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Thanks Anna_Black @TDA For the amazing Chapter images:D







My heart was beating wildly in my chest.


I’ll admit I was scared, thoughts of what I was doing were running through my mind and I couldn’t help the pool of tears from rolling down my cheeks. It was the only way out, I told myself silently in my crack voice.  I had no where else to turn to, I felt completely lost in a world full of people, of friends.  I silently wondered if anyone truly cared for me.


My heart was beating wildly in my chest. Like a canon. Boom. Boom.


I simply couldn’t take it, at the point I couldn’t decipher if my heart was beating or breaking.   I exhaled the breath I hardly knew I had taken.   My hands shook as I wiped my  wet hair from the face, tears still streaming my cheeks.  I let out a sob, I should have locked the door but I had left my wand on my nigh stand. I didn’t think I’d need it.


I took a large breath before I plunged under the water.  Soon my air had gone just like my mind, my heart, my emotion and my life.


__________________________________________-



I let out a frustrated growl as I entered the Gryffindor common room. It was filled with students all finishing their homework for classes the next day.  I had been searching for my friends for hours and they couldn’t be found anywhere, it was as if they had fallen off the face of the earth. It was my third time in the common room in four hours and I was hoping beyond hope that I’d find someone.  Emma had left not long ago to the hospital wing to get potions from Madame Pomfrey and the marauders had left the moment I entered the heads common room, neither of them looking happy.  Nicole and Skylar couldn’t be found anywhere,  after Emma had told me what happened the night before I guess they wouldn’t be found together.  I still couldn’t believe Nicole had done that , it was hard to thing real.


I asked around the common room but no one had seen either girl for hours. Frustrated I was about to leave but thought I’d take a chance and investigate the 7th year girls dormitory, it was possible one of them were up there catching up on their beauty sleep or doing any other nonsensical thing they usually did. I sighed remembering that they used to do their odd and random acts together and hoped everything would go back to normal soon, I wasn’t ready for change.


“Nicole! Skylar!” I called opening the door to their dormitory. As expected no one was in sight. I sighed about to turn around when I noticed the bathroom light on peaking under the door, I walked toward the door and turned the knob ; it was unlocked.  “Sky? Nicole?” I asked opening the door a bit, wide enough to peak in. Only the sinks were in sight so I walked in, the stalls to my left and a row of sinks and mirrors to my right.  Bending down I checked under the stall for feet but none could be seen so I continued to the end of the bathroom where the showers and tubs were placed behind curtains.


I smile arrived on my face when I spotted clothes on the ground and a blurry shape in the tub, I called their names once more but the person behind the curtain didn’t make a sign of recognition. Furrowing my brow I pulled the curtain back with a swift movement.


I backed away with a gasp, my hands flying to my mouth at the sight in front of me.  It was a girl in the tub, her body under water while her legs hang over the edge lazily. Coming to my senses I ran over and plunged my arms into the water , wrapping them around her torso I pulled her out and laid her on the ground. My hands shaky I pulled back the dark curtain of hair covering her face to reveal the delicate features of my best friends ; Nicole. A loud sob escaped my mouth as I let out a silent, pathetic call for help.


“Help….” I called once more, surely someone in the common room would hear me. Remembering how loud it was when I was down there I wondered if I should leave me friend there or go and get help.  I let out a piercing scream and started shaking my friend. Her arms, wet and cold, felt far away as my hands gripped them.


“Wake up… Wake up … Wake up!”  Tears poured down my cheeks as I moved my hands up to her face.



“Help!” I let out a piercing call. Someone should hear me by now, I hoped.


“ Lily? “ Came a confused call from behind me, turning around I was met by another one of my best friends. As Skylars eyes fell upon Nicoles pale face she hurried over. For a second she hesitated, wondering what to do, I hoped she wasn’t clueless like me. Finally putting a hand under Nicoles neck she tilted her head up before plugging her nose, Skylar placed her mouth on our friends for a second or two before lifting it up and moving her hands to Nicoles chest; her heart.


“one.. Two.. Three..” I heard her mutter as she pushed once, twice and again.  She did this routine one more, furious this time as a fresh wave of tears escaped her eyes. I gasped when I heard a loud intake of breath from my friend on the floor, she rolled to her side and coughed out water.  I moved closer to my friends and enveloped Nicole in a hug not letting her go as Skylar sat against the wall crying, we were found like that long after by Emma.



______________________________________



Dinner was awkward  and it was obvious as I examined everyone. Peter was shifting his glances between me, Sirius, Remus and Skylar between each large bite, James was peaking at Lily from the corner of his eye as if no one noticed, whiled she pretended she sent me a sympathetic smile as her hand enclosed around mine. I shook her off as I stared at Remus who was glaring down at the wooden table, catching my gaze he shook his head and looked back down, Sirius who was in the same manner was brooding as he ate his dinner. I turned my gaze to Emma who was on the other side of me, she wouldn’t look up at anyone and I wasn’t sure if she was angry at anyone or not so I simply turned my gaze to Skylar, on feeling my eyes on the side of her head she looked up at me and as if expecting it was me she glared right away.


I kept my gaze on her not wanting to break it but instead of her looking away she stood up and angrily stormed from the chatty Great hall, at this everyone  in our group looked up and fallowed her out.  I felt Lily’s eyes on my  face but I ignored her as I also stood up and fallowed my usual hyper and happy friend into the corridor where I spotted her walking quickly in front of me.



“ Sky stop!” I called  and she did as I asked but turned around , her eyes blazing. 



“ Just because I saved you god damn pathetic life doesn’t mean I forgive you for what happened between you and Sirius!” She yelled, her cheeks red and eyes shiny with emotion.  “ You knew and you still stabbed me in the back like it meant nothing - “ I cut her off, I needed to set her straight.


“ Sky you have a right to be mad at me  - “ she cut me off with a ‘ Hell ya!’ “ but for the right reason !” Tears were streaming down my face and silently wondered why we cried so much lately.


“ And whats that you tripped and fell on each other!” the statement would have been funny in any other circumstance so I continued.


“ You deserved to be mad at me for betraying you in such a way but for not sleeping with him! “ I could tell she was about to speak so I cut her off angrily  “ I did not sleep with him Skylar! Yes we were thinking it at the time and we were about to do it but then it hit us both how wrong it was, I don’t know why for him but you were my reason. It hit me who he was and what I was doing and I just couldn’t do that to you just to simply feel close to some guy for a night.  Yes you’ve got the right to be mad at me but I just wanted you to know the real reason….” Skylar nodded , wiping the tears from her cheeks she turned around and headed further down the corridor.  Turning around I stopped in my tracks  to spot the marauders with Lily and Emma.


Peter was looking nervously between Remus and Sirius, the first boy ignoring the seconds pleading looks. James was watching as Lily approached me with a motherly smile, one saying she’s proud of you.  Wrapping her arms around me I aloud a fresh wave of tears. Over the red heads shoulder I spotted Emma approaching, a savage look on her face. I smiled at her pulling away from Lily as she approached, in return I received a sharp smack across the face.


The pain was unbearable, the first thing I noticed was the boys shocked faces.


“If you ever do something like that to me again I swear to Merlin… “ She didn’t continue for she through herself at me, wrapping my arms around  her waist  I hugged my cousin tightly.  Mutters of ‘I’m sorry’ on her cheek.


_____________________________________



Our whole gang was sitting in front of the fire merrily, laughing and smiling. Skylar was still not talking to me but  as I smiled at her she nodded which I took as a sign of moving forward between our problems. There was one person missing and as I excused myself from my friends and telling them that I’m alright to cure the worry of Lily and Emma, I hoped the boys didn’t know about the incident this morning but one look on their blank faces and I wasn’t sure.


I climbed up the boys staircase slowly trying to slow down the conversation that would soon happen. Taking a deep breath I knocked but no reply so I knocked once more ,louder this time. I was becoming impatient and wondered if he was asleep so I slowly opened the door, allowing myself entry to the boys dormitory and ignoring the plaque beside the door as I shut it.  I gazed shyly towards the bed were me and Sirius previously lay, almost making one large mistake ; Remus’s bed.



“What are you doing here?” He asked coolly not removing his eyes from the book in his hands.  I shrugged approaching the bed to sit by his feet but thought better of it and sat on the opposite bed. “That’s Sirius’s bed.” He informed me robotically. I sighed and stood up.


“Listen Remus, I truthfully don’t understand why your mad at me or Sirius - it isn’t like we did any thing in your bed and anyways I’m sure if someone did the house elves would clean it.” I informed him, approaching slowly.



“ My bed…” He said silently before nodding.  “ Your right… I guess I got mad … for Sky and everything.” I nodded laying down on his bed beside him.


“ You knew about Sky ?” He nodded. I sighed, smiling up at him. “Thanks Remus, you’re a great friend. … Dude you read poetry” I giggled  noticing his crooked smile.  You know those moments, when they are simply perfect in every way, like this one, being besides a good friend laughing over dumb things and then suddenly they are ruined, this is exactly like that.



“What was Sky talking about, at dinner ?” I looked back up at him, my eye large and shrugged  stuttered. “And then Emma slapped you, I didn’t think it was because the whole Sirius thing. “ He said cutting of my awful attempts of an excuse. “What did Sky mean she saved your life, are you in some sort of trouble Nicole.” I smiled up at him confusing him, I didn’t want to lie to Remus so I simply shrugged and stood up ready to leave the boys stuffy dormitory to my own so I can cower in my bed.  But Remus was quick and strong and as he grabbed my lower arm I couldn’t release his grip.


“ Tell me “ He said forcefully. I sent him a sharp glare.


“ You want to know Damnit!” I shriek  hitting his hand away from me but it only tightened his grip.  “ I tried killing myself and like Sky said she came in to save my pathetic ass, I guess next time I’ll try a better technique.” He let go of me arm shocked and I ran out of the room.



__________________________________________



Later that night Remus lay in his four post bed, staring out into space as his friends entered the dormitory.  He didn’t understand, what were her motives ,why would she do such a thing.  Didn’t she care for him at all, but then he reminded himself that she didn’t, he was only her friend while she was his world.


“ What is it mate?” Sirius asked sketchily, hoping within hope that his friend would soon forgive him. Remus shook his head, Sirius spotted the boys tear filled eyes and approached.



“ Nicole tried to kill herself. “ Shocked Sirius fell back on his bed, staring into space also as James and Peter kept their shocked glances on Remus.

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