Chapter image by tovsy @ TDA
Remus stared out the window of the compartment he, Sirius, James, and Peter were sitting in. He and James had just come back from making rounds and they had a few minutes to spare so they had decided to spend the rest of the train ride with their friends. At the moment, James and Sirius were chatting excitedly about something they had done over the summer and Peter was sleeping, as always.
Remus had tried to listen to James and Sirius tell their summer tales, but his mind kept wandering to other things; things he had long since given up on in his young years. Things he was certain he was never going to have. One of those things, the main thing, was love. He longed so much for someone who would love him, all of him, unconditionally. However, considering his lycanthropy, he didn’t think that was possible.
His parents, of course, loved him no matter what but he wanted the love of a woman other than his mother; someone who wouldn’t look at him like scum because of what he was. That’s what he wanted, and that’s what he had given up on a long time ago. He had given up and he didn’t think that anyone would be able to light a spark of hope in his heart.
With a small sigh, Remus put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. Flashes of a pair of deep honey brown eyes filled his mind; eyes that he had seen many times before in his dreams. It almost felt as if he knew the person those eyes belonged to every time he saw them in his mind, but he had never seen those eyes in person before so how could he possibly know whose eyes they were?
Just then, James’s voice broke through his thoughts. Remus looked up at him questioningly. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked if you were alright,” James said.
“Fine,” Remus said with little conviction.
“You know, you really should try a little harder if you want us to believe you,” Sirius stated with a small smile. “So what’s on your mind?”
“Nothing… I don’t want to talk about it.”
James raised an eyebrow and gave Remus a questioning look. “Does it have anything to do with the dreams Lily asked you about?”
Remus went pink in the face. He hated it when his friends could see through him like this. He much preferred the days when he could keep things to himself, but since the day he had “told” James, Sirius, and Peter about his lycanthropy, James and Sirius had been able to read him like a book. “Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“So you can talk to Lily about them, but not your best mates?” James questioned. “That’s just great. I don’t know about you Sirius, but I feel really loved.”
“Yeah, it’s so nice to know that one of our best mates trusts a girl more than his friends,” Sirius said, his words dripping with sarcasm.
Remus gave them a half-hearted angry glare and rubbed the back of his neck. “Alright, alright, but if I tell you this, you have to promise…”
“Not to say anything,” Sirius interrupted. “Yes we know.”
“You have to promise not to laugh or poke fun at me,” Remus finished.
“Promise,” the two boys said in unison as they each drew an ‘x’ over their heart.
“Alright… I’ve been having this reoccurring dream about this… girl,” he said.
Sirius and James looked at each other, each wiggling their eyebrows. “A girl? What girl?” Sirius asked, looking back at Remus with much interest.
“That’s just the thing, I have no idea,” Remus told them. “All I ever see is her eyes.”
“And you don’t know whose eyes they are?” James asked.
Remus shook his head. “Not a ruddy clue,” he said. “They’re the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen though; deep brown, like warm honey.”
Sirius and James smiled knowingly at each other. “I think Remus has found his mate,” Sirius said.
“Yeah, but there’s a problem,” James said. “Remus doesn’t know who she is.”
Sirius nodded. “Yes, that does pose a bit of a problem.”
Remus let out a low growl. “You two promised not to poke fun,” he said.
“We’re not poking fun,” Sirius told him. “We’re pointing out the obvious.”
“And what exactly would that be?” Remus questioned.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,” he said sarcastically. “You’re in love mate.”
Remus’s gray eyes clouded momentarily in confusion as those words hit his ears. “What? In love?” he asked. “What the bloody hell makes you think that?”
“Please, the look on your face when you described her eyes said it all,” James said.
“Yeah, you looked like James whenever he talks about Lily,” Sirius added.
James gave Sirius a playfully harsh look. “Hey!”
Sirius laughed and moved away as James aimed a punch at his arm. “Oi, I’m only saying what I see,” he stated.
Remus turned and looked out the window as James and Sirius began a playful argument. He wasn’t sure if what Sirius had said was true; how could he be in love with someone he’s never even met, much less completely seen? Was that even possible? He personally didn’t think so, but Sirius was too much of a lover to mistake loving looks.
With a deep sigh, Remus decided that he’d just have to wait and see if Sirius and James were right. Until that time, he was going to do his best to not think about whom those beautiful eyes belonged to. Truthfully, part of him didn’t even want to know for he was afraid that, should this mystery girl find out his secret, she would leave him and never look back.
At that moment, the train came to a stop and Remus came out of his thoughts. He stood up and stretched his stiff muscles for a moment before turning and grabbing the school books he had planned on looking through if he had gotten the chance. Alas, no such chance had come for as soon as he had come back with James from the Prefect’s meeting, he had gone to thinking.
After grabbing his books, he moved to the compartment door and slid it open, waiting there for his three friends. James smiled at him as he walked past, as did Sirius, though Sirius’s smile was a bit wicked and full of mischief. Remus was curious to know what was going on behind those playful eyes of his, but he knew better than to question him, for he most often found that the answer was quite childish and playfully evil.
Once Peter had passed him, Remus stepped out of the compartment and let the door slide shut. The four then began walking down the corridor of the train, Remus pausing here and there to help a first year or two with their things. “Remus, may I speak with you for a moment?”
Remus turned and saw Lily walking toward him. “Of course,” he said.
Lily quickly caught up to him and gave him an apologetic smile. “I want to apologize for earlier,” she said. “I shouldn’t have mentioned those dreams of yours.”
“Its fine, Lily,” Remus replied with a kind smile. “No harm was done.”
“It’s just that; I didn’t realize you hadn’t told your friends about them yet…”
“I hadn’t told them at the time,” Remus interrupted, “but now they know so it’s quite alright.”
Lily nodded and continued, “I’m sure there was plenty said that was of interest,” she said with a hint of sarcasm.
Remus let out a hearty laugh at those words. “Well, Peter didn’t really say much… if anything, he was asleep. However, James and Sirius think I’m in love,” he said.
“Hmm, well that’s one thing Potter and I have in common then,” Lily said.
Lily cleared her throat and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I think Potter and Black have it right,” she said. “I think you’re in love.”
Remus gave her a look of disbelief. “You can’t seriously think that,” he said. “I’ve never even seen this girls face… never even seen these eyes in person. How can one be in love with someone they’ve never met?”
“Oh come on, Remus; haven’t you ever heard of love at first sight?”
“Yes, but if I’ve never seen…”
Lily rolled her eyes in light annoyance and sighed. “You’re being too logical,” she said. “Honestly, can’t you listen to your heart for once instead of letting your brain do the talking?”
“Me? Too logical?”
“Yes,” Lily said simply.
Remus rubbed his forehead in thought as they stepped off the train and began heading toward the place where the carriages picked up the students to take them up to the castle. “Alright, say I am in love with this girl,” he said after a moment, “there’s no way she’d ever feel the same about me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Lily, you know what I am,” he said quietly. “Can you honestly tell me that someone would love me after finding out about that?”
“So you’re going to give up on love just because you don’t think anyone could love you if they found about your lycanthropy?” Lily questioned almost venomously. “Remus Lupin, I’m surprised at you.”
“Lily, people look down on my kind,” he argued in a deep whisper. “We’re treated like scum by the Wizarding community as a whole and you know it.”
“That doesn’t mean that you are scum,” Lily argued back. “Remus, the wolf is a part of you it’s not who you are.”
Lily shook her head. “No ‘buts’, Remus,” she said, placing her hand on his arm and giving him a stern look. “You’re one of the kindest and most selfless people I know. If people can’t look past your lycanthropy to see that then they don’t deserve to have you in their life.”
The two came to the spot where the horseless carriages were waiting to take them to the school. Remus could see Sirius standing next to a carriage with Peter; James was nowhere in sight. “Maybe you’re right, Lily,” he said as they made their way to where Sirius was standing.
Lily let out a small laugh. “Remus, I didn’t make Head Girl by being wrong,” she joked.
Remus laughed and nodded. “No, I imagine not,” he said, looking around to see if he could spot James.
“Oi, Remus, wait up!”
Remus and Lily both stopped and turned. James was gently pushing his way through a small crowd of third year girls that were mooning over him. Remus laughed as one of the girls attempted to latch on to James’s arm. James smiled and winked at the girl kindly before gently shaking her off and closing the distance between himself and Remus and Lily.
“How’d you get way back there?” Remus asked as James finally reached them. “You were ahead of me a while ago.”
“I was double checking that no first years got left behind,” he replied. “All the train compartments are empty and I saw Hagrid through one of the windows calling for the first years so I think it’s safe to say that all first years are accounted for.”
“Well I’m glad to see that you’ve started taking some responsibility for a change, Potter,” Lily said. “You are Head Boy after all and the younger students will be looking up to you, especially the first years.”
James turned a light shade of pink and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t know why they’d look up to me,” he said. “I’m always getting into trouble.”
“You’re popular with the girls, James,” Remus said logically. “What boy wouldn’t admire that?”
James didn’t have time to respond for at that moment, a loud bang echoed across the platform followed by yell of anger. James and Lily bolted into a run, Remus right on their heels, drawing their wands from their robes as they did so. When they arrived at the scene of the disturbance, none of them were surprised at what lay before them.
Sirius was standing amid a large group of students, wand at the ready, staring amusedly at a tall, thin boy with greasy black hair and sallow skin; whose wand was also at the ready. “Oh come on, Snape,” Sirius was saying with harsh laugh, “you can do better than that!”
The boy called Snape sneered and flicked his wand wordlessly. A jet of red light shot from the tip of his wand, missing Sirius by mere centimeters. Sirius shot a jet of black light back at Snape which hit him in the stomach, doubling him over.
Lily raised her wand and shot a small stream of red sparks into the air silencing the group of students surrounding the duelers. She kept her gaze on the two boys that had caused the fray, daring them to try anything else.
James swallowed and cleared his throat. “Alright everyone, move it along,” he said. “There’s nothing more to see.”
Lily waited a moment for a few students to pass her and then walked right over to Sirius and Snape. Sirius turned and began moving along with the crowd. “Get back here, Sirius!” she said harshly.
Sirius stopped mid-step and turned, walking back to where he had been standing before. “What the bloody hell did you two think you were doing?” Lily asked. “You two should be ashamed of yourselves! Especially you, Severus; you’re a Prefect. I want an explanation.”
Both boys began speaking at once, each trying to be heard over the other. “One at a time!” Lily said, silencing them. “Severus, you first.”
“I was simply minding my own business, walking to the carriages, when Black here thought it would be funny to jinks me,” said the greasy haired boy.
Lily looked at Sirius. “Is that true, Sirius?” she asked.
“You know it is, Lily,” Snape said before Sirius could answer. “You remember what he did to me last year.”
Sirius took a threatening step toward Snape, pointing his wand at him again, and snapped, “You foul git! If you had kept your offensively large nose out of our business…”
“If you hadn’t told me about that bloody tree…”
“Enough!” Lily said. “I’ve never seen such childish behavior in all my life!”
Snape looked at Lily and pointed at Sirius. “He tried to kill me last year!”
Sirius had shot a jet of purple light at Snape, causing Snape to nearly hit the hard ground.
“ACCIO!” Lily yelled, pointing her wand at Sirius’s.
Snape had regained his balance and had hit Sirius in the chest with a Levitation Spell. Sirius was now hanging in mid-air, upside down. Lily shrieked and turned on Snape. “You put him down!” she snapped.
Snape flicked his wand and Sirius was dropped to the ground. Sirius quickly jumped to his feet and lunged at Snape. “You disgusting…” He spat out a string of words that made Lily’s mouth drop in disbelief as James and Remus grabbed his arms and yanked him back.
Lily overcame her shock and summoned Snape’s wand to her. “That’s twenty points each from Slytherin and Gryffindor for dueling!” she said angrily. “Severus, as a Prefect, I expected more from you!”
“Lily I…” Snape began.
Lily held up her hand and shook her head. “I’m not going to listen to excuses, Severus,” she said.
Snape pointed at the three boys and scowled. “They nearly killed me last year and you’re siding with them?”
“James saved your skin, Snivelus and you know it!” Sirius spat.
“Only because he knew you would all be expelled if your joke had played out the way you had wanted it to!” Snape spat back venomously, staring straight at Remus.
Remus looked down at the ground, Snape’s words hitting him hard.
James took a step forward and opened his mouth to speak but Lily beat him to it. “Don’t you blame Remus for what happened!” she hissed. “Don’t you dare!”
“You got nosy about where he went every month and instead of leaving it alone, you decided to take it upon yourself to uncover his secret,” Lily continued. “Yes, Sirius was wrong to provoke your curiosity the way he did, but you’re smart enough to know better than to poke around in other people’s affairs.”
Lily took a deep breath and gave Snape his wand back. “Now move along,” she told him, “and don’t let me catch you engaging in a duel with anyone else.”
Knowing when he was defeated, Snape took his wand and hurried off to get a carriage to the castle. James and Remus waited until Snape was out of sight before letting go of Sirius’s arms and putting their own wands back in their robes.
Lily gave Sirius a stern look as she handed him his wand and said, “I don’t want to catch you dueling with anyone again either, Sirius.”
“You should have let me finish him,” Sirius said. Then, noticing the look of shock and concern on her face, rushed to continue. “Oh I wouldn’t have killed him, Lily. I would have just given him a reason to never bother me or my friends again.”
“I’m not worth going through all of that, Sirius,” Remus said quietly. “He has every right to be angry about what happened last year.”
Sirius threw his arms in the air after tucking his wand into his robes and growled low in frustration. “Oh for Merlin’s sake! Remus, you have no more control over your actions during a full moon than a baby has over its bladder!” he said. “How many times do we have to tell you it’s not your fault before you’ll believe us?”
Remus ran a hand through his hair angrily and sighed. “Look,” he said, looking at all three of them in turn, “you have no idea what’s it like! You have no clue how it feels to see everything happening around you, to be unable to control what you’re doing! Yes, you prevented any harm from coming to Severus that night, but you won’t always be around to do that!”
With nothing more to say, Remus turned and made his way to the carriages.
*Author's Note... Hey all, please.... please.... please... don't forget to leave a review. I love hearing what my readers think, good or bad, so let me know what's on your mind, okay? Also, visit my Meet the Author page for further information on my stories... Thanks- PoohBear813*
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