How can I decide what’s right when you’re clouding up my mind
I can’t win your losing fight all the time
How can I ever own what’s mine when you’re always taking sides
But you won’t take away my pride, no not this time
Not this time…

I sat on the Prefect Bathroom floor, he was staring at me with those deep penetrating, silver eyes, and I was beginning to lose it totally inside my head. The bastard had complete control over me and he knew it, I tried so hard to resist him but I just couldn’t, I was doing well by just sitting in the same room as him. I couldn’t decide what was best to do, standing and storming from the whole place would have been the best choice, but of course I didn’t do that. He was clouding up my mind, his eyes, his scent, his lips, I was losing control. 

He was using me, I knew that much, he had a girlfriend, Pansy Parkinson. But I couldn’t stop it, when I wasn’t with him I just wasn’t alive, I hated it, I hated him. He could take me in mere seconds, he could have had me by now, but he just stood there. Staring at me. I couldn’t take it much longer, I grabbed a book from my school bag beside me and I chucked it at him, it hit his left cheek and landed a few feet between us. I glared at him as he wiped a hand across his cheek, I still couldn’t help feeling bad, I wanted to apologise. But I did the exact opposite.

“What are you staring at?” I nearly screamed at him, I expected a smirk to roll across his pale face, like it usually did on occasions like this. It didn’t. The red mark on his cheek soon turned purple and a smiled inwardly to myself. If he can hurt me, I can hurt him. “Well?” I was going to get an answer, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, I just needed to hear something. He enjoyed torturing me, I could tell, it was the only possible reason why he wouldn’t answer me. That I could think of. 

He still hadn’t answered, he just stood there, looking down at me. His face held an unfamiliar expression and his cheek was covered with a purple bruise. I didn’t care, I kept telling my self. I don’t care. Why should I? He was so good at hiding, from everyone, from her, from me. He wouldn’t look at me when he was with any of his Slytherin pals, but if they jeered at me, he wouldn’t do anything, say anything in my defence. And I was stupid to think he would, why would he? I was just Granger, the mudblood who he fucked as a bit on the side.

How did we get here
When I used to know you so well
But how did we get here
I think I know

We had a got on for a while, we became really good friends, and I felt happy for once. Until the incident. Pansy became suspicious of Draco, she had yelled about it in the dinner hall one evening, saying he smelt of another girl and never had sex with her anymore. That last comment shocked me the most, why wouldn’t he of had sex with her? That was all he thought about, when his next fuck would be. While I sat at the Gryffindor table listening like everyone else, he glanced at me, and I knew exactly why he hadn’t shagged her. Me. I had nearly screamed, I some how found it easier to cope if I knew he was shagging her as well, then I knew I was his bit on the side. But if they weren’t fucking each other, then it was only me, and I felt even worse, because then even she wasn’t getting her ‘fair’ share. I had almost run out the hall, luckily I kept my cool and walked as fast as I cold. As I left I heard Pansy yell “It isn’t that bitch is it? I wouldn’t put it past you!”, I wanted to turn and punch her so hard, but she was right, I was sleeping with her boyfriend. Draco. Fucking. Malfoy.

The truth is hiding in your eyes and its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood but you think that I cant see
What kind of man that you are, if you’re a man at all
Well I will figure this one out on my own

He was still staring at me, ignoring the blood trickling down his cheek. I couldn’t help it any longer, and I slowly crawled over to him, ignoring the pain in my knees as I went. I sat in front of him, just out of touching distance, and took out my wand. I waved it at his face and the blood evaporated into thin air, but still leaving the big bruise on his cheek. I went to turn away again but felt something cold take my hand, turning I noticed it was him.

“Thanks,” he muttered so I only just heard. I then looked him and saw something in his eyes I had never seen before, and I could tell he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how.

“It’s fine,” I couldn’t help but wish for him to say whatever it was he had on the tip of his tongue. He was different man at that moment, his normal self would have just taken me there and then on the tiled floor, but he didn’t. Well that was if he was a man, and not a boy. I couldn’t figure him out, but I had to, and if I had to then I would do it on my own, without help. No one understood him, I found it hard most of the time, but most of the time we were shagging so I never got a chance.

Do you see what we’ve done
We’re gonna make such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we’ve done
We’re gonna make such fools of ourselves

I sat there in front of him, his hand still clutching mine, and after every second his hold grew tighter and tighter. I knew what was coming. “Draco, please,” I began to plead, I hated when I did, I felt like a fool, I was one. We both were. Since this whole thing began. We had been fools, we shagged nearly every night, and we were bloody fools. It still made my blood boil every time I thought about it, how could I have fallen into his trap? I’m supposed to be Hermione Granger, the smart frizzy haired one. But not anymore, my hair now just fell straight, as if it was couldn’t be bothered to curl itself, my hair looked how I felt, used and drained.

“Hermione…” he spoke the word as if it were a foreign language, and yet it sounded so natural to him, as if he’d been practising it for months. I felt his hold on my hand cease and looked down to see he had let go. I stared in shock, both at how he hadn’t done anything and how he had said my first name. It was always Granger. I shook my head and stood up, backing away from him.

I’m screaming I love you so
My thoughts you can’t decode

“Don’t, Draco,” I stopped once I felt far enough away, he stood up to and took a step forward, I leapt back a little and he stopped.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” he looked himself up and down, checking for impurities. I watched him for a few seconds as he did it, I let a small smile take over my lips as he finally noticed nothing was wrong.

“Nothing’s on you,” I couldn’t contain the grin that had crept on my lips, he looked up at me and my smile faded.

“What is it then?” he shrugged.

“You called me Hermione,” I informed him, I knew it sounded silly to him, but to me it made perfect sense.

“And? You’ve been wanting me to call you it for the last year,” he looked confused and agitated, I didn’t want to push him further but I had to get it all out of my system.

“Exactly, it shouldn’t matter to you what I want. I’m just your bit on the side, your shag for the day, nothing more. So why call me it?” I brushed dust off my school shirt and pulled my skirt down to where it felt safest, making sure I was very discreet.

“Because it’s your name. And I know it started out as just a fuck…but…” he was on the edge of saying something he’d regret, I could tell, he must have had some Firewhiskey earlier or something along those lines.

“No. Don’t say that, please. We are just still a fuck to each other. Please,” I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs, the three words I could tell he wanted to say as well, but I couldn’t let them be uttered. I just couldn’t.

“Hermione…you have to face it-” I cut him off.

“No! Please. I can’t!” I fell to the floor again, letting a couple of tears fall from the corners of my eyes. He took a few more steps forwards. “Don’t, I’m fine,” I held out a hand to stop him, but to my surprise he took it and pulled me to my feet. Our faces were centimetres away and I waited for our lips to meet, like normal. They didn’t. I opened my eyes and looked straight into his silver ones.

There is something I see in you
It might kill me
I want it to be true

In his eyes was something I had never seen, something that was deadly to someone like me from someone like him. It was love, and I so desperately wanted it to be true, but at the same time I wanted to be dreaming and wake up alone in my bed and find it all to be a lie. Which would make me happier? I didn’t know yet.



“No listen, this has been going on for a while now and I can’t ignore it anymore. Hermione Granger…I love you,” they were out of his mouth before I could cover my ears and I fell once more to the hard tiled floor, my world going black for mere seconds before coming back into focus. I was going to die, I could feel it, I had seen it in him, the possible love he could feel, and now it was going to kill me.

“No you don’t! You don’t mean it! You don’t even know what love means!” I got back onto my feet and started to pound on his chest, my anger getting the better of me. He just stood and took it, until I was finished with my tirade. He frowned down at me.

“You could have just told me you didn’t feel the same,” he left the bathroom and once the door closed I let out a frustrated scream. I did feel the same way, but he was a Malfoy, I couldn’t. What would Ron say? Harry? I waited for a few seconds, pondering the idea of loving a Malfoy, and I came to a decision, if he could love a mudblood then I could love a Malfoy. I barged out of the door and began to run down the corridor, I saw Draco as he turned the corner and I chased after him.

“DRACO!” I screamed at the top of my voice, not caring who heard or saw. He didn’t stop so I carried on after him, my side began to yell out in pain as a stitch formed. But I still wouldn’t stop. I could only just see him up ahead, and far too soon he entered the Dinning Hall, I came to a halt outside the double doors and breathed. I could only do one thing to prove it to him.

“Hermione!” I shot round to see Harry and Ron walking down the staircase. Oh fuck.

“Guys, I need to you to go in and sit down, I’ll be right there. Ok?” they gave me strange looks but did as I asked and entered the hall, I peeped through the door as it closed and could see Draco standing by the Slytherin table watching the door. I took a final breath and pushed open the doors, the whole seemed to go silent and watch me. I heard the doors close so I couldn’t turn back, there was only one thing for it.

“Draco Malfoy! I love you too!” I yelled at him, he glared at me and I thought I had done something wrong. I hadn’t.

“I know,” he smiled at me and basically ran from where he was standing, I ran at him too and we embraced tightly in front of the whole school. The whole hall was in shock and I was the happiest I had been in the last year.

“You know?” I asked with a confused grin. He nodded and kissed my forehead.

“You’re not good at hiding it, I decoded you.” he held me tighter and kissed my forehead again.

I asked him to decode me. He did.

I’m screaming I love you so
My thoughts you can decode

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