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It’s been five years since I lost Hermione. I know most find it odd that it’s been more than five times as long since I’ve lost her than our relationship had even lasted and I still hurt this badly. But what they don’t realize is that we had this deep connecting bond that most people will never be lucky enough to find. I find it unfair that I had mine ripped apart before I even got to enjoy it to its fullest potential.

 
I often find myself envisioning what life would be like now if she were still here. We would be living together in this small apartment. But we’d be happy. I probably would have long since proposed to her. It’s not hard to imagine falling asleep in each other’s arms every night, eating diner every night holding hands across table, raising a family, and growing old together. But it often makes me very sad when I wake up in the morning and she isn’t there next to me. She will never be by my side again.

 
Sometimes my dreams are memories of her beautiful chocolate eyes looking back into mine as we lay close together next to the lake. Sometimes this dream turns into the hideous nightmare of watching the same eyes lose their liveliness right within my presence. It hurts so much because it’s exactly what had happened.

That night… the night I lost her, I remember her body shaking as her breaths quickened so suddenly and then she just faded away. No one should ever have to feel as helpless or as useless as I did in that moment. The woman that I was going to spend the rest of my life fulfilling her every want and need, was dying and I couldn’t even save her. What harder still, is that I will always take most of the responsibility. It happened so fast.

After I knew she was gone I pulled her away from me and stared in disbelief as this beautiful girl who was once filled with so much life, so much passion, and so much knowledge was now just an empty shell. Everything she could have been no longer existed. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t move. Everything blacked out, and for a moment I had thought and hoped that I had died as well.

I was bitterly disappointed to wake up soon after, surrounded by Pomfrey, Potter, Weasley, Snape, and Dumbledore. I looked around and noticed that someone had taken Hermione out of my arms. My eyes fell upon the bed next to mine and I saw a sheet pulled over my lost love. I looked back up at those surrounding me. I looked all of them in the face making sure that they all could see the emptiness that was now dwelling in my eyes. I looked away slowly and closed my eyes. It began to sink in that she was no longer here with me.

That night was the hardest in my life. I wish it could have been like the muggle movies were they looked deep into each other’s eyes and in strong but soft voices they poured out their hearts and souls, reminding each one another of their undying love. I do know that if I had to lose her at all I suppose I was lucky to get what I got. I just wish that she hadn’t been so weak. I will openly admit that even as she lay dying she was the most beautiful creature on this planet. In those last moments our love was stronger than even I thought possible.

The next day Dumbledore made the horrible announcement concerning her death. He let every one know the pure truth. He let people know that there was no magic causing her to love me.
He even said, “The love between Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Granger was the strongest and purest I have ever seen in my many years.”
He also let them know that I was not the one to kill her. Even with all guilt I felt about it, I knew that I hadn’t been the one to cause her death. My respect for him grew immensely that night. I appreciated it so much. Many people still didn’t believe that she loved me on her own free will, but many more did than didn’t. They all told me how sorry they were, it didn’t mean much then but looking back now it really helps.

 
Weasley and Potter had a huge mess to deal with as far as the Ministry went. A lot of people were in disbelief that they had killed her. Well, until it was proven that obviously it was me that they were aiming for. That was far more expected. They served a two year stint in Azkaban; their time was so short because upon using Veritaserum it was found that they honestly hadn’t intended to kill and that they were trying to save Hermione because they thought I was kidnapping her. They have written to me on many occasions wanting to apologize, especially Weasley. I have yet to write either of them back. In all honesty I will most likely never reply to them. I will never forgive them for taking away my one true love.

 
Even though she isn’t here she has truly changed my life, and those changes have carried on. The life I left behind has gone to hell. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had his rise but I am glad to say that he also came crashing down thanks to something called the Order of the Phoenix and Potter personally. Most of the Death Eaters have been captured and received the Dementor’s Kiss. My father was among them. My mother has invited me to come home now that my Father is pretty much gone, but I know I could never live in that house ever again.

My future had been a bare one, but I knew that she had wanted to be a Healer to help people and never got the chance to see that through. Therefore I decided I would honor her memory by becoming one myself. It’s been a lot of hard work. I’m still not completely finished with all the training and such, but it’s coming along quickly. I enjoy it a lot more than I had originally thought I would. Sometimes it gets very difficult, but I carry Hermione in my heart every step of the way. That’s all the inspiration I need to keep going.


When it all comes down to it I know that I was very fortunate to experience true, full love. It still hurts to think about her, but it’s getting better all the time. I know she wouldn’t want me to dwell on it and miss out on living my life. I will never forget her or the love we shared, but I will still try and find a love that will get me through the days and I can happily share my life with. I haven’t met her yet, but I’m sure she’s out there. Even more important than that I also know that she will never touch what I felt for Hermione.

No one will ever be able to replace her.

a/n: I just wanted to thank everyone who read this story, it was a lot of hard work but I am very happy with the results. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
But thank you SO much for reading my story!

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