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A/N:  Here it is: Lily's revenge!  For all those lovely reviewers of Lily in the Willows.  This drabble-turned-oneshot has been festering on my hard drive for far too long, and all it took was a challenge to prod me into posting it.  Here it is, in all it's ridiculous glory.  To those who don't know the character of Sirius I wrote for my series, this might seem out of character.  It takes place during the second semester of their 7th year.  Sorry this A/N is nearly as long as the fic!


Squelshins were little blobby creatures, somewhat akin to a whoopee cushion, if only whoopee cushions were translucent and wet.  They dotted the dock on days like these, absorbing rays of sun that almost always dried them up and killed them.  Remus thought they were likely the stupidest creatures he’d ever seen.  He was almost certain they hadn’t brains (at least none that he could see), but they tended to have a personality, which he found eternally puzzling.  Sirius seemed to have made a friend of one.

“I will name him Bogey and we will sail the high seas together!  How does that sound, little buddy?”  He held up his palm full of slime level with his face and cooed at it.

Squelch, squelch, replied Bogey.

“He likes it!  See, who needs you lot anyway?  I’ve got me first mate and me map and-“ Sirius flourished his wand dramatically until his lower left leg resembled a piece of driftwood.

“-me pegleg!”  He finished excitedly, doing a little jig that made a loud knocking sound everytime his peg hit the dock.  He was grinning like a madman, and humming loudly, and poor Bogey was making uncomfortable gassy noises as he sloshed around in Sirius’ cupped palms.  Sirius didn’t even see the coil of rope behind him, until-


Remus leaned sideways to get a look at him, flailing around and sputtering.  He seemed to be trying to dog-paddle to shore, whilst simultaneously holding one squelshin-filled hand aloft.  The results were quite amusing, to say the least.

“Oi, wishing you’d given yourself a fin instead of a peg?” James called.  Remus thought Sirius might be scowling under that mop of wet, black hair.

Peter started laughing, until Sirius threatened amputation of his, ahem, other wormtail, at which point he made a strange swallowing sound and went quiet.

“Nice bra, Black!” a female voice called.  Remus looked up to see Lily approaching with Dorcas Meadows and Alice Plympton.

“Change it back!  I’m warning you, Evans!” Sirius growled, and it was then that the boys noticed his change in attire.  He was now wearing a red and white-striped bikini top with a fake parrot clipped to one shoulder.

“Ahoy, matey!” Remus called, and promptly flattened himself against the dock as a hex shot past him.  James was laughing openly, and Peter looked like he was in pain trying not to join in.  Lily and her dormmates cackled wildly.

“Oh come now, Sirius, I think it’s a rather fetching look for you,” Dorcas teased. 

Bogey made a sputtering sound that was either a sigh of defeat or affection, and Sirius pushed the hair away from his face to glare at his attacker.

“You’re a right bully, Evans.  I feel like Snivellus, only better looking.”

“Oh, don’t start, Sirius.  There’s a difference between picking on someone like Snape and someone like you.  And besides, I think you’ll agree you deserve it, after surprising me in the prefects bath!”

“What?!” James choked out, “Padfoot saw you in the bath?”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“I think she’s right, Sirius.  You deserve a good piss-take,” he called.

“Traitor!”  Sirius roared, but he looked like he was beginning to find the whole thing funny.  He reached up and slid Bogey into the bra.

“Hey now, I’ve found a use for the little buggers!  Underdeveloped witches everywhere will be singing my praises!”  He did another jig, but this time his peg leg sank into the mud rather than sounding against the dock, and the effect was much less impressive.


A/N:The challenge stipulated that the story could be no longer than 600 words, so I kept it at it's original length, 588 words.  Please excuse its abrupt ending, but 'tis but a drabble.  A silly, immature, but very fun to write drabble.  Thanks for reading, and please review!

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