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Chapter 11: Kisses in the Hallway.

“Sirius,” she heard James yell. “I’ll kill you when you hit any of the others with the bludger! Watch what you’re doing!”

She chuckled lightly and saw how Sirius rolled his eyes when he gracefully flew past her on his broom. She was currently sitting on a bench placed on the Quidditch pitch. Sirius noticed her sitting there and winked at her before he hit yet another bludger. This time it flew towards James, who was sitting in his wheelchair. James, however, was quick enough to move away.

“Seriously, Padfoot!” James yelled. His face had turned red with anger and Lily couldn’t help but admire the passion he held for the game and for his team. She had always known this, of course, but to see it happen from up close… she sighed somewhat dreamily and shook her head. She was not one to swoon.

“Practice is over,” James then yelled and all the players of his team sighed in relief. It was extremely cold outside and Lily had pitied them when she had seen them flying on their brooms so high up in the air. She was sure all of their hands were frozen.

She rubbed her own hands and blew into them in an attempt to warm them up, but it didn’t work wonders. As she had hoped it would.

“Are you cold, Lils?” asked the familiar voice of Sirius Black who was now sitting next to her. She smiled up at him and noticed how red his nose was.

“As a matter of fact I am,” she said and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her and she smiled contently. “You should really consider a career in the circus. I think you would make a perfect clown.” Sirius laughed loudly and hugged her closer to him.

“Don’t you think it’s time to shower, Padfoot?” the voice of James Potter interrupted their friendly hugging and Lily smiled when she noticed the redness of James’ face.

“Oh,” said Sirius who let go of Lily now. “Sorry, are you jealous, Prongs?”

James snorted. “Of you? Never.” Sirius snickered and walked away after winking one last time in Lily’s direction. 

Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes. She turned her eyes away from Sirius and looked at James. He was frowning slightly as he watched his friend walk away and she giggled, causing him to look at her. “He means nothing out of it,” she said and smiled kindly. “He just likes to piss you off.”

James shrugged. “I know,” he said and looked away from her before going on. “I don’t mind, really. If the two of you want to hit it off you should just do it.”

She laughed loudly. “Sirius is hardly my type, James,” she said and then sighed. “I’m not sure who is my type, but Sirius isn’t. He’s a good friend, but nothing more.”

James seemed less tensed than he had been before. “He is a good friend,” he said and then he grinned at her. “But most of the time he can also be referred to as a real pain.”

“True,” she said and walked towards James. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold and he had hidden his hands in the pockets of his pants in an attempt to warm them up. She smiled at him before she reached over to push the wheelchair into the castle once again.

They were silent for most of the route until they had almost reached their destiny; the Head’s common room. “Lily,” James started coughing. He sounded faint and she stopped pushing his wheelchair. 

“What is it?” she asked, sounding concerned. “Are you in pain? Are you unwell?” He waved her over and Lily was merely inches away from his face. Then she suddenly saw a grin appear on his lips and she knew she had been tricked. “James Potter,” she said exasperated, “that was not funny. I seriously thought you were…”

His lips had found hers and she felt how his hand cupped her cheek. His lips moved slowly against hers and after a few seconds her lips moved back. He smiled against her lips and she could no longer suppress the grin she herself had felt playing at her lips as well. 

Then, as sudden as the kiss had started, it ended and James Potter was grinning almost wolfishly. She blinked a few times and stood up straight again as she sent him a nervous, but yet genuine and bright smile back.

“I’m going to see Madam Pompfrey,” he almost whispered and she attempted to grab the handles of the wheelchair, but James shook his head. “It will only take a few minutes and it’s not that far,” he grinned, “and luckily I’m a very strong young man.”

She bit back a chuckle as she saw him ride off in the direction of the Hospital Wing. When he had turned the corner she couldn’t help but let her fingers touch her lips. Her lips that had just shared a very sweet kiss with James Potter.

She twirled around and her red hair twirled with her. The odd feeling that had filled her whole body and mind made her giggle madly and she knew she must have looked very odd to everyone who would pass by, but she did not care. Not today. Not after this blissful kiss. She stopped twirling around and opened her eyes that had been closed.

Fear, but mostly shock made her back away as she noticed a figure standing in front of her. He didn’t seem too happy and Lily could only think that he must have seen. He must have seen her share the kiss with James and she had hurt him by kissing his true enemy. She had betrayed him.

“Severus,” she said. She found it difficult to breathe now he was standing so close to her. She backed away once more, but she felt the wall behind her back and she realised she had trapped herself.

Severus walked towards her and placed his hands at each side of her head, so that she could not escape from him. He intently gazed into her eyes and she felt how fear thoroughly fulfilled her. It was a huge contrast with how she had felt only minutes before. For she had felt so oddly at peace.

His face came closer to hers and she noticed how he was now staring at her lips. She sucked in a breath and leaned back as far as she could. She did not want his lips to touch hers.

“Damn it,” Severus then suddenly said. He hit the wall with his hands and stepped away from her. She had not seen him so desperate and furious, at the same time, in years. 

He looked up at her and his dark eyes stared into her green ones as though he was searching for something. Then he blew up at her. “I hope you’re happy!” he yelled furiously. She felt how she had started trembling and Severus noticed this too. “I really hope you’re happy,” he said, this time softer, but the anger was still there.

She only stared back at him for she did not know what to say to him. His eyes were filled with anger that she had only ever seen when he was talking about how that bloody James Potter thought he was everything. At the time Lily had agreed, but now she didn’t.

“I hope you’re happy now you’ve kissed him,” he said and he started to pace around. “Don’t you see what you’ve done? He doesn’t care about you! Not even a bit!” He turned to look at her and his eyes darkened. “I never thought I would see the day that Lily Evans joined Potter’s fan club.” He chuckled, but he did not sound happy. 

“You are one to talk,” she then said angrily. “I never thought I would see the day that Severus Snape would turn into a coward and would join his friends in their support of a certain Dark Lord!”

Severus visibly paled and he seemed taken aback for a second, but he was never one to be so for long. “At least I don’t throw away my ambitions!”

She let out a frustrated sigh. “What ambitions?” she asked in a dangerous tone of voice. “Your ambition is to serve and kill? I never thought so low of you before, but if you say it’s your ambition…”

Severus stepped towards her and grabbed her hand. “You don’t know anything about me,” he said and she noticed the hurt in his eyes. “You threw away our friendship after a minor mistake!”

She gasped. “A minor mistake?” she shook her hand out of his grip. “You practically betrayed me, Sev!”

“You know I didn’t mean any of it!” he yelled. “I was frustrated because of Potter and his slimy friends!” His eyes darkened once more and his face came closer to hers again. “But maybe it was you who made the actual mistake. I apologised while you didn’t want to hear any of it. You were already hypnotised by that stupid Potter, weren’t you?”

For a second she closed her eyes and when she opened them again she sighed. “Severus, you know as well as I do that I hated James Potter at the time, but I’ve been foolish! He’s nothing like we made him out to be!” 

“You’re foolish now!” He groaned and looked away from her. “You don’t see you’re throwing away your future. You’re just a game to him, can’t you see it?”

She snorted. “Well, just so you know: I don’t follow the rules of someone else’s game. I make my own rules! I am independent enough to follow my own instincts… unlike you.”

“Lily,” Severus cried out. He sounded desperate and that was what made her look into his eyes. He grabbed her hand and he kissed it. “He’s not worthy of you.”

She stared at him for several seconds or minutes maybe then she shook her head and she felt a tear roll down her cheek. “Sev, please,” she said and pulled her hand out of his grip. “Don’t make this so hard for me.”

“But I want to make this hard for you!” he said angrily. “Can’t I make you understand that some things cannot change? Potter is one of those things and… my love for you is one of those things!”

Severus had once again taken her hand in his and she stared at it. Years ago this had been so familiar. She had felt love towards him, but not the kind of love he was expressing for her. She had always seen him as a brother, a best friend, but nothing more and she dreaded the moment she would have to tell him so.

“Lily,” Severus whispered near her ear and she flinched. She looked into his eyes that were so close now and she then felt his lips on hers. “I love you,” he whispered while his lips still touched hers.

Lily just stood there, frozen in time. She had to do something; she had to push him away, but she couldn’t find the strength to do so. Her arms lay limp at her side and she could only stare at Severus when he backed away from her. A loving smile playing at his lips.

“I love you,” he said tenderly and he was about to kiss her again when she shook her head.

“Severus, no,” she said, but it seemed as though he had not heard her. Once again his lips were on hers and she now felt tears roll down her cheeks. She did not want this. Didn’t he understand?

Then Severus stepped back and flashed her a grin before he disappeared around the nearest corner.

She felt her heart race, but it wasn’t out of pleasure. The feelings she had felt when James had kissed her had filled her with happiness and so much more, but Severus’ lips on hers felt wrong. So wrong.

She let her fingers touch her lip again and she wished she could wash away the feeling of Severus’ lips, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

Suddenly there was a noise to be heard from her right and she turned her head, afraid to see Severus appear there again. But it was James and she felt relief wash over her. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, to kiss him passionately and she wanted to just ruffle his hair and make it even more messier.

Then she noticed something was wrong. James did not smile, he did not look at her and his body was tensed. At that moment she knew he must have seen and drawn the wrong conclusion.

“James,” she said panicked and she reached out to him, but he didn’t acknowledge her. “James, please,” she said once more and then he looked up at her.

His eyes were filled with so many emotions that she immediately felt the urge to kiss him once more. To show him that everything that he had seen had been a mistake. A terrible mistake.

“Sod off, Evans,” James then said and she felt the ground shake beneath her feet. Or maybe it was only her imagination. And when James turned a corner she felt a sob escape her. Everything was wrong. She had messed it up. She had ruined it.

She fell to the floor and hugged her knees as sobs kept escaping her body. It was over and she knew it.


Author's Note:
It has been three months since I started writing this story. Quite some time, if you ask me. I hope you all like it and that you don't want to kill me after reading this. I didn't really know what came over me when I wrote this. Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Next chapter might have to wait for a little while longer. I'm now also busy writing another story "Flowers", which I really want to finish and updat onto this site as well. Though the next chapter of this story is already finished, so it shouldn't be too long.

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