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Chapter Eight 




It’s the End of the World as We Know It





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If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty





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** So I just realized I have NEVER written a chapter during which jess and
The gang are in class! GASP! So here you go!**



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Binn’s is one boring bastard.




He’s killing me.




Slowly.




This is like Chinese water torture.




It’s slowly driving me insane!




Next thing you know I’ll be hallucinating and screaming about rabid bunnies doing the tango.




Rabbits can’t do the tango.



Oh hello Rodrigo!




Hello Ma Cherie!



Rodrigo! What did I tell you about using French!




“Black is part French and therefore anything French is bad.”



Good imaginary cricket!






You have issues Jessie.



No shit Sherlock




Besides the boy is barely French. His mother’s, brother’s, uncle’s, mother’s, aunt was like one tenth French.




It doesn’t matter!




I’m just saying, you really need to get over this vendetta you have against Black… it’s childish and immature.




So? I like being childish and immature. And Black is the most annoying prat I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.




Correction he may be an annoying prat, but he does have a nice ass…




Rodrigo…




Yes…



Shut it! Why am I cursed with a conscience that thinks my nemesis’ ass is delicious?




I don’t care if Sirius Black has the nicest ass in the whole universe; he is the spawn of Satan!




Actually I take that back, he’s not- he’s Lucifer himself.




I wonder what will happen if I try to drown him in holy water…




Humm…





Oh my freaking goodness Binns, shut up!




You see to day is the last day before Christmas break and I right now I have the attention span of a goldfish on crack! ( you see, I normally have the attention span of a goldfish, but today I’m so hyped up for break I have the attention span of one on crack… get it? )




It should be against the law to have ghosts as teachers. They have no concept of time and so therefore drone on and on and on and on about pointless shit for hours and hours and hours and hours.






I wonder when he died.




It’s hard to tell seeing as he’s wearing wizarding robes. Humm… he does have a vest on and a pocket watch… but Slughorn wears vests and pocket watches and he’s from this century… I think…




Bloody hell, we still have a half hour.




Well if I’m going to die I might as well write my will…



The Last Will and Testament of Jessabelle Lufiana Spring



I, Jessabelle Lufiana Spring (aka- Jessie, jess, bells, bam bam (cough James cough), and jazz), hereby submit the following upon my death to the noted people.



Lily- to Lils I bequeath all the witch weekly magazines I get from that damned owl that wakes us up at four thirty every Sunday morning and all the others I have shoved under my bed because I think they kill your brain cells when you read them. (No offense Gran, it was a nice thought…) She may also keep the ones she has swiped from the stash under my bed and has hidden in the secret compartment in her trunk. She can also have those green heels of mine that’s she’s been eying since our fourth year. Also Lily gets 20 gallons and all my chocolate frog cards. And Lily can also have all my hexing books (as long as she promises to use all the hexes on Sirius Black in the near future and promises not to permanently mutilate James with them.) Yay!




Mary- to Mary I give all the makeup my Gran has bought me for my my birthday, Christmas, and any other holiday. She’ll find it all, from the lavender colored eye shadow to the bright green eyeliner to magenta lipstick, shoved in the bottom of my trunk in the cherry red Christmas bag that has the fuzzy snowman on it that sings “Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly”. Mary can also have all my school books, seeing as she is constantly borrowing them anyways. She also gets 20 gallons and my purple sweater that’s already in her trunk and she can steal my hexing books from Lily, if Lily is not abiding by the rules.




James- Jimmy can have all my quidditch stuff, including my play book I’ve never let him look at. He can also have all my quills and ink. And he can have my Miss Witch dolls that we played with when we were younger. They’re in our attic. (But James should already know this seeing as he sneaks up there during Christmas and plays with them…) James also gets my tea set and he can have his snitch sweatshirt back. He can also have Mr. Snuffles, my teddy bear, because he‘s the one that gave him to me.



Remus- Remmy can have my cute, squishy moon pillow ( :] ) and he can have my chocolate stash, provided he locks lily and James in a broom cupboard until they admit their undying love and snog and/or shag.



Mum and dad- you can have the rest of my stuff, and you can have the rest of my money. Love ya!






Last words… someone please kill Black if I haven’t done so already. Lily and James- I demand that one of your 100’s of children are named after me. Remus- get a girl already! And help Mary study for her newts so she doesn’t fail. And someone get Binns fired!




Laters!




Jessie




Isn’t it a pretty will? I love it! Lily needs to see this. 




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Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend. -- Agatha Christie



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“Lily! Pssst! Lily!” Jessie said pocking the red head next to her with the tip of her quill. Lily swatted the offending object away, without taking her eyes off of Binns, who was droning on about the Goblin Wars of 1425 (or something along those lines). After trying, and failing, to rouse her dear friend from her hypnotized state numerous times, Jessie turned to her left where Mary was sitting, her eyes glazed over.




Jessie frowned, bit her lip, and began to wave her hand in front of Mary’s face.




“Mary!” Jessie whispered. As Jessie’s hand passed in front of her eyes for the tenth time, Mary finally jolted out of her daze and turned to Jessie.



“What’s up?” she asked yawning. Jessie sighed and shook her head at her friend.



“So you know how this class is slowly killing us? Well, most of us…” Jessie asked pointing to Lily and rolling her eyes. Mary giggled and turned around in her seat so she was face to face with Jessie. Jess grinned and picked up the piece of parchment that was sitting in front of her. She held it in front of her, using both her hands, and grinned devilishly. Mary slowly put her hand out, and Jessie carefully handed her the parchment.



Mary took the parchment from Jessie and looked at her friend warily, “ Please tell me you didn’t come up with a thousand ways to kill Sirius again.” she said, “ I don’t really like the idea of living out the rest of my life in a dirty cell in Azkaban because I was privy to my friend’s demonic ideas.”



“No, and come on that was one time!” Jessie said sheepishly, using the end of her quill to carve a snitch into the oak of her desk.



Mary raised an eyebrow.




“Fine three times.” Jessie murmured digging deeper into the wood.




“Jessie…” Mary said as she gave Jess a look that clearly said, tell the truth.




“Oh, fine I make a new one every week! But this isn’t a new list of tortures to use on Black! Read it… please… pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?” Jessie said throwing her hands up into the air. Mary sighed and turned the paper right side up.



“And you promise it’s not another diagram of you hacking him into tiny bits?” Mary asked as Jess.




“No, this doesn’t have to do with that prat!” Jessie said angrily crossing her arms, “Just read it!”



Mary looked down at the paper and Jessie began to carve her drawing deeper into the desk, muttering about friends who had no faith.



Mary soon dissolved into a fit of giggles, “James seriously plays with Miss Witch dolls?” she whispered.



Jessie grinned and began to laugh along with her friend, “Yea! He used to insist on dressing them up in frilly, sparkly, pink dresses and matching heels.”



Mary glanced at James and began to laugh harder. James turned around and faced Jessie and Mary, who were collapsed on the desk and turning red from laughing too hard.



“What do you have there?” James said yanking the paper out of Mary’s hands. He turned back around in his seat. As soon as his back was facing them, Jessie and Mary looked at one another and began to laugh harder. Suddenly James made a noise that sounded halfway between a growl and a moan.



“Jess!” James whispered whipping back around, “I do not play with your Miss Witch dolls!”



Jessie raised and eyebrow and crossed her arms.



“That was one time!” James hissed slamming the will down on his desk. At the sound of James’ hand slamming down on the desk Remus and Sirius turned to their friend. Remus looked at him quizzically and cautiously picked up the paper.



Jessie patted James on the head, “Oh come on Jimmy. I know the Quidditch Miss Witch is your favorite.”



“None of my children are being named after you!” James whispered back crossing his arms and pouting.



Jessie grinned evilly and turned to Lily, “Lily the rabbits are after me!” she hissed in Lily’s ear. Lily jumped and turned to face her blonde friend.



“What Jessie. I’m attempting to take notes.” Lily said setting down her quill.



“I was wondering if you would be willing to name any of your future children after Me.’ Jess asked innocently.



“What?” Lily asked, clearly confused. Jessie sighed and took the parchment from Remus who shook his head at Jessie, and gave it to Lily. Lily tentatively took it from her friend and began to read.




“She’s going to murder you slowly.” Remus whispered to Jessie, who just shrugged.



“You know about the secret compartment?” Lily hissed smacking Jessie on the head.



Jess grinned sheepishly, “I found it third year when I was attempting to steal your diary to see if you liked James.”



Lily glared and began to read again, “And James and I are not having children together!”




James pouted, “But what if I want kids.” lily gaped at him and Jessie and Sirius both snorted.




“Shut up Black!” Jessie said glaring at Sirius. She began driving her quill into the wood of her desk. Mary yanked it from her fist and looked at the tip, which was now squashed. She shook her head, “Fifth one this week.”




“Why don’t you shut up?” Sirius retorted, glaring back. Jessie stuck her tongue out and turned back to her desk to begin carving the snitch again. She glanced at the desk and then hopped off her chair and began searching for her quill on the ground.




“Moron.” Mary muttered rolling her eyes at her blonde friend as she climbed under the desk.




“James, you and I are not getting married and therefore we are not having children.” Lily said rolling her eyes at James as Jessie smacked her head on the desk.




“Fuck!” Jessie howled as she climbed back into her seat, “Has anyone seen my quill?” she asked rubbing her head.




Mary held out the quill in question in front of Jessie’s face.




“Oh.” she said sheepishly looking at the bent tip, “Ooops?”




Mary, Lily, James and Remus all shook their heads at Jess as she shoved it into her bag along with the will.




“Why are you packing up?” Lily asked looking at the clock.





Jessie looked at her incredulously, “We have like 10 seconds. 10...”




Everyone looked up at the clock and began shoving their things in their bags.



“5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Yes!” Jessie yelled as the bell rang. She grabbed her bag and bolted from the classroom.




“Freedom!” she sang raising her arms to the sky as she sprinted out the doorway. Lily looked at James who shook his head as he slung his bag over his shoulder, “So who wants to chip in to get Jess that straightjacket for Christmas?”








“Come on Lils you know you love Me.” James said in a sing-song voice as he and Lily exited the History of Magic classroom and met up with the rest of the group.




“You’re pushing it Potter, I said we could try to be friends.” Lily answered rolling her eyes.




“Holy shit!” Jess said gaping at Lily and James.




“You… friends?” she stammered pointing at them.




“Err yea?” James answered uncertainly.




Jessie let out an ear piercing scream and began sprinting away from them down the hallway screaming, “Run! The apocalypse is upon us!”




Lily, James, Mary, Remus and Sirius stared at Jessie as she shoved a first year into the wall, and continued sprinting away shrieking about the apocalypse.




“I think I’ll chip in to get that straight jacket.” Mary said as Jessie bowled her way through a couple Ravenclaw fifth years.




James nodded and winced as he saw a couple students dive out of Jessie’s way and slam their heads against the stone wall.



“Was she dropped on her head as a child?” Remus asked slowly as the crew began to walk to the Gryffindor common room.




“No… I don’t think so…” James muttered quietly.




Sirius cocked his head to the side, “But we did make her crack her skull open at that party at the Jensen’s when we were four.”




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So I apologize that it’s not as long as the past few, but it’s better than nothing right? :] plus, I thought that was the perfect line to end it on… I know I’m insane.  and i don't mean to bag on the French or anything, it was just Jessie being Jessie...




So yea, I hoped you enjoyed it, leave me a review and let me know if you loved it, or hated it or whatever. :]



Laters!



- pensive princess

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