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Disclaimer: I did write Harry Potter, I do own all these characters, I am brilliant. Ha, I wish. It's all JKR's. I'm just an adoring fan wishing I was her.



Early October

 

Halloween approached. It would be the perfect opportunity to tell him. The feast, the Gryffindor party afterward… There was bound to be a time where she could talk to him alone. And Halloween was far enough away, that it gave Lucy enough time to gather the courage to tell him. Halloween was perfect.

 

But what about Lily? Lucy couldn’t decide when to tell her best friend. Lucy was afraid to tell her, and she knew why she was afraid. Lily was the ideal student, the perfectionist. She was everything Lucy wasn’t. Lily never did anything wrong. Maybe once or twice she’d misbehaved, but she’d never done anything seriously wrong. She’d never done anything people would judge her for. Lucy was afraid Lily would be horrified by her. She was afraid Lily would judge her.

 

Lucy knew better than that. She knew Lily loved her and wouldn’t judge her for it. That’s what Lucy loved most about Lily. She was so accepting. But even Lucy’s own conscience couldn’t make her fears disappear.

 

Lucy packed up her schoolbooks and set off for the Great Hall, grabbing a chocolate croissant from her kitchen as she left. It’d been her most recent craving. She was surprised she was having cravings already. She was only a month and half along.

 

As soon as she reached the Great Hall she was hungry again. Lily laughed as she stuffed the French toast down her throat. “You seem like your turning into one of the Marauders.”

 

Lucy turned to face Lily, still chewing the French toast, and scowled. Lily laughed at her expression and said, “At least you eat like them.”

 

Lucy finished chewing and defended, “Maybe I’m growing.”

 

Lily raised her eyebrows in a mocking fashion. “You’re seventeen and a girl. I think you’re done growing,” she informed Lucy.

 

“I didn’t mean tall. I meant wide,” Lucy asserted.

 

“You will be if you keep eating like that.”

 

She already was growing wide – because of the stupid baby. Lucy pushed the thought out of her head immediately. She didn’t want to hate the baby. She wanted to love it.

 

Lucy and Lily made their way to Herbology. They were early, of course. It was time for them to move from Alihotsy to Chinese Chomping Cabbage. However, as it was their first day with the plant, they were only observing it. Lily already knew enough about the plant that if Lucy didn’t feel like listening, she didn’t have to.

 

Lucy started thinking about her life. She wasn’t really sure how her father reacted to the news. He hadn’t sent a response. Lucy took it to mean he hadn’t read the letter. Not that she had expected him to. Time and time after being disappointed by her father, Lucy had learned not to expect anything from him. Even if he had read the letter he wouldn’t have responded anyway. He would have just taken it as another thing to hold against her. But after her seventh year she didn’t think she was going back to the place she didn’t really consider home.

 

Her father had never been that great. He was selfish and rude. He’d never beaten her, but Lucy knew he’d thought about it. She could see it in his eyes. And they were always fighting. She would have been smarter to ignore him, but with all the insults he threw her way she found it impossible. He didn’t care about her. He didn’t lover her. And no matter how much Lucy denied it, it killed her.

 

Lily and she walked out of class together, as usual. But as they were talking Lily made an unexpected statement. “You don’t have epilepsy.” She said it in a quiet voice, so no one else would hear.

 

Lucy stopped walking abruptly. “What?” she breathed.  How could Lily have known?

 

“You don’t have epilepsy. I did some research on it. There’s a magical cure. You don’t have epilepsy.”

 

They started walking again and kept their voices hushed. Lucy didn’t want anyone to hear. Thinking quickly she lied, “The cure takes a while to work. And it takes a long time to make. I do have epilepsy.” She had always prided herself on quick thinking.

 

And Lily had always prided herself on being thorough. “They have a supply of the cure at St. Mungo’s. Epilepsy is rare in witches and wizards, but they’re ready when it comes. And the cure only takes a fortnight to work. You don’t have epilepsy.”

 

Lucy was silent. She didn’t have anything to say. When they went to take their seats in transfiguration, she sat next to James, not Lily. The class passed slowly. Too slowly. James noticed something was wrong with her too. Now he wanted to talk to her. She had begun to hate talking.

 

The bell finally rang and McGonagall reminded them all that NEWTs were approaching and they shouldn’t neglect their studies to spend a day at the lake. So many people listened to that reminder…

 

Lucy picked up all her books, nearly ran to the exit, and took a left out the door. She was heading to her own personal dormitory. No one else was heading the same way. All of the other dormitories were in different directions.

 

“Lucy,” a voice called from down the hall. It was Lily. She was lugging around more books than Lucy even owned. Lily’s books were slowing her down and were intruding on Lucy’s impatience. If it was anyone else Lucy would have walked away and held a grudge against them for a week. But it was Lily, Lucy’s best friend.

And she did feel like running away. Lily figured out her secret, at least half of it. She didn’t want to be confronted. But before Lucy could figure out what to do Lily caught up.

 

“Can we talk?” Lily asked, her books were slipping out of her arms so Lucy took a few from her. “You were avoiding me during class. I know you haven’t been telling me the truth…” she trailed off and Lucy stopped listening.

 

They walked to her dormitory. Lily asked questions and apologized for whatever she could think of the entire walk. They arrived at the portrait and Lucy whispered her password. She beckoned for Lily to follow her into the dormitory all without saying a word.

 

Lily followed in awe. Lucy had changed and it was obvious. The once spunky, naïve outspoken, and almost obnoxious girl was replaced with a more aware, responsible, and subdued introvert. Lucy put her books down on the island in the kitchen and Lily did the same.

 

Conjuring two cups of hot chocolate, Lucy sat at the island. Hesitantly, Lily followed suit. Lucy stared at her hot chocolate. It frightened Lily how serious Lucy had grown. It bothered Lily how much Lucy had changed…

 

“Ask away,” Lucy muttered somewhat bitterly taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

“I know you have questions so ask away. I’ll answer what I can.”

 

Lily started out slowly wording each question carefully, but with each word her curiosity grew and she started speaking quicker, asking more and more questions. She felt like a two year old asking her mother why the sky is blue and the grass is green.

 

“Why did you lie? Did Dumbledore tell you to lie? He must have. What’s so important that you’ve been lying about it? Why couldn’t you tell me?” and so on.

 

Lucy laughed at her, but with a sad laugh. Lily was taken aback. Lucy had no reason to laugh at her. She was asking perfectly sensible questions. “I hadn’t expected you to figure out I didn’t have epilepsy. Dumbledore must know about the cure, but figures no one cares about me enough to research it. When you told me I didn’t have epilepsy I thought you knew something else too.” Lucy said sadly.

 

Lily looked confused, but then she realized what Lucy was talking. “What else?” she muttered to herself. Then in a louder voice, “What else would I know?” Lucy was silent. Soon she would have to tell Lily. And then Lily would start asking the questions that would be difficult for her to answer. The questions she didn’t want to answer. “Oh” Lily suddenly realized what Lucy was talking about. “Well, what is it? What do you have, to get your own dormitory and all?”

 

Lucy smile faltered. It would be impossible for her to lie to Lily. Lucy couldn’t lie straight to her best friend’s face. Lucy couldn’t just tell her the truth either. But if she didn’t say anything would it destroy their friendship? Would Lily hate for sleeping with Sirius?

 

Lucy’s eyes filled with tears. Lily, sensing Lucy was about to break down, walked around to Lucy’s side of the table to comfort her. She sat down next to her and hugged her. Lily had always been there to comfort Lucy when she was upset, Lucy depended on her. She took for granted Lily would always be there, not giving a second thought to why Lily was friends with her. Why would Lily befriend such a self-important narcissist?

 

Lucy envied Lily.  Lily had everything Lucy wanted ever since she was a little girl.  She had a loving family, intelligence, compassion, and people who liked her for herself.  Lily was what Lucy wanted to be.  It wasn’t that Lily didn’t have her own faults; she was simply a better person. A good person.

 

Lucy rubbed her eyes and wiped away the tears, and she glanced at the clock.  She had been crying for a half an hour.  And Lily had stayed to help her through. Lucy mustered up all her courage and looked up at Lily.  Her eyes were red and misty.  The corners of her lips turned up slightly in a regretful smile.

 

“I don’t know if I can tell you,” Lucy whispered so quietly Lily could barely make out the words.  “It’s complicated.” She explained, using the two words every person has used to avoid the truth.

 

“It’s okay,” Lily coaxed. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s your business.”

 

“No Lily, I do have to tell you. If I don’t tell you now I’ll never tell you.” she sobbed. Tears rushed down her cheeks. Her eyes were squinty and she could feel her nose getting red. She was so afraid. She couldn’t loose Lily. She couldn’t loose her only friend. “Just promise me one thing. Please.”

 

“Of course,” whispered Lily, not wanting to upset Lucy.

 

“You won’t hate me because of what I’m going to tell you. I know it’ll change your opinion of me, but promise me you won’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it if you hated me. You’re my only friend.” That was their only time during their conversation that Lucy had looked Lily in the eyes.

 

Lily felt her eyes welling up as she nodded. Lucy was her only true friend. She may have been friends with a lot of people, but none of them knew her like Lucy did. She would never hate Lucy. No matter what was wrong, even if Lucy was a murderer, she would always love Lucy. She was her best friend.

 

Lucy took a deep breath, then, “I’m pregnant.”

 

Lily stared at her, shocked. She hadn’t expected that. Maybe she expected Lucy was depressed and needed space, or that Lucy was sick, but with something different. But pregnant? Lucy?

 

“You’re pregnant?” She asked, just to be sure. Lucy nodded, confirming it. “You’re having a baby. Lucy that’s a good thing. I’m happy for you.”

 

Lucy looked up from her hot chocolate. “You really think so?” she asked a smile starting to form on her tear stained face.

 

“Of course I do. I’m going to be an auntie.” She gave Lucy another hug, this time in a happier mood. “But Lucy there are things I do want to know. If you want to tell me.”

 

It was coming. Lily was finally going to ask Lucy the question whose answer would make Lily hate her. “When, and with who?” Lily finally asked.

 

“Oh Lily, you are going to hate me now.” Lucy felt tears welling in her eyes.

 

“I won’t, I swear.”

 

“In August, with Sirius Black.”

 

Lily gasped. She hated Black, maybe he had matured over the summer, but she still disliked him. He was an arrogant lout. But she didn’t hate Lucy. She voiced what she felt.

 

“Really?” Lucy questioned her. “You don’t hate me.” That made Lucy feel so much better. Lily would be with her throughout this.

 

“I could never hate you. Besides, this means I’m going to be an auntie.” She left out anything she had to say about Sirius. She knew it would upset Lucy.

 

Lucy smiled, a big happy smile. She had told Lily, and it had gone well. But then she remembered she had to talk to James. And she had to tell Sirius. Her smile faded with these thoughts. She was so scared.

 

 A/N: Sorry for the long wait. So so sorry. It's been since March. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

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