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Chapter 18: No;

The moonlight shimmered across the lake. My family was having a huge party, a going away/house warming for the new people party, and hundreds of people seemed to be milling about the entire mile that was me and James’s backyard combined.

But I didn’t want to see these people, people my mum and dad worked with, family friends, strange Aurors, I wanted to be with Sirius and Emmeline and James and Remus and Peter.

And that’s where I was, strolling around the lake, feet in the cool sand, little tiny waves lapping over my toes as we all walked, talking and reminiscing. The water was cool, the tides predictable, giving me some feeling of stability, because at that moment in time, nothing seemed stable at all.

“I love you so much,” Sirius whispered as he pulled me close while we walked. I tried not to think about the morning, when I was leaving, but tonight, while I was still here.

I kept my eyes fixed ahead of me, eyes glassy as the lake was. The light wind blew my damp hair. I pulled my - fine, Sirius’s sweatshirt closer. I wasn’t giving it back. Last night, I had had Remus charm it so Sirius’s scent would never leave it.

Last night I had stayed up all night talking to Emmeline, just talking to her and bonding. Something in my heart told me she would be one of my hardest goodbyes. I understood why we were leaving; I just hadn’t gotten to the point where I would accept it. It had come so suddenly, this whole moving thing.

I had but ten hours left to spend here, it was ten, we left at eight in the morning. I kept banishing it from my mind. Sirius’s hand tightened around mine as if he could read my thoughts.

“Guys, do you want to go back?” James asked. We were making our rounds; I was going everywhere I’d miss dearly.

“Let’s go back to your house,” I said, as we followed the familiar path.

We stopped outside of the house, and they went around back to the party. His house was gigantic, and alone, I walked straight to the bathroom where my entire odyssey had started, the bathroom I had walked in on Sirius in right before fifth year. I touched the doorknob and reached around, knocking once before walking in.

See, I have learned.

All alone, I stepped into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I hardly recognized myself, thinking back to the girl I was before fifth year. I had grown taller; my hair was longer, but still dark and layered like always. It was almost completely dry, for we had been swimming earlier. My eyes were the same; they held less makeup more artfully applied. I looked in the mirror and saw myself not as the young fifteen year old I was, but the seventeen year old woman I was now.

Images of my friends danced across my eyes. Ryan, James, Sirius, those were the boys that had shaped my ability to be in a relationship and care about someone, they each taught me something important. Emmeline, Lily, those were the girls who taught me how to be a best friend and forgive an enemy. Remus and Peter, Hestia, Alice, Dorcas, they taught me things too. Like how to be a good friend.

Regulus had taught me not to judge a book by its cover, (or House,) and my brothers had taught me that as well. Muggle Studies had taught me not to give up, that if I found something I could do better in I should do just that. Quidditch had taught me how to be part of a team, and do my job thinking of not only them.

But Hogwarts had taught me how to be a person, how to grow and learn and forgive and be an adult. It had taught me more then books, and learning. It had shaped me as a person.

I turned away from the mirror, tearing my eyes away from my reflection, and walked down the hall into James’s room. I looked long and hard around it, all of the memories of sneaking in and out of it when I was ten, stealing things from it and leaving things in it.

I stepped out and walked down the stairs out to the party. I smiled at Professor McGonagall and continued over to my swing where they were all sitting, Emmeline swinging slowly.

I grinned at all of them and sat down on the warm grass.

My last night with all of them, and all I could do was think of other nights.

* * *

Sirius and I laid there on a blanket, spread out on the floor of my room, since I had no bed, door locked to keep out our friends, horrible as it was.

I looked over at him, and smiled, staring up at my blank ceiling, which used to be filled with posters and pictures.


I turned to look at him. My heart filled up with something heavy as I looked at him, he was so perfect, so strong usually. His eyes were bright and determined.

“What can I do so you won’t forget me?” he asked, playing with my hands.

“I won’t ever forget you.”

“How many times have I kissed you?”


“It won’t ever be enough,” he said. I smiled at him. What did I do to deserve him? Must have done something right, that’s for damn sure.

“I am going to kiss your face one hundred times, just to make sure there is not one spot I forgot to kiss,” he said.

I didn’t object, and he rolled over on top of me and kissed every inch of my face, one hundred times.

“Ninety nine,” he said.

I pressed my lips to his quickly, eagerly. “One hundred,” I said softly as we continued to kiss each other, each vying for some sort of control. It intensified quickly, and something triggered in my mind.

I wasn’t nervous, anxious or anything. I loved him so much.

I found my hands fumbling with his shirt, and he looked at me, eyes dazzling.

“Are you nervous?” he whispered.

“No,” I said, kissing him again. We continued like this for a while, until we were both sure of ourselves and ready for what was to happen next.

Which did happen.

I have never had such intense, deep, feelings of love towards a person before in my life.

I want to marry Sirius Black.

Maybe Emmeline wasn’t being irrational when she married Fabian.

* * *

The morning, bright, dazzling and mockingly full of sun, arrived way, way too quickly for my liking. I screwed up my eyes against the sun and rolled over, pressing my face into the blanket on the floor.

I got ready like it was any other morning, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach the whole time, the one you get before something very, very bad happens, like the way you brace yourself when you know a slap is coming.

My mind was in overdrive, replaying the last two years at once, and every other happy memory I possessed. It made my head hurt, and I grabbed my last few possessions, stuffed them in my trunk and left my room, only looking back sadly once.

Everyone was solemnly eating a huge breakfast. I smiled at everyone encouragingly and fixed myself a plate. It felt like the last meal I would ever eat, and everything I ate sat in my stomach like a quaffle. It washard to believe I would sit down for lunch in a completely different country.

It was 7:35 before I knew what was going on, and our Portkey was set at eight, and my mum softly suggested that we should start saying our last goodbyes. I stared at her, her words hanging in the tense air.

I hugged my aunts, uncles, yeah, my house was still swarming with people, and I left my friends for last. It was 7:45. The minutes ticked away quickly.

I hugged Peter first, and he picked me up off my feet. Then, Remus, who lasted a little longer.

I stared at Emmeline, who was crying, and James and Sirius. I didn’t want to let them go, I wanted to hold them with me forever. And in my memories, I knew I would, and even if it only was a year, it was a whole 365 days without even a letter.

James seized me first and picked me up in a huge, sweeping hug. I kissed his cheek.

“Cara, you’ll always be my sister and my best friend,” he said softly as I looked in his eyes and realized he was fighting back tears too. James Potter, my best friend, real man, tough guy, quidditch star, was crying.

I trembled as he held me closer, and I tried to remember everything about him, his face, his high cheekbones, his messy hair and long, perfect man eyelashes.

Now it was down to Sirius and Emmeline. I hugged her, and she let out a sob and so did I. She was my sister, my confidante, the one person that knew anything and everything about me. I would miss her sense of humor, her ideas, and even how she constantly stole food off of my plate. I memorized her face too, blonde hair, bangs perfectly straight, bright eyes, fair skin.

I just looked at Sirius for a few minutes before actually saying goodbye, I just stared at him. He was my love, mine, and I knew he always would be.

I hugged him tightly and he too, was fighting back tears.

“Cara, I love you,” was all he said as he held me close. I knew this wasn’t really goodbye, we would be back together soon, I knew we would be.

I just knew it.

“No matter what, no matter what I will always love you more then anything,” I said to him.

“Cara darling, its 7:58,” my mum said, “You should grab your things.”

I picked up the handle of my trunk and looked around my house, my beautiful house. The room began to spin, and my vision blurred.

“7:59, guys grab a part of the can.” My finger laced on to the top of an old tin can, but my eyes stayed fixed to Sirius’s. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t.

One tear fell down his face as I felt a pull and disappeared, on my way to a new life in France.

A new life.

Denying this day didn’t stop it from coming
Promise me, that you won’t be consumed when you realize
We’re screaming at the same moon.
Shredded by state lines
Press my face up against the glass
With both eyelids shut and baby, this won’t get any easier
Don’t let this die; we may never fall in love again.
No Hardcore Dancing in the Living Room; Chiodos.

A/N- Guys, I am so sorry. My heart is beating so fast, the last thing I want to do right now is click 'save chapter', but I know I have to cause if I never update again because I don't want this to end, you willll hunt me down.

So...this is the end of Cara Sterling's Guide to 1976, but it isn't the end of her saga, so keep a weather eye out on the horizon for Cara Sterling's Guide to the Real World.

In the mean time, you could check out some of my other stories, you'll find they are quite lacking in the opinions of you guys.

So back to this story, I am sorry I may have made someone cry, I didn't mean toooo. (Actually, I kinda did xD) And I am sorry if anyone has a problem with the teenage sex thing, you coud've skipped it. loll.

Well I am pretty damn upset. So. Cheer me up, pleeease?

Btw, this is a realll good song. I know, I shortened the title, but I found 'No' pretty fitting, didn't you?

Sighhhh. Review, lovelies.

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