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Chapter Twelve


Marauder Rule # 285- One Should Always Listen To the Voices In Their Head





Good morning Rodrigo darling.


What’s put you in such a good mood?


Oh Rodrigo, how could one not be blissful on a morning such as this? Why the sun is shining. The birdies are chirping. Black is going to be groveling at my feet this morning. The snow that’s left over from that heat wave a week ago is glistening. ..


Only you would be in such an exuberant mood this early over the simple matter of annoying Sirius…


Why Rodrigo, you make me sound like a monster! I’m just pleased that he’s getting humiliated today… that’s all…






You’re not going to really make him do it?






Rodrigo, why have you suddenly started sounding so much like Lily?


Because Lily is correct when she says you need to stop acting so immaturely towards…


Oh please, she’s only saying that because she’s in love with Jimmy. Five months ago she would be encouraging me to complete my life’s work!


You’re life’s work?




What exactly is that?


It is my duty to torture Sirius Orion Black to the point of desperation. It is also my duty to break him into tiny pieces. I also get bonus points if I can make him curl up in fetal position and cry.


Right, I think it’s time for you to go see that psychological healer. They have a whole wing of the hospital dedicated to that you know…


Rodrigo, do you have an off button?


I take offense to that Jessabelle. All I am is a creation of you twisted imagination. And you never answered my question Jessie. Are you really going to make Sirius “confess his undying love for you?”


Yes I am. He deserves it. He’s had this type of humiliation coming to him since he told me to lick the ice carving at the minister’s ball when we were six and my poor tongue got stuck and he laughed at me for ages and refused to go get my mum and then…


I get the point. Jessie, have you considered that this whole plan of making him full-fill his end of the bet might backfire on you? Have you considered that this might embarrass you as much as it might embarrass him?



This is not going to backfire on me Rodrigo. Black deserves this humiliation. He lost the bet, he gets to suffer the consequences. So there.


Sometimes you worry me Jessie, you really worry me.




"First love is dangerous only when it is also the last." - Branislav Nusic




Jessie popped out of bed and strode over to the bathroom humming The Wailing Banshees’ new song, “Potion For My Motion” to herself. In her self applied, oblivious state she failed to notice that her broom was still plopped down on the floor between the front of her bed and the door to the bathroom.




“Mother fucking… Oww!”


Mary sat up in her bed and pointed her wand randomly out towards the open room in front of her. She was quite the comical site, what with her bed head and her sparkly eye mask still firmly in place over her eyes. “Wazz goin on?” she managed to spit out in her half dead state.


Jessie paid no attention to her friend, for she was, instead, rolling around on the oak floor; Holding her foot in her hand and muttering a string of curses (that would have made a prostitute blush) while tears leaked out of the sides of her eyes.


During this commotion, Lily had woken from her beauty sleep. In the time it took for Mary to arise and for Jessie to begin screeching about “hippos balls” she had pulled her red hair into a pony tail, donned her dressing gown and removed Jessie’s broom from it’s spot on the floor ( which had been far to close to Jessie’s head, seeing as she was now rolling around on the ground- and Merlin knows the poor girl didn’t need to add a concussion to her list of injuries)


Lily sighed and walked over to Mary’s bed, taking care to steer clear of Jess as she veered to the left. She avoided Mary’s flailing wand arm, and slid the eye mask off her eyes and up onto her forehead. Mary grinned sheepishly and lowered her wand, “Oh it’s only Jess being a klutz.” Lily rolled her eyes and made her way back over to her horizontal friend.


“Jessie.” Lily cooed softly as she squatted down by her friend, “Are you okay?”


Jessie’s eyes flashed open and she glared up at her friend, “Do I look okay Lily?” she moaned and continued her rant.


Lily rolled her eyes and with Mary’s help hauled Jess to her feet…well foot.


“I guess we’re going to have to go to the hospital wing then.” Lily sighed as they helped Jessie sit down on her bed.


“Yet again we miss breakfast due to Jessie’s moronicness.” Mary muttered yawning.


Instantly Jessie stopped cursing and her eyes grew wide, “I’m fine.” she said jumping up on her one foot and hopping over to her dresser. Lily raised her eyebrows and Mary rolled her eyes.


“Whatever you say flamingo girl.” Mary muttered climbing back into her bed and lowering her lovely eye mask over her face once more.



“How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one‘s senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality.” - Norman Douglas




“Black I am going to murder you!” a black-haired teenage boy dashed around the corner knocking over a suit of armor as he ran. A jet of red light soared over his head and streaked into the wall on his right.


“Shit, her aim’s getting better.” he hissed as he dodged yet another bolt of light, however this time it was blue. The boy looked over his shoulder and yelped as someone turned around the corner. Behind him a girl of around the same age had her wand arm extended and was shooting various hexes towards his head. The girl was covered from head to toe in green goo.


She shot a particularly large bolt of light out the tip of her wand and it just barely missed the head of the fleeing boy in front of her. He screamed like a girl and shot a hex back at her as he dodged a group of first years.


“Die Black die!” she screamed as the hex he had shot in her direction soared away from her with a flick of her wand.



“What are you two doing?” a prefect yelled as the two dashed down one of the busier corridors in the school, however neither of them paid any mind. Instead they continued cursing one another ( both by word of mouth and hex.)


In their rampage they failed to notice that they had reached the transfiguration corridor.



“Damn you Black!” the girl screamed as they sprinted onward, weaving through the few students that remained in the hall.


The boy, Black, shot a curse at her over his shoulder, but once again missed. The girl on the other hand had better luck.


“Expelliarmus!” she cried. At last her spell hit the boy square between the shoulder blades. She grinned triumphantly as his wand soared into her outstretched hand. Black skidded to a halt as he felt the wood slip out of his fingers. He looked back, “Now Spring don’t do anything foolish.” he said sweetly as the girl walked towards him menacingly. She had a manic grin on her face and had her own wand pointed towards the worried boy in font of her. She finally caught up to him outside the open door of a classroom.


“Spring.” he said hoarsely as she stabbed the wand into his neck. She cackled evilly.




“Mr. Black! Miss Spring! What on earth are you doing? And why is Miss Spring covered in green muck?”


Both students gulped and looked up to their right. Standing in the doorway was Minerva McGonagall. Their head of house. And she was clearly not amused by the situation in front of her.


Black opened his mouth in order to speak, but was silenced by the formidable looking woman in front of him.


“Save it Black! Both of you will come with me now.” she swept out of the doorway and began striding down the hall, her tartan robes billowing behind her. Both Spring and Black followed behind her. They shot glares at the other every couple steps.


“Candy floss.” Professor McGonagall stated clearly to the stone gargoyle in front of the trio. Black and Spring looked at one another and gulped. Surely not…


“Albus, I have brought them up to you.” she said wearily as they walked into a circular room that was decorated with odd gadgets and hundreds of portraits. In the center of the room sat an aging man. Both Spring and Black gulped again- it was the headmaster.








Jessie shook her head and picked up her bag from it’s spot at the foot of her bed. She winced as she put pressure on her foot and hobbled over to Lily and Mary who were standing by the door looking at her skeptically. She smiled brightly and hooked her arms around theirs.


“Come along my dears!” she said energetically and pulled them out the door.


Lily and Mary rolled their eyes at her and followed her down the steps.


“Lils, you know how Professor Flitwick was discussing that one charm the other day…” May said. Lily moved so she was walking beside Mary. “Oh the one for…”


Jessie rolled her eyes and kept walking in silence, trust Lily and Mary to begin discussing newt theory before breakfast. She stared at the ground as she walked and bit her lip. Soon her eyes became misty, and she was once again off in la-la land.




“Please, take a seat. Minerva, you may leave if you wish.” Albus Dumbledore said as the two third years situated themselves nervously in the chintz armchairs in front of the headmaster’s desk. Professor McGonagall nodded to Dumbledore and made her way out of the office, leaving her two students to the mercy of the headmaster.


“Mister Black.” he said nodding his head in the boy’s direction. In return Sirius grinned sheepishly and began toying with the hem of his shirt, which was characteristically un-tucked.


“Miss Spring” he said nodding his head in the girl’s direction. Jessie bit her lip and looked up at the headmaster.


“You seem to have enraged your head of house.” Dumbledore said calmly, his blue eyes twinkling, “ And I assume I am correct in assuming that you both know that hexing a fellow student is against the rules.”


Jessie and Sirius both nodded silently.


“Good, good.” Dumbledore said folding his hands and leaning his elbows on his desk. Sirius and Jessie both looked up at the headmaster quizzically, “ I shall be writing to your parents and you each shall receive a detention. Professor McGonagall will inform you of where and when it shall take place. You are free to leave. All I ask is you refrain from murdering one another on the steps outside my office.” with a nod of his head Dumbledore removed himself from behind his desk and began walking up the steps to the top floor of his office, humming to himself. Jessie and Sirius slowly got up from their chairs and walked out the door. Jessie stopped for a moment at the doorway and looked back up at the headmaster.


She could have sworn he winked at her.




Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid. - Henrich Heine



“Jess are you going to stand there all day? Or are you actually going to open the door?” Mary said waving her hand in front of Jessie’s face.


Jessie jumped, “What?” she said looking at her friends.


“Are you going to open the doors, or are you just going to stand there and act like a brain-dead squirrel?” Mary asked rolling her eyes.


Jessie looked in front of her. About five inches from the tip of her nose were the doors to the great hall, “Oh.” she said slowly. She reached out and shoved the doors open. Lily and Mary followed her inside muttering to one another about Jessie’s strange behavior.


“There’s pancakes?! This morning just keeps getting better and better and better and better and better and…” Jess said smiling manically as they sat down by the Marauders.


“What did you give her?” James asked Lily as she sat down beside him.


“Nothing.” Lily said as she began to pile eggs and sausage on her plate, “She did break her foot though.”


“What?” James said looking back and forth between Jess and Lily confusedly.


“Don’t even try to begin to comprehend James. You’ll hurt your head.” Lily said sweetly as she kissed him on the cheek.


Jessie smiled brightly as she began stacking pancakes on her plate, “So how is everyone this fine morning?” she said as she began drowning her plate in syrup.


“Broke her foot? Are you sure she didn’t hit her head?” James whispered to Lily, as Jess began stuffing her face.


Lily raised an eyebrow at Jessie.


“Phut?” Jess said, her mouth full of pancakes. Syrup dribbled down her chin and her fork and fingers were covered in syrupy goodness.


“Didn’t your mum ever teach you how to eat like a lady?” James asked Jess as Lily scourify-ed Jessie’s face. Jess wiped her face off with a napkin and glared at James, “Yes she did, you would know, you were there as well. Or don’t you remember James…” jess said picking up her goblet of pumpkin juice.


Sirius scowled in Jessie‘s general direction as he stabbed his food moodily.


James let out a nervous chuckle, “Of course I re…”


“Don’t you remember James? You insisted on wearing my frilly pink dress for it. And then you threw a temper tantrum when it didn’t fit because you were too short, so your mum did a spell so it shrunk to fit. “ Jessie said smirking.


James glared at Jess and opened his mouth to speak.


“Oh James.” Lily laughed and ruffled her boy friend’s hair, “Don’t get your knickers in a twist over it. You were what four?”


“ye…” James said scowling, but Jess interrupted him, “No actually we were nine…” she grinned and blew a kiss in James’ direction, “We had gotten in trouble at the last stupid ball we’d gone to because someone had spilled pumpkin juice on my dress.” Jess glared at Sirius who grinned darkly, “So Mrs. P and mum decided James and I needed to learn how to eat appropriately at events like that.” Jess finished shoving more pancake in her mouth.


“As you can see some of us were not as affected by it as others.” James said as he cut a small slice of sausage off the piece on his plate and placed it in his mouth.


“So Black.” Jessie said sweetly smiling at Sirius.


“So Jessie.” Sirius said in a similar tone as he smiled back at her.


“What do you think of Lily finally saying yes to James?” Jessie said taking another bite of pancake.


“Well Jessie darling I think it’s about time they finally got together.” Sirius responded in an even sweeter voice.


“Something is going on here.” James whispered to Lily, who nodded in agreement, “Have your wand ready James.” she whispered back.


“It’s so cute. I was thinking the other day and well actually I was thinking about you Jessie darling.” Sirius said grinning evilly at Jessie.


“And it’s going to end badly.” James whispered to Lily. He mouthed “wand” to Remus, who nodded and whispered in Mary’s ear. The four of them tightened their grips on their wands and cautiously drew them front the various spots where they had been hidden on their bodies.



“Were you really Black? How disturbing.” Jess said dryly. She shot him a look that said get on with it.


“And…” Sirius smirked standing up and climbing on the table, “I’ve decided I have something to confess.”


“Oh no you don’t!” Jess hissed and attempted to pull him down. Sirius bent over so his face was level with hers, “Oh, was this not what you had in mind? Too bad love.” he whispered back. Sirius stood up and Jessie shot him a murderous glare.


“Attention Hogwarts! I have something to confess!” Sirius cried over the noise of the great hall. At the sound of his voice the noise dwindled to whispers and all eyes were on him.


“Don’t you dare!” Jess hissed. Sirius smirked at her and cleared his throat.


“Thank you. Thank you. I have a confession to make!” he cried out, “Some of you may be shocked. Some of you may be amazed and some of you may even faint, but I feel it is my duty to tell you all the truth. To lie to you no longer!” he said, doing an excellent impression of a ringmaster announcing his latest attraction.


“Kill. Death.” Jessie growled.


“I, Sirius Orion Black, am madly in love with…” Sirius said. Jessie scrambled up on the bench, “Jessie Spring.” he finished, as Jess climbed up onto the table (and knocked over a bowl of oatmeal as she scrambled up) and pointed her wand in Sirius direction.


“I’m going to kill you Black!” she screamed walking towards him. Sirius began walking backwards down the table ( knocking over plates of food as he went), “Oh but Jessie darling, I love you!” he said smirking as he drew his own wand.


The remaining marauders along with Mary and Lily and the rest of the great hall (including the teachers) were gaping in disbelief at the scene in front of them.


Jessie growled and sprinted towards his. Sirius began running backwards as fast as he could, but Jessie reached out and grabbed a handful of his collar. She shoved the tip of her wand into his neck, “I’m going to kill you Sirius.” she said angrily.


“No you’re not.” Sirius said smiling as he pointed the tip of his own wand at her chest.


Jess glared at him and opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius interrupted her before she could even begin to spew a stream of curse words in his direction, “ I really do love you.” he whispered. Jessie looked up at him horrified, for once, she was properly speechless. She lowered her wand and began to walk away, for she was to stunned and horrified to do anything else; but Sirius caught her wrist. He smirked.


“Don’t you dare!” she breathed out as she attempted to free her arm, but Sirius was to quick for her. He grabbed the back of Jessie’s head and kissed her.


Jess shoved him off and wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve. Sirius smirked and crossed his arms.


“Oh fuck.” James said as they watched Jessie flick her wand in Sirius’ direction. A jet of blue light shot in his direction. Somehow Sirius managed to jump out of the way, knocking over a pile of bacon and sausage as he moved.


The bowl crashed to the ground and it shook everyone out of their reveries. James, Remus, Mary and Lily jumped up on the table and dashed towards their friends.


Remus and Lily grabbed Jess, and James and Mary restrained Sirius. Remus resorted twisting Jessie’s arms behind her back and making her kneel against the table in an effort to keep her from clawing Sirius into bits and pieces, and James and Mary ended up alligator wrestling Sirius to the ground.


“I think it’s time for us to take this to my office.” Professor Dumbledore said calmly as he walked past the group.


“Come on.” Remus said wearily as he helped jess up and off the table, never releasing her arms from his grip.




Hello my lovelies. So what did you think? Aren’t you amazed, I moved the plot along! Ooh ahh! Of course many of you probably saw that all coming chapters ago, but anyways, hopefully it wasn’t too horrible…


REVIEW!!! Even if you’re just like “hi.” reviews make me happy and make me write faster (sometimes even better…). I’ve already begun working on chapter 13 and it’s going to be much funnier than the last couple.




“You know Black, I would tell you that you’re barking up the wrong tree, but that’s just your natural voice.” Jessie said disdainfully.


James snorted into his text book, and Sirius turned and glared at him.


“Sorry mate it’s true.” James laughed.


“I’ll deal with you later.” Sirius growled.


-pensive princess

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