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I lie on the wet grimy cold floor of my cell and stare up into the ceiling. Moss was forming around the edges and it looked just as dirty as the floor. It’s all right because I can’t feel it anymore, I’ve gone numb since September 30th.

That’s the day she died. It’s also the day I killed her.

Elodie Laurent.

The most beautiful name in the world. It belonged to the prettiest girl I had ever seen. She had wispy blonde hair and dark brown eyes that reminded me of the finest chocolate. It didn’t matter that she was short, she still walked as if she was the tallest woman standing.

Now she’s six feet under and it’s all my fault.

I still remember the day she was finally mine. Boys wanted the spunky seventh year Gryffindor, but she refused every single last one of them. Even that prat Sirius Black. She had just refused his offer to Hogsmeade nicely, because Elodie was never rude to anyone, and she walked down to the Great Hall to find me, her potions partner.

She had quite some nerve. It’s not everyday a Gryffindor can bravely walk up to the taunting Slytherin table. Elodie was different she loved shocking people. And she definitely caught me off guard when she asked me to be her boyfriend.

Ever since that day I couldn’t spend more than one day apart from her. She immediately became my best friend, my lover, and my whole world.

I raised my hand in front of my face and twirled the silver ring around my neck. It had a small diamond on it. Elodie never liked to flaunt.

The day I asked her to marry me was the most awful day of my life. We hadn’t even been going out for a year but I knew she was the one I had to have. She brought me down to Earth and deflated my ego. I remember sitting there with her and nearly suffocating myself with nerves. What if she said no? I knew I was her one as well but then again, you never knew with Elodie.

Never the less, she agreed without hesitation and right there and then she gave up everything she was used to for me. Just me. I took it all for granted but now I realize that she lost absolutely everything to be with myself. Her best friend Lily left her. Her other friends stopped talking to her as well. Her family didn’t want to hear a single word from her anymore. It was all because she choose to spend the rest of her life with the Slytherin King. Yet, she was the happiest girl alive.

That day I promised her forever. I promised her we’d be together until eternity. I broke that promise. I let her down. I proved her friends right. I was no good.

No matter how much she loved me it still doesn’t change the fact that I asked too much of her.

She turned Hogwarts against her. She left her life behind. She allowed me to follow the Dark Lord. She gave up her beliefs and accepted mine. My stupid beliefs. What was I thinking? I was just trying to be cool again, just like the time I started smoking.

Why was I constantly trying to impress Elodie? I look back now and realize she would’ve loved me no matter what I did.

What did I do for her? I let her give up everything. For what? Only for her life to be taken away.

The day we moved in together in our cottage was Elodie’s favourite memory. She even told me herself. She had thrown our boxes against the walls and started dancing in the living room. To no music, just out of pure bliss. I had leaned against the wall and sat there watching her absentmindedly. Just admiring the wonder that she was.

“You found yourself a good girl.” They constantly told me. Of course my fellow Death Eaters liked her she was pureblooded and beautiful. What else could there be?

They didn’t see how she constantly twirls the ends of her curls when she was nervous, how her laugh sounded whole and complete, how she could perfectly raise her eyebrow to make me laugh in awkward situations. Not to mention her smile. It was contagious.

During my days at Hogwarts I was never one for smiling, I was constantly smirking or glaring at others. She’d walk by my friends and I and just smile while her friends cowered in fear. My friends would think she was crazy and shoot sharper glares at her, but I’d find myself grinning like a fool. And it always made her laugh.

We were happy. No.

More. We lived in a world of perfection at our cottage. We hardly left it unless we needed to.

Outside reality hit. Wizards acted like they respected me, only because I was rich and they knew I was associated with the Dark Lord. They’d look at Elodie holding onto me and give her sad smiles. That’s why I hated going outside. They all gave her the look. The look that meant “Oh that stupid girl, she left her friends and family to be with an evil conniving Death Eater.”

No one knew our real story. They’d just pity us, thinking we hated living like this, except we didn’t. Elodie was constantly smiling, it was enough to be with me. She was just that much in love with myself.

Why? I still don’t understand. If I was her I wouldn’t glance twice in my direction, yet she loved looking at me. I wonder if she still would if she saw me right now. Knowing her she probably would and that broke my heart. I was so greedy. Why couldn’t I just leave her alone instead of dragging her down with me? Why didn’t she ever show a sign that she wasn’t happy, that would have been more than enough for me to set her free.

I’ve only seen her cry once, and it was very brief. She had received the letter she had sent to Lily, Sirius, James and Remus saying she was engaged back unopened. She was sitting at the table with her head in her hands as I just leaned in the doorway watching her. She looked up at me and smiled.

That’s one of my worst memories. Knowing I was the reason she had cried, and the reason no one would talk to her was too much. I didn’t say anything to her that day. I walked to our bedroom and let that be the only day she saw me cry as well.

My worst memory isn’t the day she died.

It’s the night my ‘friends’ turned their back on me. They had went on and on and on about how they thought Elodie was secretly working with the Order of Phoenix behind my back. It was the first time I had ever experienced the rage that filled me. They stupefied me four times before I could listen to what they had to say.

They didn’t know anything. Elodie would never go against me like that. We were one. If anything it would most likely be me doing something like that than her.

They thought that because she was best friends with them in Hogwarts. They didn’t know that she didn’t want to have anything to do with her ‘friends’ after they so quickly disposed of her.

I didn’t even get the chance to go home to ask her about it. The Dark Lord had a task for me. I had to kill Elodie Laurent. I remember not moving. I stood still and in shock. I had no time to react, in a minute I found myself under the Imperius Curse.

Then I was walking, walking to my cottage. Walking to where Elodie was probably reading a book. It wasn’t me that was walking it was my body. It had a mind of its own, a mind that belonged to the Death Eater controlling it.

The only thing I remember about that walk was the last time I had spoken to her. I was leaving for my meeting and she pecked me on the mouth. “Don’t do something to piss them off!” she teased like she always did when I headed off to the Dark Lord’s gatherings. I had ruffled her hair that day knowing she had spent half an hour making it and teased her right back, “Maybe I will.”

That was the first time I had said that and she had laughed and pushed me out the door. Usually I just said “I love you.” but no today I had decided to say that. And I found myself laughing ironically at the situation.

An hour later we were at the door of our cottage. The light was on in the living room but I couldn’t see Elodie.

Open the door.  I heard the Death Eater tell my body. I didn’t bother fighting against it, I knew it was hopeless I was never the strong one. Elodie was the one who held me up.

“Elodie, I’m home!” I heard myself saying. I didn’t want to say it but I’m guessing it was part of the curse. She walked toward me with her book tucked under her arm. She hadn’t bother fixing her hair from where I had messed it up. She was showing her radiating smile like always but stopped when she looked at me.

She knew. Even though there was no way she could have known, she knew it wasn’t really me there talking to her. Elodie knew me too well.

 She closed the door behind me and still didn’t smile. She grabbed my hands and propped herself onto her tip-toes. She tried to look deep into my eyes and see the real me there. I pray to Merlin she saw me.

My body stepped back from her and reached for my wand.

She looked confused and then quietly said “Whatever they think I did, I didn’t do it.”

She took a step back and raised her arms. Curse her and her bravery. I had always envied it. She prepared herself for what she knew was coming.

How she knew still amazes me.

“I love you.” she said loudly and smiled the smile she knew I loved. She wanted me to see it one last time.

My body raised my wand and she raised her eyebrow in that way that always made me laugh. But since I wasn’t really there I didn’t laugh and that only proved it even more to her. At that moment she stunned me with her bravery. She knew she was going to die and yet she managed to joke around. She was everything I wish I could’ve been for her.

“Avada Kedavra.” The words left the mouth of my body and the green light engulfed her. She fell down. I could feel myself be released from the curse.

I bent down and looked at her meek corpse. She was dead. It hit me like a wall of bricks. She was dead. I kissed her one last time on the lips and smiled.

She was dead.

I don’t remember what happened after that. I don’t remember how long ago that was. All I know is that know I’m sitting in a cell in Azkaban blamed for the death of Elodie Adara Laurent.

Two wizards came and opened the cell door. “Time for your hearing.” One of them said.

And I found myself walking again silently. I reached the place where it was held. I didn’t even know I had a hearing.

The doors opened and I was led to the middle of the room and sat on chair. The place was filled to the brink with people. Everyone just wanted to see how the two people who claimed to be in love could end up in a situation like this.

Someone started talking but I wasn’t listening. I was scanning the crowd and my eyes fell on four people. Four people who had abandoned Elodie when she wanted their support. Four people who claimed to be grieving. Four people who probably thought they were right all along.

I laughed out loud at them and cut the man who was speaking off in the middle of his sentence.

Minutes flew by and then suddenly a question was aimed at me.

A tall wizard I know I knew was looking at me. “Can you tell us what happened to Miss Laurent?” I looked at him and said nonchalantly “She was killed.” “By who?” he asked. “It doesn’t matter, she’s dead.” I said. The words had no impact on me anymore. I had said them to myself too many times.

A liquid was put in my mouth and I swallowed. Verisateum.

“By who?” he repeated. I looked at Elodie’s four former best friends again and said “By me I guess.” Lily broke out in tears and James hugged her protectively. The other two boys glared at me.

“Why do you care?” I asked them. I sounded like a mental case and it surprised me. Have I already lost my mind?  “You didn’t care about her when she was alive.” I continued.

“Mr. Huntington please. Order in the court. Why did you kill Elodie Laurent?”

The name didn’t sound beautiful when he said it. It sounded murdered.

“I had no say in it. Can you just kill me and get it over with?” I asked bluntly. My numbness took over me again and I heard the man yelling at me but I took no notice.

What’s the point of explaining everything? They didn’t understand us in the first place.

If I could change one thing about my life, I would have refused to be your boyfriend on that day you asked me in the Great Hall during dinner. I would have still loved you but I could manage by watching you from a distance. It would be worth it, you would hate me and you wouldn’t have fallen in love with me. I wouldn’t have dragged you into this mess. You could still have everything you had.

But for now I don’t regret anything. I was happy and so were you. I’ve apologized enough times so I want to thank you, for letting me know that I could make someone that happy. To know that I could love.

I wait for the day that I die when I’ll be reunited with you in our cottage. Until then, I’ll be thinking of you.

 

 


A/N: So, what did you think?

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