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Chapter Three: Of Deep Irony
A/N: Thank you so much Jackie, for putting up with me and this long chapter. And thank you very much to the readers who have noticed and enjoyed this little story! Enjoy!

After the conference, and many lectures about international wizard unity and why it’s so very important, Amy got up to leave. As the girls started walking to the end of the aisle, Amy was blocked by the dark, haired boy she had tormented the whole time.

“So, you think that was funny?” He asked, quickly reading her name tag before adding,” Amy?”

“Oh, wait, I know this one, hold on, lemme think,” Amy said, mocking complete puzzlement,” Yeah, I do, Sirius.”

After she read his name, she laughed a little.
As fun as this was, she was getting bored. Amy spread out her hand and looked dully at her nails. Quite frankly, she had better things to do with her time. This was as riveting as staring at a bug for hours on end.

“Just let it go.” The nice one with the notebook said.

“Remus, could you stay out of this?” The messy black haired one sighed.

The blonde was still very overexcited; he wanted to see a fight.

“Don’t wet yourself, Peter.” Sirius replied.
Amy rolled her eyes. Stop wasting my time and patience. She thought. I need that for Katie.

“Excuse me, while you get diapers for blondie, here, can I go?” Amy snapped. It was if they were little children drifting off into their own imaginary world.

“Look, James. We got her angry, maybe she’ll burst into flames.” Sirius grinned to the messy haired one.

“Whatever. Move it.” Amy sighed trying to push Sirius aside.
Donna and Michelle just watched. Correction: Donna watched and Michelle seemed to be dizzy over Sirius’ evident beauty.
Sirius barked a laugh.

“What’re you gonna do? Scratch me?”
Amy laughed along with him which sprang a smile upon his face.
She flashed one back at him, Donna waited. Amy smirked at Donna and Michelle. She was going to do something, she just didn’t know what.

“Now, that we’ve settled this misunderstanding, I think you owe, us, especially me, an apology.” He said, slinging his arm around her, thinking his undeniable charm would work its magic on her, just like it did on her friend.

“Oh, do I?” She said coyly.

Amy gave one last smile…before kicking him in the shin.
Sirius howled and clutched his foot.

“I think that says it all.” Amy said, gliding past him.
The other boys, just gaped at her as she walked past.

“Now, I thought you were into democratic solutions, not violence,” Donna said trying not to smile.

“Yes, but sometimes you need to be firm; you need to take action…especially with the British.” Amy replied.

“At least you didn’t hit his face.” Michelle squeaked.

“Wow, I am just head-over-heels in love with you right now.” Amy laughed.

“Amy, I am not a lesbian.” Michelle said quite seriously.
Amy just shook her head and laughed.
Soon, Amy’s Mom’s trusty station wagon pulled up.

“Quick, Michelle take off your pants.” Amy said, quickly.

“Okay, I was serious, when I said I was not a les--”

“Okay, I was kidding you, moron! I mean because you have Katie’s pants! DUH!”

Michelle looked down.
“Oh.” She said.

“Yeah.” Amy replied, obviously.

Sadly, it was too late. The heavens were not smiling down upon them.

“Those are my pants!” Katie roared storming out of the car.
But before she could lunge at Michelle, Amy got her in a head lock.

“Lemme go!” Katie whined.

“No. We are going to handle this democratically!”

“What?” Both blondes asked.

“Talking. No fighting.”

“But she has my pants!” Katie said through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, well she said you didn’t want them anymore.” Amy negotiated.

“But I want them now!” Katie grumbled, stomping her feet on the ground.

Amy looked off in the distance and saw those boys walking towards her.

“Okay, let’s continue this later, we gotta go! We gotta go! We gotta go!” Amy exclaimed, frantically. She let go of Katie and ran to the station wagon.

Donna and Michelle followed her lead. Katie stood there until Amy ran out of the car, grabbed Katie’s thin arm and pulled her into the car.

“Drive!” Amy told her mom. She wasn’t afraid of them, she just didn’t…okay she was a little afraid. She was expecting a more glamorous exit, than this.

“What? Why? What’s going on?!” Her mom demanded.

“I swear to God, I will explain everything when we are safely at home.” Amy bargained, taking quick glances back.

“Okay.” Her mom agreed, starting up the car and driving off.

“Let it go.” Remus sighed, watching the Vista Cruiser Station Wagon drive off.

“She’s not worth it.” James breathed, putting Sirius on the shoulder.

“Fine.” Sirius growled, shrugging James’ hand off.

“She was kind of scary.” Peter whispered.

James just stared at him.

“What…she was.” Peter mumbled, kicking the dirt with his sneaker.

“Besides, she’s American. We’ll never see her again.” Remus added, walking back to the United Center.

Amy heaved a great sigh of relief as they pulled into her driveway, after dropping Michelle and Donna home. Once inside her house, her mother pulled out a chair and motioned for her to sit down.

“Now what was that?” Her mom asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Well…” Amy began. She rehashed the whole story, about the stuck up boys who think that since their home country was once the Great Empire that “the sun never set on”, it made it okay for them to think everyone was beneath their greatness.

“The only sane one was that kid, Remus…I think.” She finished.

“Well, sounds like you weren’t very nice.” Her mother surmised.

“Nice? Mom, that Sirius guy was a shovanistic, rude, sexist jerk! The exact thing that you are fighting!” Amy growled, very frustrated.

She let out a growl and slammed her face into the green kitchen table.

“You are so dramatic, Amy Maureen.”

“See Mom, I think the real reason is that she’s a lesbian and was afraid of those boys.” Katie smiled wickedly, waltzing into the kitchen applying lipstick as she went.

Amy’s mom stood up and snatched the lipstick from her daughter’s hand.

“Apologize to you sister.” She ordered, sternly.

“But Mom…”

“Katherine Hilary March, I said apologize.”

“I’m sorry.” Katie mumbled, green villainous eyes pointed down at her tan clogs.

“Can I have my lipstick back, now?” Katie asked, hands on her hips.

“Here.” Her mother sighed, tossing it to her.

Amy lifted her head from the green kitchen table to see Katie nearly miss her lipstick and almost tumble to the ground.

“Too bad.” Amy smiled to herself.

“Anyways, if this Sirius boy was all those things you said, I don’t think you should have resorted to physical violence. You just don’t kick people in the shins, honey.”

“Mom, sometimes you need to take action, esp--”

“Oh, can it, Amy. I know you just liked proving you can beat up boys.” She winked at her daughter; even if she was gifted with words…she couldn’t pull the wool over her mother’s eyes.

“Thanks, Mom. All I’m saying is that maybe more English men have this attitude. Think about it.” Amy gestured, getting out of her seat.

She walked up the stairs, nearly tripping over one of Katie’s many shoes in the process. When she made it to her bedroom, she threw herself down on her tie-dye sheets, looking up at the ceiling.

“I am not a lesbian, why does everyone say that?” Amy mumbled to herself.
Well, she was very opinionated, outspoken, strong and determined. That didn’t make her a lesbian. This decade’s messed up. She thought. Maybe it was because she was never in a long term relationship. Amy had her first kiss with a fellow thirteen year old the night of the school play and her first boyfriend this year.

Andy Waters, he was cute with blonde hair and hazel eyes. But he cheated on her with Gisele Miller. Another petite air headed blonde.
She knew a lot of those. Her blue eyes moved from the ceiling and rested on her desk. There was something resting on it, that hadn’t been there before. Amy hopped off her bed and grabbed it. It was a blue notebook. Amy snatched it off the desk, licked her finger and flipped open the first page. It was already filled with a paragraph in her mother’s delicate handwriting, with a pen attached to the page.

My free-spirited first born. There is so much going on in that head of yours. You have so many brilliant thoughts up there. I want you to write them down, anything that comes to mind.
Sixteen is an interesting age. But to make life less hectic, pour your soul onto these pages. You are a beautiful, gifted young woman. Never forget that.
Ps. Don’t plan any protests in here, that’s for a whole different notebook.

Amy closed it and laughed.
She bit down on her lower lip, a habit of hers, whenever she laughed, smiled or just for those awkward situations.
At the moment, she couldn’t write. All those “brilliant thoughts” were dull and boring. Not worth committing to paper. Instead, she placed a record on the player, placed her headphones on her ears and was lost in the world of rock 'n' roll.

The hours flew by before night came and it was time for bed due to her mother’s orders.
The next morning Amy woke up to the sound of her mother’s voice calling her downstairs.
Amy crawled out of bed, shuffled down the stairs, trying not to get pushed by Katie, into the kitchen.

“Girls, I have an announcement. Amy after what you said, I called Ginger Canfield, the vice president of my feminist group, as you know.” Her mother began.

“Yeah…we know.” The girls mumbled in unison.

“She called me back, around eight and said, 'Lisa, there is one company, an advertising company, Hansen & Colbert, that only hires women base on their looks. They have to submit pictures before applying and give all their measurements. And the only job they get is secretary.' Girls, this is tragic. So that’s why last night, I’ve decided that we are going to fight this battle and move to England.” Their mother exclaimed, with a really excited tone.

Amy nearly fell out of her chair.

“Oh! The irony!” Amy cried, desperately looking up to the heavens, as if to ask: “Why?”.

“Ooh! Cute boys with accents!” Was all Katie said.
Amy heaved one of her very dramatic sighs and once more threw her head on the green kitchen table.

“Oh, Amy, it’s not that bad. You’re going to the birthplace of those bands you like, The Rolling Rocks and The Buggles.”
Amy was in so much despair that she didn’t even bother correcting her.

“Well,” Her mother began,” we’ll be leaving soon. So that we have next week to settle in. Just in time for you two to start school.”

“Mom, next week,” Amy croaked,” how did you do all this so fast?”

“I pulled some strings; apparently the women in England are not happy with this situation.”

“Well, what school am I going to?” Amy asked, praying it wasn’t Hogwarts.

“Warthogs? No that wasn’t it! Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!”

“But—but you have to get a letter?” Amy pleaded.

“You got one. Muggle borns, that’s what you’re called right,” Her mom began, she continued when Amy nodded,” they’re so rare that you received many letters when you were born. I just picked the one closest to home.”

“How do you know all this?” Amy asked, determined.

“It’s all in the letter from Albus Dumbledore that I got when you were born.” Her mom explained once more.

Just then, as if on cue, an owl tapped on the window. Katie screamed, her mom jumped, but Amy automatically opened the window. She searched her pockets, realizing she didn’t carry money in her pajamas. Amy ran up stairs, fished through her purple purse and found some wizard some Knuts. Running back downstairs into the kitchen, she paid the bird and took the letter. Amy cleared her throat before reading aloud.

Dear Ms. Lisa March and her daughter Amy,
On September 1, you will report to King’s Cross Station at platform nine and three quarters, (wall between platforms nine and ten). You will be sorted on arrival. On Christmas holiday, you are allowed to visit your family; it is a boarding school of sorts. A Hogsmeade permission slip is attached, so that you can go on little weekend trips. All supplies (see attached list and directions) are found in Diagon Alley. Look forward to meeting you and having a pleasant school year.
Albus Dumbledore.

“Well, that was nice.” Her mom smiled.

“Mom, you realize once I get to the school, those boys are going to
kill me. And that’s not an exaggeration.”

“Well, just make a cease-fire.”
Amy ran her tongue over the left side of her upper teeth, her angry habit.

“This isn’t Vietnam.” She retorted, annoyed.

“I should hope not…now girls get dressed and start packing.” Her mother ordered.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend you’ll be leaving?” Amy asked her sister as they trudged up the stairs.

“Oh, I was cheating on him anyway with one of his friends.” Katie answered, casually.

Amy’s ocean-blue eyes went wide and her jaw fell.


“Don’t you dare!”

“T!” Amy finished, grinning,” An I know you can’t tell Mom cause you were grounded from dating!”

She skipped off into her bedroom, glad she was happy about something.
In the afternoon, Amy told Michelle and Donna. They were devastated, hitting, Donna the most.

“We’re leaving tomorrow, so that my mom can move us in, Monday.”

“I’m gonna miss you so much.” Donna cried.

“Can I have those clogs you never wear?” Michelle asked.

“Michelle!” Donna exclaimed, smacking her in the shoulder.

“Ow,” She whined, rubbing her shoulder, before saying,” Well can I?”

Amy just smiled, she would miss these moments.


She hugged the petite blonde.

“We’ll come and see you off tomorrow.” Donna managed to get out, blinded with tears. Amy wrapped her arm around her. They didn’t see it but she was crying too.

The next day came in a blink of an eye.
Before she knew it, Amy was on her way to O’Hare Airport. Amy wept the whole plane ride. Her whole life was in Chicago; she had gotten over the thought of those boys and only thought of what she was leaving behind.

“It’s okay, honey.” Her mom soothed, rubbing her back.

“I was even planning a protest against the gas shortage!” Amy cried, throwing her hands up in the air.
Katie only rolled those villainous green eyes of hers and flipped through one of her many issues of Cosmo.
They arrived at their new house on Monday night. Everything was up and running, except for phone and TV, on Wednesday. Thursday, Amy and Katie bought their school supplies. It wasn’t until Friday, that Amy actually explored the house.

It was a rather large house but her mom insisted it was a steal. It was a three story with a big attic and roomy basement. Amy’s room was on the right up stairs next to her bathroom. The long hallway wrapped all around in a square above the stairs. This gave them two closets and another bathroom for Katie. Posters of her favorite rock bands were plastered all over Amy’s walls, her canopy bed in the corner and her desk in the other corner. There was a very large window that led out to the balcony. Katie’s room was much different. Movie stars and bubble gum pop stars decorated her walls. Pink plastic beads draped in front of her door. Naturally, she picked the room with the largest closet, (it was the only way Amy got the room with the large balcony). The kitchen was a descent size, with room for bustling around with pots and pans. This house had a dining room, something the March women never had, as well as a living room. They put their large beige couch, and old record player that had been in Amy’s mother’s family for generations.
Her mom’s room was the largest and the last room in the wrap around hallway. It was a beautiful house.

“You did good, Mom.” Amy grinned.

“It is quite perfect.” Her mom smiled.

“Not as beautiful as Grandmamma and Granddaddy’s in Beaufort.” Amy teased.

“Well, what do you expect; they live in a plantation house over the water!” Her mom sighed.

Grandmamma and Granddaddy were Amy’s father’s parents.
Aaron March left his family shortly after Katie was born, claiming that an artiste’s life didn’t have time for a family. Amy’s parents divorced a year later, making her a very rare thing: a single mother. Outraged at what their son had done his parents disowned him and welcomed the family he had abandoned. Mamma and Daddy March were raised in deep Southern values; as far as they were concerned it was sin to leave your family.

Every summer, save for the last, they visited. It took them a while to accept Lisa’s movement. They were never ones for inequality. Daddy March took Amy to the Virginia Football State game in 1971, with the T.C. William’s Titans. One of the few racially intergraded teams in football that ended with a perfect season. They understood changed, but it took them time to accept it. Lisa’s parents were born and raised in Chicago. They were advocates for the Civil Rights Movement. Naturally they were very proud of their daughter and Amy. After all, they walked with Dr. King in the 60’s with Lisa. Amy was very proud of both sets of grandparents.

“I’m glad you like the house, Amy.” Her mother said.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk.” She said, getting her coat from the rack.

Everything had happened so fast, Amy needed to relax and think. It was getting dark but she went anyway.
A couple of blocks up, she heard a bike’s pedals.

“Hello,” She greeted the rider whose face was masked in the darkness.

“Hi.” He replied in a British accent, of course.

The voice was familiar but she couldn’t place it, he felt the same about hers.

“Live around here?” He asked, squinting trying to see her face.

“Yeah, I just moved, you?”

“I live a few houses up.” He said.

“Well, nice talking to you.” She said, politely.

With that Remus Lupin rode back to his house.

If Amy only knew.

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