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Love With Loss
Waves of Anger


A month into the holidays and Lily really felt like she was making progress with Severus. She had gotten him to cut his hair (even after the hair stylist made a snide remark about its greasy contents), swing in the park like they used to, and go to the muggle movies!

They were walking out of seeing 'Dirty Dancing' when Lily and Severus came out of the theater with their arms linked.

"See!" Lily laughed, "That was a great movie!"

Severus threw his head back into a laugh and said "Only because you got to stare at that bloke the whole time!" Lily closed her eyes and sighed contently at the memory. Shaking his head, Severus pushed her from his side saying, "I think I deserve a treat actually! I didn't complain once while we were in there."

"Fine!" Lily laughed, "Lets go get some ice cream!"

"Diagon Alley?"

"Of course!"

They began walking down the road, which was luckily only a few blocks away from the Leaky Cauldron. Lily sometimes still couldn't believe that all those times she had walked by the abandoned record place, listening to her parents mumble how someone should "really fix that place up" that it was the passage way to her magical world.

When they walked in the bartender gave them a nod hello, and they went back to the brick wall, waiting for the bricks to move aside.

Walking to the ice cream parlor they passed by other students from Hogwarts who would warmly greet Lily, but suspiciously look at Severus. At school they hardly hung out because of their friends from the houses, and especially since the one time Severus had called her a mudblood in public.

It was hard, but Lily forgave him. However, even with her forgivenss the rest of the Gryfinndors shunned him more than ever.

They walked the rest of the way smelling the freshly made cones and seeing tubs and tubs of ice cream waiting to be scooped for them.

"What can I get for you?" a cashier asked them.

"Mint n' chip please!" Lily said quickly.


"Um..." Severus took a good thought to it.

"Come on Sev, you know exactly what you want."

"No...I want something different!"

Lily sighed knowing that he did this every time. Since the first time they got ice cream, he always got cookies and cream with extra whipped cream on top. Why he tried to change fate, she really didn't know!


"A line is starting, Sev." Lily said putting her hands on her hips.

"Just a second!" he tried to shoo her away from him.

"He'll have a cookies and cream with extra whipped cream."

"Alrighty then!" The cashier quickly charged them.

"Lily!" Severus complained.

"What? You know you want it."

The cashier quickly got their cones together and handed them off so that he could help the rest of the line.

Severus looked down at his ice cream thinking, " does look delicious..." He leaned down to take a lick when Splat


Lily almost fell to the floor from laughing so hard. "You r-really should have seen that coming"

Severus looked sadly at his cone and knew that almost all of it was now shoved onto his face, or nose more specifically. He quickly grabbed Lily's wrist and began wiping the ice cream from his face onto hers.

She screamed with laughter trying to push him away from her, but his hold on her wrist was locked.

After a second he stopped feeling like enough ice cream had been transferred to her face. Grabbing some napkins he skillfully wiped Lily's face without getting too close to her eyes. He stopped when most of it was gone and looked into her captivating eyes.

Her eyes were so warming with such a solid stare but he pushed through her eyes into her mind needing to know what she thinking.

It was them in the court yard the night he kissed her.

"Lily, I've gotten you something."

"Oh, Sevy! You have once again gotten my birthday wrong. It's not until September!"

Severus gave a light laugh...he was horrible with dates. "No, I know it's in September...or was at least reminded right now." Lily gave a chuckle. "It's just something that made me think of you."

He pulled out a box from his robes and handed it to her. Inside was a beautiful charm bracelet. It had a single purple heart on it, and little diamond like gems around the chain.

"Oh wow!" she gasped. "Thank you..." she looked up at him. He found himself leaning towards her....leaning...leaning....until their lips touched. He noticed how tense her lips were, even with his so loose trying to coax hers into some motion. After trying for a few more seconds, he pulled back, looking into her eyes like he was doing so right now.

All he saw was Lily pushed up against the wall, James's hands moving up and down her body, her lips moving restlessly and passionately, so unlike when he tried.



"No!" he yelled at her. He quickly turned the other way and walked at a running pace back to his dorm.

The scene changed...

She and James were out by the lake.

"...what's wrong...?"

"...Severus kissed me..."

He saw Lily crying and James yelling, and then finally them making up on the grass.

"Severus, stop looking at me like that...It's kind of creepy." Lily suddenly said. He came out of his thoughts, letting go of Lily's wrists that he realized he'd still been grabbing onto. Lily rubbed them trying to get off the finger marks he left behind. "I hate it when you do that..." she whispered turning around.

"Am I some kind of charity case to you?" he snapped at her back.

"Ex-Excuse me?"

"That's why you're with me right now and not Potter, right? You thought I needed a friend?"

"No, I-"

"Because I have friends!"

"I know! I just wanted-"

"And you know what, Lily? I'm lucky they're friends with me even when I'm friends with you!"

Lily's face changed from flustered to fierce. "What's that supposed to mean? Even when you're friends with me?"

"You're a mudblood! That's why!" He yelled, his nostrils flaring. He noticed tears forming behind Lily's eyes, but she tried to blink them away.

"You're going to regret that you ever said that." She threw the rest of her ice cream at his feet and flipped her hair behind her leaving him in the middle of the alley with quite a few people glaring his way.

"Yeah?! Well why don't you just go tell your little boyfriend Potter! I'm sure he'll love to impress everyone by throwing a few more hexes at me just like every other year!" he yelled after her.

Then everyone stopped and stared at him. "What?!" he yelled in the direction of them. He clenched his fists and ran the opposite way of Lily.


When Lily got home she didn't bother to stop and tell her mother that she was back early, but was stopped when she heard Petunia's snide voice.

"Well, well, what's got a broomstick stuck up your ass?"

Lily tightened her fists together, trying not to do something stupid. "Right now is not a good time, Petunia."

"Awe...what's wrong little Lily? " she asked in a baby voice. "Did you finally realize you're the family shame?" Each word hit Lily right in the gut. "That mum and dad have to lie to everyone saying their little girl goes to a mental institute?" She began laughing evilly. "Why do you think none of your old friends come around here anymore?"

"They do not say that."

"Oh...that's right....I was the one who told everyone that. My mistake."

Lily's face was bright red, and suddenly it was her time to let it all out. She screamed like she never had before; loud, long, and from the pit of her stomach.

Feeling relieved, she opened her eyes to find Petunia's room in a mess. "That's strange" she commented.

Petunia sat frozen on her bed, her hair almost as much of a destruction as her room. "Y-Y-YOU WITCH! I MEAN BITCH! AHH I MEAN BOTH!"

Lily put her hand on her hip like she always did when she was annoyed. "What? I didn't do anything!'


Lily raised her eyebrow with a smirk, slightly impressed with herself. But realization dawned on her and her heart stopped. She had done magic. Even if it wasn't intentional she was sure the Ministry would see that magic had been done in a muggle home.

"Oh no..." she gasped.

"That's right! You should feel bad!"

"No, no, no!" She groaned. "I don't care about you! I'm going to get in trouble!"

"Good! You deserve to! I'm telling mum." And with that she stalked away, nose in the air.

Lily began breathing rapidly. "This is all happening too fast!! I need my best friend who I just found out hates me, I'm going to get kicked out of Hogwarts...." her mind buzzed.

She ran down to her room, quickly sitting down on her bed feeling dizzy. She laid there, waiting for a ministry official to come and take her wand. A loud screech outside made her look up and see an owl flying closer to her window.

It patiently hovered outside waiting for her to open the glass and let him in. When she did he dropped the letter just inside the room before turning around and leaving again.

Her hands shook as she picked it up from the ground and tore the envelope open. The letter was thick with dark threatening letters that read:

Dear Miss Evans,
It has come to our attention that you have used your magical powers in front of a muggle today, July 13, 1987, at 4:37 PM. This is a rule we at the Ministry take seriously, but will for now only discipline you with a warning. However, the next time we are informed of your use of magic while you are underage, or in front of a muggle your wand will be taken by a Ministry official and snapped.

Hope all is well,

Matilda Flouring

Head of Wizardry Secrecy

Lily sighed looking at her letter and then began sobbing. She had come so close to losing everything that she had ever cared about. She wouldn't have been able to live in the wizard world anymore, or even go to Hogwarts. James would find another girl...and even worse go around the school unchecked! Who would have made sure Remus came up with a good lie every month to tell everyone why he wasn't there? And who would be number one in academics? Because there was no way in hell she was going to let that snobby prat Stephanie Jenkins take it from her...

"Lily? Dear why are you crying? You have a guest." Lily looked up to see her mum standing in the doorway

"Tell whoever it is that I'll- I'll call them later."

"I think you would have to owl him actually.." her mother said thoughtfully.

"Who besides Severus knows where I live in the muggle world?" she thought.

"If it's Snape then you can tell him to shove it and never come back here again," she buried her head into her arms.

"I don't know what happened between the two of you, but Lily, this boy is definitely not Severus."

Lily's head popped up. "What? Well then who is it?"

"James Potter I think he said? He's quite handsome." She turned and went back downstairs to entertain the boy while Lily tuned herself up.

"Oh my gosh!" Lily exclaimed. She ran over to the mirror searching like a mad woman for her brush and began trying to flatten the baby hairs on top of her head. Then she saw her make up. All of that sobbing had caused her mascara to drip all the way down to her cheeks. "Oh Merlin..." she groaned. She pulled a few tissues out from the box on her dresser and scrubbed until her face started to turn pink.

"Lily!" she heard her mum call.

"I-I'll be right there!" She could faintly hear James's laugh. She took a final look at herself in her mirror and decided that she looked good enough and took a deep breath. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to see that she had been crying...

Slowly, and still a little shaky, she went down the steps finally coming into the view of her mum and gorgeous boyfriend. He had on muggle clothing, which Lily decided agreed with him even more than his quidditch robes. His smiled widened when he saw her, and she could feel her face light up.

"Hey!" she exclaimed showing her surprise.

"'ello." he grinned.

"Well, i'm going to go start up dinner." Margaret put out there. "Should I set a place for you, James?"

"I would be delighted, Mrs. Evans." he said looking away from Lily for only that second.

Margaret left the room leaving the two of them standing there. Lily laughed and then jumped on him giving him the biggest hug she could muster. She could smell his cologne and felt his soft hair tickle the side of her face.

"How are you, love?" he asked setting her back down

"Better now." Subconsciously she rubbed underneath her eyes incase any mascara was left there. "Want to go for a walk?"

James smiled squeezing her hand, "I would love to."

Lily led them down the road and onto a path that was covered by trees. It was a route she used to always walk when she needed to think and didn't have Severus to talk to. As they walked she would frequently close her eyes trying to stop them from stinging. All of the tears has caused her eyes to be completely dry. When she felt James's hand softly squeeze hers, her eyes flew open to see his face.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this quiet before...or at least in front of me, given our history." he laughed.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes again. "I'm sorry..."

They stopped walking and James put his finger under her chin making her look at him. "Open your eyes." She did and immediately felt her eyes turn from a dessert to a rain forest, and pushed his finger out from underneath her chin before a tear could escape. "Are you mad at me for coming?"


"I know you said we needed to take this break over the summer, but for Merlin's sake its been a month, woman! And you haven't even owled me and I started thinking and listening to Sirius and I had to come and make sure you hadn't forgotten about me, or changed your mind about being my girlfriend. For all I knew you and Snape had run off together!"

Lily let out a small laugh and looked back up at the rambling man. "Believe me, you had nothing to worry about with me and Snape, even though he's been trying really hard to change my mind."

"That little git would!" he said looking around the path like Severus was going to appear. "It's just like him to try- Snape?"

"What? Is he here?" Lily asked looking behind her.

" called him Snape."


"You never call him Snape."

"Well I do now."

"Since when?"

"Since now!" Lily exclaimed. James took a step back feeling herself heating up. "Isn't it possible for me to call anyone besides you or those stupid Marauders by their last names?!"

"Wow! Don't get mad at me! And don't bring my mates into this!"

Lily glared at him and then whipped her hair around to walk in the opposite direction. He placed his hands in his pockets and waited for her to turn back around.

"You know what makes me angry?" she predictably turned.

"Tell me." He moved his arms to cross in front of his chest.

"When you prove me wrong. I positively hate it." she hissed.

"What have I done within the last twenty minutes to do that? We've barely even said a word to each other and then you just blow up at me!" She kept her mouth shut, but still gave a good glare. "If this is all about Snape then go take it up with him since you're supposed to be best friends. I'll be back at your house waiting for you to cool off." And without another word he walked past her and back up the path.

"FINE!" she yelled after him.

She watched him walk away and out of her sigh. Suddenly she felt exhausted from her surge of anger. It wasn't clear to her why she had decided to start a fight with James, but it was the only thing she could think to do! She walked over to a bench and sat down feeling frustrated. She always took her anger out on the wrong people...well, except Petunia.

edt 2/11/10
Author's Note: Soo...a lot happens in this chapter but I love the fight between Severus and sad as it is :( But i hope you guys liked it! and right now i'm begging you guys, PLEASE REVIEW. i have it so that anyone can review and it's so important to me that I know what you guys are thinking!!

oh! and disclaimer. don't own anything :) ...especially, and sadly I don't own Dirty Dancing, or the lovely Patrick Swayze. LOL!!

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