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DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Potterverse or the song used in this chapter, which is "Sitting on the Toilet" by The Moaning Myrtles.

A/N: Yes, this is a romance between Harry and Myrtle. Also, some chapters will be songfics, so if songfics are not your cup of tea, you've been warned.

For the sake of this fanfic, please imagine that Moaning Myrtle was a seventh year when she died, and thus she is Harry's age. Also, please imagine that Harry killed Voldemort at the end of his sixth year.


It was a dark and stormy night and - Okay, so it wasn't that stormy... or stormy at all, really... and the only reason it was dark was because Harry still had his eyes closed. But for the purpose of the suspense, let's just pretend it was dark and stormy.

As Ron and Hermione had been named Head Boy and Head Girl, they were in a separate compartment at the front of the Hogwarts Express, leaving the Boy Who Lived to share a compartment with Neville and Luna, who sat across from him and talked quietly amongst themselves.

Harry kept his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep so that his friends would allow him to be alone with his thoughts. It was still hard to believe that the Dark Lord was now a thing of the past. Harry had become so used to constantly watching his back wherever he went, that to this day he still had a hard time relaxing. The end of his sixth year not only ended with the deaths of Dumbledore and Voldemort, but the death of his relationship with Ginny as well. After the war, he and Ginny had tried to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend, but something was...not quite right. They talked it over and decided that they really just wanted to be friends.

That was fine with the dark-haired wizard. He felt like he'd lost his desire for love; the romantic kind anyway.

Right then, Harry heard the door to their compartment open and instinctively opened his eyes to see who was there. He groaned inwardly and rolled his eyes at the sight of Romilda Vane.

"Hi, Harry," the prissy girl made eyes at him as she twirled her hair around her finger.

"Romilda," Harry's dislike for the girl was plain on his face as he nodded politely to her.

The pushy brunette entered their compartment and squeezed in next to Harry, leaning into him and batting her eyelashes in a most sickening way. "I missed you, Harry. I thought about you all Summer long," she purred and batted her eyes at him again.

Harry wondered if this was her idea of flirting, or if she had something in her eyes.

"Did you miss me, Harry?"

The Gryffindor didn't answer; he hadn't thought of her even once during his time off. In fact, he didn't even want to think about her.

Romilda lowered her eyelids and pouted, trying a bit too hard to be sexy. In Harry's opinion, she looked kind of like a sloth. She apparently thought that her ploy was working, as Harry cracked a smile. What she didn't know was that he was trying to suppress his laughter.

"You did miss me, didn't you?" Romilda squealed and gave Harry an unwelcome peck on the cheek before he could stop her. "You can play hard-to-get all you want, Harry Potter, but I know you want me." Before leaving his compartment, she took a red rose out of her robe pocket and pushed it at him so that he had to take it. "A little something to remind you of me," she winked before leaving Harry alone with his friends.
______________________________________________________
Myrtle was unusually excited as she hid in the wall of the Great Hall, watching the returning Hogwarts students file into the large room and take their seats at their respective house tables. Tonight marked the beginning of Harry Potter's seventh year at Hogwarts. For Myrtle, that could only mean one thing: this would be the last year that she would get to see the handsome Gryffindor. At that thought, Myrtle's enthusiasm deflated like a balloon as she heaved a loud sigh. Yes, Harry would graduate, and no doubt marry a non-transparent woman, and have non-transparent babies...

The students continued to fill the Great Hall, and Myrtle quietly watched for the boy she secretly loved. Then, as the last of the students entered, she saw him. He appeared to have grown taller over the Summer, his shoulders broader and stronger-looking than she remembered. Myrtle didn't think it was possible for Harry to get any better looking. He would've taken her breath away - if she had breath, that is.

The lonely ghost was oblivious to McGonagall's welcome back speech and the Sorting Hat's song, as she could see nothing and nobody but Harry. He was so breathtakingly gorgeous with that perfect face...those broad shoulders...that seductively rumpled hair that begged to be touched...

I don't mean to be rude
But sometimes I must stare
Only want to knot my fingers in your hair
If I tried to kiss you
Your lips would go through me


Still careful to blend in with the stone walls, Myrtle floated a little closer so that she could get a better look at those sensuous lips. She wondered what it might feel like to kiss those lips, and it bothered her to know that she would never be able to. The ghost seriously envied Cho Chang and Ginny Weasley; they had been lucky enough to get their chance with him. It broke her spectral heart at the thought of seeing him kiss those other girls, who were so much prettier and more alive than she was.

Now, as the new headmistress McGonagall dismissed the students and staff, Myrtle noticed a stunning girl with long, shiny dark hair stride confidently up to Harry and blatantly flirt with him. The popular-looking girl linked her arm in Harry's and started guiding him to the door, but Harry jerked his arm out of her grasp and left with the Weasleys and Granger. A large throng of giggling fan girls tagged along behind them, practically falling all over themselves and pushing each other out of the way to get closer to Harry.

Myrtle would've given anything to be alive again so that she could be one of those fan girls. Those girls were so lucky. They had a ghost of a chance with the Boy Who Lived And Defeated You Know Who. With a sigh, she retreated to her restroom, wishing she could be the lucky one to win his heart.

Oh Harry, you're lovely
But you never think of me
Oh Harry, I want you to be mine
But you're a real jerk sometimes

_________________________________________________

Oh no, not again! Harry groaned at the sound of the crazed fan girls who followed him and his friends on their way back to Gryffindor Tower. He'd hoped that these girls would get a life--or better yet, get boyfriends--and leave him alone. But unfortunately, now that he was The-Boy-Who-Defeated-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, they seemed even more intent on getting close to him. He tried to ignore it all he could, but even with his friends surrounding him like bodyguards, he still could feel their prying eyes on him.

Upon seeing Harry's discomfort, Hermione pulled her wand and spun around to face the gaggle of girls, her wand pointing menacingly at them. "Populus Cohibeo!"

The restraining charm kept the groupies from following them any further. Delighted and grateful to Hermione, Harry looked over his shoulder and waved at the girls, who screamed his name and tried desperately to break through the invisible shield that held them back. "Thanks, Hermione! How long will they stay like that?"

"Oh, for about ten minutes," the bushy-haired girl replied. "By the time the spell wears off, we'll be safe in the common room."

"I wish I had fan girls," Ron muttered sulkily. Then upon seeing the look on Hermione's face, he stammered, "B-but...erm...one girl is enough for me."

"Trust me, Ron," Harry chuckled dryly, "It sucks having fan girls. Please take them all--and don't forget to take Romilda while you're at it!"
______________________________________________________

Over the course of the next month, Myrtle was extremely peeved at the countless girls who made a habit of congregating in her bathroom to pine away over Harry and share their dreamy-eyed, vomit-inducing fantasies with each other.

"Harry smiled at me in the hall today," one Hufflepuff girl sighed happily as she clutched her textbooks to her chest and did a little happy dance. "He has the most amazing smile."

"And those eyes are to die for," another Hufflepuff looked dreamy as she leaned against the sink. "They're like two emeralds! Every time he looks at me, my heart races like a speeding Bludger!"

Oh please somebody gag me, Myrtle thought to herself as the girls continued going on and on about Harry and how he looked at them here and smiled at them there, what he had for breakfast this morning, trying out for Quidditch just to be near him, and so on.

They come in here to whine
Those broken-hearted brats
Who also think that you are fine
I watch how you're smitten with every girl you see
But since I'm transparent, you can't adore me


The weeks crawled by, and although Myrtle had finally forced the fan girls out of her lavatory for good, she still saw them everywhere. The ghost always knew where Harry was because there they were, the cute, giggly little stalkers; each one hoping to be the one to catch his eye.

This time, Myrtle decided that she would try to greet Harry in the hallway. It had been so long since she'd actually seen the Gryffindor up close. She watched from a distance as a very disgruntled looking Harry emerged from his last class of the day with his classmates. Upon seeing the groupies there, Harry looked even more upset. Granger whipped out her wand and threatened to hex the girls if they came any closer, while the tall, red-haired Weasley acted as a bodyguard.

As the Golden Trio continued on their way, Myrtle casually floated by, pretending to be surprised to see Harry and his friends there. "Oh, hello Harry! Fancy seeing you here." She smiled at him and giggled. She couldn't help it, really; he turned her to mush every time he was near.

"Hey Myrtle," Harry replied distractedly, hardly stopping to look up and give her a half-hearted smile.

"Harry," Myrtle said in a little girl voice that was meant to be sexy, "Are you ever going to come visit me?"

Harry glanced up at her and blinked with surprise. "Um...I can't visit you in the girls' bathroom. Look, I'm sorry Myrtle, but I must be on my way. See you around."

After sadly watching Harry continue down the hall to Gryffindor Tower, Myrtle pouted and morosely returned to the girls' lavatory, where she belonged. As she floated in a sitting position above her toilet, she heaved a heavy sigh. Over the past several years, she'd tried everything she could think of to get Harry to take an interest in her. She smiled, she flirted, but nothing seemed to work. Myrtle knew she should just give up; after all, who would want Moaning Myrtle? But she couldn't forget about him, not when his fine form seemed to show up wherever she looked.

Can't pretend I don't smile at you once in a while
Anything just to see your green eyes and your smile
But sitting on the toilet,
All I can do is cry
Knowing that you'll never ever give me a try


Right at that moment, Myrtle heard the bathroom door quickly open and slam shut. Annoyed at whomever had the audacity to disturb her, she floated up over the stalls to see who the perpetrator was and make her leave. It was a thin girl with long, blond hair, and the girl appeared to be in need of some major psychiatric assistance as she frantically shook her head and slapped at her hair as if it was on fire.

This was probably the weirdest thing Myrtle had ever seen. She prepared to yell at the girl, but she was laughing so hard, she couldn't even get the words out. Once the ghost calmed down enough to speak, she asked, "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"

The girl looked up, and Myrtle instantly recognized her as Loony Lovegood. As Luna continued to smack her own head, she explained, "It's the googenplotzes, they're trying to nest in my hair!"

Myrtle burst into a fit of giggles. "Googenplotzes? What are those?"

The crazy blond replied, "They're tiny, invisible creatures that float above large crowds of people, looking for blond hair to nest in; they only nest in blond hair. I usually spray googenplotz repellant on my hair, but I ran out. I took a chance and went to the Great Hall anyway, but my head started to itch something fierce, and I just knew I had to get out of there!"

Looking around thoughtfully, the Ravenclaw asked Myrtle, "Hmm... have you seen any Birgunbiths? They haunt girl's bathrooms and their teeth are great for antidotes."

Myrtle laughed so hard at Luna's question, she could've peed her pants...if that was possible for a ghost. She decided that she liked Luna. The blond girl was very entertaining, not to mention even weirder than herself. Perhaps she and Luna could be friends?

"Hey Luna, maybe you should visit me sometimes. You're really funny and I don't get many visitors. If you want to, I could help you hunt for Birgunbiths."

The Ravenclaw smiled brightly at Myrtle's offer. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea." Luna turned and started walking toward the exit, when she paused and looked over her shoulder at the ghost. "You know, Myrtle, I'm glad we talked. You're a lot nicer than the others realize."

Myrtle smiled at the Ravenclaw's retreating back. Even if she could never have Harry, she could at least have a friend.

A/N: I would like to thank my betas, xelusive memoriesx and busybusybeta, for all their help and guidance throughout the creation of this story. Also, a big thank you goes out to Anony_Mouse and Poppy for helping me fine tune the flow and sentence structure in each chapter. You guys are great!  

And last but not least, I want to thank The Moaning Myrtles for inadvertantly inspiring me with their wonderful music.

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