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Chapter 1: Gone… 

Summary: Dead is peaceful. Sirius was never peaceful… 

“I’m leaving this hell hole,” He yelled as he got up and made his way toward the door. His father was telling him that he was being recruited for the Death eaters. He did not want to... that he was not going to be Voldemorts lackey… 

I knew what I had to do. I stood up and quickly grabbed his wrist. He stopped for a moment before he whispered, “Let me go” 

Oh, my baby, don’t’ let me do this. I do not want to. “No” He tried to wrench his arm away from me but I only held harder. I did not want to do this but Sirius has to learn that he is what he is…a pureblood. 

I conjured a torch and made my way towards it. “What are you doing?” He yells as I put his hand near the flames. I am helping you baby, I am truly am. 

“I’m going to sterilize you, purify you…from Potter and all of your mudblood and blood traitor friends…" I paused as I gazed at him. “You use a flame to sterilize a needle” He says nothing as I near his hand toward the flame. He tries to move but I held a firm grip on him… 

“Promise me, you won’t see him again.” I plead looking at him “Promise you won’t see, Potter, then I would leave you alone. I’ll forgive…I don’t want to hurt you…I love you, Sirius, you’re my baby.” 

He screamed, “I would rather die than never see James again…only person in the world who truly gives a shit” 

My heart breaks with those words. I look at him before I whisper. “Then you leave me with no chose” I closed my eyes as I held his held in the fire. He screamed. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ I chanted. It was for his own good. I needed to teach him that he was a pureblood and he needed to act that way. Finally, I let go of his hand and he stumbles back and look at me. 

Oh, those eyes…they hold so much pain and hurt. What have I done? 

“Sirius” I whispered taking a step towards him he shakes his head as he turns around and leaves shutting the door behind him…

My son is gone. He was only fifteen years old and he is gone and he isn’t mine anymore. 

My husband says he is dead to us, but as much as I try, I cannot convince myself he is dead. I almost wish he were. Dead is safe. Dead is not, I hate you, Dead is not hearing him call another boys’ parents mum and dad, Dead is not my only baby, my sweet, precious boy choosing to hurt me and never looking back. 

Dead is peaceful. Sirius was never peaceful. 

It has only been a week since I lost him, just seven days, more painful than anything you can imagine. You have not lost a son, have you? Not like this. 

Seven days of wanting to go to him and beg him to come back, seven days of knowing, it would not do anything if I did. Seven days of his father fuming at me because I could not forget him, seven days of almost wishing I could. 

It has been seven days and he told me I had spent enough time moping and I had better get to it. So here I am. I do not want to do it. 

Sirius never cleaned his room. He said it was comfortable. I still do not understand that. 

I will start here. 

The first one I touch sends a jolt of recognition up my arm and sends me reeling, mouth open and eyes crying dry tears. 

He wore this on his thirteenth birthday. We have—well, we had a picture of Sirius and Regulas wearing their matching robes hanging in the front hall. He looked so handsome in it, so perfect. It was black, with green at the sleeves and collar. 

He had hated it. 

Emptying Sirius’s room is both the biting pain of fire and slow numb decay. I am used to the second; he has been giving it to all of us for the past few years. 

I rub the smooth fabric of the robes for a moment longer before gathering my resolve and tossing all of them into a box in one swift movement. I close it quickly, and slide it into the hall. 

I did not want to hurt him, I did not want him to leave but I had no chose. I had to show him that purebloods were the best but by doing that, I drove him away. By doing that, I gave my son up… 

I sat down on the ground as realization struck me… 

My son was… 


End of Chapter 

A/n: Well, that is out of my system. :) So, Sirius mom is a little OOC but whatever. Who ever said that Sirius’ mother was not nice to him before her love turned into hatred…But the reason why her love turned into hatred is for another story…which won’t be up unless someone wish it to be. : P 

Hope you enjoyed it! Review would be most appreciated!

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