Chapter 10: Surrender;
Surrender: to yield something to the possession or power of another.
I rolled my eyes inwardly. I wish Evan and I would stop being so buddy-buddy. So close. All the bloody time. Make it stop. I want Regulus and I want him to know that.
I closed my notebook and pushed it away from me, turning my glances to the ceiling. It was white and even and smooth looking. Sighing, I shifted my things around and took out a book.
My eyes rested on the back of the neck of the person in front of me. Sirius Black and all of his goddamned hickeys. Honestly, the boy has a new one in a more absurd spot every day, either both he and Mary have been spending a lot of time in broom closets lately or James has something he should confess to Lily.
Rolling my eyes as she giggled, I forced my eyes to pay attention to my book. What were they doing in the library anyway? They can’t read.
Hey, it looks like both brothers have the same taste in girls. Annoying blonde clones who can’t think for themselves. Trying not to smirk as Mary continued to remind me of Solana, I stared fixedly at the page in front of me.
But, alas, my mind was too full of thoughts to concentrate on the book.
Regulus was getting really serious about this Death Eater business; they all were. I was getting slightly sickened by the amount of esteem they hold Voldemort in. They treat him like their messiah. A savior. Someone to rally behind. Though we would be on the winning side, a war is dangerous, no matter what the cause. Alecto just got branded with the Dark Mark. That brings the total up to… a really high number. And soon I am going to have to add Sev, Evan, and Regulus to the list as well, as much as I don’t want to.
Speaking of Evan and Regulus! Evan and I are looking forward to ending this whole thing, the cuddliness and constant closeness, choosing each other over our best friends just to prove a point. It doesn’t sound like much, actually it sounds like nothing at all, but it’s bothering both of us.
Tomorrow. It’s all over tomorrow. We are publicly having a fight, during which I have to cry and carry on and if all goes according to plan; Regulus will come to comfort me and Evan will get to push Solana away.
Narcissa is exchanging letters with Nathan. She’s always scribbling like mad on the nearest piece of paper. It’s getting rather annoying, she knows he has a girlfriend but she knows she likes him and that’s all that she is going to take into consideration.
She’ll get him to fall madly in love with her, and you know what? As horrible as it sounds, Narcissa won’t have the guts to stand up for herself and she’ll end up married to Lucius just like everyone wants.
And Nathan and Alecto will get to stay together. I’d much rather have Cissa in the family, Alecto’s boring and she’ll be fat pretty soon. The way she shovels in food? Her body isn’t build to handle extra pounds, let me tell you, a few more slices of cake and she’ll be wider then she is tall. I don’t know why Nathan wants in her. Maybe she’s got a nice personality.
Ah, what troubles life has in store for us! I mean, honestly. I turned seventeen not a month ago, and now all of the sudden this stuff has popped up, and I am eligible to fight in the war, I’m of age. I’m praying they made a mistake and Regulus is actually only turning sixteen, but I doubt it. He’ll be of age and branded faster then you can say: Here’s your watch, kid. Because, as you know, good boys get nice sparkly watches when they turn seventeen.
We get nice sparkly balls. Ugh. I don’t want a party, a soiree, a bash, a get together, a coming out party, I want none of it. But it’s not like I even have a choice.
Sighing and giving up on my book all together, I shoved everything in my bag, hoisted it onto my shoulder and headed out of the library. It was getting late, well, it seemed late. It was dark outside, the grounds were shrouded in black and my eyes were stinging with tiredness.
I entered the Common Room to find it brimming with people.
“Hey love,” Evan said as I approached the group of people that I call friends.
Evan kissed me quickly, before I headed on my way up the stairs. I collapsed on the bed before I even took off my shoes.
Morning sunlight roared into my eyes before it was welcomed. The bittersweet feelings that accompany morning washed over me. I threw off my smooth, warm blankets and dove into my robe, fighting off the morning chill. Rubbing my eyes lazily, I glanced around the room. They were all still asleep, looking content. I had the best urge to fill Solana’s shoes with shaving cream, but decided against it.
I got myself ready quicker then usual, and by the time everyone was ready to go to breakfast I had successfully finished the passage in my book I has so desperately tried to read the night before.
“Ash, can I look over your essay?” Narcissa asked, as we ate breakfast.
Panic flooded my body. It coursed through my bloodstream. I hadn’t proofread my essay the night before. It may have grammatical errors in it, horror amongst horrors: I may have a fact wrong.
Gasping, I dove into my book bag and took out my essay.
“This is only my second draft – I never made a final copy,” I said, frazzled. They all exchanged glances.
“You know, Ashie, your first drafts are normally perfect,” Evan said calmly.
“Yes but what if this one isn’t? What if I get points marked off for lack of neatness or something?”
“That’s not going to happen, your essays are always flawless,” Regulus said. But it was too late; I had already set to recopying the essay and double checking my facts, my toast and eggs forgotten.
Well, not for long. Narcissa stole them. But that’s beside the point.
“Oh, Ash look!” Narcissa squealed as she tore open a letter.
“Hm?” I mumbled without looking up.
I looked up and raised one eyebrow. “Couldn’t she have waited until a day when I didn’t have an essay to do?”
Narcissa punched my arm playfully. “This is marvelous, Ash! A baby, ooh, a teensy-weensy baby we can hold and play with and it will have that cute little baby smell! This is fabulous!”
My face broke into a grin as Narcissa hugged me.
A baby? A little baby? Can the world really handle the spawn of Bellatrix walking around?
Besides that, this day was not starting off well. Two bites of breakfast and a forgotten assignment makes Ashlynn an edgy girl. Sighing, I tried to concentrate on this essay.
The bell rang exactly two seconds after I finished my essay, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I charmed the ink dry and rolled it neatly before putting it in my bag.
“You are absolutely mad,” Narcissa whispered as we sat down in Charms.
“Am not,” I whispered back vehemently. She rolled her eyes as the lesson began and I turned my eyes to Professor Flitwick.
“Petrificus Totalus!” I screeched, inexplicable anger pulsing through my veins.
Mary Macdonald is not allowed to insult my family. No one is. Especially not Sirius Black’s girlfriend, that’s for damn sure.
I watched her as she collapsed on the floor, eyes betraying her hatred for me.
“Scared?” I asked, glaring at her, my wand still pointed at her throat.
“You should be.”
I looked up at Sirius, as per usual, appearing out of thin air to save the day.
“And why is that?”
I felt my body glue together and with a painful smack, I hit the floor, luckily, wand still clutched tightly in my thin fingertips.
“Scared?” he asked, mocking me. He wouldn’t hurt me, even body-bound I’ll still be a better wizard then he is, I know that much.
I betrayed nothing through my eyes, I gazed, mildly interested, into his angry features. I was everything he was against; he is everything I am against. Yet, at that moment, something told me I shouldn’t be scared. Because he wouldn’t really hurt me. In being everything I stand against, I know he’d never stoop to my level.
Thinking hard, my wand shot out the Counter-Jinx and I felt my limbs unglue. Smiling, I hoisted my self back up to a standing position and faced him.
Merlin, I miss this kind of attention.
Mary’s hickey-giving must really take up his time these days.
I narrowed my eyes. His were smoky, a dark mix of green, blue, gray and hazel. I couldn’t pick an exact color for them as I looked at them, waiting for him to make a move.
“Don’t touch her again,” he said, words cutting through the air. He un-jinxed her and she stood up, glaring venomously at me.
“Your wish is my command,” I said, sighing as I straightened myself out. They walked away, and I turned and headed in the different direction, it wasn’t the right one, but I wasn’t going to follow them.
Needless to say, being momentarily welcoming of Sirius’s presence didn’t help my already slightly frazzled mood. Shaking my head, I opened the library doors, hoping the silence would help my head get on straight.
But alas, I was met with Potter and Evans, revoltingly cute and sappy. Gazing into each others eyes and caressing hands with fingers and such. Sticking my tongue out, I navigated towards the back and found a comfortable seat on the ground. I pulled the nearest book off a shelf and began to read.
British Wizarding Genealogy Through the Ages.
Within six pages, the name BLACK was staring up at me.
Shaking my head again and closing the book huffily, I shoved it back on the shelf and walked out, any hopes of calming my random case of nerves diminished.
Figuring I would find solace in the Common Room, I turned that way, and was soon, unfortunately, enveloped in a warm hug from Evan and seated next to him.
“Darling, I think you need to eat,” Evan said, looking at me.
“Not hungry,” I mumbled, resting my head on his shoulder.
“No, your pale, you don’t look well. You need food or something,” he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“No, Evan, I don’t,” I said, burying my face farther into his shoulder. Maybe I could melt into it and disappear. I’d much rather become a skin cell then Ashlynn St. Clair, confused and scared.
Wars, Dark Marks, pregnant women, tests, enemies, friends, lies, promises, teenagedom in general – nothing really matters when you’re a skin cell. Yes, I am going to see if I can somehow transfigure myself into something as short-lived and pointless as a skin cell.
Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, I am as short-lived and pointless as a skin cell. I’m not doing anything good, and scores of people have done good things before me, scores will after me. Well, as cynical as it is, if Voldemort gets any stronger, no good will be left.
“Ash if you dig your nose any farther into my collar bone you’re going to dent it,” Evan said, gently leaning my head the other way.
“I am as pointless as a skin cell,” I said, sniffling as he stared at me, amused.
“Ash? You are far more important then a shred of skin,” he said, chuckling as he hugged me.
“Am not,” I said indignantly.
“Food,” he said, pulling me to my feet.
“Leave me here, pointless and insignificant. Eat your food, do something important with your life,” I said dramatically, flopping across the entire seat.
“Women,” he muttered before leaving.
I snuggled farther and farther into the couch, hoping I would fall asleep or something. Something to put me in a better state of mind.
Solana is definitely not going to put me in a better state of mind.
“Go to dinner without me,” Regulus said, sounding tired.
“Whatever, baby,” she said, flouncing out of the Common Room.
I felt the cushion move next to me. Regulus had sat down next to me.
"Hey," I mumbled.
Softly, I felt his fingers stroke my hair. Chills ran down my spine, and I tried to keep the goosebumps at bay. His touch was light as he played with my hair, smoothing it and twirling it through his fingers. I savored the calming feeling.
I shifted my body around, closer to him.
His fingers removed themselves from my hair.
“Did I say you could stop?” I said, smiling as I sat up and he wrapped his arms around me completely. He kissed my head as I snuggled close to him.
It was a random gesture, but I was thoroughly enjoying him this close to me, without Solana or Evan to take us away from each other.
Sleep began to set in for real as we sat there, and for a few seconds it did, but I tried so hard to stay awake.
I looked up at him and repositioned my head so our eyes met. His were the same steamy mix of colors Sirius’s were. Our lips met briefly, and then we both went back for more. His fingers traced my arm lightly, making me shiver.
“Regulus what the hell do you think your doing?”
Solana never fails to ruin my days.
A/N- BAHAHAHA. Swimming at eight. Football practice until 5:15 tomorrow. No time to write. Hope you enjoyed this ;] Review, lovelies.
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