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Chapter Nineteen

Agony

 

Lily doodled in Charms, totally unaware of what was happening around her. The class was revising levitating charms for N.E.W.T.S which was only a couple of months away. Lily sat behind Snape and drew a portrait of him. She shaded his hair and face before having her quill knocked out of her hand by James. “What are you doing Lils?” he hissed.

She handed him the piece of parchment delicately. James scanned the portrait of Snape’s oily, unattractive face. His face broke into a large grin.

“You got his nose right!” James laughed. “And his greasy hair”.

Lily’s serene face suddenly changed into a horrified grimace. She punched James hard in the stomach. James crumpled to the floor, completely unprepared for Lily’s violent response.

“How can you dare say such a horrible thing about Severus?” seethed Lily.

“Professor Flitwick?” groaned James. “Hospital Wing, please!”

“Miss Evans, please take Mr. Potter to the Hospital Wing,” instructed the Charms Professor.

Lily and James walked to the Hospital Wing in silence as James was hurting too much to talk. He kept on looking at Lily oddly, as if she was about to grow a third arm.  The last lesson of the day was about to finish Lily left James with Madame Pomfrey and went to the fifth floor where she was supposed to meet Snape.

“Severus?” asked Lily uneasily.

“I’m here Evans,” replied Snape in a deep, supposedly sexy voice.

Lily ran to him excitedly and embraced his enthusiastically.

“I have a present for you,” Lily whispered. She took out a piece of parchment from her robes and handed it to Severus. Snape looked at the picture of himself interestedly.

“My nose doesn’t look like that!” said Snape roughly.

“B-but I worked so hard,” whimpered Lily, looking up at Snape, hungry for his praise.

“Doesn’t matter, but this does,” he said as he violently pushed Lily against the wall of the deserted corridor. He fiercely molded his lips to Lily’s.

“Snivellus! What are you doing kissing my girlfriend? Sexual assault is illegal you know!” shouted James.

“I didn’t force Lily into anything Potter!” retorted Snape.

James walked over to Lily and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder.

“It’s al right,” he whispered quietly. “He’s not going to hurt you. I’m here to protect you”.

Lily shrugged of James’ arm and said childishly, “Go away! Leave me and Sev alone!”

James gaped at Lily.

“You heard the woman,” said Snape. “Go away!”

“But Lily, we’re like toge-“ started James.

“We’re not together! My heart belongs to Sevy. Just get that through you unbelievably thick head and leave me alone!” yelled Lily.

“B-but”

Snape unsheathed his wand and pointed it at James.

“Leave!” he commanded.

James backed away slowly, looking disbelievingly at the scene playing before his eyes. James felt tears pick the back of his eyes and broke into a sprint. He rand downstairs skirting the stares of gossipers and ran out of the castle to the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

“Why?” he bellowed to no one in particular.

“Why me?” he yelled, hearing his voice echo through the forest. “I chased her for seven years and now that bastard steals her?”

James pulled the velvet box out of his pocket and threw it into the lake.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said to himself. “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!” James collapsed to his knees, trying to suppress his sobs.

“I hate you God! I hate my life, I hate You! It’s not worth living anymore!” James screamed to heaven shaking his fists.

“Just let me die! Please kill me now! Just kill me, please!”

Sirius, Remus and Peter pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and walked to the sobbing James. They sat on the ground next to him, painfully listening to James anguished sobs. Sirius gave James a helpful arm and lifted him up.

“You don’t want to die,” said Remus. “You have your whole life to look forward to. What will Lily say?”

James shook his head and whispered, “Lily and Snivellus”.

Sirius, Remus and Peter’s jaws dropped open.

“B-but how?” Sirius managed to ask.

James shrugged and began to walk towards the castle. His friends followed him giving him comforting pats on the back. As the four teenage boys began to walk up the stone castle steps James said, “Can I sleep in your dorm tonight? I don’t want to see her”.

“Sure mate,” shrugged Sirius.

“When you want to talk about it you can always come to us,” reminded Remus.

“Thanks,” James mumbled, trying to dry his teary eyes and runny nose before entering the castle.

“Looking for this?” asked Peter, handing James the Invisibility Cloak.

James gratefully grabbed the Cloak and hastily pulled it on before sprinting upstairs to the seventh year Gryffindor boys’ dorms. With the help of his friends, James conjured up a bed and a pair of pajamas creating a semi permanent resting place.

“We’re going down to dinner. Do you feel up to coming?” asked Sirius.

“I’m not hungry,” mumbled James.

The three boys shrugged and walked downstairs for supper. James punched the wall hard in anger and frustration. He gasped in surprise when he felt how fulfilling the spasm of pain felt. He continued to hit, slap and punch the stone wall until his hands were bloody and disfigured. Every blow, every fracture, every bruise was a physical form of the pain he was feeling inside. James walked around the seventh year boys’ dorm. He stopped by Sirius’ bedside table and gingerly picked up his pen knife. He opened it and found the sharpest blade. He slid the sharp edge of the blade over his wrist, millimeters away from his vein. He gasped at the short, sharp pain of his new cut. He looked at the blade to find droplets of his scarlet blood resting there. James looked at his wrist, watching his blood seep out of the open wound, trickling slowly down his arm. James lifted the blade ready to cut his other wrist before he was interrupted by a horrified scream.

“What the hell are you doing Prongs?” yelled Remus.

He ran to James and snatched the knife out of his hands.

“Are you mad? Are you actually thinking about suicide?” he screamed.

James sat down on his temporary bed. He rested his face in his arms trying to calm himself down and hide how broken he really was feeling inside. Remus sat next to James on the bed and conjured to glasses of Firewhisky. James accepted the drink gratefully and downed it in one gulp. AS soon as James’ breathing began to relax Remus asked, “Prongs, what happened with Lily?”

“It’s over”, whispered James hoarsely. “She’s chosen Snape”.

“Snivellus?”

James nodded dumbly.

“Mate, I know it’s tough but eventually things will work out. This might seem like a load of crap right now but if you were meant to be you’ll get together again. I know break ups are upsetting but you can’t lose yourself and definitely don’t think about cutting yourself or suicide. Prongs, trust me, it’s not worth losing your life over”.

“Thanks Moony,” James sighed. “I just don’t understand. It was all so sudden!”

A whirlwind of thoughts began to swirl around Remus’ head. ‘It was all so sudden’. It had to be! Situations like this just don’t happen overnight by themselves.

“I’ll be back!” Remus yelled before running out of the room. Remus ran into the Gryffindor common room panting.

“Kate, Nancy!” he yelled.

The two girls looked up from their potions homework at the mention of their names. Remus grabbed their hands and their potions notes and ran back up to the dormitory, the girls trailing behind.

“What’s this all about?” asked Nancy as she collapsed onto one of the Marauders’ bed. Remus composed himself. He glanced at James brooding and asked the girls, “Since when has Lily liked Snape?”

Nancy’s eyebrows shot up in confusion as Kate said, “Lily never liked Snape in that way. She always had a thing for James”.

“Yes!” shouted Remus victoriously and he punched the air, waving Kate’s potions notes.

“Yes what?” asked Kate and Nancy.

“I bet you one thousand Galleons the Snape fed Lily a love potion – “ started Remus.

“And that’s why she’s been acting so weird today and broke it off with James!” concluded Nancy.

James’ head perked up.

“So she doesn’t really like him? It’s only the potion?” asked James hoarsely.

Remus nodded as James’ face began to look less grim. “Great! So let’s tell Dumbledore!” said James.

“We just have to give evidence that she is under the enchantment of the potion though,” said Kate.

“So you girls tonight have to go undercover and see if Lily has any of these symptoms,” instructed Remus scanning Kate’s potions notes. “A glazed look, a zombied stare and an obsession with the person. Check if Lily has any of that and then we’ll talk tomorrow “.

“Yes, sir!” saluted Nancy as she and Kate left the boys dorm to look for Lily.  

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