very much!

Pulling away from her, almost smiling at her protest of losing his lips, Draco stared down into her chocolate coloured eyes.

"Are you sure?" was all he could manage to ask.

"Yes!" Her breathy sigh made him crash his lips to hers.

That night, in their garden of secrets, they planted another one they had to hide forever.

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand


She had missed three nights worth of meetings. Not on purpose, but because the door wouldn't open. At first, she thought that maybe someone had found out, someone was blocking the way in, but when she past Draco in the hall earlier that day, he was particularly nasty to her, so she knew he was mad that she hadn't been to see him.

It was the forth night and she whispered her usual secret, but still, the door didn't budge. She looked at it with a blank stare, as if the wall understood her confusion. Was it also aware that the last three nights had been the worst she'd had in a long time? Was it aware that the pain she felt now was far grater then the pain she felt the first day we went through its doors?

She wanted to kick the door down, bust it open, force her way in...but it was as solid as a concrete floor. There was no getting in and she pounded her fists on the door.

"JUST LET ME IN!" She screamed, ready to break down and crumble to the ground. She felt hot tears roll down her cheeks, unaware they were even there. "Please..." she whispered as she sobbed against the cold hard door.

"Your secret has obviously changed." His voice startled her and she whipped around in the darkness.

Stepping out of the shadows, Draco revealed himself. He thought something might be wrong, that she wouldn't have guessed the right way to enter. He guessed straight away...but she obviously didn't get it and that angered him more then anything else.

"What do you mean?" She sniffled then frowned when he laughed at her.

"Something has changed, your secret is now something else." He answered coolly, but before Ginny had time to understand what he meant, she was in his arms and his lips were upon hers.

She melted into him, gave in without a fight. Her arms wrapped firmly around his neck, pulling him closer to her. She almost giggled as she thought that if she had a wooden stake, she'd make her claim right then and there...Then she gasped and her lips froze against his and her whole body tensed up.

Draco pulled away slightly, saw the look on her face and wanted to run away and hide. She had guessed, figured it out and she hated it. She didn't want it to be this way, it wasn't their intention when their meetings first started. But now, things have changed and he welcomed it, but she didn't. He stepped away from her, the sharp stab he felt in his heart was worse then seeing her confused face.

She turned slowly, stepped up towards the door. She leaned in slightly and whispered.

"I love Draco Malfoy."

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later


The door moved, making the familiar scraping noise she was so used to hearing these days and had missed. She stepped inside the garden, taking in its beauty that she had longed to see for so long and sighed. How could she not have realised sooner? How could she not have known her feelings had changed? Did this mean she no longer loved Harry?

She wasn't aware that Draco had followed behind her, she wasn't even aware of the new sadness that crashed its way inside of him. The shock of realising the truth was still settling in and she wasn't sure how to react. This time she did crumble to the ground, grasping to breathe. Everything was hitting her at once, overloading her to the point where she couldn't take any more.

Draco was by her side in an instant, holding her reassuring her that everything was going to be okay, that they'd find a way. But she knew, it was helpless. Their secret would stay within these walls, they wouldn't be able to say or do anything that would betray that secret...They made it that way by continuing their friendship here.

Shaking her head and finding her breath, Ginny whispered out into the garden. "We can never be, these walls won't let us. I can never betray Harry that way and you couldn't ever betray your family. We only exist here, outside of these walls, there is no us!"

Draco tightened his arms around her, he couldn't speak, for he knew that she was right. He wished he could change things, build his relationship with her without the safety of the walls, but even that wasn't possible. The war was coming, Voldemort was on his way, Potter was soon to arrive, and here they were, in love and unable to live with their secrets.

"No matter what, I swear...I'll always love you, I'll always be there if you need me." He whispered in her ear.

"No you won't," she shook her head then turned to face him. "You'll do what you must in order to survive this war and I'll fight by Harry's side. That's the way we are destined to be. You'll meet someone fantastic, fall in love with her and have the family you have always dreamed of having."

"And you?" He asked with a shaking voice.

"I'll marry Harry and have a bunch of children," she half laughed and sniffled.

"I'll always love you," He whispered.

"And I'll always love you."

They shared their last kiss in their garden of secrets.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all



Many years had passed and they stayed true to their words. Harry defeated the Dark Lord the next night and after all the commotion was over, Ginny threw herself into playing Quidditch. She loved Harry, she really did, but she needed time away from him to for get about Draco. Once her career ended, she finally settled with Harry and they had their children.

She now stood at the door she had forced herself to forget all those years ago. She should be getting ready for Lily's graduation, but she had to see her garden, just once more. She was sure her secret was still the same that it hadn't changed over the years but she still stood with such uncertainty in her kind.

"Just say it already!"

Ginny laughed and turned and there was the face she had so longed to see for so long. "I should have known you'd be here."

"When I heard that you were going to be here, I knew you'd never resist the chance to see the garden again." Draco smiled as he stepped up closer to her.

"Why are you here?" Ginny asked, knowing that his son had graduated a couple of years ago.

"I knew you'd be here." He shrugged and Ginny laughed. "So, are you going to open the door, or what?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "No, you haven't changed at all!" she smiled though and turned to face the door once again. Leaning in, she whispered. "I love Draco Malfoy."

The door moved and Draco's arms wrapped around her waist from behind. "How long do we have?"

"An hour, at most." Ginny whispered, feeling all the things she had forgotten.

"Then let's make this count!" Draco whispered back.

His lips were on hers as he picked her up and carried her inside of the garden. The door closed behind them, locking in their secret forever.

 

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