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Author's Note: This one-shot is written in response to Gubby's (GubraithianFire) Non-human Challenge on SAYS. Thanks muchly, Gubby Gubberson, for your awesome challenge. I had fun writing this and I hope you (and all my readers) enjoy reading it, too. *squish glomps*


The Name's Snarky


Ah, another day gone and, still, I have nothing better to do than sit around and watch these pitiful love stories unfold inside the walls of Hogwarts. Seriously, is that all people care about now-a-days? They think love is so important. What about reputation, hygiene and, most importantly, that beautiful little thing called arrogance? They bring so much to a person. In my case, weird, dirty looks. Isn’t that wonderful!

Of course, my master is just like me – an arrogant bully – but that is what’s so cool, isn’t it? We are so alike, his girlfriend decided to name me Draco Junior. But he took offense to that. So, now I am Snarky Git. Snarky for short. I would actually like my name had Ginny not started calling me ‘shnoogly-poo’ merely because I tried to snuggle into her once. Of course, it may also be because Draco likes to snuggle into her, too, but he takes offense to the slightest of things and can actually talk, while I can’t.

So, other than the fact that I am a cat who can’t talk (I hear cats don’t normally talk to humans, but then, I am not a normal cat, am I? I consider myself quite unique) and who was named ‘shnoogly-poo’ by his master’s girlfriend, I am quite satisfied with my life. Mainly because Draco and Ginny let me eat from their own plate and don’t force me to play with other cats or go on walks because, frankly, I hate such stuff. That’s, to put it quite simply, cat-stuff. Rather boring.

What I like to do is sit around and shoot everyone disdainful looks. I have to maintain my reputation, you know. Imagine me doing something ‘shnoogly’…oh merlin, I would die of embarrassment when that day comes. Ginny would never let me live it down. I would be ‘shnoogly-poo’ for ever and ever…and ever! In short, forever.

“I’ll tell once and for all, you are not to sit with Potter anymore!”

“What?! When did you get the right to tell me what to do and what not to do? I am your girlfriend, not your property.”

Ah, there they go again. I sometimes think their fights are pre-scheduled – like a routine or something, because they fight every other day, either over Potter, or else over the boy Weasel. It’s so pathetic that I can’t help being amused.

“Oh my gosh, Draco, look! Snarky just smirked!”

Draco blinks.

I blink.

“Of course, he didn’t! Ginny, don’t try to change the subject.”

“But I am not! Look, didn’t I tell you before that I bought him because he smirked at me in a very you way?”

“Ginny-”

“He’s a smirking git!”

I blink at them and then stretch myself (gracefully). That’s enough drama for today. I completed what was on my to-do list:
(1) Sleep in.
(2) Scratch Ron Weasley twice (once in the morning, once in the evening).
(3) Hiss at all the stupid cats who play with yarn (hiss only once, because it’s tiring).
(4) NOT snuggle into Ginny, or Draco, for that matter.
(5) Look at everyone that passes me with disdain.
(6) Carefully spit chewed crumbs into Pansy’s plate (just because she looks like a pug).
(7) Mysteriously smirk at Ginny when Draco’s not looking. Bonus if I manage to do that when they are fighting.

Yay, I passed with flying colors! I did everything beautifully, don’t you agree? Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. Tomorrow’s to-do list will probably be the same. Just a few minor changes (I need to make progress, don’t I?). Additions to my list:

-Scratch Ron Weasley thrice (morning, noon and evening).
-Hiss twice.
-Chew part of Pansy’s ball dress and give her a terrible tear.

And last, but not the least –

-Keep mewing shrilly until Draco finally relents and buys me a green scarf so that I can cheer (with quiet grace) in the next Quidditch match against the loser Ravens.

Yes, I suppose that’s it. Oh, tomorrow’s going to be a big day for me. I have so much to do. I need sleep…I am a growing cat. Also, I need to sleep in just like I did today morning. This irritates Draco and he doesn’t let me eat from his plate.

That’s totally fine because he has bad tastes in food. I mean, who would want to eat mashed potatoes and peas if there’s chocolate pudding on the table? Ah well, Draco may be my master, but Ginny’s my best friend. So what if she calls me ‘shnoogly-poo’, at least she gives me good food. If not, I can just scratch her other brothers. (Shh, but I am not allowed to scratch Ginny. Draco will disown me!)

Well, that’s me – Snarky Git – and it was really unpleasant to meet you. You can bring me a cookie. Then, I may consider being your friend, but mind, I am NOT snuggling up to you.

*blinks*

*yawns*

Goodnight. I am looking forward to the next day. You see, I’ve got spiders to stomp, people to scratch…



So, whaddaya think? ^_^

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