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"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart" (John 14:27).

Fred and I were always different; different but the same. He had this uncanny way of knowing just when someone was about to round the corner and catch us in the act of setting off some Filibuster Fireworks. I would have had double the amount of detentions I had at Hogwarts if it wasn't for my twin.

My twin. 




At the Battle of Hogwarts, I remember clearly looking down at my brother's broken body from where I sat. I glanced around at the other fallen wizards and witches, all of whom had died for a boy named Harry Potter and what he stood for. Forcing myself to look back at Fred I saw how his legs had been crushed from the impact of the wall that had fallen on him.

I didn't notice my other family members. They did not cross my mind. All I could think of was that I should have been there when Fred died. Maybe I could have taken the fall. Maybe I could be the one laying on the cold stone floor now in Fred's place. What was I alive without my twin brother anyway? What was I alive without my best friend?

This was the brother who had orchestrated every day of my whole life. I'd wake up in the morning, and Fred would tell me what he wanted to do that day. And we'd do it. When had I ever told Fred what I had wanted to do? I honestly couldn't think of a time. I also couldn't think of a time I'd felt as alone as I did right at that moment.

I had never known what it was to be sad. Fred and I had made it our life goal to never feel sadness and help others to laugh and be happy. How could I do that now? This foreign emotion I was feeling now was certainly grief, sadness, and anger. I felt like I'd never be happy again, and the rest of the battle was still yet to come. I couldn't blame Harry if he didn't go to Voldemort because as noble as Harry was, I couldn't imagine him knowingly walking to his death. I didn't think I could do it. Anyway, I couldn't care less about the rest of the battle. Why did it matter anymore with Fred gone?

I remembered the time when I had nearly gotten caught by Filch red-handed on my own with dungbombs in one hand and Wildfire Whiz-Bangs in the other. I panicked not knowing what to do or where to run because Fred wasn't there. Suddenly Fred appeared out of nowhere as if he had apparated, even though I knew he couldn't have. My twin pulled me out of sight just as Filch limped past with Mrs. Norris following closely behind.

I should have been there for Fred when he died. I shouldn't have listened when he told me we should split up and go separate ways. I should have never left Fred's side just as Fred had never left mine.

I looked back down at Fred and saw a glimpse of a smile on his face. Fred must have been laughing when he died. Fred loved to say that he laughed in the face of danger. I knew then that Fred was laughing wherever his soul was now at the irony of it all.

If I had died and Fred was alive Fred would of course be upset. Fred would feel all of what I felt at that moment. But Fred would go on and fight for what was right; what he had died fighting for.

And that was the only thing that brought me to my feet.

The memory of the battle is still fresh in my mind but even clearer is what I found when I went back to the Burrow. I was sitting on my bed, the one with the Chudley Cannons comforter, with my head in my hands just crying, and I was amazed at the teardrops that were falling through my fingers and onto my lap. Crying actually made me feel better, and it felt as if my pain was being released through my tears. But crying was nothing compared to what happened next.

I glanced up because something on Fred's bed had caught my eye. Or maybe I looked up because his bed was actually made, which was something that had not occurred...ever, in my life. I crossed the room in two quick strides and snatched up a piece of parchment that was laying in the middle of the quilt covering his bed, and I recognized immediately Fred's messy, horrible handwriting. It was a letter, I realized, and it was addressed to me, or more specifically his twin.

My twin,

If you are reading this, I am probably dead now, which is an unfortunate thing for both of us, but I have to say, probaby more so for me. I am sorry I couldn't tell you this was going to happen, but I didn't think you'd take it very well because if I know you at all, you're probably experiencing crying for the first time in your life right this moment.


I looked toward the door halfway expecting to see Fred standing there with an impish grin on his face saying, "I told you so!" but there was no one there. I lowered my gaze back to the letter.

You probably just looked around to make sure I wasn't laughing at you too, didn't you?

I smiled through my tears.

Well, I think it's only right and proper that I'm allowed to request you do something for me. Don't close the shop. I know that will be your first instinct but don't do it. It won't help you, and also, you won't have an income so you won't be able to do laundry, and I'm sorry George, but when that happens, you start to smell like rotten mayonnaise.

And you're probably wondering how I came to know I was going to die. I hate apologizing so much to you in my last words, but I really am sorry for what I am about to tell you. I was a Seer. Did you ever wonder how I knew when Filch was coming or when you were in trouble when I wasn't even there? It wasn't magic George. Well, it was, but you know what I mean. And you'll think the reason I didn't tell you is stupid, but here it is anyway. I didn't tell you because I wanted to be exactly the same as you, and being a Seer, well, it set me apart, and I didn't want that. You and me George, we've always been the same; different but the same.

This is where I sign off I suppose. There's just one thing I have to ask of you. Don't forget me George. Don't forget we were twins, one and the same.

-Fred


I read that letter a week ago and have reread it so many times that it is burned in my memory. When I sleep I see the words floating around in my mind as if there is something there that I need to decipher, a hidden joke perhaps, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot do it.




One month later

I am in a dreamlike state where I am floating in the water as if I weigh nothing, and I can feel nothing at all. It is the best I've felt since the battle. I can make out a smell, and I realize it is my mother's cauldron cakes she likes to bake so often. The only sounds I can hear are that of my own heart beating. Suddenly I realize that reality is a breath away and for some reason I reach out and take it.

I wake with a start, and I realize I have been sleepwalking. I am now in the front lawn of the Burrow on the grass in my nightclothes. The stars are shining brightly above my head, and I wish I could reach out and grab one so I could hold it in my hand like a firefly.

My mind suddenly flashes backwards and suddenly, I can see Fred perfectly, standing in the middle of the bedroom and I am seeing what he is seeing. He is having a vision, and I can see it too.

Fred is Seeing myself at Hogwarts in the battle, and I am running, running far away from anyone trying to catch up with Percy because I had gotten caught in a group of Death Eaters. I can see the Death Eaters faces grotesque and cackling behind me as I run and run. But suddenly, in a burst, a wall in front of me breaks apart, and I am sinking beneath the stone, sinking like a stone, and I cannot breath.

But now I am myself again on the grass in front of the tipsy house in which I have lived forever and ever. And it is then I realize that Fred died not because he had to but to save me. I had wondered at him when he told me to go, fight in the opposite direction of him during the battle, and I had lost sight of him. He had been giving me his life and in writing me that letter, he thought he was giving me a gift--peace of mind and heart. But he had not counted on one thing.

I realize I have Seen. I am a Seer. Fred thought that skill set him apart from me, but he did not know we really were perfectly alike.

We are perfectly alike because I would have died for him as he died for me, and this certainty hits me like lightning. It is an amazing feeling knowing that as much as you love someone, they love you the same, and Fred and I loved to the deepest depth two brothers can. I know then that I must not wonder what would have happened if it had been me but accept what Fred did for me as he would have done if I had done it for him. All along he must have known his sacrifice would have been returned if only I were in his place.  I turn my face to the stars, and one of them winks at me.

I will take his gift of peace of mind and heart because his mind and heart have always been one and the same as mine. Because we are twins in every sense of the word. And always will be. Always.

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