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Remus is going to kill me.
Wait. Shouldn’t I be thinking about Sirius first?
I’ve completely lost it. I go on one date with the guy, and I can’t stop thinking about him?
Anyway, Remus and Sirius as well as numerous other random bystanders are going to kill me.
I had to go though. It’s just that simple and it’s just that hard. There was no way in hell I was going to let Regulus go meet up with Voldie by himself. I mean, the boy still can’t perform a proper Expelliarmus! I know of course, that I’m no match for the Dark Lord either, but at least together we’d have more of a chance if anything did happen.
I tried to reason with Regulus the whole way to Malfoy Manor where Voldemort was waiting for us. I clung to him on the back of his expensive brand new broomstick and shouted over the wind that he was an idiot if he went through with this…that I’d never speak to him again.
He now has a fabulous moving snake tattoo on his forearm so it’s obvious to us all that he wasn’t listening. Although it’s possible he just didn’t care.
Voldemort was much more intimidating that I remember from my childhood. It seems he has become even less human if that were even possible. He’s cheeks have sunk down to form shallow little pits and his eyes are shadowed in a way I didn’t even think could be done. He simply looked exactly how the devil appears in my mind.
After he had finished with Regulus he turned to me. I pretended to be unable to read lips which, in all honesty, it probably would have been difficult to read his as they barely moved. I made Regulus translate to sign language for me.
I was glad that I had chosen to play dumb for I knew that the Dark Lord could read minds more easily than I can read secrets. If I simply had to use my hands to communicate he couldn’t read anything on my face. I’ve learned through my lack of hearing that words give away much less than emotions that flicker across one’s eyes.
He wanted me to join up of course, but I refused although not outright. I told him I’d be a spy for him and what good would a tattoo do me then? I hoped that he couldn’t see past my façade.
He let us go.
Now I’m left with the chore of explaining exactly what happened to Sirius and Remus, and I know that even though I’m not a Death Eater at the moment, I should still expect quite a bit of anger on both their parts.
I’m furious with Clover.
It’s the exact feeling I got once I’d realized what it meant to be bitten. It’s that feeling of knowing nothing in life would ever be the same. There would be either pity or repulsion written all over peoples’ faces when I met them for the rest of my life. Then the little things would be different too. Ice cream would never be as sweet and a child would never be as innocent.
Yeah, it’s like that.
I never thought for a second she was innocent, but I at least thought she was…virtuous, for lack of a better word. I know I’m not the only one either – Sirius is devastated still. In fact, the only one of us who seems relatively calm is Peter for once.
One thought seems to stick with me. If a girl like Clover who is still so young and new to the world’s tragedies can decide something as grave as she has, what chance is there for the rest of us to come out of this as we entered?
She can’t hear, but she listens harder than anyone I know. She can see through a person’s appearances as soon as she looks at them. Clover is, or rather was, better than any of us. Now, she’s just one of them. She’ll use her skills against herself, as well as us. What chance do we have?
I walk down the stone walled corridor on my way to nowhere in particular. I simply didn’t want to think anymore. It’s not as if she was a huge part of my life…she was just a girl that I could have loved.
I take a seat in one of the open windows and stare out blankly into the night.
“Remus,” a voice says.
It sounds like Clover.
It can’t be.
I turn to look.
I look at her mustering up my best angry face.
She giggles, “Don’t do that. You look funny.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask darkly. Somehow though I’m not as angry as I am on the outside. Somehow just her being here makes me happy even though she is the source of my madness.
She places herself on the edge of the window by me so that every inch of my side is touching hers. It makes me crazy for her even at a time like this. In fact, I’m more attracted to her now than ever.
I have problems. My being a werewolf may just be the least of them.
She turns to me so that the right side of her face is illuminated in the moonlight while the other side is left dark. “I know what you’re thinking -”
“Of course you do,” I mutter.
“I didn’t do it,” she finishes.
“What?” I ask incredulously.
Clover shows me her pare forearm. She tells me all about what’s happened to her in the last few days. She apologizes profusely about leaving Sirius and everyone in the dark, and I’m sure it’s more than she’s ever apologized in her life although she seems unfazed by this.
“You have every right to be upset,” she finishes shrugging.
I know I do. I should be mad for leaving me worried and alone with no one to talk to but Sirius who only blew things even more out of proportion than usual. I realize though, that I’m not.
She sees this in my face and grins. She kisses me on the cheek. “You’re the best.”
I consider this because I’ve never heard anyone say that in reference to me ever. I wonder what she means by it. I’m the best at what…being a friend? I’m the best at not being mad at her when she deserves it, that’s for sure.
“You’re in trouble,” I reply unsmiling.
Her grin melts away. “I know,” she says softly, “it’ll be okay.”
“Have you spoken to Dumbledore?” I ask.
“No, not yet.”
I shake my head at her in disbelief. “You of all people should know that Dumbledore is the first person you should have gone to see, not me.”
She smiles roguishly. “Dumbledore’s not as attractive as you though.”
“Come on,” I command as I take her by the elbow and propel her forward although I want more than anything to laugh.
“Have you seen Clover?” I ask Sirius carefully. He looks over to me from where he is propped up on the coach in front of the fire in the Common Room.
“Yes,” he says casually.
“She didn’t get a tattoo,” I say, my face revealing nothing.
“No,” he nods.
I shrug. “I’m not mad at her.”
He gives me a hard look. “Why would you be? You’re not her brother.”
“You’re mad then,” I assume.
Sirius shrugs. “She chose Regulus over me.”
“She chose to protect Regulus. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Anything to do with Regulus is wrong,” Sirius counters.
I consider this. I decide I can’t disagree.
A third year named Jeffrey Paul walks in through the portrait hole and upon spying Sirius calls over to him. “Black! You’re sister’s waiting for you outside.”
Sirius sighs and stands up. He looks down at me and says slowly and concisely in true Black fashion, “I suppose you ought to come as well.” I’m slightly surprised at his acceptance of the fact that Clover just might want to see me too.
We exit the Common Room and spot Clover leaning against a wall. Instead of the wall supporting her though, it seems she’s supporting the wall. She’s so tense it shows in every limb of her body although she’s never shown her emotions physically to me before. As we approach her I see that her eyes are red rimmed from either crying or lack of sleep. Usually I’d say the latter is more likely, but in this situation, I’d say it’s the first.
“They’re talking about me,” she says finally after we’ve stood examining her for a few moments.
Neither of us speak.
“They’re saying I’m a Death Eater. They’re saying I’m the Dark Lord’s chosen,” she continues.
I’m struck by how deeply this seems to be affecting her. I’ve never seen her so distraught, although I haven’t none her that long. However, I turn to Sirius and he seems just as genuinely concerned as me.
Sirius runs a hand through his dark hair so that it stands on end. “Clover,” he says finally, “don’t worry about them.”
“They talk about me a lot, I know,” she says, tearing up again, “because they think I can’t see them. They talk about me when I’m standing right in front of them because they know I can’t hear. They’re ridiculously stupid.”
I grin at the familiar sound of malice in her voice.
“Before though, it was all true. They’ve called me a bitch…okay, maybe I am sometimes. They’ve called me conceited,” Clover shrugs, “sure, fine. This though, is completely untrue and it’s a horrible thing to say about anyone. Especially because the decision I’ve made may very well kill me even though it was for the good. They don’t even realize…” she trails off making a strangled noise.
Sirius wraps his arms around his sister and kisses the top of her head. “It’s alright,” he says calming her. “They don’t know anything, you know that. They only know what they see while you,” he pulls her at arms length, “know they’re all fools and can see through them all. Hell, you hear more clearly than they do.”
She grins sulkily. “Thanks Sirius,” she mumbles.
“We all love you,” I say, feeling as if I should say something although what I’d really meant to say is ‘I love you.’” She simply turns to me with onyx eyes and turns me inside out.
“I wish I knew who ‘we’ meant,” she smirks finally, and I know I’ve broken through to her by humiliating myself for her benefit.
The odd thing is, I’ve never felt better while being publicly embarrassed.
AN: Okay, so I told you it'd be a while until my next update. I've actually been working on this chapter for the past week but its been slow going. I'll probably have the next one out next week sometime although I'm not making any promises.
Let me know if I've made any mistakes in this chapter and/or if you liked it or disliked it.
Thanks guys, you're amazing!
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