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“James Potter! You big headed, arrogant, git-faced toad! How many times am I going to have to insult you to make you understand that I will never, ever, in a million years go out with you! Not even If you were the last boy on the face of this planet! If you ask me again, I’m going to hang you, by your ankles, to the whomping willow!” The red headed vixen closed her emerald eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath before returning her angry gaze to the charming boy with untidy black hair. “Do you understand me, James?”

The beautiful boy ran his hand through the mop of ink-black hair that was shadowing his hazel eyes. Then he lifted his face, flashed a charming smile, and looked her dead in the eye. “Not really. Would you go out with me if I were the last boy on an alien planet? Would you care to come out for a mug of butter beer sometime and discuss it with me, Evans?”

Then I turned my head back down to my worn out copy of Pride and Prejudice . As the girl screamed, I pretended to read but really thinking about the pair that had just clashed before me. The Gorgeous Lily Evans and The Charming James Potter. They couldn’t be more different from each other.

Lily is the beautiful bookworm. She has this silky red hair that always seems to be perfect no matter what she does to it. Even after a restless night’s sleep her hair seems to fall exactly where she wants it. Her eyes are a deep green that I would kill for. Though these are lovely features, I think the thing that caught James’ eye the most was her curvy hourglass figure that she’s had since third year. If only I could get a body like that… hell I’d even settle for her hair. Sorry… I’m a bit envious, can you tell? Anyways, she always carried a ‘pleasure reading’ book that’s usually an encyclopedia of sorts. But her bookish tendencies never seemed to hinder her fiery temper. I suppose that her temper is the only thing that got her into Gryffindor over Ravenclaw.

James is one of those boys that every girl, and even some of the guys, wants to date. He has a head of dark tousled that he always runs his hand through when he’s trying to be cool. Him and his friends are always slacking off and pulling pranks, but he manages to pull off the fantastic grades in every class. But really, if I’m not lying to myself, I am head over heals in love with his Quidditch skills. I was raised in a house of boys-rowdy boys-that loved Quidditch.  So I have also developed a strong liking for the sport. Also being the seeker of the Gryffindor team, I can appreciate talent when I see it. And boy, does that boy have a hell of a lot of talent. That talent has also earned him a fantastic body. He’s such a stud. As much as I hate to say it, him and his little posse always make the girls swoon. I’ll admit to being one of said fan girls at one time, but it passed as a phase(thank god!).

These things being said, I guess I can see why everyone of the opposite sex flocks to them. Listing their best qualities makes the fact that my Quidditch talent is really all I have going for me. No wonder Gideon Prewitt turned me down when I asked him to Hogsmead. Who wants to go out with plain Calypso when Lily Evans is still the most prominent female in Hogwarts and completely single?

I peaked my head up from my book and returned my attention to the pair that was dominating the common room. It looked like I’d missed the climax, because by now Lily was in the middle of a rant with her arms waving frantically. I’d seen it a million times so I didn't even tune in to listen to the words. After she was finished she’d make a huff and storm up the stairs to our dormitory, where she would precede to burn through her stack of homework.

I sighed as Lily played out the scene just as I had planned. This was getting ridiculous. They’d skipped the dating and gone right through to fighting like an old married couple.

Perhaps it was my nature to take control of a situation that lead to the actions I had decided to take. Maybe I couldn’t let their true love slip through their fingers just because Lily Evans is too stubborn to notice it. Or maybe I was sick of everyone in a hundred mile radius waiting for Lily or James to ask him or her out. I like to think that I was doing a favor to the general public.

I don’t hang out with them, but I know them all the same. I was the person in the hall that they just passed. Occasionally the only other Gryffindor in charms that aced Flitwick’s frequent pop quizzes. Or that girl that dated Sirius for a month. Either way, I wasn’t one of them. I was an outsider, but I was a determined outsider.

I was going to hook up James Potter and Lily Evans if it was the last thing that I did.


Day one of my new quest was very uneventful and fruitless. I sat around in the common room for half the day waiting for everyone to get up. When they finally decided to grace me with their presence it was only a quick run through. Danm. Since it was Sunday there were no classes I pin them down in, so I spent most of my day wandering around aimlessly hoping that one of them would be near. Which was just as fruitless as me hanging around the common room.

Day two was slightly more helpful. I picked up a few helpful facts on the people I was stalking. 

I learned that Lily loved Astronomy… Or the teacher. Her attention was rapt on them for the entire class. I had to take into consideration the fact that the teacher is a girl. I mean, what if that was the reason that Lily always turned down James, because she didn’t like what was dangling between his legs. This had my brain running all day, until I saw Lily drooling over Fabian Prewett at lunch. Then I threw the lesbian theory away.

This did present a reason for Lily giving James the adamant ‘No!’ though. It brought up a new problem for me too. She was in love with smart, sexy, chaser-boy, Fabian. I’d fallen for the stud a while ago myself, and I knew it was going to be hard to break Lily from her need for him. But it gave me something to work on for her, so I moved on to observe the other half of my problem.

Sir Flirty-Pants, James Potter.

The first thing I learned was that James and his groupies were going to be throwing another prank at us sometime soon. While that’s nice to know, it’s not a good thing. Lily hates it when James does those things, and him pulling ‘the prank to pants all pranks’ is going to make more work for me. I knew for a fact that Lily hated every prank they pulled with a passion. So, I guess, step one is to intervene with their vile plot.

While, of course, putting step two into affect. Which was finding a good-looking and easy girl that I could convince had the affections of Mister  Fabian Thinks-With-His-Crotch Prewett.


So, what did you think? Love it? Want to burn it? Either way, give me a review and share your feelings. Also, I'm looking for a new banner with the same actors taht I ahve in it right now. Preferably made in something better than paint, but as long as it looks better than mine, I'm game.

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