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Chapter 22

 

Jazz and Snuffles

 

***

 

Previously on My Brain and Black…

 


“Where were you Jess? We were worried sick.” Sirius said quietly, looking down at her sadly.

 

Jess bit her lip as she looked at Sirius. The boy in front of her didn’t look a bit like the womanizing prankster she’d grown accustomed to, but rather a very sad version of the bubbly little boy she had befriended so long ago. Jess sighed and shrugged, “ I just needed to think,” she said quietly, looking at her toes.

 

“About what?” Sirius asked quietly, looking at her.

 

“About how much I… I miss being friends with you.” Jess mumbled looking up at Sirius.

 

***

 

“I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal.” -Vita Sackville- West

 

***

The common room was dead silent. Most would assume this was due to the fact that the whole castle was in the great hall stuffing their faces with various jellies and pies; but those who had just heard the words that had been uttered from Jessie Spring’s lips knew that there was a completely different reason for the eerie quiet and tense atmosphere permeating the room.

 

Sirius stared at Jessie. His mouth was agape and a mask of shock sat on his face. Jessie’s cheeks were a bright cherry red and she had begun to stare intently at the carpet again. Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times as he attempted to form a syllable. Jess looked back up at him shyly. Sirius swallowed.

 

“You what?” Sirius managed to hoarsely whisper.

 

Jess scratched her neck and looked anywhere but Sirius’ face, “ I… I miss you.”

 

“I don’t understand? How can you miss me? I’m right here,” Sirius asked walking closer and putting his hands on his hips. Jessie’s head whipped up and she looked at him incredulously, “No Sirius, I miss you, the real you. I miss my best friend! I miss the person you haven’t been in quite a while. For the past seven years you’ve created this persona for yourself. You became the school’s handsome, arrogant, mischievous serial dater!”

 

“You think I’m handsome?” Sirius’ eyes seemed to lose a bit of their focus and he grinned at Jessie, who rolled her eyes, “That’s all you got out of that speech?”

 

Sirius glared at her, “Well guess what sweetheart, I have news for you, you’ve changed as well!”

 

“What are you talking about?!”

 

“Yes you have! What ever happened to the bubbly, outgoing Jessie who believed in fairy tales? Hummm? Riddle me that Jessabelle!” Sirius scowled, “What happened to my best friend?”

 

“She found out fairy tales aren’t real Sirius! And she grew up!” Jessie yelled shoving her finger into his chest, “Merlin, I come back here and tell you I miss you and that I’m sorry and you ruin it, just like always!”

 

“Me! You were always the one ruining things! And you never said you were sorry!” Sirius yelled back, throwing his arms up in the air.

 

“Well, I’m sorry!” Jessie retorted crossing her arms and glaring.

 

“Apology accepted! I’m sorry too!” Sirius spat back.

 

“Fine!”

 

“Fine!”

 

Jessie spun on her heal and marched away, stomping up the steps to the girl’s dorm loudly.

 

“Stupid, bitchy, mean, little…” Sirius cursed under his breath. He turned and kicked the nearest armchair- repeatedly.

 

“Padfoot, why are you attacking the furniture?” James asked as he climbed through the portrait hole; Lily, Mary and Remus at his heels.

 

“Have you seen her?” Lily asked, shoving James to the side and rushing up to the sulking black-haired boy.

 

“Yes I’ve seen her. She’s being a right cow.” Sirius muttered shrugging Lily off and returning to his seat on the sofa. The springs squeaked as he plopped down on it aggressively, his arms crossed.

 

“Where is she?” Lily asked threateningly.

 

“Upstairs,” no sooner were the words out of Sirius’ mouth, than did Lily and Mary flee up the staircase screaming Jessie’s full name.

 

“What happened?” James sighed sitting down next to his best mate.

 

“I told you, she’s being a right cow at the moment,” Sirius muttered glaring at the fire.

 

***

 

“Being with you is so dysfunctional, I really shouldn't miss you, But I can't let you go…” -Kelly Clarkson, My Life would Suck Without You

 

***

 

“Jessabelle Lufiana Spring! Get your ass out form behind those curtains this instant!” Lily yelled throwing the door open, her red hair flying out wildly behind her like fire. Jessie emitted a groan form behind the wall of fabric she was being hidden by.

 

“Now young lady you have quite a bit of explaining to do!” Lily yelled marching over to Jessie’s bed. She ripped the curtains open. Jessie groaned again as she flopped down on her back, “Hello,” she murmured up to Lily and Mary who were scowling down at her, their arms crossed. They both looked murderous, and for that reason Jess decided the coming chit-chat was going to be more like an interrogation.

 

“Where were you!” Lily asked again forcefully.

 

“Well you see, I decided to take a mental health day,” Jessie explained not meeting the girl’s eyes.

 

“Why?” Mary asked icily, Jess looked up at the girls and winced, “Erm… well… my head’s been so jumbled up with stuff that I…uh… felt that I needed to attempt to sort through it… and… and… you’re not buying any of this are you?” Jess sighed.

 

“Not a word,” Lily stated.

 

“Joy.” Jess muttered.

 

“Want to know why?”

 

“Sure…” Jessie stuttered, not really wanting to hear the answer.

 

“Well Jess, number one, Sirius is downstairs in quite a strop kicking the furniture,” Jess snickered, “ Number two, you’ve been acting quite off for about a week around him…”

 

“What she means is,” Mary interrupted, “ the sexual tension between the two of you has increased a tenfold over the course of the week, you two keep staring at one another during class when you think no one is watching, and every time he speaks or someone mentions him you blush…”

 

“I do not!” Jess blushed.

 

“Exhibit A,” Lily smirked.

 

“Oh shut up.” Jessie said her cheeks getting redder.

 

“Oh my god!” Mary exclaimed jumping on Jessie’s bed like a ten year old who had eaten its weight in sugar, “ You admit it!”

 

“No!” Jessie exclaimed, her cheeks were now a lovely cherry red color. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and buried her head in her knees.

 

“You like him!” Lily grinned.

 

“No!” Jessie’s head shot up, “ I just…”

 

“Yes you do!” Mary giggled jumping up and down on the bed.

 

“I don’t!” Jessie yelled, “ I just miss being friends with him!”

 

“Friends with benefits!” Mary giggled.

 

“Oi cow! Shut it!” Jess cried shoving her bouncing girl.

 

“You miss being friends with him?” Lily asked skeptically, tapping her fingertips on her arm.

 

“Yes,” Jess admitted, knowing she had been defeated.

 

Lily snorted, “Right…”

 

“What?” Jessie glared at Lily, “You don’t believe me?”

 

“Nope,” Lily shook her head.

 

“What? I have a downright epiphany, which you‘ve been bugging me to have all year long, and then, when I have it, you don‘t believe me?!” Jess exclaimed her jaw dropping.

 

“Jess, the two of you can’t just be friends! And that was not the epiphany I was pressuring you to have!” Lily said throwing her arms up in the air.

 

“Why?” Jess asked crossing her arms and sticking her chin out like a defiant child.

 

“Because best friends don’t want to jump one another’s bones!” Mary said in a sing-song voice.

 

“I do not…”

 

“Don’t make me lock you two in a broom cupboard for a week!” Lily glared, “ Because I will put so many freaking charms on the place that it won’t matter how hard you glare at the door, it will not explode!”

 

Jessie whimpered and shrank under the irate girl’s gaze. Lily crossed her arms again and looked down at the blonde, “If you don’t figure out how you really feel about him by the end of the week, I will chain you to his bed and let him do as he pleases with you!” and with that Lily turned heel and marched out the door. Jessie glared and called after her, “This is how I really feel about him Lillian!”

 

Lily didn’t reply and Jessie turned and looked at Mary a mixture of shock and horror across her face, “ She wasn’t really serious right Mary…”

 

Mary smirked, “Don’t look at me like that!” Jess said her eyes growing wide.

 

“Just admit you love him and everything will be peaches and cr… Ahh!” Mary dashed out of the room dodging the pillows Jessie was chucking in her direction.

 

“I don’t bloody love him!” Jessie yelled throwing her last pillow at the back of the oak door.

 

***

 

“When I repress my emotion my stomach keeps score.” -John Enoch Powell


 

***

 

I don’t love him.

 


Denial!

 

You too?

 


Jessie darling, I’ve been saying that the two of you are destined to be together for forever.

 

We are not destined to be anything more than friends who occasionally do stupid things and try to kill one another!

 


Honey…

 

NO!

 


Honey, think about it…

 

We… no… NO!

 


Jess…

 

What?

 


Jessie, I hate to be the bearer of “bad news” but, you’ve always loved him, as more than a friend.

 

No!

 


Jessie think about it, there was always something different about your relationship, in comparison to the relationship you had with James.

 

I… but that’s because Sirius and James aren’t the same person! So obviously…

 


Jess, stop attempting to be logical, it doesn’t work well for you. You just need to stop making excuses and face the music!

 

How do you know anything anyways!

 


Because Jessie, I’m a manifestation of your unconscious dreams wishes, thoughts and desires.

 

***

 

“Anyone can hate. It costs to love.”- John Williamson

 

***

Jess sat on her bed engrossed in her thoughts; she and Sirius weren’t “destined to be.” Stupid cricket. That was utterly ridiculous. They were just different and… her thoughts were obscured by the vision of a boy with wide brown eyes smirking up at her from under a table.

 

Jess bit her lip and took a deep breath as the memories she had tried to forget flooded her.

 


Sirius grinning wickedly as he shoved a bright green frog in her face insisting she kiss it.

 

Sirius and her crawling under the table at the Minister’s ball, tying the shoelaces of the wizard’s together.

 

Sirius kissing her cheek after they’d let the niffer’s loose in the ballroom.

 

Sirius tickling her mercilessly until she agreed to help him and James.

 

Sirius and her walking down the hallway arms wrapped around one another.

 

Sirius grinning back at her as he ran away after charming her hair into snakes.

 

Sirius dousing her in cold water after training.

 

Sirius hiding and whimpering behind James after he’d exploded dungbomb in her locker.

 


Sirius sticking his tongue out at her as he stole the last cookie at dinner.

 

Sirius dousing her in glitter on Valentine’s day.

 

Sirius rolling his eyes as he slowly put the truffle in his mouth.

 

Sirius begging her and giving her puppy dog eyes.

 


Sirius ruffling her hair as he called her “darling” or “love.”

 

Sirius lounging in front of the fire after quid ditch practice, with his wet hair dripping into his eyes.

 

Sirius dragging her to the hospital wing after she’d broken her ribs.

 

The way his eyes sparkled whenever he said “ I love you.”

 

Sirius kissing her at the Minister’s ball in front of the roses.

 

Sirius…

 

***

 

“And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” -Erica Jong


 

***

 

“Sirius!” Jessie jumped about a foot into the air and landed rather ungracefully on the tangles mess of blankets on her bed.

 

“Hi,” he said quietly as he sat down on the bed next to her.

 

“How do you get in here?” Jessie asked incredulously pushing her hair out of her face.

 

“That’s for me to know and you not to find out,” he smirked, “You okay?”

 

Jess rolled her eyes, “Let’s see, other than the fact that you just scared me half to death and the fact that Lily just threatened to chain me to your bed, I’m lovely.”

 

Sirius eyes seemed to lose a bit of their focus, “What?”

 

“Oh stop it you perve!” Jess shoved his shoulder and Sirius grinned charmingly at her. Jess rolled her eyes.

 

“Come to the kitchens with me,” Sirius said pocking Jessie’s side. Jess crossed her arms and Sirius looked down at her with big puppy dog eyes. Jess huffed and stuck her hand out. Sirius stood up. He grabbed her hand and Jess sighed as she reluctantly let him pull her up, “If I must.”

 

Sirius pulled James’ invisibility cloak out of his pocket with a flourish, “ Look, no one even has to see us.”

 

Jess rolled her eyes, “Gee, you’re so sweet,” as Sirius threw the cloak over the two of them. Sirius let out a bark like laugh, “That’s why they call me Prince Charming love.”

 

“You, Prince Charming? Sweet Merlin Sirius what have you been smoking in the greenhouses?”

 

The cheeky banter trailed off as they walked into the common room. Jess bit her lip, Sirius was far to close for comfort. She attempted to ignore the fact that her stomach would burst into a flurry of butterflies whenever their shoulders would brush and that her heart would begin to thud against her chest every time she felt his breathe on her neck. She could see Lily, plain as day in her mind, smirking at her predicament. Jess gritted her teeth and concentrated on putting one foot in front of another.

 

The walk took far to long in Jessie’s opinion, and she began thanking every deity to ever exist as they came to a halt in front of the entrance to the kitchens. Sirius carefully folded the cloak and stuffed it in the front pocket of his hoodie as he tickled the pear.

 

“I love house elves,” Jess sighed as she scraped the bottom of her bowl of chocolate ice cream. Sirius laughed and shook his head at her.

 

“So why did you drag me down here?” Jess asked licking her spoon.

 

“Why did you come down here?” Sirius retorted.

 

“ I was hungry, now answer my question,” Jess said leaning her head on her hand and smiling evilly at Sirius.

 

Sirius grinned back at her, “Well you my friend, are the one that said you wanted to try being friends again. And I felt it was my duty, as a friend, to respect my friend’s wishes.”

 

Jess rolled her eyes, “You just used the word friend way to much in a single space of time, friend.”

 

“Okay, as a friend, I feel its my duty to tell you friend, that adding the word friend to the end of that sentence was unnecessary, my friend,” Sirius smirked. Jess laughed and shook her head at Sirius, “You are such a dork.”

 

“Ah yes, but now I’m your dork,” Sirius grinned.

 

“Oh Merlin, what have I gotten myself into?” Jess said dramatically.

 

Sirius stood up and offered her his hand, “Well love, I’m not sure what we’ve gotten ourselves into myself,” Jess laughed and took his hand.

 

***

 

“Cuz we belong together now, yeah…You got a piece of me and honestly, my life would suck without you…” -Kelly Clarkson, My Life Would Suck Without You

 

***

 

“They’re friends?”

 

“That’s what Jessie said…” Lily trailed off looking at the fire.

 

“But… they… I… I’m confused,” James sighed crossing his legs and letting them rest of Remus’ lap. Remus shoved his feet off and glared at James.

 

“And then I told her that if she didn’t admit she loves him by the end of the week I’d chain her to his bed…” Lily said. James let out a squeak, Remus jumped and Mary started giggling.

 

“You didn’t!” James moaned.

 

“I thought you wanted them to get together,” Lily hissed as she raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend.

 

“Yes, but the quid ditch final is this Friday! And she needs to be concentrating on quidditch, not her love life! Quidditch takes precedence over all! Damn their happiness! We have to win!” James cried, running his fingers through his hair, as he began mumbling about tactics, quid ditch, and bludgers hitting the wrong person.

 

“You and Quidditch! James Potter stop your whimpering or I will drag you to Madam Pomfrey to get a calming draught!” Lily warned. James shuddered, “I’m calm.”

 

Lily turned back to the fire and James popped out of the chair and threw himself onto the carpet.

 

“This is not going to end well,” he sighed and folded his hands behind his head.

 

“Why do you say that?” asked Mary, “Personally, I think its adorable!”

 

“The last time Jessie and Sirius were getting along well enough to consider themselves friends I had my pants pulled down in front of the Minister and his wife,” James closed his eyes and shuddered.

 

Meanwhile, only a few hundred feet away, the subjects of the conversation were sprinting down the hall.

 

“Shit!” Jessie yelled as the loud yell of a man filled the corridor. Sirius looked back over his shoulder, “he’s gaining on us!”

 

They looked worriedly at one another.

 

“Isn’t there an alcove behind that tapestry?” Jessie yelled, pointing to a large tapestry hanging in the wall in front of them, depicting the beheading of Urg the unclean.

 

“Yea!” Sirius yelled and the two dove behind the cloth.

 

“Ow, Sirius that’s my head!”

 

“Fuck Jessie that was my jaw!’

 

“Shit!”

 

The sound of stomping boots filled the corridor and the two shut their traps quickly. They’re eyes grew wide as Filch let out a cackle, “I’ll get you my pretties!”

 

Jess and Sirius looked at one another and Jessie raised an eyebrow. Sirius shrugged. The corridor was silent, until a loud crash sounded down the hall.

 

“There you are!” Filch hissed, sounding very much like an axe murderer who had cornered his next victim.

 

Jess and Sirius let out the breathes they had been holding, as the sound of Filch storming off down the corridor died out. The two stumbled out of the tight alcove laughing.

 

Jess smiled up at Sirius who grinned back, “Come on let’s get out of here.”

 

“I can not believe you hexed the cat!” Jessie said pocking Sirius in the side.

 

“Hey! It was your idea!” he poked her back.

 

***

 

“The best thing about me is you.”- Shannon Crown

***

 

The common room was deserted, with the exception of four lone figures sitting around the fireplace silently. Each was absorbed in their own thoughts. Lily was lounging in the corner of the sofa her legs curled under her and her right hand was tangled in her red hair. Her lime green sweats clashed against the faded, crimson velvet of the sofa. Across from her Remus sat stiffly, gazing at the fire, a frown across his face. Mary was curled up in a chair next to him sleeping. James was lying on his back on the floor, staring at the ceiling worriedly. His hands were folded behind his head and every so often he would flinch. The portrait hole slammed shut and the sound of laughter reached the groups ears. The four jumped and their attention turned to the entrance, where Jessie and Sirius were walking together, doubled over in laughter, poking one another in the sides.

 

Sirius poked Jess particularly hard and she swatted his hand away, “You prat, that hurt!” she yelled.

 

“Shut up! You’re going to wake the whole tower you moron!” Sirius hissed slapping his hand over her mouth. Jessie licked his hand and Sirius yanked it away, disgusted, “Gross!”

 

“You’re the one who put it there!” Jessie retorted sticking her tongue out.

 

“Don’t do that unless you intend…”

 

“Are you two drunk?” James asked incredulously. He, Lily, Remus and Mary were standing side by side in front of the fire.

 

“Erm… no,” Jess shook her head.

 

“But you… what are you two doing?” James asked ruffling his hair as Jessie and Sirius began poking one another again. They began laughing again.

 

“Being friends!” Sirius said brightly, and Jessie began laughing even harder.

 

The four looked at the two warily, but Jessie and Sirius were in their own little world; after all they did have seven years of lost friendship to make up. Jessie yawned, “ I think I’m gonna turn in,” She bounced over to James and squeezed him tightly, “Night Jimmy. I love you!” she ruffled his hair.

 

“I want a hug!” Sirius complained pouting. Jess rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. She buried her head into the crook of his neck and Sirius wrapped his own arms around Jessie’s waist tightly. Lily raised an eyebrow. Jessie let a smile cross her face as Sirius rested his cheek on her head.

 

“Goodnight Snuffles, thank you,” Jess whispered in his ear.

 

“Goodnight jazz,” Sirius smiled kissing the top of her head. They hugged for a few more seconds before reluctantly letting go of one another. Jess turned around to the girls, “Right then, bed? yea?” she smiled and they all went their separate ways.

 

***

 

“True friendship never ends.”- Anonymous
 

***

 

No sooner had the girls door shut than Lily and Mary began attacking Jessie.

 

“OMG!” Lily yelled smirking.

 

“Details!” Mary screamed.

 

“Merlin you two sound like we were on a bloody date. We just went to the kitchens and decided to try to be friends again, and then to celebrate our newly-mended bond of friendship we hexed Mrs. Norris pink and made Filch’s shoes sparkle…” Jessie squirmed under the disapproving glare from Lily, “ And then we had a poke war on our way back up here. Nothing really that interesting.”

 

“No epiphanies?”

 

“There are going to be no epiphanies of the nature your suggesting Lily, we’re just friends!” Jess threw her hands up in air.

 

“Jessie let me explain something to you. People who are just friends do not hug the way you and Sirius hugged tonight. And people who are just friends do not look at one another the way you and Sirius look at each other!” Mary stated shaking her head and crossed her arms.

 

“Shall we demonstrate?” Lily asked, “Yes? Good. Mary come here.”

 

Jessie raised an eyebrow, this was going to be entertaining.

 

“I’ll be Jess and you be Sirius,” Lily said.

 

“You lot sound like twelve year olds.” Jessie said.

 

“And you two have the maturity of twelve year olds, so this should be rather accurate!” Lily retorted icily. Jess flinched, this was not going to end well.

 

“Ready?” Lily asked smoothing down her shirt. Mary shook her bangs in front of her face and slouched. She shoved her hands in her pockets and smirked, “oh Jessie I love you but I’m going to pretend I don’t now because you’re to thick to realize you love me too,” Mary said in a deep voice that was meant to sound like Sirius.

 

Jessie raised an eyebrow and bit her lip, in order to keep herself from crackling up. Lily threw her arms around Mary dramatically, “Goodnight Sirius, aka the guy who I love more than I will admit because I’m a moron!” Lily rested her head on Mary’s shoulder and Mary rested her head against Lily’s head.

 

“Okay this is getting awkward,” Lily said and she and Mary jumped apart. Jessie shook her head and began laughing. She collapsed onto her bed, her body shaking violently from the giggles.

 

Once she was finished she sat back up, wiping tears away from her eyes, “Sirius and I do not act like that.”

 

Mary and Lily groaned, “Oh I give up,” Lily threw her hands up in the air and crawled under the covers of her bed, “but what I said earlier still stands, I will chain you to his bed!”

 

Jessie rolled her eyes and flicked her wand at the lights turning them off.

 

***

 


“Don't let the past hold you back; you're missing the good stuff.” - Anonymous


 

***

 

Hey guys, sorry the update took so long! Hopefully you liked it, it wasn’t my favorite chapter, so let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! Review please? I promise I’ll respond back!

 

-pensive princess

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