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Chapter 4: Not bothering.

It was a month after her arrival at Hogwarts and Lily hadn’t felt this good in years. She didn’t exactly know the reason for her sudden happiness, but she supposed Sirius Black had something to do with it.

She almost snorted when she thought about it. A month ago she wouldn’t have guessed that she would sit next to Sirius Black in Potions and that she would actually laugh about his jokes and about the pranks he pulled with other people, but somehow something had changed after the conversation in the Owlery. And even though she was happy with the change not everyone seemed to be thrilled.

“I love you,” she heard Sirius Black whisper in her ear and she felt her cheeks go hot.

“I’m sorry?” she asked and Sirius winked.

“Just playing with my male best friend,” he said and grinned widely. “I do love you, but I love you like a sister. It’s just so funny to see him send me those looks though.” 

Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh and Lily shook her head. The blush still evident playing on her cheeks. “You shouldn’t be teasing him,” she said softly and Sirius raised both of his eyebrows.

“Why not?”

“Because,” she said and sighed heavily while doing so, “it’s cruel.”

Sirius smiled at her and kissed her cheek. “That’s why I enjoy doing it so much.” Lily rolled her eyes at him and Sirius laid a hand on his chest in mock hurt, but soon he smiled again. “See you later, Lils.”

Sirius stood up and Lily sighed. He always left her to clean their stuff up after making a potion, but she always forgave him. He was after all Sirius Black and she knew the boy had never cleaned something in his life before. She would have to teach him how to do so though. 

She felt a pair of eyes on her and when she looked up she saw James Potter staring back at her. He wore a strange look in his eyes, a look that she couldn’t quite place, but she didn’t think too much out of it and grabbed her bag and walked out of the classroom.

“Evans,” she heard him yell after her. His voice was deep and pleasant and it made her shiver, but she did not stop. She still avoided him as much as possible even though it was harder now she and Sirius had become friends.

“Evans,” he again called out, but she quickly closed the door to the common room they shared and almost sprinted into her room, locking the door behind her.

She knew she was being a bit childish, but she could not deal with him. She lost control when he was around her. She would yell at him, hurt him physically and most of all she had to keep herself from kissing him every time he would say something to her. Just seeing his lips move made her go crazy.

“Evans,” she then heard him say. He was knocking on her door and was almost pleading with her. “Please, Lily, open up.”

She felt her eyes widen while the rest of her body was suddenly trembling. He had called her ‘Lily’. He had never done that before and even though she was now trembling in shock she couldn’t help but think how pleasant her name sounded when he said it.

“Please, I just want to have a word,” he was now literally begging. He actually sounded like a lost little puppy that just needed his mummy. 

Lily sighed, grabbed her wand and made a minor movement while whispering ‘Alohomora’. “Come in,” she said and the door opened, revealing a smiling James Potter. “What is it you want to have a word about?” asked she and James suddenly seemed uncertain.

“I…,” he said and Lily frowned, but she followed his every move when he stepped into her room and stopped when he stood in the middle of it. “I wanted to talk about… you know… your relationship with Sirius.”

She stiffened and laid the book she had been reading down onto her bed. “My relationship with Sirius?” she asked slowly and she saw James blush slightly. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business, Potter.”

James was now looking at his feet. “It is my business,” he said and looked up again. “He’s my best friend and you are my … you are… Head Girl.”

Lily walked towards him. She felt the anger grow inside of her and she narrowed her eyes. “Why don’t you just go to your best friend?”

James looked her straight in the eye. “Because I want to hear it from you.”

Her eyes went wide. “You want to hear it from me?” she almost yelled and then she started laughing hysterically. “Well, Potter, today is not your lucky day. I won’t say a word.”

James stared at her for a few second and then, in only a few seconds, his face turned from black to absolutely furious. “Fine!” he yelled and stepped back from her. “If that’s how you want to play it, okay. It’s not like I care who you mess with!”

“Well, good thing you don’t!” she yelled back at him and James’ eyes narrowed and he looked at her with disgust evident in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he yelled. “Good thing I don’t, because I would be mad to care about you! You are so cold that everything you touch turns into ice! You have no feelings, no conscience or whatsoever! You’re pathetic, Evans! Pathetic.” And with those words said he was gone. 

Lily stared at the door that had been slammed shut by James and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. She sat down in the middle of her room and noticed she was again trembling, but this time it wasn’t a good kind of trembling.

 She sniffed a few times, hoping she could make the tears go away, but they slowly fell down her cheeks and she bit her lip so James would not hear her cry. He didn’t deserve to know she was bothered by his words. He was nothing to her; just like she was nothing to him.

Still it didn’t feel as though he was nothing. Why else would she be crying on the floor over something he had said to her? She had always thought he understood. She had always thought he had noticed the true Lily Evans who was scared to pop out and who decided to hide into her shell. She had always thought that he knew that she wasn’t as cold as she seemed to be.

But maybe she had been wrong. Just like she had always thought she was just a game to him. He hadn’t bothered to look any further than her looks. But who had she been kidding when she had secretly hoped that he did like her for who she was? This wasn’t a fairytale!

She wiped her tears away from her cheek and sniffed a few times. When he didn’t bother; she would not bother either. In her eyes James Potter might as well have disappeared.


Author's Note:
Thank you for sticking with me so far! I hope you all enjoy reading this fiction. Please leave me a review! I thrive on them and I really wish to improve as an author, so please! Thank you!

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