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**Hi. I used some Queen in here. Also, I brought this story from my account at, it is mine, I did write it. It's just on two sites now. Plus, my sister gave me one line that I absolutely love, so credit to her. That's all.**


Hermione gasped. Ron jumped.

“PHONE!” Called Harry, who was curled up on the floor.

“Yeah, thanks.” Said Ron sarcastically.

“OH NO!” Shrieked Harry, jumping up so suddenly that Hermione spilled her glass of chicken broth all over the front of her robes. “What if it’s… What if it’s… it?”

The infamous Harry Potter’s infamous sidekicks raised their eyebrows. “I think you’ve finally cracked.” Ron told him.

“Quick, let’s creep towards the phone!” Harry suggested happily.

The trio crept towards the phone. Ron trod on Hermione’s feet (“As usual.” She had grimaced).

“Hang on a minute… There are no phones at Hogwarts! Where are we, anyway?” Asked Hermione suddenly.


He stretched a shaking finger experimentally towards the phone. His hand inched closer and closer…

“HARRY!” Ron and Hermione exclaimed angrily together.

Harry lifted the receiver. “Heh – heh – heh – helloooooooooooooooooo?” He asked.

“Seven days!” Someone whipered.


“Tell me all of your sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssecretsssssssssssssssssssssssss!” Whispered the voice.

“Well…” Harry started conspiratorially. “Yesterday I was in the toilets and I heard these two girls whispering about Angelina, and rumor has it that she…”

“No, you moron!” Said the creepy voice. “Your sssssssssssecretssssssss!”

“Oh, is this Voldemort? I thought I told you to stop calling here!” Harry answered irritably.

“Yo, Harrio! Tell Voldie ma homie I say, ‘Yo!" Boomed Aunt Marge.

All stared at Aunt Marge, who had been sitting in the corner sipping a curiously yellow martini the entire time.

“No, thisssssssssss isssssssss not Voldemort.” Said the voice after a perplexed moment.

“Then who is it?” Harry asked.

“Thissssssssss is - ”

Harry hung up the phone. “What?” He asked as his friends stared at him.

Here lies an awkward silence. Everyone fidgets and shifts uncomfortably and once in a while someone opens their mouth as if to bring salvation, but it seems no one can find the right words.


“I have an idea!” Said Harry as a light bulb appeared by his head (it was slightly dull). “Let’s make banana smoothies and have a séance to find out who called us!”

Ron frowned and Hermione clucked. “Ummmm…” Muttered Ron. “We were actually…”

“We have to go play our violins. We have a concert coming up.” Intervened quick-but-dim thinking Hermione.

“Oh, I see.” Harry said airily. “Well, good luck with the practicing.”

Once the sidekicks had gone off to who-knows-where, Harry stood. He glanced over at Aunt Marge, who glanced back.

“Well, I must be off.” Harry told her in an ultimate business-like tone. “Ta ta.”

“Bounce!” Aunt Marge agreed.

It was then that Harry decided to find someone to conduct a séance with. He wandered through the corridors, hoping to meet someone he knew… Or recognized… Harry suddenly realized that he ignored most of Hogwarts.

Finally, he ran into Lavender and Neville. “Hi! I was looking for someone to – Hey… Why are you two together? Anyways…” Harry went on to explain the strange phone call as Lavender and Neville slipped each other an odd sideways glance.

Eventually, Neville and Lavender agreeably ventured deep within the dungeons. Harry maintained that they needed a very creepy space to carry out a séance.

Harry set up for five minutes as Neville and Lavender watched. As he stepped back, Neville looked at Harry.

“Er – I don’t think this’ll work.” He said feebly.

“Don’t be silly, it’s perfect!” Exclaimed Harry.

Harry’s brilliant séance thing consisted of three squat candles (all multi-coloured), a picnic blanket, a picture of a phone and a banana.

Reluctantly, Neville and Lavender sat down on the picnic blanket with Harry. The three of then joined hands and chanted, “Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust.”

Nothing happened. Which was inevitable.

Harry seemed puzzled for a moment, and then burst out, “Hey, Ron and Hermione don’t have violins!”

“Potter!” Came a sharp, dangerous voice.

“Snape!” Harry replied, equally sharp but slightly girlish.

“What are you doing in my dungeons? Is that a séance? Are you insane? Explain yourself!” Snape commanded.

“Well, you see,” Began Harry intelligently.

Silence followed.

"I'm sorry, I fail to see, Potter." Said Snape menacingly.

Just then, Ron and Hermione came running in. “We’ve got some great news!” Gasped Hermione.

“Yeah, Harry, you’ve been drugged. Malfoy stuck some happy pills in your pumpkin juice at lunch. Neville, Trevor turned into a prince and Eloise Midgen’s going out with him. Lavender, Seamus dumped you, he asked us to tell you, and Snape, Dumbeldore spilled coffee all over your flowered apron.” Ron said.

Snape burst into angry tears.

“I thought you said you had good news!” Harry exclaimed.

“We do! Hermione just switched to Geico and saved fifteen percent or more on car insurance.” Ron said happily. Hermione beamed.

**Peace yo I’m outie.**

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