September 23rd, early evening.
“It’s been seven days, Prongs,” Sirius said, sniffing in deeply. And then he spat as long as he could. “I think you’re doing pretty well.”
The others looked after the gob, and then James got up. “It’s strange, really. She hasn’t had a flip on me for three whole days,” he said and sniffed just as deeply. He spat but not as long as Sirius. “Your turn, Moony.”
Remus got up with a rather disgusted face. “Do I really have to?”
“Yes,” Sirius said as he rolled his eyes.
“Uh, uh! I’ve got one!” Peter exclaimed, and three pairs of eyes turned to him. “Mary Macdonald or Ellen Stone, but Macdonald has got Elisa Peddler’s face.”
“Ohh,” Sirius said with a deep frown. “That’s a tough one.”
“I’ll say Macdonald,” Remus said. He made a disgusted face, sniffed deeply, and spat.
James stretched his neck and looked at it. “That’s pathetic, Moony.”
Remus scowled at him. “Wormtail, you’re up.”
“Hmm. It must be Stone,” Sirius said and nodded. “She’s got nice grapes.”
“I still think ‘grapes’ is a stupid nickname,” James said, shaking his head. “And really, in the case of Stone, grapes kind of do not cover it up.”
Sirius laughed. “But she’s got two very nice ones.” He looked at Peter. “Come on now, Wormtail, get it over with.”
Peter sniffed and spat as long as he could. Sirius burst out laughing as Peter’s gob landed a few centimeters away from Remus’. James jumped down from the small cliff he was sitting on, and Peter sat next to Sirius, instead.
James cleared his throat. “Okay, here’s a new one. . .” His eyes were twinkling. “Kaley Wood or Susanne Sandler. BUT! They’re both bald.” He spat, the gob passing all of the previously spitted gobs.
Remus chuckled. “Wood. She’s got a nice arse.”
“Nice is an understatement. Great, I’d say!”
“What if her arse was switched with Snivellus’?”
Sirius pretended to get sick while Remus and Peter just looked slightly disturbed. Peter was the first to regain control.
“I think its Sandler,” he said.
“Nothing is worse than Snivellus,” Sirius agreed and faked a shudder.
“Okay, Sandler’s arse has been replaced by Dumbledore’s!”
Remus closed his eyes in horror. “Oh, dear sweet Merlin! My eyes are ruined!”
Peter fell into the grass, pretending to start crying. “Mother, mother! Help me!”
Sirius laughed. “That is mean, Prongs. I bet you’d like Sandler now!”
“Ew. No. I’m neutral. None!”
“You can’t say that!” Sirius argued. “The rules are always to decide!”
“I came up with this question! I don’t have to. You do.”
“I’m not choosing,” Remus stated firmly.
“You have to, Moony!” James persisted. “Sirius?”
Sirius sighed. “I guess it’d still be Sandler. Nothing’s really worse than Snivellus.”
Peter shook his head. “But Sandler wouldn’t have a 100-year-old piece of arse on her. I’m Wood.”
James nodded and turned to Remus. “Moooony?” he asked with a slight pout.
Remus shook his head for about two minutes before he finally answered. “Wood. Wormtail’s right. Snivellus is still young.”
“But stinks,” Sirius muttered. They all laughed.
James’ head shot up at once. “Did you hear?”
They all looked at him. “No,” Sirius said indifferently. “What?”
James’ eyes got a faraway look. “Girls – three of them – coming this way.”
Remus looked towards the castle, and sure enough, three girls were walking down the grounds. “You, my dear friend, are talented.”
“I know,” James said with a nod. “So who’s next?”
“I’m up, I’m up,” Peter said, raising a hand. He jumped from the cliff, sniffed, and spat. It went long this time.
“Not bad, Wormtail,” James said with a nod and leaned against a small tree. “Not bad. Padfoot, you’re up.”
Sirius jumped up, and with a short run up, he sent a gob off. It went flying in the air, passing both his, Peter’s, and James’ previously long ones. The girls’ talk had stopped, but the boys didn’t notice. James shook his head.
“I’m so not losing this one.” With a really deep sniff and a lot of air in his lungs, James spat with all the force he could. It landed nearly half a meter past Sirius’ last one.
Then a girl’s voice was heard. “Eww.”
All four boys turned to look. Lily, Alison, and Sarah were all looking at them. Alison was rather green in the face. Sarah looked mildly repelled. Lily looked utterly disgusted. Alison had been the one speaking. After a few seconds of staring at each other, the girls suddenly turned and walked away towards the castle.
With a chuckle, Sirius stood at James’ side. “I guess that’s one more point to your list, Prongs.”
6. Spitting, farting, or burping in front of her is banned.
James took a hand to his head, groaning, “No, no, no. She must think I’m some sort of disgusting person now.”
Peter moved. “To be honest, I think she already kind o-”
Remus elbowed him before he could finish. “No, Prongs, you’re just a guy.”
“A disgusting guy,” he said. “Oh well, they’re gone now. Who’s next?”
With a laugh, Peter sniffed and spat. Then Sirius got up, eyes on the back of the girls. “Okay, one not too horrible. Abby or Olivia?”
Remus shook his head. “That’s unfair.”
“Yeah,” Peter said with a nod. “They’re both really, really. . .”
“Hot,” Remus ended firmly.
Sirius held up his hands weighing first the right hand and then the left. “Super beautiful blonde with those amazing blue eyes and very, very nice body – trust me, I’ve been there – or the mysterious black girl with eyes dark as night with stars shining in them?”
James snickered. “Do you have a crush on both of them?”
“Nope,” Sirius shook his head. “Just Abby.”
“He’s already had Olivia,” Remus muttered to Peter, and they both burst out laughing.
“Shut up you two!”
“He’ll kill us if we say Abby, won’t he?” Remus whispered to James.
“Yep, better say Olivia.”
“I can hear that!”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Olivia.”
James nodded. “Olivia.”
“Joking, Padfoot, joking,” Peter muttered.
“Why don’t we go to dinner before a wrong word falls?” Remus suggested with a smile.
“Sure.” James got up, grinning. Sirius, looking rather gloomy, followed.
The Great Hall was filled with students eating. The Marauders skimmed the table, and to James’ pleasure, the only empty seats were next to Lily, Sarah, and Alison.
“Act cool,” Remus whispered. “Remember our first six points.”
James rolled his eyes. “I’m not a retard.” He strode down the table with his friends right behind him. He sat down next to Alison. “Hullo, ladies.” His eyes only lingered at Lily for about half a second.
The three girls exchanged glances. Sarah was the first to speak. “So, you’re done with the spitting contest?”
James’ smile fell very slightly, but he decided to play it cool. “Yup. But really . . . it’s a guy thing, not something to blow up over.”
“We didn’t blow up,” Lily said coldly.
“Relax, Miss Evans.” Sirius grinned. “We were just having some fun.”
“Boys will be boys...” Peter said.
“Uh huh,” James said, taking beef and potatoes to his plate.
“Hey, what about this, Prongs?” Sirius held up a bowl of steamed broccoli.
“Green food is for rabbits,” he muttered, food already in his mouth. “No thanks.” A piece of potato fell out.
Lily sent him a disgusted look as Remus patted his shoulder, a sarcastic smile on his lips. “Point 7, mate,” he whispered.
7. * sigh* and don’t talk with food in your mouth either.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “So, where are we going after dinner?”
James swallowed, about to answer, but Alison beat him to it.
“More spitting contests?” she asked, smiling angelically.
Sirius sent her a glare. “I didn’t ask you, Tattershall.”
She glared back. “Well, I’m sorry, Black.” She spat the word as if it was dirty. “I just assumed that animals, like you, do that kind of stuff.”
“Enough!” James cut them off, holding up a hand. “I’m eating now, and where I come from, we do not fight while eating. If you must, please go outside. And if you want to be real gentlemanly, Sirius, take with you a glove and give it to her. You do not hit girls, unless they’re not real girls. Alison, you must only hit him with the glove because that’s what they did when my grandma was a boy.”
Remus frowned. “Your grandma was never a boy.”
James rolled his eyes. “Don’t ruin the moment, Moony.”
Peter shook his head. “What you just said, Prongs, didn’t make any sense.”
“So what?” James mumbled and began eating without noticing the reactions around him.
Sirius seemed utterly perplexed. Alison dropped her fork along with her jaw. She picked it up quickly, though. Sarah was chuckling along with Peter, and Lily looked even more perplexed than Sirius.
Alison cleared her throat. “Um, sorry, Black. I didn’t mean to . . . you know.”
“It’s okay, Tattershall. I shouldn’t have bitten your head off like that.”
James smiled. “And that,” he whispered to Remus, “is how a real gentleman does it.”
Remus snickered. “Sure.”
“So, returning to the previous topic,” Peter said lightly, “what were we doing after this?”
James’ face lit up. “I have this great idea for an amazing prank!”
“What?” Sirius asked.
“Well, it goes like this-”
“Head Boy, James,” Lily sang, finger to her cheek. “You’re Head Boy.”
He looked at her. “Um.”
Remus looked down, smiling slightly.
8. Prank-talk around her is out too.
“Sorry,” James muttered. “It was just such a great idea.”
“I’ll keep an eye on you,” she said, raising both eyebrows.
“I’ll keep in line,” he said, eating some more to prevent himself from screwing up more.
“We’ll keep him in line, Lily,” Sirius said.
She snorted. “As if that’s making me feel more faithful in you.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re just as bad as he is.”
With a sigh, James turned away from Lily, deciding to not talk to her anymore. This plan had to work. He started a conversation with Alison, instead. He wasn’t ignoring Lily, but just not giving her the attention.
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