Search Home Read Write Forum Login Register
A/N: In response to justloveron's wonderful challenge "Hidden Love". The quote at the bottom is also credited to her. I really hope you guys like this and would love to hear your thoughts on it through your comments! Thanks for reading!




Out of My Reach




They say it’s never too late. Well…I’m going to sock whoever made that tripe up. I tugged on my tie and let out a breath of relief. The flowers. The low whispers of congratulations. Champagne glasses tinkling. Couples dancing to a sweet serenade. If this hadn’t been James’ wedding, I wouldn’t be standing here.

I glanced down at a crumpled invitation. Made of simple traditional stock, a strip of lace and a tan border, it was the epitome of simplistic elegance. The words: ‘The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Miss Lily Evans to Mr. James Potter’ burned in dark calligraphy.

“Are you alright?” Remus approached me, a glass of champagne in his hand. He lifted it up as we toasted.

Downing the entire flute of champagne, I nodded firmly, “Just great,”

“It’s nice to see Prongs’ old dream play out, isn’t it?” I added, a hint of solemnity in my voice.

“Mmm…” Remus agreed silently.

“Alone tonight, are we?” Remus questioned with a bemused expression as I let out a forced bark of laughter. A pregnant pause ensued. Remus had a clear point.

In such a quixotic milieu, I would normally be having a torrid affair with one of the stunning girls over at table five, entrancing them with a charming banter. But, my mind was on something else tonight, or rather, someone else.

“Lily looks absolutely enchanting tonight, James is a lucky man…” Remus took a sip of his champagne as he smiled at the newlyweds, swaying to a sweet serenade.

“Like an angel…” I murmured painfully.

It wasn’t easy dealing with this for years. As much as I fought to forget her through other relationships, Quidditch and work, it made no difference. To mildly describe, I was deeply infatuated on the verge of falling in love with this one girl that I could never have.

Leaning over the balcony balustrade and gazing in to the busy streets of London, I reminisced about Hogwarts. How young and innocent we were back then. How much she loathed James. How much James loved her. You could have simply described it as love at first sight. Her bright red hair, spunky personality and magnetic green eyes had captured James on that first ride to Hogwarts. Funny, how things play out in the end. They never turn out the way you imagine it to be.

Memories. Painful little buggers. Bloody imprints in your mind that expose the same scorching pain and tears you had tried years to forget. I had a half of mind to throw myself up against that brick wall, in hopes that I’ll get amnesia and be relieved of all my problems.

Painful doesn’t even cover it. The piercing pain that shook my entire body and world had gone to a point beyond words. ‘If you wish hard enough, it will come true.’ Another load of rubbish. Honestly, this false hope has haunted and mocked us all through our lives. I should probably rephrase that quote. If you wish hard enough, it will just hurt you a little bit more. No one can torment me further or inflict more pain than what I have been through the past several years, yearning for something so far out of my reach and yet so near.

Her ivory laced wedding dress grazed the floor as James spun her around. The circle of love.

I couldn’t betray him. I couldn’t reveal my feelings and risk our friendship. It was unfair to him. What was unfair to me was the debate of friendship over love.

“Sirius?”

I was jerked back to reality as I blinked rapidly, “Yes?”

A wave of aching tormenting anguish washed over me as Lily’s gentle, pink-tinged face appeared before me, her emerald eyes twinkled with a drunken concoction of love and devotion.

“How are you? You seem a little off tonight,” She let out a soft silvery laugh as she leaned on the balustrade next to me, her red hair swaying gracefully with the wind.

“I’m just tired from all the festivities,” I lied smoothly, “Where’s James?”

“Off to greet some family members,” She grinned wickedly, “It’s fun to see him in so much pain,”

I chuckled along, however, Lily’s female intuition got the better of me.

“Sirius, something is obviously wrong, are you sure you’re alright?” She placed a caring arm around me, her eyes shimmering with concern.

At that moment, I wished for nothing else in the world than to just lift her in my arms. To hold her. To embrace her. To caress her. To kiss her. To be allowed to love her. She was the forbidden fruit.

Instead, I moved away uneasily and bit my lip, in fear that I would say something regrettable.

“Come,” She held out her hand, “Dance with me,”

Warning bells went off in my head. Say no. A thousand voices were yelling at me, overlapping each other in an agonizing flurry of thoughts. Make up a damn lie! You’re a good liar, you’ve been lying for years! Speak! Don’t just stand there like a moron! Say no! Say yes, it’s been your wish for how long now? Do it! Don’t! What about James? Stop!

I never had a chance to respond. Lily took my hand and soothingly pulled me towards the dance floor.

“You wouldn’t want to upset a bride on her wedding now, would you?” She placed her arms around me.

Men don’t cry. Men do NOT cry. Tears of longing and aching for so many years stung in my eyes as it all came crashing back with a wave of desirous and amorous passion.

“I know you’re not ready to tell me what’s troubling you now, Sirius…” She whispered quietly in my ear, placing her head on my shoulders, “But promise me that one day…you’ll be able to confide in me as you do James…”

I swallowed dryly, a sting in my heart as I finally managed to croak out, “Yes…I promise,”

“Anything for you…” I breathed in to her neck.

“Mind if I cut in?”

Lily and I separated to see James standing before us.

“Of course mate,” I said good-naturedly, giving him a heavy thwack on the back, “Congratulations,”

“Why, thank you, Padfoot,” He grinned, pulling Lily in to his arms.

As I strolled away, I turned around to see Lily smiling at me. I returned it, unable to hide the grieving sorrow in my expression. I watched solemnly as she giggled at something James had said, both their eyes crinkling in to expressions of delight as James lifted her and spun her around.

I guess time will only tell if I’ll ever be able to keep my promise…




It hurts when the only person you want to hold unto forever is with someone else... All you can do is continue loving them, watch them from a distance, then walk away and say... "There goes my life.”




A/N: Please review! It would really mean a lot to me! Thanks in advanced!

Track This Story: Feed


Write a Review

out of 10

JOIN HARRY POTTER FANFICTION


Get access to every new feature the moment it comes out.

Register Today!