I know that eavesdropping is wrong, and that it could be doubly horrible if it’s your ex that you’re trying to hear, but this was essential. I curled around a corner and listened hard. A lot of the other students had gone to bed, but I was waiting for who I knew would be there.
Sirius stood there, James by his side, talking. I loved the way the fire lit up his eyes, like devilish orbs of ecstasy. How odd, that I should notice now…
“So what’s the problem?” James was saying. Sirius shook his head, taking a swig of firewhiskey, and then clearing his throat.
“That’s it, mate, I dunno! She’s completely mental sometimes! I mean, one moment I’m all cuddly as fuck, the next she’s practically ready to blow and running away! Chick’s fucking mental!” I winced as Sirius breathed again. I knew he was slightly drunk, but even the alcohol in the firewhiskey wasn’t potent enough to induce anger from nowhere. That was there before the drinking.
I sighed running my hand through my hair, which was starting to grow and produce ugly brown roots. I scrunched up my nose when I thought about how annoying the beauty charms are to get rid of roots. My eyes flew back to where Sirius and James were standing, still talking.
James had been saying something, but I only caught the last word, “her?”
Sirius grumbled something, taking another swig and swallowing rather hard, his face twisting a bit. Then he exhaled, “’s just, sometimes I feel like…well, do you ‘member that annoying book they made us read for Muggle Studies, with Homer or whatever, and all those singing fish?”
“The Odyssey?” Sirius nodded. “Those were sirens, Padfoot.”
“Right, well, I feel like she’s a singing siren, and I’m this little sailor. And y’know me, mate, I’m no fucking innocent little sailor, but she’s makes me feel like a pansy kid—anyway, I feel her singing fish song and I’m pulled in, and I just keep getting pulled in, but she’s just doesn’t seem to really want me to die, y’know?”
James stared at Sirius for a long moment, processing the information. Sirius took yet another swig of firewhiskey and coughed, almost spitting up on himself, but knowing how to handle his alcohol. I grimaced when I thought about how the firewhiskey affected him.
I let my hands tangle into my hair, feeling more than a little bit annoyed at what had just occurred. Siren? Is he crazy?
I shook my head again, fighting the urge to sneeze and holding my breath. There’s a light pounding above my head, and suddenly Lily comes into view. She’s as keen as mustard, bouncing over to James and telling him something. Whatever it is, it confuses him. She takes his hand rather roughly and pulls him to the staircase she just leapt away from. They disappear, leaving Sirius with nothing.
I begin to detach myself from my honourable hiding position when suddenly there’s more banging. Mute is in view now, and she looked torn. She stopped just in front of Sirius, who observed her for a few moments before she walked towards Remus. The two left together.
Now Sirius was alone, drinking and mumbling to himself. I pulled away from my dark corner and walked a little ways away so that he wouldn’t see where I was hiding. Then I approached him.
“Sirius,” I called. His head turned towards me and his eyes darkened.
“Unless you have a fantastic excuse, I wouldn’t bother,” He told me, taking yet another guzzle of firewhiskey.
“I can’t be your girlfriend, Sirius,” I sighed and released all the air I had in my lungs. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but it was miniscule compared to the one on my heart. “I can’t be your anything.”
“Why not? We get on, Milla, and you’re being ridiculous!” It was a drunken response, and although I knew that our romance had been built upon deceit and confusion every word we were speaking up until now was truth.
“I just don’t do well with relationships. Once there’s a title on it, it’s not as special. I want to be the one you can’t wait to see, not the girl you always and have to see…” I trailed off, but I think he got my meaning. Sirius nodded, his eyes fixed upon the ground.
“Friends?” He finally said. I nodded, feeling the level of my bragging rights chances dropping even more. “I don’t want to be.”
“You’ll have to deal.” I told him, sticking my chin up ever so lightly. He nodded again, looking at the ground once more.
“Just be m’ girlfriend?” He groaned. I shook my head, taking a deep breath.
“This is going in circles! Let’s talk when you’re not drunk.”
“No! Just agree to be my girlfriend and this will all go away.”
“You’re being unreasonable,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair, he mimicked me. “Let’s just go on living and not stick any labels on it?”
“I don’t want to pretend.” He pulled me to him, rushing to put his lips on mine, but I kept resisting. He moved his lips over mine, running his hand over my back, in my hair, and along my chin. This was ridiculous.
Note to self, never make out with an angry drunk guy. Ever again.
It wasn’t bad, just completely unromantic. And yes, even I can be a helpless oaf when it comes to matters of the heart, but this wasn’t something that I wanted to file into my memory. I shoved him off of me.
“I’ll talk to you again when you’ve learned some manners!” I shrieked. I rushed up the stairs and into my dorm, cursing at myself in my head and rubbing my wet eyes with the backs of the knuckles. Humility is the curse of the romantic schleps.
Dont hurt me! It will get better! I promise! Please review!
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