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I woke up to the crinkling of a plastic bag. I turned onto my right side slowly to see Marlene setting out two small cartons of my favorite ice cream - Phish Food - onto my bedside table. She smiled at me like she was a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar, and then she smiled at me.

"'Morning, sleepy head." She said sitting next to me as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I hadn't slept much last night. "So." She said slowly. "I talked to Carina, and she told me that you were a wreck yesterday, and your note is worrying me. So what's up?"

I swallowed, and took a deep breath. "After I left you to go find Remus, I found him. And he...” I trailed off.

"He...?" She prodded touching my arm.

"He broke up with me." And the pain in my heart came back.

"Oh my gosh, Addy! I am so sorry." She scooted closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"That's not it." I whispered quietly.

"Oh?" She said, obviously surprised.

"I told you I did something bad." I said pained, I didn't want to talk about it, but I knew that Marlene would know what to do, and that she would be there for me. "After that, I was so hurt that I drank... a lot."

"You drank?" She was surprised again.

I ignored the comment and moved on. "I got kind of loopy, and well, everyone kept pushing me around so I just went upstairs. I went into the first door I that saw hoping for some quiet, and, well, Sirius was there. I basically started bawling, and then I can't even remember the rest, but I woke up in his bed naked, and I could just tell we'd done it..."

"Oh my gosh. Were you safe?"

"I don't even know!" The tears were on their way. "I don't even remember barely any of it! I don't remember how long we did, how we did, where we did it, or even if I had thrown up on him while we did which is very possible seeing as how drunk I was." The tears spilled over. Marlene squeezed me.

"So what did you do after you woke up?" She said gently.

"It's not that clear of a memory... But I left. And I climbed up the tree on the side of my house and somehow got into the bathroom window, then Carina helped me the rest of the way. And then yesterday morning Remus came over, and woke me up telling me he wanted me back!" I started sobbing.

"And do you? Do you want to be back with him?" Marlene said rubbing my arm.

"I don't know. I don't think I do. I still really love him, but I can't." Then it was clear. "I can't go back out with him, Marlene. I don't want to be hurt like that again. And if he did it once, who's to say he won't again?"

"You're right." Marlene said. I felt a little better, it was good to hear someone agree with me; Marlene always knew what to say. "Does Remus know?"

"He knows who I slept with someone and it really hurt him, but I can't tell him who it was with. Sirius is his best friend. I still love him, Marlene, and that would kill him."

"I understand. Have you talked to Sirius?"

"Well, he came over, but it hurt too much to see him so I told him to leave."

"Addy, I think you need to talk to him."

"I don't want too." I said looking at her, confused. Why should I talk to him?

"Because, whether you remember it or not, you had sex with him. Talking to him will make you feel a little better, not all the way, but better. You need to work things out; you need to talk about it. To make sure both of you are on the same page. You have to make sure that he doesn't read too much into it." I knew she was right.

"It hurts too much..." Marlene reached over and popped an ice cream carton open, grabbed a spoon and handed it too me. I scooped it, and took a bite, the chocolate and caramel oddly helped.

"I know, Ads. But I think you have too."

"Sadly, I think you're right." I took a deep breath and wiped my face clear. Having her here helped me think more clearly. I unexpectantly hugged her, and smiled weakly. "Thanks, Marlene."

"And, hey, I know how much it hurts. I've had my fair share of heartbreaks. It'll get better in time. I promise you." She rubbed my back, and grabbed at my ice cream, and we laughed together as I pulled it away out of her reach.


The night was warm as I walked down the street. It was a bit of a walk, but it gave me time to clear my head. Seeing Marlene this morning had really helped. Hanging out with her had helped me feel better, and I felt better by not ignoring my problems, but by talking about them. That had caused my breakthrough. I could push everything away, but in the end it was still going to be there and still hurt, or I accept what happened, and start getting over it.

I had made a mistake. An enormous mistake, but just because I didn't think about didn't mean that it hadn't happened. I realized that it was going to hurt for a while, but I would get over it... hopefully.

I came to the house I had been looking for and I stepped up onto the porch and crossed over to the door.

I took a deep breath and knocked three times on it. My heartbeat sped as I waited. I heard footsteps, and took another deep breath as the door opened.

"Addison Marcotte." James said with a goofy smile.

"Hi." He was wearing boxers and a T-shirt, and I felt really uncomfortable. "Is Sirius home?"

"Booty call?" Without thinking, I slapped him hard across the face. Where had that come from? "Ow!" he said rubbing his face. "I get it, sore subject." I pushed past him; I would find Sirius myself. I was angry, and I had wanted to handle this calmly.

I found the door I had gone in that night and I pulled it open. The room was dark and I almost left, but I noticed him lying in the bed. I checked the time; it was 9 o'clock, I never thought he'd be going to bed this early during the summer.

I kicked the bed with my foot. "Get up!" He leaped about four feet into the air, and then turned around and glared at me. Suddenly his face softened.

"Addison. What are you doing here?"

"You told him?!" I said loudly.

"Woah, woah, what?"

"You told James that we slept together?!" He looked frightened.

"Addison! I'm sorry, he's my best mate. Please calm down." I stood there fuming for a few seconds, and he reached over and turned on a lamp. It was then that I noticed that he was shirtless. I averted me eyes, not wanted to swoon over his perfect muscles as so many others did. I think he noticed, because he grabbed a shirt from the ground and pulled it over his head. He swung his legs off his bed, and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told him.”

"I think we should talk." I said. He looked up at me.


"I think we should talk." I repeated in an even voice, forcing myself to be calm and not angry.

"Oh, um, okay." He paused and then patted the bed beside him. I hesitated; I didn't want to be on his bed, it brought back memories. I glanced around the room. "Uh... Here." Sirius said getting up and walking over to his desk and pulling out the chair and setting it in front of his bed where he sat, and motioned towards it.

I sat down slowly.

"So." Sirius said studying my face. "Why the change? You looked pretty made up when I came and tried to see you last night."

"Yeah, well I talked to Marlene and I just think this is best."

"Okay, so what's on your mind?"

“I just wanted to make sure, that you know that it didn’t mean anything.” I said watching him. In the dim light of the one lamp I couldn’t quite make out the details of his facial expression, but he was massaging his forearm with his hand gently.

“I… yeah, I figured.”

“I have a question.”


“Did you... do you have a girlfriend?” He looked up at me them, and smiled oddly.

“No. I don’t and I didn’t.”

“Good because I would’ve felt even worse.”

“You feel bad?” The answer seemed so obvious, did he even have to ask?

“Yeah. I do. How am I supposed to feel? I mean… my boyfriend breaks up with me for no good reason, I get so drunk, and now I feel so… slutty. I told myself I would never have a one night stand.” I said my voice cracking a little. Tears didn’t come, I think I was too cried out to cry again.

“Addison.” He reached out for me and I flinched away, but he reached again, and took my hand in his and held it between the two of his. I didn’t want him touching me, and I tried to pull away, but he held my hands firmly. “Addison, listen to me, okay?” He found my eyes. “Remus doesn’t deserve you, if he is going to be inconsiderate enough to break your heart without so much as a reason, then he’s not worth it.”

“He tried to get back together the next morning.” I said quietly. I felt his grip loosened, and somewhere in the back of my mind panicked because it didn’t want him to let go. The panic surprised me, two seconds ago I hadn’t even wanted him to touch me, but I welcomed his warmth.

“Tried?” His hands stayed around mine, and that small part of my mind was happy.

“I didn’t… get back with him. I don’t want to hurt like that again.” There was silence, and neither of us spoke for a moment. I’m not sure that he knew what to say.

“Oh.” Was all that came out; he seemed surprised. “You’re not slutty, you know?”

“I slept with you, while drunk, and we’re not even in a relationship. Heck, you’re my ex’s – ” that word felt foreign on my tongue “ – best friend!”

“We all do things we regret. But that doesn’t change who we are.”

I considered that, and it seemed true. I felt a little better. Then I had to ask; “Were we safe…?” I said timidly looking down at our hands. I had to know. He squeezed my hand.

“Yes, Addison, we were.”


“This is going to change things isn’t it?” I looked up at him, not sure what he was talking about. “Are we still going to be friends?” Sirius and I had never been really close, but we had been friends. It was inevitable; he was one of Remus’ best friends, so we spent a lot of time together.

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully. His expression changed, and I saw something that looked like sadness in his eyes. “It’ll be… weird. And I don’t know if I can be around Remus. At least not right now…”

“I’m not with him all the time.” His voice almost sounded pleading.

“I just don’t know, Sirius.”

“Okay.” He said quietly.

“And don’t tell him, okay?”


“Remus. I think it will really hurt him if he knew, and I don’t want to hurt him… at least I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I have.”

He kissed my hand gently, so suddenly I didn’t even realize what he was doing. Then he looked into my eyes, “I promise I won’t.”


A/N: I don't know, this chapter seemed a bit rushed to me, but I'm just too excited to get to the good parts! Which are coming up. And, honestly, I didn't want to write depressingly (haha, is that a word) anymore. I was going through a bunch of different emotions when I wrote this so sorry if it seems as those Addison has major mood swings. Hahaa, I wrote half of it at one time and then another half the next day.

Please review! I want some feedback here people!
Thanks, I love you my lovely readers!

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