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I Can't Do It

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters, spells, plots and places do not belong to me. They are J.K Rowling’s and I am merely writing about them for my own and hopefully your entertainment. I am not being paid.


Lily woke up to a quiet common room, everyone had gone down for breakfast she guessed as it was half past ten in the morning. Two weeks had past since Lily had lost her virginity, she had never been happier. It had been the most sensational, but also painful experience in her life, and to give it all to the one person she truly loved made it that much more enjoyable.

 Though, she wasn't feeling particularily happy. Infact she was on the verge of tears, she didn't want to voice her problem, because she thought if she said it aloud it would be true, but she couldn't avoid it anymore.

She got dressed as quickly as possible and ran down the stairs, skipping three at a time. The common room was virtually empty except for the four people she loathed the most. The four boys who had teased and harassed her for seven years. The Marauders. And amongst them sat the ring leader of it all, James Potter.


Though James had barely said a word to her this year, Lily wasn't quick to forget all the past experiences she held with him. Sirius winked at her as she passed, but James lept to his feet.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice thick with concern.

"Fuck off, Potter!" she spat at him, she almost broke down crying right then in there but she refused to give James the satisfaction of watching her weep. She ran out of the common room and continued to run until she was sure James wouldn't follow her. Despite the fact that he had gotten considerably more sexy, more responsible and more concerned, Lily still hated him with all her heart, and she wouldn't be sad in knowing that once she left Hogwarts she would never have to see him ever again.

She darted down several corridors which began to curve and twist, she had been down the same path so many times in the past fourteen days that she knew it off by heart. No, she had not been having sex everday, not even once after the first time, but Severus and Lily both decided that meeting in the Room of Requirement was a "safe house" and they could be together whenever they wanted while in their own privacy.


She reached the empty space in the wall and thought hard for a nice meeting room to share with Severus. It was the same room everytime, nothing fancy like the first time Lily had been in the Room of Requirement, but nonetheless nice. With white marble tiles, white memory foam furniture and white walls and curtains, it was a peaceful place to enjoy eachother's company.

She entered the room, and to her surprise Severus was not there. She thought hard for Severus, and sure enough with a little pop he appeared on the sofa, looking thoroughly confused. "How'd you do that?" he asked in wonder.

"I thought for you, this room gives you whatever you want, remember?" Lily didn't return his smile, she sat down on the armchair opposite the sofa and studied his face. He looked quite content being where he was.

"What's wrong?" he asked after a few moment's of awkward silence. He sounded horribly as Potter had just sounded half an hour ago, she tried to push the image of his big, ugly (but oh, so handsome) face out of her head and stared sadly into Severus' innocent eyes.

"Severus, I've missed a period. I'm four days late," she said slowly. Severus looked confused, and a little sickened.

"Um, okay. Is that bad?" he asked rather stupidly. Lily almost laughed at his naive nature but as this was a serious matter she struggled to keep a straight face.

"It means that I have a big possibility of being pregnant."

Severus' eyes widened. "Oh - oh no. Oh no. We didn't use - oh, oh, oh."

"Severus, I -," Lily began, but she was cut off.

"That was stupid. So, so stupid. I know a potion that could have - I could have prevented this - I - oh no, no, no..."

"We weren't thinking. It's not your fault."

Severus' expression changed after a moment's silence. "Lily?"

"Yes?" Lily asked, a little confused at the sudden change in his tone.

"Well, what if - it's completely your choice. But - it takes nine months. We'll be out of school. We can buy a house. We can - we can have a baby." Severus said this as innocently as when he suggested they have sex in the first place.

"Severus, I'm not sure I'm ready for a baby. I'm barely an adult. I can't do it."

"Lils, you've been an adult for a year. I know, I just know you'd be an amazing mother. You're an amazing woman, Lily. I want to have a child with you. I want to spend my life with you. We can do it."

As all this ran through her mind a little voice in the back of her head was telling her no, that this was a bad idea. She didn't want to wipe the smile off of Severus' face, she wanted to do this for him, but carrying a baby was a big thing, and you couldn't be a mother unless you really, really wanted it. She knew her expression gave her away as soon as she looked at Severus. His face fell but he didn't say a word.

"Severus - I c-can't. I'm n-not ready for a baby. Maybe some day, but not today. Not in nine months. I need time. I'm too young!" She began to cry. Severus moved from the sofa as if on cue and sat on the arm of her chair. She rested her head on his chest and he stroked her hair affectionately.

"Lily, it was just an idea. Some stupid idea. I don't want you to feel obliged. We are too young. But, Lily?" he asked as he stopped stroking her hair and looked down into her face, she didn't say a word but looked imploringly into his eyes. "I want to be with you, forever."


Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Because I give good sex?" she asked sarcastically.

"As true as that is, no. You're beautiful, you're kind, you're responsible and you share a love of potions as I do. We were meant for eachother, Lily. Can't you see?"

She wiped the tears from her face. "Yes." She smiled.

"I love that smile," he said, he flashed his own smile at her and wiped stringy, red hairs from her cheeks which stuck with her tears. "You know, I hate to say it as you're so upset, but when you cry your eyes shine extra bright."

She smiled in spite of herself. "Well, thanks, Severus. One day you'll be an amazing father, I'm going to go have an embarrassing conversation with Madam Pomfrey about this," she patted her belly, kissed Severus' cheek and dashed for the door. Her hair swinging behind her as she went.

She followed her trail back through the twists and turns of the corridors until she reached the main corridor which lead to the Great Hall. Students alike were bustling about in pairs and small cliques, she tried not to be seen, but to his misfortune one of her better friends approached her happily, a boy's hand clutched in her own.

"Lily Billy! I've just got to introduce you!" said a girl with a round face and pixie short black hair. The boy next to her had a thin face with the smallest goatee growing. He was a little heavy, but not fat. He smiled at her and held out a hand which Lily shook hastily.

"Pleased to meet you, listen Alice, there's something I've got to do," she said as though if she didn't get rid of this baby now she'd be stuck with it forever. She half expected a little kick, but it never came.

"Lils, I need to talk to you anyways. But, this is Frank!" Frank smiled awkwardly again.

"Pleasure, Frank." Lily turned on her heel rather rudely and began to walk down the left corridor, she heard Alice appologize to Frank and then dash after her.

"What's your problem?" she demanded. Lily raised her head to reveal tears stinging her cheeks. "Oh, Lils. What's wrong? You've avoided me these past three months. What's your problem?"

"No, Alice. But I need to get this off my chest. I have to tell someone or I'll explode."

"What is it, Lily? Don't you dare tell me you're using drugs or I'll Expulso your stash!"

"No, I have a boyfriend." Alice laughed.


"So, having a boyfriend is your problem? Wow, I wish I had my problem seven years ago. I really love him, Lily. He's so sweet..."

"No, you don't understand, Alice. My boyfriend is Severus."

"Who the hell is Severus?"

"Severus Snape," Lily said, trying not to sound ashamed. She only wished everyone could see Severus as she did.

"No," Alice said shockingly. "No way! Why in Merlin's pants would you ever --"

"Don't!" shouted Lily. "Don't you dare talk about him like that, Alice! He's an amazing man! He's so sweet! And so kind! I love him so much, Alice! And now I'm pregnant!" her face was reddening in anger. Alice looked frightened.

"Pr-pregnant?" she repeated. "How far are you along...?"

"A couple weeks I think. I don't know. I don't know anything about pregnancy."

"Are you keeping it?"

"Keeping what?"

"The child you ass!" Alice laughed, but Lily didn't think it was a laughing matter.


"N-no. Of course not. I can't, I can't do it."

"Well, I expect we're heading to Madam Pomfrey to abort this little child," Alice said, her tone becoming skeptical. She had even an ounce of loathing in her voice. Lily stopped dead and looked furiously into her eyes.

"I may not know what the fuck aborting is, but I do know you're judging me for getting pregnant. I never chose this, Alice!" she hissed.

"Aborting is when you kill the baby before its born," said Alice simply, as if she were commenting on the weather.

"Killing? Is that legal?"


Lily sighed. She wasn't sure she'd be able to do it, but what she did know was that she was not ready.

"So..what was it like?" said Alice excitedly.

"What was what like?" she asked stupidly.

"The sex. Especially with Snivellus."

Lily stopped again, turned on her heel to face Alice and stared daggers into those pale blue eyes of hers. "Don't - you - dare -call - him - that -ever - again." She said through gritted teeth. Alice faltered under Lily's unusually fierce stare but said no more. "As for the sex," Lily was eager to brag, "it was amazing. Have you ever fucked Frank?"

"No," said Alice sadly. "Frank is one of those highly religious boys who believes in sex after marriage." Alice sighed.

"Convince him, trust me it's amazing," Lily said, she couldn't help smiling to herself after picturing the images of that special night over and over in her mind. Severus on top of her, his black fringe sweaty and pushed to the side, the way he bit his lip and grabbed her arms as he pinned her on the bed. How he moaned her name through every thrust... And then she was pulled back into the reality that was Alice who was rambling about their first kiss.

"When was your first kiss with Snape?"

"Severus," Lily corrected. "And it was the same night we had sex."

"No way! Merlin - you guys move quick!" Alice said with a laugh. Lily didn't want her thinking she was some kind of slut.

"No, we'd been dating for two months. I know that doesn't seem long, but we were best friends for five years. I know everything about him."

"If you say so. I still say Slytherins are a bit dodgy."

"Severus is definately not dodgy. He's the sweetest boy I've ever met. He makes me feel amazing. He's my high, that boy is. I want to be with him forever, I love him so much," she found herself rambling and had abruptly stopped.

"I expect you've wanted to say that for a while?"

"Yes. So badly. I want the world to know, but they can't. Not yet."

"Why not?"

"Because - you saw the way you reacted. You made fun of me, and him. And you're supposed to be my bestfriend. Think how other people would see it." Lily said accusingly. Alice raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"You make it seem like it's abnormal to be concerned."

"You were being just downright mean, Alice. Anyways, I'm not arguing, I'm going to visit Madam Pomfrey and you're not obligated to come," she said coldly. She huffed down the corridor, she looked back to see if Alice was indeed coming but she was gone.

"What a bitch," she muttered to herself as she continued down the corridor alone. She reached the hospital wing and stepped awkwardly inside. To her misfortune the room was completely empty and Madam Pomfrey greeted her with a hearty smile.

"My dear! What's happened?" she asked as she ushered Lily into her office.

"I've got a problem."

"Oh?" she asked as she looked through folders of students. She must've reached Lily's because she beamed. "No serious allergies as usual?"

"Well, besides dragon bogeys," Lily said awkwardly. Who was allergic to dragon bogeys?

Madam Pomfrey chuckled. "Oh, I suppose whenever one comes you hope it doesn't sneeze!" A lame attempt at a joke. Lily forced a laugh that sounded more like a bad cough. "Anyways, what is your problem, dear?"


"Well, I, err.."

"Spit it out, I've heard it all. Everything from embarrassing infections to sudden urges to scratch themselves in private places. Don't be shy, spit it out."

"I'm pregnant."

"Ooh!" Madam Pomfrey looked flabbergasted. "Well, I've definately heard that one, but not many times, mind you. Ah, you're not the first and you won't be the last. Surely I won't embarrass you further and ask who the father is, but just to ensure the baby's health --," Madam Pomfrey was definately looking for a nice bite of gossip. She looked hopefully up from Lily's medical folder and failed to hide a smile.


"Severus Snape," said a reluctant Lily. Madam Pomfrey's eyes widened, apparently this was not something she expected.

"Yes, I see, well he's not unhealthy so there shouldn't be anything wrong with the unborn child -- how long have you been sexually active?"

"I've only had sex once if that's what you mean."

"And what will you be needing? There's a potion here that will increase the liklihood of the child being born magical and not a Squib -- there's some potions to help the baby grow, what were you looking for?"

"I was actually hoping to abort it."

Madam Pomfrey stared at Lily, but as her job was a nurse and not an advice giver she had no choice but to let Lily do what she thought was right. "Right - well - if you're sure..."

"Is there any way to get the baby out without killing it?"

"I'm afraid not. Magic pregnancies are much the same as Muggle pregnancies. There's nothing we can do if you got pregnant unintentionally besides - for lack of a better word - killing it. Unless you wanted to give birth to the child and send him or her to an adoption center afterwards." Madam Pomfrey looked a slight bit hopeful at the last set of words.

"Is there any way to hide a baby bump?" Lily asked.

"Personally, I think pregnancy is beautiful. But if you want to hide it you must take this subscribed potion once a month on the day of your would-be period. This vial contains four months' worth of potion, but after that you will have to visit any wizarding clinic to refill it."

"Thank you, I will talk with Severus about this and I may be back tomorrow for an abortion." Lily got up and left as quickly as she could, trying to avoid any further questions about Severus or anyone else for that matter. She walked slowly, things pounding through her head. Images like dead children flashed through her mind, but then images of a very overweight Lily clouded them. She felt like crying, but there seemed to be no tears left.

To her luck she bumped into Severus who was chatting with a boy called Mulciber. He was a big, overweight boy with long, greasy hair and dull, brown eyes. Her previous feeling that she had been lucky quickly faded when Severus' eyes opened wide in fright. Usually Lily acted as though he were scum around her friends, and he did the same in turn with his own. Lily waited patiently for the insults to come.


"Evans," said Severus awkwardly. Lily nodded curtly and made to leave when Mulciber pulled his wand out of his robes.


"Stupefy!" he shouted at her, a large grin forming on his stupid face. Lily saw the jet of red light coming, but she knew she wouldn't have time to whip out her wand and defend herself. That's when Severus jumped infront of her and blocked the light from her. It hit him with such force that he fell backwards and his eyes rolled up into his head. Lily screamed.

"You had no reason to curse me you foul - ignorant - utterly outrageous boy!" she hissed at him, her wand arm quivering as she jabbed it in his face.

"What's it to you it hit Severus. I thought you hated him," he whimpered, backing into the wall.

"Who cares! It was meant for me!" Lily thought quickly. Mulciber faltered a little.

"Merlin! Gerroff me before I curse you and your Muggle parents you filthy little Mudblood!" he spat into her face, literally.

Lily fell to the ground at her knees when he shoved her off of him, he stalked away, apparently wiping her "dirty blood" from his robes. Cursing angrily as she wiped his mucus filled spit from her face she began to cry. Though Severus was not seriously hurt she couldn't help feeling guilty for his current state. If they had just announced their dating this would have never happened.

"Enverate," she whispered, pointing the tip of her wand at Severus' forehead. His eyes came back into focus and he coughed as he struggled to sit up.

"My head fucking hurts," he said, grabbing the back of his neck. Sure enough a bump was blossoming like a dragon egg on the back of his head. His eyes were screwed up in pain. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, he spit in my face though," said Lily as she kneeled down beside him and whispered a few incantations as she tried to heal his bump. The swelling reduced but the bump remained.

"Thanks," he muttered. "Look, I'm sorry about him -- I just can't seem to avoid - "

"It's okay, Severus. I've got to talk to you about something though." She patted her belly.

"Is it -- dead?"

"No. I've got a choice, I can abort it tomorrow, or I can give birth and give it up for adoption. This potion will hide the baby bump, no one will know except for us."

"Well -- I think that's a better alternative then killing a -- baby."

"Me too."

"Are you sure you can't keep it?"

"I can't. I can't do it."

If you liked it, review.

If you didn't, constructive critism is welcomed.

Thanks for your time.



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