Search Home Read Write Forum Login Register
A/N: Well…I know it's been a while since my last chapter came out but I'm trying to get them out sooner. So read and review!

Disclaimer: Sheesh…you all know Rowling owns it all.

Chapter Fifteen: Bittersweet Holidays

Winter break was almost done but there was one more week when most students could spend some time at school with friends before school started up again. Sydney, Sirius, Lily and James were inseparable during the break. They all did group outings to get butterbeers and eat cookies late at night in the kitchen where all the house elves would cheerfully serve them.

The night before everyone came back, James and Lily were sitting comfortably on the thick carpet in front of the fireplace as Sydney and Sirius cuddled on the couch, they were talking about their plans before school started.

"So are the prefects planning any dances for the school?" Sydney asked oblivious to Sirius' grins at her.

Lily and James stayed silent and looked into each other's eyes with a mischievous glint. James kissed the tip of her nose and hugged her closer. Sydney and Sirius groaned at their display of love and laughed simultaneously. Sydney snuggled her head on his shoulder and sighed at how perfectly it fit into the crook of his neck.

"Well are you going to tell us what it is you are possibly hiding?"

Lily let out a giggle and turned to face the two. James rolled his eyes knowing that at one point or another Lily was going to tell them.

"Dumbledore is letting us have a big winter ball, just so that everyone is content before we start up school again."

Sydney sat up, as did Sirius.

"No way…"

"Yes way, he approved it when McGonagall suggested it."

"Wait...McGonagall suggested it? What is wrong with our teachers this year? First Slughorn and his love theory…"

"Hold on a second, what do you mean love theory?"

Sydney faced Sirius and ignored the look on his face. Shock. There was no way she was telling him. He'd probably think she was crazy…which in this case she was.

"Anyways, why didn’t you tell me till now?!"

"Because it's confidential…I mean think of how big the hype would be if everyone found out."

"I don’t understand…if it's going to be soon, shouldn’t students know about it so they can prepare?"

"It's sort of a surprise. We're announcing it all tomorrow night at dinner. The theme will be rather astonishing…I'd like to think."

James gave Lily a kiss on the forehead and grinned. They shared the secrets between their glances and Sydney and Sirius just sat unknowingly. They couldn’t care less, just as long as they could spend it together.


Sydney and Lily were walking together through the halls looking for two little scoundrels that went by the name of James and Sirius. They had gotten up that morning but when they had went down to breakfast neither Sirius or James were there. It was a little unusual.

Christmas was already over and Sydney had to admit it was one of the most amazing Christmas' spent at Hogwarts. Of course she and Lily exchanged gifts before breakfast and she was giddy to see that Lily remembered about the tape she had been raving on about all month. Lily also seemed equally ecstatic when she found the organizing folder that did all the filing and alphabetizing when asked to. James had gotten Lily a beautiful pair of earrings that were diamond stars hanging from a little loop. Lily promised to wear them at the dance.

But oddly, when Sydney gave Sirius his present, a complete broom kit, he smiled happily but then it wiped off his face and he quickly kissed her cheek before rushing off. Sydney sighed and knew that he didn’t get her a present. It wasn’t that disappointing but she wished he had stayed to spend the morning with her. But it was all in all a good day.

So now the two girls were searching for both boys that day before all the students came back to school. Including Remus…Sydney thought with mixed emotions racing through her mind.

Lily had found a couple kids trying to duel in the halls so she told Sydney she'd catch up with her later as she yelled at the 3rd years. Sydney went on chuckling slightly as she thought about how long it would take for the yelling to cease. Eventually it died down and she walked on wondering where Sirius was.

She heard her name call out from behind her and half expecting to see Sirius running to catch up, she wasn’t disappointed to see Remus jogging a bit behind her. He gasped for some breath and as he did Sydney giggled foolishly. She seemed to catch him off guard when she almost tackled him in a hug.

Admitting to herself finally, that she missed Remus….A LOT. She wondered how he made it on his own during the transformation nights and thought about whether or not he had feelings for her.

But it wasn’t like it mattered…right? She liked Sirius a lot…so she shouldn’t be thinking about Remus…right?!

She let go of Remus and took a step back to give him some room, only to be caught off guard when his face lit up and a smile shined up. He pulled her into another hug and she found herself melting in his arms. Suddenly she saw past his sandy hair and weary green eyes and saw him for what he really was. He was a gentleman, an intellectual mature boy for his age and his caring nature vibrated through his eyes.

They stood there in a hug. Maybe secretly telling each other their hidden feelings. Sydney opened her eyes and looked over Remus' shoulder and felt her heart leap out.

It was Sirius.

He was standing there in…what was it? Shock? Confusion? Disappointment? His gray eyes looked silver as he gazed in their direction. Putting one hand in his jean pocket, he ran his other hand through his black hair and gave another hurt look as he turned and walked a different direction. Sydney's lungs must have fallen to the ground because a tough gasp emitted from her mouth. Remus let go of her and held her at arms length with concern.

"I'm sorry, did I hug you too tightly?"

Sydney shook her head and felt her eyes watering up. What was she doing? Remus pulled her a little closer and lifted her chin up. He peered into her sea green eyes and tried to analyze what could possibly be bothering her.

She watched as his eyebrows knitted in concern and she felt a small smile crease onto her face. He really did care about her. But did she care about him as much? She of course loved him as a friend…but was it how she felt towards Sirius?

For some reason, Remus brightened up and held up his pointer finger as if asking for just a moment of her time. He reached into the inside pocket of his heavy coat and pulled out a thick journal. He handed it to her with an indifferent expression; as if scared she wouldn’t like it.

It was leather bound with an engraving on the front. It read in large script "Sydney Lane's Writings" and underneath it was a quote.

“It is a step for further advance to see what has been won from chaos already”

Flipping through the pages she found that every one of them had an inspiring quote displayed at the top. She felt like crying that very moment when Remus had put a hand on her shoulder.

"It's for when you ever need to write down your thoughts or feelings. Merry Christmas Sydney…I'm sorry I wasn’t here to spend it with you…and everyone else."

Her thoughts suddenly drifted from that very spot to Sirius. He hadn’t spent Christmas with her either…and he was actually at school. Sydney raised her eyes and kissed Remus' cheek. She smiled warmly and nodded.

"Thank you…thank you so much."

Remus grinned and wondered if there was a chance after all.


Groaning in annoyance, Sydney trudged her way to Great Hall with all the other students. It was so peaceful but the train brought back her peers who apparently thought that screaming in joy would ease her ongoing headache. Looking around the Great Hall, she couldn’t help but feel a little bit cheerier. The lights sparkled all over the room and a Christmas glow vibrated off all the students.

She found a seat next to Lily and couldn’t believe that she couldn’t find Sirius anywhere. Remus sat on her other side and she felt a little flushed in the cheeks. Eyeing the enchanted ceilings that were transparent to see the beautiful starry skies, she bit her lip and wondered what her true feelings were. Was she smitten over Sirius or Remus?

Looking at Remus now, she couldn’t understand how long it took her to realize how amazing he really was. But then again, Sirius was the one who really made her feel weak in the knees and the raw passion that was there wasn’t going to die down anytime soon. Professor Dumbledore finally got up from his seat and got up to make an announcment.

"As you all know, every year we have some form of a formal ball and this year the head boy and girl, Lily Evans and James Potter, along with the prefects have decided that this year we will hold a Masquerade Ball."

A loud excited chatter began to erupt in the hall. Dumbledore merely cleared his throat and everyone stopped talking to listen.

"It is suggested you wear a mask and at midnight we will raise the disguises and reveal ourselves. It will be quite chaotic I believe but all in all it is a marvelous idea. The next Hogsmeade trip is most convenient to get your dress robes and the actual ball will take place on Saturday night."

With a slight grin on his wise face, he raised an eyebrow in a mischievous way.

"May the feast begin…"

All the students smiled with apprehension and started chattering away for their plans at the ball. Sydney felt her heart drop. Sure she was excited about it…but who was she going with? Remus remained quiet as they ate and Lily occasionally turned to Sydney to talk but she kept planning the details with James to realize that it was awkward at the table.

Glancing around, Sydney tried to search for Sirius but failed miserably. It wasn’t until she heard a sharp cackled on the end of the table, did she turn and look.

It was Fancy…

…with Sirius?

She furrowed her eyebrows and couldn’t believe her eyes. There was Fancy in all her glory, giggling away as Sirius was apparently saying something funny. The Bratty Blondes continued to laugh and Sirius looked down the table at her expression.

It was utter madness.

What was he doing? Just a couple days ago she would have considered them a couple? What had happened? Was it because she was hugging Remus? When did that even matter?

She didn’t want to cry but she knew at some point they were going to well up. Instead she turned her eyes onto her food and ignored the repetitive giggles of the irritating girls at the end of the table. Sirius knew he was pissing her off. He just had to know.

Anger, jealousy, sadness and hurt ran through her mind.

How could someone who she thought cared about her…manage to hurt her so much?

Please don't hate me…the story is called Chaotic, so there had to be some controversy. I want to take a poll and find out who likes Sirius and who likes Remus…so we can figure out who Sydney will maybe end up with…hehe. Comments please!

Track This Story: Feed

Write a Review

out of 10


Get access to every new feature the moment it comes out.

Register Today!