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Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter. None of it. They all belong to JK Rowling. I simply got bored and decided to write about the characters. I do own Nellie and Izzie though.

Authors Note:

  Hello! Welcome to my new story. This one is light hearted and in the comedy area. I thought of the idea ages ago, when I was eating a biscuit. Of course, it won't always be humorous; Nellie was living in quite a dark time.

This is just the intro that’s why it may seem a tad confusing. It is in 1st person too. I hope you like the character of Nellie. I've been working on this for quite a while.

I hope you enjoy it.

Thoughts and opinions are always welcome.

Amazing Chapter Image by hannahduval@TDA

"If you don’t find that creepy,  you’re creepy." - Nellie O'Neill

Chapter One
Quills, Biscuits And Me

I envy Lily Evans. She has people eating out of the palm of her hand and doesn't even realize it. She's beautiful and she is nice as well; I haven't seen her being horrible to anybody but James Potter. Even then, she has started to be civil with him lately or most of the time anyway.

That was something I thought I'd never see. Then again, I live in a world full of magic. Unicorns and pixies; It's all normal to me.

People could describe Lily as perfect but I see different. I'm not her best friend or anything, just merely an acquaintance. But I study people. I don't put them in a lab and run tests on them, nothing like that. I just watch. Lily for example, is insecure at being a Muggleborn witch and being left behind, thus she reads a lot and learns more. In fact, she surpasses us.

Oh, her hair is slightly large when she wakes up too and that temper blinds her occasionally.

"Nelliiieee." Izzie complained rather loudly. A few people shot us a few glares who cared, but most didn‘t. Being too wrapped up with telling us about the fascinating creatures that goblins are, Professor Binns didn’t even notice that Izzie had just yelled in the middle of class.  Only five minutes into the class and everybody is already falling asleep.

Oh, Nellie is me by the way. Nellie O'Neill. Seventh year Gryffindor at Hogwarts.

"Yes, Isabel?" I asked in a pompous tone, knowing that using Izzie's full name will annoy her.

She glared at the use of her full name but decided against doing anything else. "I'm bored." She stated simply as she chewed on her quill, making it go all soggy. The girl goes through so many quills because of this. It’s also the reason I don’t lend her quills. It’s not the fact that I’ve lost most of mine and I only have like one left.

"Good for you," I replied before picking up my quill. I started to doodle on my page while Izzie thought it would be perfect timing to have one of her mad moments, which is when she doesn't think about her actions and acts on impulse. These moments usually lead to trouble.

Izzie snatched my quill from my hand and chucked it into the class.

Unfortunately for us, it bounced right off Sirius Black's head.

Izzie could only giggle as I sat there. My mouth resembled a fish, a pouting fish. My eyes were wide as flying saucers. Did I mention I occasionally over exaggerate?

I’ll be honest here, Sirius Black is gorgeous. It’s the sort of ’he can’t be real’ gorgeous as well.  He's part of a four piece group called the Marauders. Three fourths of them are gorgeous and Peter is quite cute. The group includes; Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, or as they like to be known as Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail. Nobody knows why except them. I think it's because Sirius has really soft feet, James whiffs a bit, Remus likes the moon and Peter thinks worms have tails. It's anyone’s guess really.

The Marauders are superior in the eyes of most people. The girls even fawn over them; it's actually quite depressing to watch at times and it’s creepy as well. Weirdly enough,  each has their own fan club. I’m not part of any because I find them a little weird. I mean rumour going around is that the Sirius Black Fan Club is trying to get a lock of his hair so they can clone him.

If you don’t find that creepy,  you’re creepy.

 It seems that they have it all, but they can't can they? I mean, nobodies life is that perfect. Sure, they could pull easily, they have the looks, the marks and they have this essence of cool about them. Something about them makes you want to be their best friend. If I didn’t have Izzie, I might have fallen to the epidemic that they’ve created.  Izzie provides a bitter tonic that would wake any girl from their day dreams.

Every girl except for a handful wants a Marauder. I myself am a part of the handful; I don't want one thank you very much. Boyfriends are too much of a hassle, I’ve had enough of that to last me until I’m seventy.

 I am perfectly fine with the way things are at the moment.

The four Marauders turned around because they were sitting in front of us. They were looking for the culprit, Izzie, but instead I found that they were looking at me.

Sirius had a sharp glare. I cringed at it; I wasn't used to this scrutiny. I glanced at Izzie only to find her pointing at me with her fingers and mouthing 'It was her'.


I elbowed her in the ribs as revenge. She deserved it.

Sirius was getting angrier as time ticked by. He looked like he was waiting for something, or at least some words from me.

I panicked.

 I'm not used to five sets of eyes on me.

"…What?" I managed to say, it came out as a little stutter, but I was alright with that. Sirius looked livid. I didn't know Sirius was that protective of his hair. It is nice though. I wish mine didn't stick up at odd angles.

The Marauders turned around and began whispering amongst themselves. Sirius scribbled something on a piece of paper before picking up his wand, then muttered something; he was enchanting the paper.

I could tell that this didn’t bode well. In fact, I think I'm in trouble.

It formed the shape of a bird. Sirius glanced a smirk at me before it began flying towards Binns. It went straight through him because Binns is a ghost you see, hell bent on making us all joining him by boring us to death. Binns looked furious; maybe having things go through you hurts?

The piece of paper folded out in front of him. Binns stared at the page for a couple of long moments before his eyes trailed and kept at me.

"Thank you for your proposition O'Neill but I'm going to decline." Binns read out to the class. Suddenly, I was Miss Popular 'cause everyone turned to look at me. It’s not like he made it interesting either, it was in his normal drone that he uses when he talks about goblins.

I went cross eyed to give them a show. "I would like you to leave my class. Detention for the rest of this week." He told me. He didn't even yell. Yes, he is that boring.

Such a bummer.

I didn't even bother arguing back. Binns would only make it a month or something. Like he or the class would believe me anyway, everyone is on the Marauder's side. I stand no chance. I even think Izzie would probably go on their side for a laugh as well.

This is my first time getting sent out and it's all because of the Marauders. I can be classed as a rebel now, can't I?

At least now, I was escaping their wrath. I counted my blessings as I picked up all my stuff that was on the table and placed it in my bag.

I kicked Izzie in the shins ; she replied by hissing at me. Her cat impression is coming along rather well. I also went over to the Marauders table and I bent down to pick up my quill which was on the floor in the front of their desk. I glared at them. I was so consumed with my glaring that I stopped paying attention. Thus, I lost my footing. I hit my head on the table before toppling to the floor.

The whole class burst out laughing; Izzie's loud laugh could be heard over many.

I rubbed my head slightly as I winced from the stinging that was currently taking over my head. My cheeks felt like they were on fire before getting up. Brushing myself off, I tried to act cool as I walked towards the door slightly limping.

I might have managed it, I only tripped up once.

I closed the door behind me; I could still hear their laughter. After a couple of seconds of standing in the deserted corridor, the novelty of being sent out of Binns class wore off.

It was all because of them.

What a bunch of jerks.

What do people do when their sent out of the class? We'd only been about ten minutes into the two hour session. Binns had probably forgotten about me now because of Goblins, so it's not like I was going back in there.

I hummed to myself as I began counting the number of stones it takes to create a wall. It’s on my many games I’ve created. I’m thinking about selling them to people when I leave Hogwarts. I think my games will be a big hits.

I'd got to three, when the door I was leaning on opened behind me. I would have fallen if it wasn't for someone catching me.

"I know I'm good looking but I didn't expect you to fall at my feet." A cocky voice joked.

I frowned. I would recognize that voice from anywhere; Sirius Black.

What was he doing here? Other than harassing me of course.

I tried to quickly regain my composure from the embarrassment I had just caused myself. I leaned on the wall trying to do my cool thing again. If only I had sunglasses because sunglasses are instant cool. "I wasn't falling for you Black. You merely opened the door that I had chosen to lean upon." I answered, feeling quite proud.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He rolled his eyes as if he didn't believe me.

I slid down to sit on the floor; I ached a little after the fall earlier. It's not everyday I hit my head of a table and probably bruised my leg.

It only happened every other week.

Seconds later he chose to sit next to me. I shuffled a little away from him. I felt uncomfortable that he was only an elbow away. I wanted to resist the temptation of flicking him in the head. I could just imagine little flick in the eye...

This is hard I tell you. Even pulling his hair would have been funny. It looked so nice… somehow I found myself reaching for it. I couldn't think about anything else, his hair had consumed my thoughts.

Before I knew it, I had tugged on his hair.

He looked at me and I looked at him. I blushed as I realized I was still holding onto his hair. I immediately let go like it was vermin, "Uh sorry." I mumbled as I apologized. I broke the eye contact and kept my eyes firmly on the floor. I was a little embarrassed to say the least.
"What was that for? Why do you keep on attacking me?" He huffed. I had irritated him; it made me feel a little proud to be honest. He started to straighten out his already perfect hair while moving a little bit away from me.

It was probably for the best.

His hair was lovely and soft. I wondered what conditioner he used.

"…What?" He asked quite confused.

"Huh?" I answered. "Did I say something?"

"You started mumbling about 'soft' and 'conditioner'." He looked at me like I was an alien, like I was something foreign to him. He probably was regretting sitting next to me, thus the quite large space between us that kept on growing.

"Oh. I didn't mean to say that out loud." I fumbled, "I wanted to know what conditioner you used?"

I could of cooked eggs on my face you know at the moment.

He raised his eyebrow, "I'll find out for you. I don't usually check the bottle." He said nothing as the time ticked by. He drew a short breath before he began speaking again. "Why'd you keep on attacking me? If you wanted my attention you would have only had to ask." He smirked, the famous smirk. The one which made girls melt. I can't honestly think why…I prefer smiles.

"Look!" I flustered, "The hair thing just sort of happened." I bit my lip. "Also, it was Izzie who chucked the quill. Okay?"

He was about to reply, before I cut him off "...and what was that, getting me sent out of class? First time you know! A week full of detention! You are a flipping…" I struggled to find something to replace a profanity. I was trying to limit them.  " finger!" Hey, it was the first thing that popped into my head.

Sirius Black is laughing at me.

How charming.

After a couple of minutes, he made himself stop laughing in my face. Then he grinned at me. "I'm a fish finger?"

I didn't reply but I folded my arms grumpily and made a little 'humph' sound.

"It's Nellie isn't it?" He seemed sure of himself; he was simply making conversation. He knew my name, I was sure. But I understood why he was asking me, I mean, it seems stalkerish when you know someone name because you’ve stalked them or something. Believe, I know. People think you’re weird when you know their name and you’ve never had a conversation.

"No." I lied as I grumbled to myself.

"What it is then?" He raised his eyebrow at him like I was an idiot.

"My name is Nellie." I mumbled quietly.

"That's what I said." He pointed out with a confused expression on his face.

"So?" I shrugged.

"Why did you lie?" It wasn't a criticism, it was simply a question.

"It's because you're a fish finger." He suppressed another laugh by taking in a deep breath. "It's Black isn't it?" I'd thought I'd be cool and pretend not to know his name.

"No. It's Sirius.” He introduced himself with a gleaming smile. 

"Okay, Black."

"Stop it! You remind me of how Prongs had to call Lily by her last name for six years." He reminisced.

"That's chipper." I answered not really listening as I pulled out a book to read and a packet of biscuits.

"Are those biscuits?" Sirius inquired as he looked at the packet. He held the packet up to the light as he inspected it. I snatched it off him. I'm a bit protective over my biscuits.

"Yes." I replied curtly, placing the biscuits on the floor. "They are digestives."

"Do you usually carry biscuits around in your bag?"

"Yes." I answered truthfully. I've always had a soft spot for biscuits." I told him. "If only we had a cup of tea." I sighed. "Oh well. This will have to do." I said opening the packet. "Mum sends me some every week." I added. I didn’t know why I added the last part but it seemed important information at the time.

Sirius looked like he was about to suggest something but in the end decided against it.

I took a biscuit and took a bite. Sirius just looked at them. I rolled my eyes. "You can have one if you want." I offered, being quite generous.

"Are they nice?" He asked as I stuffed the rest of the biscuit in my mouth.

"Yes. They are the best thing in the world" I replied a little muffled as I spat little biscuit crumbs every time I spoke "Haven't you had one before?" I teased him.

"I've just never had a digestive before. Okay?" He retorted before taking a biscuit and biting into it.

I giggled. It was probably because Sirius is a pureblood. He's probably used to the better things in life than a plain digestive biscuit. He probably had ones with chocolate on them.


I picked up my book that I had got out earlier. Sirius didn't even let me read a page before he had snatched it off me.

What a nosy fish finger!

"How To Pull That Guy Out of Your Dreams." Sirius sniggered as he read the title.

"That's not mine! …I wonder where that came from." I stated in a fake shock. "I have never seen that before." I whistled innocently as I could manage.

He turned the page, "This book belongs to Nellie O'Neill." He smirked as I shrugged in disbelief, "I wonder who that is!" Sirius turned to page number one. "Firstly you must never make a fool out of yourself." He laughed. "You've got that point down to a charm." He winked.

I glared. "Shut up!" I said trying to snatch it back but missing. "Just give me it back!"

"No." He didn't even look up at me as he took another biscuit.


"Always make sure you're wearing lip gloss." Sirius read out. "Yuk. Don't. It's not very nice. It's way too sticky." Sirius carried on reading. "You have to be his perfect girl." He closed the book before tossing it in my lap. "The book is a bit useless. It's just telling you not to be yourself, to be perfect and always make sure your lips are like super glue." He finished before taking another biscuit.

That boy sure is going through my supply.

"Okay Black." I answered, honestly not knowing what to say. I fiddled with my thumbs for a while. "Why are you out here anyway?"

"In case you haven't noticed, Binns is boring. I said I had to go to the toilet." He stood up. "Have fun out here." His eyes glinted in the light; an aura of mischief was surrounding him. It's very rare that it went away. The aura shielded and hid the other things that were lurking. I think Sirius liked it that way. Sirius is like a parcel; he has layers. At least that’s what I think.

"You too." I replied, taking another biscuit before I stuffed the book in my bag. I did it quickly so Sirius wouldn’t see. I didn’t know why I cared.

"Ah wait." Sirius stole a couple of biscuits off me before strolling casually back into the classroom. I just shook my head at him; the boy was weird.

Once again, I was left alone.

What number did I get up to earlier then? Twenty Seven?

…To be continued

Next time on The World, Biscuits And According To Nellie O’Neill.

“I visited you!” Sirius teased as he poked me in the forehead.

“Only to mock me you fish finger!” Sirius laughed

“I’m your fish finger.” He teased. Sirius always makes comments like that.

“No.” I replied quite confused about what he was going on. “You belong to the sea.” I chewed on my nails, “Or do you belong to the fish kind… Or the breadcrumbs?”

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