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*the plot & oc's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.

*PS. - I'm going to use my freedom of speech right now because I have a little to say about this chapter. This is the modified version of this chapter. Because the staff of this site will not let me publish what really happened. I know the staff has a job to do and they do a great job. But I believe that if an author has the right warnings and ratings they should be able to publish their story and the readers can choose what they want to read and what they don't. So now I have to modify my story so I can get it published on this site. I'm not trying to attack the staff of this site, it just pisses me off that I'm being censored. I'm done with my ranting now and I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Even though it's not the original.

Shay and Sirius walked into the common room and saw their friends waiting for them. Shay didn't feel like talking anymore and went right to her room.

"Is she going to be ok?" Peter asked Sirius.

"I honestly don't know you guys. Right now she just wants some alone time. She is going to have a lot to do in the next couple of days and will need our support."

"What happened to Damien?" Niki asked.

"He was killed by a Death Eater. He was a member of the Order. They had a battle today and he was hit by an Avada Kedavra that was aimed at a child."

Everyone was shocked.

"What did she say when they told her?" James asked.

"She didn't say anything. She just started crying again. She hasn't really said anything at all. Except she pulled Courtlyn aside when we were coming back, but I don't know what they said" Sirius said then sat down and put his head in his hands.

"What should we do?" Lily asked close to tears.

"I don't know what to do. What can we do?"

Nobody had a clue.

Shay was sitting on the window sill going over the day's events. She went from being nervous about her quidditch game, happy about winning the game, then mad and worried about Damien not showing up, then sadness and hurt and feelings she couldn’t even explain. Shay kept on pinching herself, trying to see if she was sleeping. Unfortunately she wasn't.

She looked at Damien's will. He wish was to be cremated. She kept on reading the paper when she found something. Damien wanted his ashes spread over the lake that Shay and Damien spent a lot of their childhood. They spent most of their summer there swimming and fishing. They set up tents there when they needed to get away from home. They had parties there and that was where Damien told Shay he was moving to the U.S.

Shay was reading the will when she saw a drop of water on it. Shay hadn’t even notice that she was crying. She didn't really know if they were tears of sadness or tears of missed memories. Shay got up and looked in the mirror. She looked like a mess. She washed her face and went to bed closing the hanging around her.

It was raining the day of the mass. Shay was sitting in the front row. She was joined by Sirius, Emmeline, Dumbledore and McGonagall. Courtlyn decided not to show. Her parents had not been invited. There was a lot of people there that Shay didn't know. Some of them were from the Order and some people were from the US that Damien had befriended. When it was time to pay respect Shay had a hard time standing. She couldn't bear to see him in the casket. Sirius had to hold her up.

After the mass, everyone went to the local pub. Of course it was an Irish funeral. It was traditional to celebrate the death of the loved one. But Shay's drinking didn't ease the pain, it made it worse. Shay just sat at the bar, drinking one after another, nodding occasionally to someone trying to start a conversation.

"I need another drink," Shay said slurring her words.

"I'm sorry ma'am but I think you're at your limit."

"You think. You don't know me. I'm a paying customer, so give me a damn drink!"

"You're going to have to settle down miss."

"Settle sown, you want me to settle down?"

Shay threw her glass against the wall.

Shay was immediately surrounded by Sirius, James and Remus. Shay was escorted out of the pub by them.

"Shay you need to go back to Hogwarts. Go and sleep this off," Sirius said.

"Don't tell me what to do Sirius! I'm not a child!" Shay said pointing a finger at him.

"Shay he's right. You have a big day tomorrow and need the rest," James said trying to coax her into going back to Hogwarts.

"Whatever you guys."

Shay apparated without a word.

Shay was a little embarrassed the next day, because of what happened the night before at the pub. The number of people had gone down dramatically. Only the people closest to Damien and Shay had joined. They had gathered at the lake where Damien’s ashes were going to be spread. Professor Dumbledore walked up with the box of ashes. He gave them to Shay and gave a nod with his head. Shay walked to the edge of the lake and stood there taking in the scene. Shay had not been to the lake in three years and wished she could have returned on not such grave terms.

Shay stared at the box. She realized that Damien was in the box. Shay didn't want to open it because when she did, he would know he was actually dead and this whole thing wasn't one twisted dream. Shay finally let the ashes fly out of the box and onto the lake. They watched the ashes disappear into the water. They watched Damien disappear.

Shay turned around and went into Sirius's embrace. She stood there for a while, got herself together, and then started to thank everyone for coming. After a while people started disappearing and only Shay, Sirius, Emmeline, James, Lily, Remus, Niki, and Peter were left.

Emmeline came up to Shay and asked of they could talk.

"How are you doing?" Emmeline asked.

"I'm…I don't know. How are you?"

"I’m trying. But Shay I have to tell you something. I'm not sticking around. I'm going back to New York tonight then I'm relocating in Bulgaria to do some things for the Order."

"Why aren't you sticking around here?"

"Shay it's really hard for me to be here. Everything reminds me of Damien. If I start out my life without Damien in a new place it will be easier. But I want you to write me whenever you feel like it. Whenever you need to talk to someone else on the outside," Emmeline said with a small smile.

"I can't believe you're leaving. I wish you could have told me this sooner."

"Shay I just decided this last night. I even sort of surprised myself."

"Well good luck in Bulgaria. But don’t be a stranger. You’re family now."

Shay and Emmeline hugged and Emmeline said her good byes to everyone. And with a final wave she was gone.

"Everything is going to be fine Shay. You even told me so," Niki said.

"Yea well that's what I thought too. Listen, you guys can go. I just want to hang around here for a while."

Everyone nodded and Shay pulled Sirius aside before they left.

"Can you go grab my coat, it's starting to get cold out here," Shay said.

"Yea I'll be right back."

Shay sat by the edge of the lake with her toes in the water, waiting for Sirius to get back. She heard a pop and waited for Sirius to sit down.

"Here you go. Shay, are you ok?"

Shay started to laugh a little and shook her head.

"It's really annoying when people ask you a question that they already know the answer to."

"I'm sorry Shay, I'm just concerned."

"It's ok. I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just I really need some alone time."

"Ok, you're going to be back later right?"

"Yea I should be back in an hour or two."

Sirius leaned over and kissed Shay on the forehead and then apparated.

"Why did you have to leave Damien?" Shay asked herself.

"You've made life pretty hard on me lately. But you always have to be the hero. You played hero and looked what happened. You left a lot of people sad and heart broken. And a lot of people are going to miss you. I'm going to visit this lake as much as possible. This is the first time I've been here since the day you told me about moving. I forgot how peaceful it is. I'm going to do good Damien. I'm going to join the Order, and fight. Fight to protect what you died for."

Shay sat there till the sun started to set and it started to get cold.

"I'll miss you," And with that she left.

Shay was in the bathroom taking a shower. She was going to visit her friends, but thought she would take a shower first. Shay was washing her hair when she spotted something. It was a razor blade.

She held it between her fingers for a while, twirling and spinning it. A razor blade use to take away all her pain. One little cut made everything seem to melt away. Shay held the blade against her wrist. But she couldn't do it. She made a promise to herself that she would never cut again. That’s not what Damien would have wanted. She dropped the razor and slid to the shower floor. Shay knew that if she couldn't hurt herself physically, then she could do it emotionally. She wasn't going to die tonight. She was just going to become a cold shell of the existence that she once was.

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