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.:Chapter4:. 



Lily woke up startled; her whole body was drenched with sweat making her skin stick to the bed sheets. A small golden beam of morning sunlight streamed into the bedroom through the small gap in the curtains, she turned her head to look beside her and saw two deep chocolate brown eyes staring curiously at her.

“You were mumbling to yourself,” James grumbled.

Lily gave him a weak smile, before turning her body to face him and placing her head back down onto the pillow.

“Nightmare?” he whispered, gently tracing his index finger around the outline of Lily’s cheekbone. Lily just nodded, thinking back over the dream.

She brushed away her hair from her face and looked back into her husbands eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked.

“I only woke up a minute ago,” he mumbled.

Lily turned and lay silently on her back, taking deep breaths as to try and calm down her racing heart. That was when she noticed that the duvet seemed to be trying to suffocate her, it was squashing against her rib cage and wrapped tightly around her body, she frantically twisted and turned until she was free from its clutches and quickly stood up just beside the bed. The coolness of the room rubbed against her bare skin, but seconds later, Lily regretted standing up so quickly, as her head started to spin; she fell back down onto the bed.

Her body felt like a barrier, physically weighing her down. A lump formed in the back of her throat and she let out a small whine, as tears started to run down her cheeks, and she hated the mere fact that she could not stop them.

“Honey?”

In a second, James was out from underneath the blankets and kneeling at her side.

“Please! I just want it to be over!” Lily pleaded.

James did not answer but brought her into a hug.

Lily cried into his naked, Quidditch-toned chest, letting the nightmare wash from her with the big salty tears that ran down her face and soaked her husband’s cool skin.

“I should have known,” Lily whispered, looking up at James’s face.

“Lily, don’t say that, you couldn’t have, there was nothing we could have done,’ James said soothingly.

Lily shook her head and sat up straighter, her legs crossed underneath her. “I was his mum; mums are supposed to know when their child is in danger… I didn’t,” she croaked. “I shouldn’t have left him outside by himself,” she said, a tear escaping her beautiful green eye.

James sighed and gently placed a loose strand of her auburn colored hair behind her ear before he answered “It was me who left Harry by himself… It’s my fault… I wish I didn’t… but I did,” James said, for the first time admitting to the one reason he was ready to jump off a cliff and end his life or last night was about to drown himself in the bath-tub, if he had not let his hormones get the best of him and just staid outside watching his son run around- Harry would still be alive and they would still be a big happy family

James broke down, not able to hide the pain any longer and knowing with all his heart- that he was the one and only reason that his son was dead. He put his face in his hands and let out a mournful scream.

“James! Honey… it wasn’t your fault,” Lily said sobbing, as she pulled her husband closer to her.

They cried their hearts out; they cried for the guilt they both had swimming like poison inside of them…







“Morning,” Sirius said as he strolled into the kitchen, his shirt half buttoned so his bony and pail torso could be seen.

“Morning,” Lily and James replied in unison, both were still wrapped up in their housecoats.

James was currently feeding the pets, which consisted of a small black and white kitten named Oscar and a tanned and white Barn Owl named Ruby. Lily sat at the table, drinking the mug of ‘soothing’ tea which James had made for the two of them.

“Hey,” Lupin said as he walked in after Sirius.

Lily looked up from her gazing of the front page of the ‘Daily Prophet‘, Lupin’s face was a pale white and black dark bags lined his bloodshot eyes.

“Full moon?” James asked, turning around and leaning against the counter. Lupin nodded before falling onto one of the kitchen chairs.

“I had no potion left,” he said, rubbing his hand over his gaunt-looking face.

“I’ll brew you up some this afternoon,” Lily said, wanting to be able to do something useful than waste away her time.

“No its OK Lily, the next full moon is not until next month. There’s no hurry,” Lupin said with a small smile. Sirius turned around from the window.

“I was the one who ran around after him,” Sirius declared, standing beside James.

“Why didn’t you call me?” James asked turning to face him. Sirius looked at him for a second.

“Well-well,” he stuttered “I thought you had enough on your plate as it was,” he rambled, the two men stared at each other, Lily watched as James clenched his fists into balls.

“So what? My son dies and you think I’m incapable of chasing a werewolf, which I have been chasing for the last ten years!” James declared. Sirius looked guilty.

“Sorry. I just thought you needed some peace and quiet,” Sirius answered. James closed his eyes and the muscle in his jaw popped out as he tried to calm himself down.

“I’m gone to chase a snitch,” James snapped, still noticeably annoyed and not being able to stand being in the kitchen any longer, his clothes changing into a pair of faded jeans and a blue t-shirt, he pecked a kiss on Lily’s forehead before heading out of the back door, closely followed by Sirius and Lupin.

Something on the counter, just where James was standing caught Lily’s eye, she stood up from the chair and walked over to it.

Two envelopes sat on the counter's smooth surface, one was addressed to Lily, and the other one was to James. James’s one had already been ripped open. Lily picked up the one addressed to her and tore the seal…







“Lily?” James’s asked from the door to the living room. Lily looked up to see James leaning against the door frame his clothes covered in mud and green grass-stains.
“What are you saying?” Lily asked picking up the letter and envelope from the coffee table. James shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know. OK, it’s a brilliant offer but it’s just-its just crap timing,” he said sitting down beside Lily.

“Yea,” Lily said. James brought her into a one-arm hug.

“Honey, say whatever you want,” he whispered.

“But that’s the problem, what will I say?” Lily asked breaking away from the hug and settling her fifth cup of tea onto the coffee table.

“I’m going to think about it in the shower, and reply later,” James said, with a sweet and hearth-fluttering smile.

Lily smiled back at him and watched as he walked out of the room, before looking back down at the envelop.

What was her answer going to be...?

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